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03/22/2004

Three things that freak me right out

  1. Dermoid cysts. An ovarian dermoid cyst is "a bizarre tumor, usually benign, in the ovary that typically contains a diversity of tissues including hair, teeth, bone, thyroid, etc."

    That's right. You can have teeth in your ovaries. You may not be able to make pretty eggs, but would you look at that gorgeous set of pearly-white choppers?! (I hasten to assure you and myself that the cyst that was and may still be monopolizing my right ovary is not a dermoid cyst. It may be the size of a Volkswagen, but I'm pretty sure it's boneless.)

  2. Ovarian drilling. It's a surgical procedure often done on women with PCOS to reduce the level of testosterone in the ovaries, the desired result being the resumption of normal ovulation. The procedure itself doesn't seem all that alarming, but the name, the name! Ovarian drilling. It had to have been named by a man. A woman would have called it something descriptive yet non-threatening like electrosurgical ovarian perforation.

    Um. Okay, maybe not. But I doubt they'd call a male variant of the procedure testicular hot-wire hole-pokin'.

  3. Mucus plug. The very phrase makes me do a full-body cringe, complete with a shudder of disgust. I'd like to imagine that it's something tidy and clean like a bathtub stopper or one of those neat newfangled rubbery wine bottle corks. But it's not. Oh, it's not. You can see a real one if you really want to...but I assure you, you really don't.

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