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05/14/2004

Day 10: Size queen

The doctor on duty this morning refused to speculate, but if I had to guess I'd say we'll probably trigger tonight. The thundering giant is 20 mm, with a couple of 16.5s in the middle of the pack; a couple of 14s panting and red in the face as they try to catch up; and finally a few tiny well-wishers waving gaily from the sidelines.

The big one still concerns me, but the smaller ones are growing. Apparently my fear of cancellation has been for naught. I hate to have wasted a perfectly good freakout when there are needy children in developing nations who could have put it to excellent use. Perhaps I will look into donating the leftovers to a reputable charity.

But then I might need them yet. I realize that I was hoping everything would be different this cycle — not only would I get pregnant and stay that way, but I'd have several healthy embryos develop from numerous high-quality eggs. As I examine my feelings I wonder why I thought I'd make more follicles when I'm not on an increased dose of gonadotropins, and yet for some reason I did.

I thought everything would be different. I need to remember that everything doesn't need to be. Just the important part: just the outcome.

Update: No trigger tonight. Good thing I didn't bet my firstborn.

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