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"Oh, and then there was the smack..."

I read a lot of message boards about infertility and it always cracks me up when I see some nice lady say, "I was so sure that my beta test would be negative that I had half a cup of coffee. Well, it was positive! Do you think I harmed the baby?"

I just keep waiting for someone to post, "Man, that three-day tequila bender was a big mistake." Or, "I was so depressed that I went out and blew a syphilitic Haitian. Do you think it's okay?"

With all the drugs I did in my indiscreet youth, I'll be lucky if my eventual child isn't born with gills.