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01/26/2004

Spent too much time dicking around online: -1

When my friends want to comfort me, they tell me, "You'll be a great mother." The unspoken "...someday" doesn't bother me. I prefer to focus instead on the affirmation, the confidence that I might not ruin my children beyond repair. Not immediately upon returning from the hospital after their birth, anyway.

Because, see, I have my doubts. At bedrock I'm a very selfish person. I have moments of breathtaking irresponsibility. I care too little about what other people think, especially important people, especially authority figures. I'm careless about money. I still call my brother names, and I don't like to share.

I seldom floss.

Sometimes I try to look objectively at my fitness to be a parent. Some days are better than others. Today, so far, I appear to be coming out ahead.

ActivityScore
When awakened by the hungry cat, grouchily swatted him away, muttering, "Jackass, you can wait."-5
Remembered not to use all of the hot water, conserving it for Paul’s shower+7
Added to hot water reserves by flushing toilet during Paul’s shower-2
Successfully soothed scalded husband, avoiding an inconvenient trip to the emergency room+6
Put on yesterday’s clothes again today because, hey, I didn’t sweat much-1
Carefully separated lights from darks before loading the washer+3
Missed a red dish towel-3
Did not rebleach the load, deciding that wearing pink underpants would not significantly undermine Paul’s masculinity-2
Baked a batch of brownies just because Paul hadn’t had a treat lately+6
Surveying the chocolate supply, said, "Fuck it," and used the Callebaut+8
Said "Fuck it" aloud-1
Ate breakfast, the most important meal of the day+2
It was brownies…-1
Four of them.-3
Upon receiving new school pictures of every child I know, mounted them dutifully on the refrigerator+3
Tossed the older pictures in the garbage instead of lovingly preserving them in acid-free lightproof boxes-1
Paid the monthly bills….+2
December’s monthly bills-5
Swigged deeply from the week-old bottle of wine on the counter before tipping the remainder down the drain-3
Had a week-old bottle of wine on the counter to begin with-3

However, I cannot say what the rest of the day will bring. Every moment is ripe with possibility.

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