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07/05/2004
Opinions are like...well, me.
"Opinions are like assholes," the saying goes. And since I am an asshole, I conclude, based on the transitive property of equality, that I am like opinions. Or they, according to the symmetric property, are like me.
Math is hard.
I'm grateful to you all for your sincere good intentions in sharing your advice and opinions about prenatal care and birth options. I appreciate the warmth and caring that inspired it.
However.
I am also grateful to getupgrrl, who said what I didn't have the nerve to.
I'm eager to share this experience with you, and more honored than I can say to know that so many people wish me well. But I have to confess that I'm not feeling especially receptive to advice at the moment, no matter how well-meant. I frankly admit I'm fragile. I simply can't stand to hear about a mother who almost died; a newborn in distress; or the fifty compelling reasons I'd be doing my child a grave disservice if I chose any option but __________. I just can't hear it right now.
When I'm concentrating primarily on making it through the next few weeks with my sanity intact, every other consideration seems like a distant distraction. I'm feeling my way through these first few months of pregnancy with exquisite caution, and as I try to figure out how I feel and what I want — imagine, after all this, the luxury of having a choice! — the advice just threatens to drown out the timid voices in my own head.
Not that I'm any stranger to hearing voices.
Comments (17)
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I'm with you, 100%.
Why people in the blogisphere feel compelled to offer advice as a response to any and every post, is beyond me.
"God, I'm craving chocolate right now but I'm trying to shed 20 lbs. so I'd better not...", receives just as many people thinking they know better than you, as do your posts about your birth options and so on.
If they keep telling you what to do, you ought to tell them what to do... in the biting, cynical, sarcastic manner we know you're capable of. (I, for one, am looking forward to that as it's when you're at your literary best!)
Not that it's not appreciated. Just not right now.
Oh God, I just told you what to do there, didn't I? Oy. How do we edit our comments?
Dear Julie,
I'd just like to state for the record that whether you choose to become a lotus-birthing-placenta-eater or an epidural-seeking-elective-c-sectioner, I will be hanging on to every word you type and cheering you on as you handle your life as you and your husband see fit.
May Jesus Gay rain blessings on you for sharing your life with all of us.
I know this feeling. The only nice thing about all the advice posted to a blog when you're not interested in it is that it'll be there to read when you're ready for it.
We will be ready, too. :)
Wow, just went and read the comments.
Why didn't everyone have such strong opinions about your follistim dosage?
Hi. I'm a lurker here, and I don't comment for good reason. I haven't struggled with infertility and I come here to read and learn (and sometimes laugh until I have to cross my legs). I'm humbled by your strength and determination. And since I haven't walked through your particular fire, I've never dared comment on what I can't truly understand.
BUT!
As a mother, I do understand this issue, and it's one that will come up again and again in your tenure as Mom. People (dare I say, MOTHERS) have lots of opinions on how you should raise your child. These opinions are based on their own hard-won wisdom for THEIR OWN CHILDREN. They may have something worth sharing, and they may have you best interests at heart, BUT IT'S YOUR KID. And you have what s/he needs. Period. Listen to the timid voices in your head. It's good practice, because (God willing) there are tons of hard decisions ahead of you. Bless you and Paul and your little one.
And thanks for sharing your struggle with clueless people like me.
Yeah... why DIDN'T people write with such conviction regarding your follistim dosage? LOL
Yanno, I have no nerves left in my ass after the last round of PIO... I really could have used some advice on how to avoid that.
I'm truely surprised you haven't gotten advice on how to handle all this advice.
You know...
I often don't know when to NOT open my mouth...(double negatives - YIPPEE!)
Something kept me from posting a response that day. Something...
I believe I have been possessed by the good sense of the grrl, since I never would have thought of that on my own.
Amen, grrl...and yee-ha, Julie.
Yeah, that didn't take long. When you're pregnant, everyone's got an authoritative third-hand urban legend to share. And most of 'em don't involve 40 minute labor at the hands of a Doctor that looks like Jude Law and acts like Alan Alda.
Love may mean never having to say you're sorry, but your hard-earned pregnancy means having earned the right to fuck things up in your own special way! If you do everything perfectly, you won't have any of your own pregnancy horror stories to share at the sewing circle:).
I wish you that most elusive of things right now - peace of mind.
Just some helpful words to not mention anytime soon, because everyone will give you an opinion:
circumsision
spanking
cosleeping
pacifier
(you have, of course, already discovered "epidural" and "home birth")
Once you hit pregnancy and, worse yet, childrearing, everyone has an opinion, and everyone's opinion is *the* right opinion.
PS - hope my comments were not on the list of offensive ones.
anon... you forgot breastfeeding. LOL
So basically, we'd all like to advise you not to discuss the above topics ;).
I wouldn't go as far as telling her what she can and can't write about. I mean.. it IS her place. We just have to use common sense and refrain from giving opinions unless asked.
I bet if you turned to the well-meaning advisors, anon, and said, "Well, that would work great if I were talking about the baby - but I was really thinking about my partner," it might help.
I wish you all the best and I'm dying to read about your pregnancy adventures, no matter how you choose to handle it, in a completely no-opinionated and unbiased way. I'm pretty sure you've seen Dooce's site, you should read the post about travelling with Leta if you want to see a case of major advice overload.
Unbiasedly yours,
OMG, Brenda, you must have injected in your RIGHT buttock, not your left!
Are you insane, didn't you know that the WHO has changed it's guidelines, and now officially says that anyone who injects PIO in the right buttock is to be indicted for abuse. Its just terrible for muscle development in your right buttock.
I'll bet you used the warming pad at the wrong time, too. The AAPIP (American Association of Progesterone Injecting Professionals) guidelines CLEARLY state that you risk serious long term harm by using a heating pad without professional advice. On the other hand, the Lay Injectors of America beleive that as long as YOU feel in control of the heating pad, and cooling devices are at hand, the risk is minimal.
And you call yourself an infertile! Ha!
Wouldn't my left cheak be bigger than the right though? If I'm not equally lumpy on both sides, I'll problems with my pants fitting.
I don't use the heating pads... which I've been told is a must. No wonder I have lumpy ass syndrome. Ahhh.... and just when I thought I was gonna be all healed up before starting again.. here we go.. will be shooting up with the PIO before the next weekend is over. LOL