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05/26/2004
Unplanned unpregnancy
For no special reason I'm sad today. I'm low and defeated, weepy, despairing, sure that this cycle has failed.
There's no contingency plan this time, which scares me half to death. How do you face a negative when you don't know what comes next? Everything's a blank.
Paul wants a break. I owe him that. How long a break? Then what?
The unplanned future frightens me more than the thought of a failed cycle.
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Sorry you're feeling down, Julie. When's your beta? If this cycle didn't work, do you have any idea how soon Cornell will schedule a sit-down with you? Regarding re-doing a cycle, I'm sure Paul won't insist on too long a break. I hope more than anything that this line of thinking is moot.
Pulling for you,
Joanne
Julie... I've been following your story obsessively and anonymously. I have nothing wise to give you at this moment, when the future is unknowable and seems so tenuous. I can only say that I am thinking of you, and praying hard, and hoping so very much.
Thank you, anony-pal. That means a lot.
Joanne, my beta's on Monday. I don't know how quickly we can get in for a post-cycle consult; I'm pretty sure they won'y schedule one until I've actually gotten a negative!
I'm thinking we'd want to do it in person instead of over the phone, though, so that might incur a delay. At the moment I fantasize about banging on the door late Monday afternoon, but that wouldn't work for anybody.
Oh Julie. I hope your defeated feelings about this cycle are replaced by pure joy on Monday. Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
Just a note to tell you I know. I know. And it sucks. I really hope you are wrong, but no plan = oh my fucking jesus gay, and I'm wallowing in NoPlanLand. I hope you don't have to join me.
Much love and smooches, Julie
I'm sorry you're feeling like this, Julie. I just wanted to post a little message of support.
The unknown is a very difficult place for me, too.
Take care - I hope this works out for you!
Julie:
There will be a plan and a next step if and when you need it. Trust yourself (I do!). Love, S.
I know the no plan feeling blues. I've decided to go through another cycle of injectables and IUI as just a distraction until I can get my next plan in order. How pathetic is that? Hey, at least i'll feel good for 2 weeks while I don't know i'm not pregnant.
Me too, me too. But I figure the sooner you jump into the wallowing pit, the sooner you can climb out, right? Right? ::sigh::
The mere thought of not having a plan makes me have those tornado dreams again. It terrifies me, despite the fact that every single goddamn plan I've ever had related to my fertility has burnt away, like real wood charcoal, to a volume of almost nothing. So I make them anyway, set deadlines. Dreams dreamt by an idiot.
Anyway, I have not given up hope for you, dear Julie.
hey everyone. i need help. i am 2 years married now. we want to have a baby. we failed twice. what are the possible reasons why we cant have a baby right now? pls.