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04/30/2004
In the family way
On the phone a few days ago, I told my mother that I'd be going to New York next week, and why. I was touched by how excited she seemed — how hopeful and pleased that we were giving it another shot.
Today a package arrived from her. Inside were three thick and trashy novels, some baby-pink nail polish, and a box of Girl Scout cookies. Thin Mints. On the outside, she'd taped a card that says, "GL and BW from M & D."
A little more than a year ago, we were facing IVF #2 and I was worried about how to tell my grandmother that I wouldn't be at our annual family gathering.
I finally came clean, explaining that we were trying to have a baby and needed medical assistance, assistance that needed to occur during the one week of the year set aside for our week in the woods. She responded with a letter full of breezy news, typed on her IBM Selectric and peppered with her usual typos. The last lines read,
Of course, we will miss you mightly, but are most prayerfully hopeful that all will go well. Give our love to Paul and we will send you a post card!
I came across this letter today as I was moving boxes back into my office. What made me teary wasn't those kind sentences, though — it was the line she'd typed across the very top of the page:
ALL MISTAK_ES ARE THE FAULT OF THE MACHINERY. NOT THE OPERATOR. SO THERE
Paul's sister visited last weekend with her teenage kids in tow. None of them are aware of our difficulties. Some relevant reproductive highlights, all coincidental:
- The girl, 18, is sure she never wants kids. I couldn't help but remember myself at 18, convinced that I didn't want them for myself, but believing I'd be willing to be a surrogate, sure I'd be good at pregnancy.
- The boy and girl spent quite some time describing the plot of an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in which a fertilized egg is injected into one of our hapless hero's muscle cavities (whatever a muscle cavity might be), resulting in a successful pregnancy. I didn't even know what to say.
- The boy, 15, asked at the dinner table whether he and his siblings would inherit our estate if we didn't have children. We assured him we had every intention of leaving it to the cats, who will live like lardy feline potentates upon our sad demise. Then he wondered who would inherit the estate of Paul's other sister, who is childless. "Don't have kids," he directed us. "Because then we'd have to split Aunt C.'s money into more shares."
Comments (19)
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ROFL You go girl!!
Julie,
Definitely leave it to the cats. All of it.
The movie you're thinking of is "Junior". Trust me--"credibility" wasn't one of its strong points. Please don't go thinking that even an overly-muscular Eastern European Californian politician can carry babies, while you're still waiting.
And speaking of waiting... :) You're almost there, Julie...you're almost to the New York stage...I am thinking of you daily...and, like your grandma, praying for a fabulous outcome.
Absolutely.. Transfer all of the embryos. No matter how many. Just explain the situation to the doc and i'm sure he'll agree.
Have a safe trip!!
"ALL MISTAK_ES ARE THE FAULT OF THE MACHINERY. NOT THE OPERATOR. SO THERE"
Crap. That's making me teary, too.
GL & BW in NY!
Good Luck, Julie! This is the time you will succeed!
Yick! Creep-o in training, it sounds like.
I could eat your grandma up, though. Ah, I love grandparent letters.
Boy, your mom REALLY came through - that is too wonderful for words. The note from your grandmother? Perfection.
That hideous movie, however, needs to be burned. Every last reel of it.
And lastly...remember there's good cable waiting for you on the upper west side if you want it.
Thinking of you constantly,
with love...
It's those by-the-way comments made by people who have no idea how you're taking it that can cut you the deepest. My brother in law asked, in response to his unruly toddler, "are you SURE you want to have another?" Um, yes. Believe it or not, I'm not putting myself through hormonal hurricanes just for fun...
I'll be thinking of you on your journey to NY...will you have internet access during your trip?
And....your mom is cool.
Ha! I once offered up my body for a friend if he and his partner wanted to have a baby. Of course I had to rescind; if I manage to squeeze out any offspring, they will be MINE, all mine.
Man. That talk of inheritance is so charming! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, like a mold slick on a hot water leak.
I don't know...I can *kind* of sympathize with the girl, if only in the "Boy, are you risking a nasty surprise somewhere down the reproductive road." I can't fathom the boy - or his parents, for that matter. If I'd said even a fraction of what he said about inheritance (never mind the horrible rudeness of asking about children) my mom would have backhanded me into the middle of next week. Sad - still in my twenties and already I'm thinking "These kids today..."
Inherit this, fuckface! (Smacks boy's head, HARD)
Trashy novels and nail polish and thin mints. A professional gift-basket-wright couldn't have done a finer job.
Venerating positively toward the Cornell establishment and all your efforts there, dearest Julie.
What a lovely mom and what a winner grandma. That was so sweet of both of them.
GL and BW to you
xx
Oh my god. Your family is so delightfully twisted. I love them.
My mom asks for detailed updates on our attempts...when am I taking what dosage, when will I get my blood tests...and then completely ignores them. After emailing her about this month's negative and then getting my period five minutes after getting the phone call with the negative, but then mentioning some bizarre food poisoning incident and vomiting, she immediately responded:
"You were throwing up? There's not a chance you could be pregnant, is there?"
Julie, I can't wait until you are within shouting distance.
Your mom sounds adorable. And your grandmother's letter--wow.
BTW, I went back and read a lot of your archives (again)...and decided: I want my own Julie. You're so funny, and brave. Please do us all a favor and make a book version of your site. I'm picturing an interactive memoir, like a pop-up book for grown ups. Whaddya say?
Hello to all,
New here, just stumbled onto this website during my second cup of half decaf on my second morning of nursing AF cramps seeking some sort of consolation after endlessly checking a certain board that pretty much never makes me feel better. God, I am wordless. I am going to read all day. I feel like I just licked the last trace of amazing sauce off exquisitely perfect dinnerware that I've only dreamed about but never seen after a week of craving some dish that I've only barely gotten hints of by vaguely smelling something I can't quite identify. And then some.
Please forgive my premature emotional ejaculation but I already love you Julie; and Mollie, Julia and so many of you posters, I'll get back to you as soon as I follow up every single link on all of the linked web pages. I must insist that you become my friend.
Starting to shake and tear up, must go.
All the best Julie. I love your Grandma. I will repeat her "all mistakes are the fault of the machinery, not the operator" ALL DURING my next IVF try in 3 weeks. I hope this time is successfull for you.
Your mom sounds wonderful. Just like something my mom would do. My mom heard I was trying again,(1st IVF) and when she came to visit for christmas, she brought me a knitted blue baby cap. I've saved it. I hope I'll get to use it. She was so bummed after that first failure, I couldn't put her through it (long distance) the other two times.... but in her gut, she knew. She mailed me a HPT.
Mom knows what feels good, huh Julie? (Um, those trashy romance novels, when your're done, can I have em?)*wink wink).I love me some trashy romance novels!!
Take care babe! All the best. That's your "good luck" polish, you know? Pretty up your toes with it!
Love, Cyn
Amalah said it best:
"Oh my god. Your family is so delightfully twisted. I love them."
Well, except for the greedy nephew. I hope you do have a bunch of kids and not just to spite him. Although that would be a nice bonus. ;)
Definitely leave it to the cats. All of it.
Nice site!!!!!!! I had not ever read an informative site for women...Thank you