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12/07/2003

Things which were good now suck

I am outraged, outraged to learn that baby aspirin, prescribed to many women to assist in embryo implantation, is now compounded with artificial sweeteners!

I hadn't tasted baby aspirin since the olden days of my youth. Any childhood fever brought with it the thrill of Russian roulette: would we get the St. Joseph's for Children (sharp, orangey, and delicious), or would we get a spoonful of sugar mixed with grown-up aspirin and water (bitter, gritty, and so vinegary it felt like your tongue was shriveling under the onslaught)?

Okay, low-stakes Russian roulette.

On the assumption that, hey, it couldn't hurt, I bought a bottle today and popped one while I was driving home. Imagine my indignation when I recognized the cloying sweetness of aspartame. Why did they do this? Are they afraid baby aspirin will give me cavities? Do they know that too much sugar makes me a little bit hyper? Do they think I'm concerned about the calorie count? Or are they now angling for the low-carb toddler market?

What the hell is going on?

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