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05/10/2004

Day 6: I'm standing exactly where I'm supposed to be

I've had three blood draws and two ultrasounds since I started stims, and I have no clear idea what my estradiol levels are, how many follicles I have, or how large they are.

No one has volunteered that information, and uncharacteristically I'm not asking.

Without being privy to many of the details, I still know I'm doing as well as ever. I'm where I expected to be. After three days of stims, my endometrium was at 6.7 mm. After six days of injectables, I have between 9 and 10 follicles under 10 mm, evenly divided between my ovaries, all similarly sized. I can assume that my E2 is rising steadily, since my dose has remained unchanged. I feel the activity and I notice the changes in my body. I have every reason to believe everything is fine, and no concrete reason to worry.

Everything is different this time, at least so far. Although I'm finally feeling some of the excitement I've felt in past cycles, I feel almost none of the queasy obsession that propelled me through my last few tries. It may be my conviction that I'm in the best possible hands. Until someone tells me that things are going badly, I can trust that all is well. What a happy change, not necessarily in my treatment but in myself.

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