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Everybody knows that the dice are loaded

iron.gifDo you ever feel like the infertility game is rigged?

Here's your chance to play like a real high roller. Dole out the cash, line up your dainty silver shoe, and join me in a spirited game of Infertilitopoly.

Like the classic board game that inspired it, completing a single round of Infertilitopoly takes forever. And like the classic, you'll end up paying an awful lot of money to people you don't even like. And like the classic, you'll seethe with the urge to commit mayhem against those who are lucky enough to win.

You'll shell out the big bucks every time you land on those desirable blue properties right next to "Go": CCRM and Cornell at this printing, but subject to change upon release of the new CDC stats. You'll grumble in annoyance when you happen to land on the cruddy brown spots — baby showers for your sister-in-law and your least favorite co-worker. And you'll yodel with joy when your opponents land on the pink areas if you're holding the cards for First Response, EPT, and Answer!

Step right up and roll the dice. Choose a chance card or call your doctor. Join me, won't you? But I get to be the iron.

(Note to Hasbro: Please do not sue. I am poor as an indigent churchmouse and not worth even the postage on the letter from your lawyers.)