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01/26/2004
See you in Stockholm
Infertile women complain bitterly about how easily other women can get pregnant. No one is more grievously maligned than the poor misunderstood crack whore. "If a crack whore can get pregnant," goes the thinking, "then why can't a well educated, legitimately employed, legally married, thoroughly respectable member of society?"
Well you might ask.
Never one to leave a scientific puzzle unsolved, I have come up with the answer: Infertile women don't smoke nearly enough crack.
I'd say more about it but I've signed a non-disclosure agreement with Ferring, who have expressed great interest in my discovery.
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funny you should mention that... i told my re i was going to become a crack whore and my husband was going to quit his job and start drinking heavily. he told me not to because crack whores only have "transient" fertility. He wasn't even optimistic enough about my cycle to tell me it would be bad for the baby, just made his little smartass remark and went on his way.
Crack - good for fertility, AND it just melts away those unwanted extra pounds!
And crank! Don't forget about the fertility-enhancing effects of crank. (And the weight loss benefits, as Julia so sagely points out).
Since our MF is unexplained, my RE gently inquired about my husband's marijuana intake. He pegged marijuana as a "real sperm killer." While I generally trust my RE, I have to quibble with this, since Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson seem to have conceived quite easily. But I digress.
When I told him that the evil weed couldn't be eliminated so as to rally the figurative troops, he said that was good - he advised patients to have their partners discontinue marijuana use, but told them to "smoke as much crack as they wanted." At the time, I thought he was kidding, but perhaps you really are on to something . . .
I think it's also helpful to have lots of different partners, so that you need a DNA test to figure out who your baby's father is. That always seems to work on Jerry Springer, anyway.
Bravo Julie on your most recent scientific discovery. I too have wondered the same thing but wrongly hypothesized that if a crack whore can get pregnant, then certainly us clean living gals (at least for now) should be able too. I didn't realize it was actually the crack that made you more fertile. Too bad the same can't be said for Chardonnay (i'd be the mother of 6 by now!).
(METH MENT)~ (CHILD MENT) ~ (PREG MENT)
To add to the research project, another angle....
I used to work in a children's hospital. I remember working with a little one who was born addicted. Of course this was an oooopsy! child (contributing to your theory). The mother told me that her dr told her that being on methadone contributed to her fertility, especially since she previously had problems with lots of cysts on her ovaries and couldn't get preggo.
You might be on to something.....
I'm gonna go buy me a crack pipe... That way all my friends can say, "Well, my friend Maria was infertile until she adopted." They'll never know.
You know what it is? I bet the pleasure and relaxation of a solid crack habit provide a vacation -- without all that travel! -- from the stress of infertility, and heck, a vacation is really all any of us need.
Crack -- cheaper than a JetBlue flight to Orlando! Gotta get me some of that.
heeheehee, instead of giving us lists of counselors, the clinics could give us directions to the nearest crack house. the finance dept could give a seminar in purchasing etiquette and the injection lessons could include the Christopher Moltisanti (is that Christopha's last name?) between-the-toes technique.
added bonus, crack is probably a lot cheaper than pergonal!