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01/13/2004

Can't work. Too easy.

As I lie fretting in bed at night, every bit as insomniac as I am during an IVF cycle, I think of every one of the very good reasons this IUI can't work.

Low motililty.  Abysmal fertilization in the lab.  Iffy Fallopian tubes.  Theoretically bad eggs.  No suppression, so possible early ovulation.  And the crappiest attitude north, south, east, and west of the Pecos.

But those, I tell myself, can be overcome.  They have been overcome, at least for a very short time, once.  Those reasons are mere technicalities, easily dispensed with by telling myself firmly, "It happened before.  It can happen again."

However, there's one reason I can't wave away: This can't work because it's too easy.

A quick comparison reveals all.

IVF: At least 31 days of preparation before starting stims.
IUI: "Oh, hey, my period's here.  Now where'd I put that syringe?"

IVF: $10K and up, without meds.
IUI: $210.  Sometimes I spend more than that on my hair.

IVF: Three injections a day.
IUI: Just one little prick.  Uh.

IVF: Progesterone suppositories, laying waste to any unfortunate defenseless underpants in their path.
IUI: A well-regulated vagina, prim and oozeless.

It must feel different when you're going from Clomid to injectables, going one more step up the ladder toward expense and invasiveness, but when you're moving backward from IVF to IUI, an IUI seems like a goddamn cakewalk. 

How could something so easy possibly work?  How could I get pregnant without the most extreme intervention, the most esoteric manipulation, the most ruinous expense?  Although it worked last summer, it worked only after the suppression and the daily barrage of injections of a planned IVF — to say nothing of the grinding anxiety and panic as cancellation loomed large.

This can't work.  It's too easy.  No pain, no gain...right?

This kept me awake last night for at least an hour after I went to bed.  And then it occurred to me: Why worry that I'm not putting myself through enough when the hard stuff hasn't worked, either?

And then I slept like a Benadrylled baby.

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