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01/14/2004

Googlewanking

For your mystified amusement, some of the winning search terms from overnight:

pregnant bikini I assure you that if I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant and stay that way long enough for it to show, the last thing you'll find on this site is pictures of me in a bikini. I didn't wear one when I was twenty, for God's sake, when I had the body of, well, a twenty-year-old. I wouldn't do it now, with my current body by Follistim. I admit that the idea of baring my needle-bruised thighs, my lap-scarred belly, and my hormone-bloated ass in public has a certain theoretical freak-the-mundanes charm, but even I'm not that much of a sadist. Look, the pregnant body can be lovely, but mine's a horrorshow before the terrifying things that happen to the near-term navel, so take your desperate quest elsewhere.

julie wants I guess someone is planning to buy me a present! Special hint: vodka is always the right size.

how things were in the olden days Well, sonny, back in my day you didn't need a doctor to get pregnant. You just did it and shut up about it. I swanny, the kids today with their Internets and their baggy dungarees and their test-tube babies...tarrrrrrnation, wasn't like that when I was a sprig.

doctor pregnant fuck In case anyone searches for this term in the future, I'll make it easy and collect all these words in a few short sentences:

  • Fuck! Not pregnant. I blame my doctor.
  • The only way a doctor could get me pregnant is if he fucked me himself.
  • "Doctor! This creepy weasel searching for mama-porn got his ass kicked by an angry pregnant lady." "Fucker's flatlining. Don't bother with the CPR."

Update: I have a late-breaking addition from this morning's logs:

how do you get pregnant Lady, you must want the next blog over or something, because fuck if I know.

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