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01/13/2004
Can't work. Too easy.
As I lie fretting in bed at night, every bit as insomniac as I am during an IVF cycle, I think of every one of the very good reasons this IUI can't work.
Low motililty. Abysmal fertilization in the lab. Iffy Fallopian tubes. Theoretically bad eggs. No suppression, so possible early ovulation. And the crappiest attitude north, south, east, and west of the Pecos.
But those, I tell myself, can be overcome. They have been overcome, at least for a very short time, once. Those reasons are mere technicalities, easily dispensed with by telling myself firmly, "It happened before. It can happen again."
However, there's one reason I can't wave away: This can't work because it's too easy.
A quick comparison reveals all.
IUI: "Oh, hey, my period's here. Now where'd I put that syringe?"
IVF: $10K and up, without meds.
IUI: $210. Sometimes I spend more than that on my hair.
IVF: Three injections a day.
IUI: Just one little prick. Uh.
IVF: Progesterone suppositories, laying waste to any unfortunate defenseless underpants in their path.
IUI: A well-regulated vagina, prim and oozeless.
It must feel different when you're going from Clomid to injectables, going one more step up the ladder toward expense and invasiveness, but when you're moving backward from IVF to IUI, an IUI seems like a goddamn cakewalk.
How could something so easy possibly work? How could I get pregnant without the most extreme intervention, the most esoteric manipulation, the most ruinous expense? Although it worked last summer, it worked only after the suppression and the daily barrage of injections of a planned IVF — to say nothing of the grinding anxiety and panic as cancellation loomed large.
This can't work. It's too easy. No pain, no gain...right?
This kept me awake last night for at least an hour after I went to bed. And then it occurred to me: Why worry that I'm not putting myself through enough when the hard stuff hasn't worked, either?
And then I slept like a Benadrylled baby.
Posted by Julie at 10:30 AM in I've learned a lot...but I'm not sure it's worth it. | Permalink
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Comments (18)
I found your site and really enjoy it. I am also having my first iui this month with clomid..I am trying not to get my hopes up but who knows maybe it will work for both of us!!
Posted by: jennifer at Jan 13, 2004 10:41:31 AM
"Slept like a Benadrylled baby." HAHAHAHA! The second bedroom of our house regularly features one of those! But we have a doctor's orders to sedate him, when his eczema gets bad. I refuse to do it during the day, even though we're supposed to do that as well. Too cruel. But at night, everyone wins!
Julie, you may not believe this, but as I lay in bed this morning, just gaining consciousness, lots of bloggy stuff was going through my sleepy mind, but one of the things that I meditated on was YOU and your IUI! Strange but true!! And what I was thinking, was, "Hey, this got her pregnant before! Why shouldn't it work again?" And then I was thinking about how the whole "triggering the ovaries" phrase reminds me of skeet shooting. I got this vision of the doc yelling, "PULL!!" and then these ovaries suddenly firing out eggs that go whizzing through the (air?) to get "shot" at by centrifuged sperm.
Now would I make that up? THIS MORNING. No lie.
Posted by: Mollie at Jan 13, 2004 10:52:17 AM
This worked for my friend who now is the proud mother of three, all conceived via IUI when IVF just wouldn't work. Hey the docs don't know anything and somebody's gotta be on the winning end of the statistics -- why not you???
Posted by: Dawn at Jan 13, 2004 11:05:59 AM
Why not me, indeed? I once read a beautiful definition of grace: accepting that you are accepted. Without getting too, you know, groovy, I'll say that I believe that someone has to get pregnant this way. After all, there's no universal conspiracy against me — believe me, I've looked for one. I'm not cursed or doomed, or no more than anyone else is, anyway. It might as well be me.
Mollie, my doctor has mentioned that his interest in fly-tying, so it's not much of a stretch to imagine him in baggy tweeds, drawing a frantic bead on whizzing clay pigeons. "PULL! Damn, missed." I am snickering helplessly.
I am touched, pleased, and freaked out that you were thinking of me this morning. See, the universe doesn't have me marked for failure when such kind ladies are rooting for me.
Jennifer, good luck to you — I hope your detour through ART is a very, very short one.
Posted by: Julie at Jan 13, 2004 11:28:29 AM
Nothing's really too easy, is it?! Perhaps once a cycle, in addition to the high-tech medical attempts, you and your hubby should high-tail it out to lover's lane with six pack of beer, a condom with holes, and see what turns up. If nothing else, you'll get a nice bit of stress relief!
Posted by: Julia at Jan 13, 2004 12:23:16 PM
Nah, that would only work if we were in high school, or penniless, or both.
But if nothing else it might bring back memories of my gilt-edged days of youth...
Posted by: Julie at Jan 13, 2004 1:06:31 PM
Hi Julie -
GOOD LUCK TO YOU. I have been reading your journey and love the way you write! I am undergoing my first FET on Friday after 3 failed iui's and 2 failed IVF's (one BFN, one chemical). I wanted to tell you that my boss's daughter did 3-4 IVF attempts and on the last attempt they switched her to IUI (something about her not having enough eggs or something) and LOW and behold she is now the proud mama of a 16 month old son. She was convinced nothing was going to work - esp. something low tech like IUI but it did!
It can happen and I hope it happens for you!
++++ thoughts
Patti
TTC #2 since 9/00
1st FET Friday!
Posted by: patti at Jan 13, 2004 2:42:04 PM
The hard stuff works for some people.
The easy stuff works for some people.
At some point, Julie, you ARE going to be on the "right" side of the statistic.
Just read a book my B.D. Wong called "Following Foo" about his son's first three months after being born prematurely by a surrogate mother. He talks about how his brother (I think it was his brother) said, "He doesn't pray - he roots." Well I couldn't be rooting for you harder.
xoxo...
