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02/18/2004

At least I know

Cyn asked:

Maybe it's just me, and Julie and the other ladies, tell me if I'm wrong...but isn't it MORE frustrating when these ART things go wrong (or just go SLPAT!) when you KNOW your body can get pregnant (whether or not you stay that way) so why the hell it isn't working now?

Well...I don't know.

Is it more frustrating to endure the disappointment of bad cycle after bad cycle when I know I can get pregnant? For me, nah. I now know my body can do part of its job, with one hell of a lot of help, and that may in fact be what motivates me to continue. If I hadn't gotten pregnant on my first two IVF cycles, I don't think I'd still be pursuing ART now — my past pregnancies are more inspiring than frustrating. Although they could well have been flukes, I prefer to see them as proof that perseverance may yet pay off.

At least you know you can get pregnant. I hear this a lot. And it's true. I do know that. I don't yet know that I can conclude a pregnancy with a healthy infant at the end, but I've already had more encouraging outcomes than many infertile women ever know. It's what keeps me going — the deep desire to feel that bone-deep happiness again, and the knowledge that I still have a chance at it.

I'd love to hear what the rest of you say. We all wear our hair shirts differently, after all. (I like mine with a V-neck, please, to showcase my rather opulent rack, and nipped in at the waist so you can see that despite all odds, I still actually have one.)

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