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01/28/2004
Back to the old drawing board
I was discussing my newest theory with Paul the other night. I was driving, and he wondered why I insisted on cruising slowly through the crimey ghetto streets of our small New England town. "Why, I'm looking for crack dealers," I told him, squinting into the icy fog, trying to suss out whether one of those immaculate Victorian facades concealed a crack den, preferably one that welcomed newcomers and novices to the sport.
The only thing to do was to explain.
Paul is the brains of our operation. He quickly spotted the flaw in my theory. "I think," he said, "it's more likely to be a highly localized version of Murphy's Law."
"Explain," I commanded, slowing to a crawl so that I could peer into the big bay window of the painted lady in front of us. I was disappointed to see that the occupants were engaged in an activity no more nefarious than watching Fox News, a sure sign that they'd already consumed whatever crack they'd been able to acquire.
"Well, do you think crack whores want to get pregnant?"
Oh.
According to Paul's theory, which has supplanted mine in plausibility, crack facilitates pregnancy only in those least desirous of it. It follows that turning to crack would only render me less fertile than ever before.
This theory, while useful, has fewer commercial applications. I doubt the pharmaceutical multinationals will be clamoring to hear about infallible birth control for infertile women.
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Damn. I knew there was a flaw.
Does that apply to back-seat-of-the-car make-out sex in parks at night with six-pack of beer and an ancient condom, too?
I've just stumbled on your blog today and think it is great!
In the same vein, I have a Catholic friend who uses the rhythm method - and is now pregnant for the third time in three years.
Julie Kay
(I'm lurking you, I just HAD to say...)
Yeah, I'll be you never see a crack whore at the RE telling the doctor "doc, my pimp's been trying to knock me up for MONTHS, ya gotta help me!"
Just found your blog today from a link at tryingtoconcieve.com. Can I be your new best friend, please? I desperately, desperately needed a laugh at the wondrous roller coaster of infertility as my other alternative was throwing myself under the nearest bus. I keep getting followed around by the Platitude Patrol am sick of being told how to feel and that my coping mechanism is somehow wrong. Thank you, thank you thank you.
Amy! My new best friend!
Please do not throw yourself under the nearest speeding bus. We still have to buy matching sunsuits for our inevitable one-way trip to Hell. See you there, baby.
I am desperate to get an answer...and I'm embarressed to ask my Gyno Doc....I am a "relatively normal" College Grad, employed and married to a financially well off College Grad and we were trying to get Pregnant.... now, here is the embarressing part....my perfect Blond haired Blue eyed spoiled Brat Hubby used to do Crack and did it again after 2 years of being good...he did it yesterday again....now he swears he is done for good..assumming he is clean from now on (and we are going to see experts to workon this again..) but, assumming he'll stay clean...how soon can we try to get Pregnant? My clock is ticking...but, I don't want to risk birth defects because of the drug??????!!!!
Please answer...I am embarressed to ask my Doc...!!!