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03/06/2004
Search me
Periodically I go through the access logs so I can see how people are finding my site. Most of the search terms make sense — most people who get here via search engines are looking for information on IVF, or pregnancy, or, strangely enough, Fallopian tequila.
But these search terms make a little less sense to me. Make of them what you will.
if i don't have my uterus can i get pregnantI'd have to say that's unlikely. But feel free to get a second opinion, since I'm not a doctor or anything.
how do you say miscarriage in vietnamese? You can use either sây thai or sanh non. Let me say how sorry I am. I wish you a swift and painless su lây lai, and I hope you are soon enjoying a carefree ride in your xe cô không dùng dê chay trên công lô*.
surprise vaginal ultrasoundI'm kind of at a loss here. It's really not the kind of thing that sneaks up on you. Surprise birthday party, sure. (Dude, you totally should have been at my twenty-first.) Surprise pregnancy, you bet, not that I'd know. But surprise cold-plastic-dildo-with-a-camera-on-the-end-sheathed-in-a-condom- and-shoved-halfway-to-paradise? Not so much.
pictures of Pocahontas when she was pregnant Christ, you people are bent.
cat's breastsReally bent.
pregnant cat ovariesReally, really bent.
what's supposed to happen in first month of pregnancy First you're supposed to tell everyone in the Western Hemisphere. Go on, I'll wait while you do that. Done? Good. Okay, now go buy some maternity clothes. Look, you're not getting any slimmer, if you know what I mean. Don't worry. Everyone will know you're pregnant and not just fat. Next paint the nursery. No, wait, even better: pay someone to do it for you. Don't want to overexert yourself — everybody knows you should be taking it easy. While you're waiting for the paint to dry (in a clean room several miles away, isolated from any harmful fumes), pick out six names for each sex. And for the love of God, don't spell it the way it sounds. When that's done, you'll need an off-road stroller, three dozen outfits, several sets of bedding (and if it doesn't match your kid will grow up waaaaay retarded, so, you know, word to the wise), a car seat, a giant-ass teddy bear, and a big honkin' college fund. Finished? Whew. Now. Aren't you glad you took care of that? Baby will be here before you know it! Only 36 more weeks to go.
catheter clinic erotic My friends, before you shudder at this, let me tell you that the relief I felt upon having my bladder emptied after embryo transfer was downright erotic. So I'm bent. Really, really bent.
fertile crack ho puts out and infertile redneck bitch Don't these two sound like a fun couple?
four testicles Sorry, can't help you with that, but perhaps you'd enjoy a three headed-frog instead.
home induced miscarriage Oh, God, please don't try that.
how to hang myself Or that.
my aunt fucks my dog I shared this winner with getupgrrl, whose disbelieving response was this: "His aunt does not fuck his dog. No way his aunt fucks his dog. No way. Maybe he wishes she would (and that she'd let him watch), but I just can't believe she does it. I mean, if you were an aunt, would you fuck your nephew's dog? Of course not. You'd get your own dog to fuck."
_____
* Off-road vehicle.
Thanks for the new additions to my Vietnamese vocabulary. I'll hurry and teach them to my son; I'm always getting harangued by people about what a travesty it is that he's not growing up bilingual.
Not that their kids are, either. What a shame. They should at least be learning bare-ass basic asshat. You know, "hello," "goodbye," "a miscarriage is just God's way of fixing a mistake."
First of all let me just say if anyone is paying attention to how much posting I have done today, No, I do not have a life.
Julie (if I'm not just a really gullible fool and those are really things people searched for) how do you see the access log? Some of those are extremely sick and twisted in a way I find frighteningly comical! Oh, maybe you don't use Typepad. I might not be able to see that info...or I might not be able to because I didn't spring for anything more than the basic package.
Anyways....
you've never had the surprise vaginal ultrasound? What part of the country are you from? It's customary in these parts, and always loads of fun.
Julie... just in case you were wondering. That last one had me laughing so hard I was shooting red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting from my nose. Luckily for me I was actually eating said red velvet cake at the time... or else I would have thought I was bleeding to death.
Equally bent Brenda
Sent you e-mail, Kristine.
Brenda! You're bent, too! Come closer and you and I can make an arch.
Did you know that if you google-stupid god damn mother fucking miscarriage- you get getupgrrl's site?
My cousin named his girls aurora(sp) and Ratona(sp), but made fun of me for naming my son Xavier.
And I thought some of my search terms on my blog made no sense.... LOL
Hey, Cheryl, if you Google stupid goddamn motherfucking miscarriage without the spaces my site comes up! This proves that getupgrrl and I have quite a lot in common, but that I like to smash my swearing together.
That baby-name site is one of the funniest things I've ever read (just behind this blog and most of the others from the lovely women here).
Toolio DuSac.
How much do you love that?
I loved the baby name site - where do you find this stuff?! "Eunwen", sheesh. Can anyone say that five times without it becoming "Urine"? Did anyone get a craving for supersize fries when they read McKaty? The silver lining to my infertility cloud is that it saved a baby from having a name with the three big sins - one of the girl names I liked had improper spelling, an unnecessary y, and (gasp) a city!
The "if i don't have my uterus" question made me wonder ... whose uterus does this woman have? Maybe she got mine and I got stuck with one from the leftover pile!
The worst search term anyone ever used to find me was: "Dawn Friedman doesn't deserve to adopt a baby." That kinda cured me from reading my referral logs too often.
On my old infertility email list someone had a friend who had no uterus and people *still* told her she just needed to relax to get pregnant. This is why I'm for sex-ed in our public schools.
"'if i don't have my uterus can i get pregnant'
I'd have to say no to that one. But feel free to get a second opinion, since I'm not a doctor or anything."
If a man can get pregnant (http://www.malepregnancy.com/) than she should be able to.
Speaking of surprise vaginal ultrasounds, does anyone know what type of ultrasound is generally used when monitoring whether or not you are ovulating? That's what's on the schedule for my next cycle and now I'm curious as to whether or not I'm going to be surprised by "cold-plastic-dildo-with-a-camera-on-the-end-sheathed-in-a-condom-and-shoved-halfway-to-paradise".
Christina, they use the dildocam for that. Enjoy!
If you want to freak the ultrasound technician out but good, I suggest you scrunch up your face, curl your toes, and emit a long, breathy moan as the thing is inserted.
Yipee, I can't wait. Thanks for ensuring that I won't be surprised on that visit.
Question number two: Should I bring my husband and then go on and on about how I'd take the dildocam over him any day?
I have no uterus, fallopian tubes, cervix but I've been feeling really sick lately, brests hurt, nausea , is it possible that I'm pregnant? Even though I've never had my period and all I have is ovaries?
can you get pregnant when you on your period