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02/14/2004

Small frightened mammal seeks women for good times, bludgeoning

Any of you ladies still looking for a mate?  In honor of Valentine's Day, I have exerted my most expert matchmaking skills to find the perfect match for you.

He's handsome.  He's organized.  And he's sensitive to boot.

Sometimes, I feel like a small, frightened mammal in the Mesozoic Era. But that mammal somehow managed to continue his line. Within the context of my  nature, I'll try to do the same.

See?

No fighting, ladies.  You can share — he's looking for 2-6 women of reproductive age.  He'll even pay for medical care during pregnancy "up to a reasonable amount."  That'll come in handy when you're having the 17 children he desires.  ("Why 17? I don't know. It just seems like a good number to have. I didn't say this earlier in the web-site because I didn't want to scare you away right off the bat.")

Speaking of bats, if the competition between wives for this ferocious hunk gets too fierce, don't worry: you can always just whale on the bitches:

Everyone in the household would keep a baseball bat under their bed to deal with possible burglars, intruders, and trespassers.

Convenient, no?

All this and he's intensely erotic...and circumcised.

All I can say is thank God I'm infertile.  And nearsighted

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