Posted by: Liz at Jan 13, 2004 2:57:22 PM
More ain't necessarily better. One of these days, something has to work for you. I'm rootin' for you too.
Posted by: Jo at Jan 13, 2004 4:39:50 PM
What are you talking about? This is America! Of course more is better!
(Thanks.)
Posted by: Julie at Jan 13, 2004 4:42:32 PM
Since the RE is a fly-fisherman, you can relate to him this anecdote from my childhood (you know, when there's a lull in the conversation, or during a tense moment with the wand):
I was 8, out in Colorado at a girls' camp. Every morning in the refectory, they would call out various activities and we would raise our hands if we wanted to sign up.
"Kite Flying!" I heard the buxom, brown-bermuda-shorted lady coordinator sing out. I raised my hand enthusiastically.
They took us to the arts and crafts building, sat us each at a table vise, and gave each of us a sharp metal hook to clamp into it. Then they gave us feathers, and thread, and showed us this painstaking winding process to bind the feathers to the hook with the thread. This went on for an hour or two, and I grew more bemused and agitated. Finally, I raised my hand and called out, "What part of the kite IS this, anyway?"
"Kite?" the counsellor asked.
"Yeah, this is 'kite flying!'" I ventured.
"No, no, Honey, this is 'fly tying.' We're tying flies!" *big grin* "Fishing lures!!"
I was completely crushed.
Posted by: Mollie at Jan 13, 2004 5:17:32 PM
It shows what infertility veterans we barren babes are! Worrying about IUI being "TOO EASY" a way to get pregnant!!
Wow, to think that the majority of women concieve as follows: Lay in the privacy of their own bedrooms (Not a doctor to be seen, No mountains of pills swallowed for weeks beforehand, no injections, ultra-sounds etc) they have sex with their partner.....let's estimate that to be a 10 minute activity? Thank you very much,that was lovely.....then drop off to sleep.....no elevated hips....no prayers....no dollars exchanged and whadda ya know? Two weeks later....no period?? They think "Well..maybe I'm pregnant?" And very often they are!
Now that's what I call an Easy way to get pregnant. Quick, painless & FREE of charge!!
Posted by: Simone at Jan 13, 2004 10:37:24 PM
If it doesn't cost several thousand dollars, I'm not interested.
I think I've become spoiled.
Posted by: Julie at Jan 14, 2004 6:04:48 AM
Though this may be wholly politically incorrect, the condom with holes and peniless exchange reminded me of a conversation I had with my supervisor at my internship:
Me: why is it that women (thinking of Julie and Getuup girl) have to work so hard to get preganant, and our homeless clients, who never take prenatal vitamins or any other sort of prenatal precautions, get pregnant so easily!
Supervisor: I came to the conclusion long ago that the true key to fertility is a crack pipe and a donut.
What do you think your RE would say to that cocktail?
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah at Jan 14, 2004 11:28:10 AM
Sarah - AMEN TO THAT! It seems like that is the key to being fertile - sucks doesn't it.
=(
Posted by: Patti at Jan 14, 2004 12:24:08 PM
Sarah-
That logic is what saves me from becoming too neurotic about what I do while pregnant. Heroin addicts who subsist on nothing but pop and twinkies seem to have lovely babies.
P.S. I ate sushi. And not just CA roll. The whole deal. And yet I'm still buying into the "no lunchmeat" thing. Do the pregnant heroin addicts avoid club sandwiches, I wonder?
Posted by: Mollie at Jan 14, 2004 6:21:28 PM
I thought for sure I was going to loose my pregnancy when I finally achieved it precisely because it happened too easily after a failed IVF! Here we thought we'd never have a child if IVF failed (I mean there's no where else to go after IVF, right?) and then we get pregnant on our own?!!! (We struggled for over 2 years with infertility treatments, IUIs, fibroid surgery, IVF etc) All I can say is it CAN happen. Of course, like me, you'll probably believe it can't last because it was "too easy"!
Posted by: Heidi at Jan 17, 2004 12:22:21 AM
Woww....
TTC could get you really stressed up. It is not easy for some of us unfortunetly. Hey there is always worse out there. I went through what most of you went through to conceive my only-child. I came to conclusion that there is time for eveything when the time comes it happens. No matter what you try.
I don't agree with Jo "What are you talking about? This is America! Of course more is better!"
It depends on people. Some require more some require less. I say go with what works..
I definetly agree with
Mollie "Wow, to think that the majority of women concieve as follows: Lay in the privacy of their own bedrooms (Not a doctor to be seen, No mountains of pills swallowed for weeks beforehand, no injections, ultra-sounds etc) they have sex with their partner.....let's estimate that to be a 10 minute activity? Thank you very much,that was lovely.....then drop off to sleep.....no elevated hips....no prayers....no dollars exchanged and whadda ya know? Two weeks later....no period?? They think "Well..maybe I'm pregnant?" And very often they are!" yes that is easy to me not IUI.
I got PG 3.5 years ago on my second IUI (on first injectibles-repronex) she is 2.5 years old now. thank God I am blessed with her. Fist cycle was clomid that did not work for me. I say It was not clomid maybe that did not work I think It was timing. Listen to your body you know when you ovulate. I felt it was late with clomid and yes it was. i felt timing was right w/ repronex and that was the trick.
our case is unexplained infertility. We both look normal. (done all the tests) yet if it is not happening it is not time yet. I am now TTC#2 Hopefully repronex does the trick again.
Baby dust to all of you...
Don''t ever give up. The time will come for everyone.
Posted by: Mommy at Nov 3, 2005 12:03:52 PM
