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01/26/2004
Spent too much time dicking around online: -1
When my friends want to comfort me, they tell me, "You'll be a great mother." The unspoken "...someday" doesn't bother me. I prefer to focus instead on the affirmation, the confidence that I might not ruin my children beyond repair. Not immediately upon returning from the hospital after their birth, anyway.
Because, see, I have my doubts. At bedrock I'm a very selfish person. I have moments of breathtaking irresponsibility. I care too little about what other people think, especially important people, especially authority figures. I'm careless about money. I still call my brother names, and I don't like to share.
I seldom floss.
Sometimes I try to look objectively at my fitness to be a parent. Some days are better than others. Today, so far, I appear to be coming out ahead.
| Activity | Score |
|---|---|
| When awakened by the hungry cat, grouchily swatted him away, muttering, "Jackass, you can wait." | -5 |
| Remembered not to use all of the hot water, conserving it for Paul’s shower | +7 |
| Added to hot water reserves by flushing toilet during Paul’s shower | -2 |
| Successfully soothed scalded husband, avoiding an inconvenient trip to the emergency room | +6 |
| Put on yesterday’s clothes again today because, hey, I didn’t sweat much | -1 |
| Carefully separated lights from darks before loading the washer | +3 |
| Missed a red dish towel | -3 |
| Did not rebleach the load, deciding that wearing pink underpants would not significantly undermine Paul’s masculinity | -2 |
| Baked a batch of brownies just because Paul hadn’t had a treat lately | +6 |
| Surveying the chocolate supply, said, "Fuck it," and used the Callebaut | +8 |
| Said "Fuck it" aloud | -1 |
| Ate breakfast, the most important meal of the day | +2 |
| It was brownies… | -1 |
| Four of them. | -3 |
| Upon receiving new school pictures of every child I know, mounted them dutifully on the refrigerator | +3 |
| Tossed the older pictures in the garbage instead of lovingly preserving them in acid-free lightproof boxes | -1 |
| Paid the monthly bills…. | +2 |
| December’s monthly bills | -5 |
| Swigged deeply from the week-old bottle of wine on the counter before tipping the remainder down the drain | -3 |
| Had a week-old bottle of wine on the counter to begin with | -3 |
However, I cannot say what the rest of the day will bring. Every moment is ripe with possibility.
