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12/02/2003
XXX libris
So I was thinking today about the naked lady magazines that are an inevitable feature of any clinic's "collection room." (I guess that's a nicer term than "wankatorium.")
I was wondering exactly whose job it is to select the visual aids. Are they chosen by someone with relatively cosmopolitan tastes, or by someone who picks them up gingerly by a corner, making a moue of displeasure? Is there some general medical consensus about which topics should be covered, or is it entirely an aesthetic decision on the part of the hapless curator?
Do they send the lowest-ranking staff member to that skeevy adult bookstore out by the airport? Do they keep petty cash on hand for just such occasions, or does the employee have to fill out an elaborate request for reimbursement? Description: January 2004 Manholes. Purpose: Client entertainment.
Or does the office simply maintain yearly subscriptions to an array of quality periodicals? Does the postman do a double-take when he sorts the daily mail and finds this month's Juggs nestled coyly beside this month's Breastfeeding Outlook? Who's in charge of sending in the card that says, "YES! Please send me 12 jam-packed issues of discreet, efficient masturbatory inspiration!"?
I know nothing of my own clinic's literature holdings. I keep meaning to send Paul in with a pad and pen so he can make me a list. The only helpful information he has volunteered so far is the intriguing fact that on the very top of the stack rests a pristine and current copy of The Journal of Light Construction.
Posted by Julie at 04:03 PM in I've learned a lot...but I'm not sure it's worth it. | Permalink
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Comments (11)
My guess is that their girlie mags are pure Madison Avenue. No goat or handlebar stuff.
Aren't I lucky? - My husband obviously foresaw these days of having to nobly produce specimen so he started collecting his own materials years ago. BYOP.
Posted by: Joanne at Dec 2, 2003 4:40:38 PM
Our clinic had the skeeviest stuff imaginable -- though I never saw goats or other farm animals. I would go into the 'collection area' with my husband to lend a hand and we'd always have to spend a minute or two looking through the magazines and laughing over the idea of anyone masturbating to THAT before getting down to business.
Posted by: Shana at Dec 2, 2003 6:29:30 PM
Can you imagine what the "collection room collection" would be like if it were the other way around and we ladies all had to whack off? I can just see it: tattered pulpy romance novels, whatever binding they have left barely holding the pages together, each one falling easily open to the dog-eared pages that contain the best bits.
I'd probably bring my own... Anais Nin, or "Vox," or this one "coming of age" novel from my twelve-year-old days, still guaranteed to get me off. I honestly can't imagine getting excited looking at photos of greasy, chiseled men with hard-ons. But describe them in words, and what they're doing to please the damsel, and I'm all over it!
Posted by: mollie at Dec 2, 2003 8:14:53 PM
God, the only thing that could bring me off at this point would be a phalanx of penitent doctors approaching me on their knees, bearing a cooing set of twins, a frosty fifth of vodka, and a Coach briefcase containing a full refund.
Who says infertility's bad for your sex drive?
Posted by: Julie at Dec 2, 2003 8:22:13 PM
my husband once donated sperm at a sperm bank in chicago and tells the following story: next to all the regular, mainstream porn videos (this place had a vcr) there was a homemade tape marked "donor room #1". curious, he popped it in the vcr and there was a woman dressed as a nurse saying, "why don't you get undressed and put on this gown," and "why don't you show me where it hurts," all while bending over to reveal her ample cleavage, etc. Brilliant, since you can bet your life that many of the men who donate sperm are medical fetishists.
Posted by: lisa at Dec 2, 2003 8:59:53 PM
The only thing I have to say is gawd I'm glad I don't have to touch something that a man err make that multiple men have probably touched, flipped through, pretended to fondle while jacking off. That just isn't my idea of a good "rub job"... nuff said. thank you much.
Posted by: clear purple at Dec 3, 2003 1:23:55 AM
clear purple said:
I'm glad I don't have to touch something that a man err make that multiple men have probably touched, flipped through, pretended to fondle while jacking off.
Wait, you've just described me!
Uh.
Posted by: Julie at Dec 3, 2003 8:33:19 AM
lol Julie (((hugs))) for you my dear...
Posted by: clear purple at Dec 3, 2003 9:57:01 PM
my friend told me that when he went into the collection room he found a copy of caravanners weekly! I am loving this blog even though I am crosseyed because I am reading from the very beginning and can't stop.
Posted by: Helen at Aug 24, 2005 6:48:02 PM
To this day I maintain - though my wife has a rather different take on this - that the most difficult part of having an IVF baby was my having to go into THAT room (prison cell, more like!) after having duly signed in with a stern-looking woman who by the way did NOT take kindly to my response of "What? From here?" to her request to use the cup she proffered.
I was then handed not just the aformentioned vessel, but also a brown envelope to help speed me along the way, as it were. Imagine my chock and dismay, then, when I found "Horny Grandmothers" (in German) waiting to help bring about the next generation!
Whoever chose that publication was a sadist, I'm sure, and the fact that I attained cruising altitude, let alone got to the end destination in the face of such octagenarian turbulence, is one of the few sexual feats I'm actually genuinely proud of - not least because it resulted in a lovely daughter some time afterwards.
Posted by: Chris at May 16, 2008 6:32:05 PM
Chris, that is hilarious!
Posted by: at May 27, 2008 6:18:40 PM
