« To think in such a place I led such a life | Main | To the Virgins, to Make Much of...well, something »

03/09/2004

It's the pictures that got small

In case you had to leave the theater momentarily to give yourself an injection or resituate an errant suppository, here is a list of scenes you may have missed from some of the cinema's most notable works.

Gone with the Wind (1939)
Scarlett suddenly realizes she loves Rhett after all, but only after Ashley has undergone painful reconstructive testicular surgery.

The African Queen (1951)
Spinster missionary Rosie (Katharine Hepburn) is initially horrified by the raw carnality of riverboat pilot Charlie (Humphrey Bogart). When he protests that his ill-mannered behavior is only human nature, she tells him with a chilly glare, "Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above!" The two later conceive a child through no distasteful physical contact with each other whatsoever.

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Young Scout Finch suffers an early miscarriage on Halloween, utterly ruining her giant papier-mâché ham costume. To everyone's surprise, the mysterious stranger who saves her from hemorrhaging to death is later revealed to be noted reproductive endocrinologist Boo Radley, MD.

North by Northwest (1959)
While trying to elude a cropduster in a Midwestern field, New York ad man Roger O. Thornhill (Cary Grant) inhales enough pesticide to render every single one of his gametes chromosomally abnormal. In a surprise cameo, legendary director Alfred Hitchcock appears as the nurse who says, "Next," at the sperm bank.

The King and I (1956)
The proud Siamese king (Yul Brynner) confides in song to teacher Anna Leon-Owens (Deborah Kerr) that his entire brood of royal children are the result of a single medicated IUI. (See director's cut on the newly released deluxe DVD for expurgated scenes set in the palace NICU.)

Singin' in the Rain (1952)
At the close of the silent film era, romantic costars Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) and Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen) struggle to make the difficult transition to talkies. When the young starlet Kathy Seldon (Debbie Reynolds) enters the picture, Lina believes her troubles are over — but gets her comeuppance when Don goes public with the shocking news that her boy/girl twins are the result of Kathy's selfless offer to donate eggs.

Potemkin (1925)
During a massacre by Cossacks, a young woman tries to save her baby by pushing its carriage down the long decline of the Odessa steps. As the woman is painstakingly making her way through a ream of colorful, heavily decorated "Dear Birthmother" letters trying to choose who shall care for her baby when it reaches the bottom of the stairs, she is shot to death by the advancing soldiers.

Gaslight (1944)
In this classic psychological thriller, a cold, suave killer (Charles Boyer) convinces his frightened young wife (Ingrid Bergman) that she's going insane by doctoring her home pregnancy tests so that they all initially read positive, but turn negative just moments later.

Citizen Kane (1941)
Rosebud was the name of the buxom centerfold in the 1940 Police Gazette Charles Foster Kane stared at, glassy-eyed, while furiously trying to fill a plastic specimen cup.

Comments