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03/18/2004
I wish I were making this up
I just got back from the pharmacy, where I picked up my birth control pills for May's IVF. In front of me in line was an elderly gentleman. I was standing too close to him, and was punished for my proximity by learning that he was purchasing:
- Carmex
- Cialis
- three (3) canned hams
I hope to God he hit a sale.
The icing on the cake was the music playing over the PA system: Leo Sayer's "You Make Me Feel Like Dancin'."
I feel like dancin' (Woo!)
Dancin' (Woo!)
Dance the night away...
Dancin' (Woo!)
Dancin'
Ahhhhhh...
Three. Canned. Hams.
Posted by Julie at 03:34 PM in I've learned a lot...but I'm not sure it's worth it. | Permalink
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Comments (12)
So, do you think he'll use them all together or what? Sounds like he'll have a spamelicious night.
Posted by: Carrie Jo at Mar 18, 2004 4:30:15 PM
Cialis, aka: the weekender. He must be planning a big one, weekend that is. He'll be needing a lot of protein for energy and he won't have much time for meal preparation, thus 3 canned hams. And the carmex, to keep those lips kissably soft!
Posted by: Patricia at Mar 18, 2004 4:52:29 PM
I am *very* alarmed by the combination of Cialis and canned ham. I just don't think that processed meat products and a 4 hour erection (that requires medical attention!) should be combined. I'm concerned for both him and his partner. Oh please, God, let there be a partner.
Posted by: runnerwoman at Mar 18, 2004 5:44:34 PM
Is it weird that because you brought music into your post, I now have "three canned hams" running through my brain to the tune of "three blind mice?"
Damn. That is going to be hard to get rid of......
Posted by: Boulder at Mar 18, 2004 5:58:37 PM
Oh my...
Maybe he has an infertile PCOS suffering trophy wife/girlfriend at home and she's ovulating in a few days so they must have intercourse every two days for the next 10 , and she must have a low-carb diet (to control her insulin resistance) and they use Carmex as a great lubricant that is friendly to sperm!
I gotta switch to decaf.
Posted by: sherry at Mar 18, 2004 6:34:35 PM
Hmmmm...American Pie, the Movie, comes to mind, except this would be American Ham. A man, a ham, a lubricant (the Carmex, silly!) and an erection that won't quit...I'm assuming that's Boneless Ham, now??? ......Not for long.
Posted by: Karen at Mar 18, 2004 6:37:21 PM
What? No camera?
Posted by: Lisa at Mar 18, 2004 6:53:50 PM
If you think I wasn't gnashing my teeth, bitterly wishing I'd waited to buy a cell phone until the ones with cameras were available, you don't know me at all.
Posted by: Julie at Mar 18, 2004 7:12:18 PM
"Hmmmm...American Pie, the Movie, comes to mind, except this would be American Ham. A man, a ham, a lubricant (the Carmex, silly!) and an erection that won't quit...I'm assuming that's Boneless Ham, now??? ......Not for long. "
HAHA!!! That's exactly what I was thinking!
"I am *very* alarmed by the combination of Cialis and canned ham. I just don't think that processed meat products and a 4 hour erection (that requires medical attention!) should be combined."
We'll have to get maria_ob to weigh in on this.
Posted by: Carrie Jo at Mar 19, 2004 1:08:32 AM
This sounds like a Gentile, elderly version of Portnoy's Complaint.
Posted by: Moxie at Mar 19, 2004 8:39:27 PM
AW-SHIT!!! MAKING-ME- LAUGH -LIKE -THIS -MAKES -ME -GUSH. (AF FINALLY CAME on friday!!)! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Great, now I have that song in my head. Love ya babe!
That's just as good as the Saudi guy I was behind in line at the check-out counter once on a weekend night.(Look I'm in the middle east, on an island in the Persian Gulf connected to Saudi Arabia by a long ass 30km bridge, that sells liquor and has hookers & nightclubs (the island)... you BET YOUR ASS they come for the weekend...literally.) He bought:
* a jar of Vaseline
* Mouthwash
* 2 packs of condoms
* Blistex
IMAGINE MY AMUSEMENT. Hell if I know how I kept from laughing in his face. From dropping to the floor and rolling around in hysterics. Unfortunately, this was in the days before I had my phone with the camera, before they even came on the market. (I have one now though!)
About the old dude in line....just think, he's probably someones GRANDPA! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! You know ladies, I have a really good imagination, and am UNFORTUNATELY having a mental picture of what you all described.Nightmares....definetly.
Posted by: Cyn at Mar 21, 2004 12:39:04 AM
I absolutely adore playing the "grocery game" as my brother and I called it when we were younger. It usually means putting together stories for people based upon what they buy. Sometimes, however, it degenerates into placing bizzare things into their carts when they aren't looking and see how long it takes them to notice. There have actually been a couple of people who went home with our additions.
The best guy we had purchased a cheap bottle of wine, one of those already roasted chickens, a loaf of bakery bread and a box of condoms. I told him that he might want to consider a better bottle of wine.
Posted by: Cheryl at Jul 29, 2004 3:28:37 PM
