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08/06/2004
Back in the saddle stirrups again
I spent the last week at my parents' house. I'd hoped to spend more time with my mother, but between the boisterous presence of my nephews, who live down the street, and the arrival of my aunt, who brought my cousins up for a visit, it was seven days of nonstop chaos, instead of the relaxing interlude I'd imagined — you know, when I was in a heroin-induced fugue state.
Although I managed to sneak off under cover of darkness a couple of times to check in on a handful of blogs, I'm far behind on others, and way behind on correspondence. If you've sent me mail and I haven't responded, please forgive me; if you've asked to be put on the great big list of blogs, please look for an update over the weekend.
I am tired. It's the only pregnancy symptom I've had. No morning sickness, no breast tenderness, not even the crippling constipation Tertia has wished upon me. In the first several weeks, the fatigue took the form of sleepiness. Now I'm no longer especially drowsy, but my body tires easily.
I thought it had abated, but this past week found me sitting helplessly on the sofa while my 60-year-old mother and my severely arthritic aunt prepared meals for 12 and shepherded five active children into an activity more productive than racing each other up and down the stairs, over and over and over. "You rest," my mother kept saying, shooing me into a kitchen chair while she unloaded the dishwasher for the third time in a day.
And I did, because I needed to, but, oh! The guilt.
I have completed the first trimester. Depending on how you count, I passed that milestone either a week and a half ago, at 12 weeks, when a major developmental phase ends, or yesterday, at 13 weeks 3 days, a third of the total gestational period.
I am supposed to feel home free, or close, but I'm still uncomfortable telling people about my pregnancy. I feel uneasy among the low-grade fuss that ensues, and it's hard to act as enthusiastic as people expect.
If I had to name my feelings, I could not accurately say I'm happy. "Happy" suggests a sunniness that I can't quite summon, an optimism that feels somehow immature given what I know. "Pleased" comes closer. "Relieved" is good, too, having gotten this far. I am pleased and relieved. Replieved.
I have convinced my nephews and cousins that Paul and I are going to name the baby Batman.
Nephew 1: What are you going to name the baby, Aunt Julie?
Julie: Well, that's a good question. I was thinking Batman would be a good name. What do you think?
Nephew 1: But what if Uncle Paul doesn't like that name?
Julie: Oh, we've discussed it and we're in agreement.
Paul: Yeah, I think it's a great name.
Nephew 2: Why?
Julie: Because we both admire Batman a lot. He's a hero who spends a lot of time helping others, and I think that's important.
[Silence. Time passes.]
Nephew 2: [Aggrieved and incredulous with a sudden realization.] What if it's a girl?
Julie: Even if it's a girl.
Nephew 2: Oh. [Remains thoughtful for several minutes.]
Little kids are kind of dumb.
Yesterday I took a 6:10 AM flight so that I could be back in town for a nuchal translucency scan. This is a detailed ultrasound used to measure the fluid behind the baby's neck. A thicker-than-usual measurement suggests the possibility of Down Syndrome and indicates the need for further diagnostics (if, in fact, you want to know for sure).
The scan took place on the same floor as my local RE's practice. It was the first time I'd been back since my baseline scan at the start of IVF #4, and I felt panicky just pushing the elevator button, returning to the site of so much sadness.
But yesterday I turned right off the elevator instead of left, and sat with a coterie of women in various stages of pregnancy, instead of with women in obvious states of distress. Need I say I did not feel at home?
The scan went beautifully. The nuchal fold measurement was normal. The heart rate was normal. The baby's growth was normal, measuring a few days ahead. We saw fingers waving; two hemispheres of a developing brain; and a spine that could be nothing else, knobbled with tiny vertebrae.
The tech couldn't find my cervix, so she thought I might have placenta previa, in which the placenta completely or partially covers the cervical opening. This is a complication you don't want; it can cause a range of problems from benign vaginal bleeding to preterm labor to — ulp — fetal and maternal death.
Not exactly the words you want to hear when you're flat on your back, jellied to hell.
The tech said she'd like to get a look with a transvaginal ultrasound, and went to show the pictures to the doctor while I emptied my bladder. When she came back, she said the doctor wasn't concerned, and that we'd try again transabdominally. Maybe with an empty bladder, we'd be able to get a better look.
And we were. There was my cervix in all its bendy glory, unthreatened by an encroaching placenta intent on achieving its Manifest Destiny. However, the placenta is still somewhat low-lying, which calls for careful monitoring. Because of this, I should have another scan around 18 weeks.
I should point out that every transabdominal obstetrical scan I've had has featured ultrasound gel brought to a comfortable temperature by an electric warmer. By contrast, every transvaginal scan I had during infertility treatment included a frigid dollop of gel born somewhere high in the tundra of the Rockies, then carefully stored on an Arctic floe.
If you're pregnant, you get nice warm gel lovingly slathered onto your distended belly. If you're infertile, you get an unceremonious poke into a cooter full of permafrost.
Make of that what you will.
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Actually, for my nuchal translucency u/s, I got the ice cold, nearly frozen gel on my abdomen, which was especially uncomfortable due to a very full bladder. Plus, the room was cold and breezy, and the technician brusque but efficient. Thank goodness the results were okay (though the technician really wouldn't commit to saying so).
I'm glad you're back and that your n/t went great!
So glad everything is looking good so far, and congrats on making it out of the first tri! I know the guilt is hard to deal with but take all the rest you can get. You deserve it, and with any luck the constant fatigue will start to fade in a couple weeks...mine finally did around week 15 or so.
"Batman"...my father, upon hearing he was going to be a grandfather, begged me not to name the baby something stupid. Therefore I spent the next 8 months trying to come up with the absolute worst name I could torture him with. I think "Rainbow Destiny" won out. For a boy.
My ob/gyn keeps her gel in a warmer at all times, so I have never had the pleasure of the tundra born gel. However, the first time I had a transabdominal scan I thought the gel was a bit too warm, so I still jumped when she squirted the stuff onto my belly.
Your pregnancy is starting to sound like good news all around, so congratulations. We just entered the 3rd trimester (second pregnancy) so now I am panicking about all the things that are not done.
Welcome back--and many congratulations on a wonderful scan. And the warm gel.
I am so glad to hear good news from you!
Hoping the placenta will continue its upward journey, as it should.
And the first half of pregnancy really DOES exhaust you! Rest and enjoy... glad you are back.
That's some tasty news there, lady.
But are you implying that there's something abnormal about my burgeoning fetish for storing Blue Ice Freezer Packs in my chocha?
"Replieved" is good. Glad you're back and that things are progressing well. Oh, and the Batman thing cracked me up. I guess it's better than Vercingetorix.
Welcome back! Feeling your baby move should help you go from replieved to happy. I have hope that you'll get there this pregnancy.
We knew what we were going to name our son from the outset, but we still liked to toss names about. Out of nowhere came Ronford from my mouth. Thinking about it made me giggly. Until I googled it and found that the only Ronford out there was a death row inmate. Not so funny anymore.
It is so good to hear that you are doing well (if not cautiously pleased) with your pregnancy. Although I haven't been here from the start, I have read through you archives and tuned in just shortly before you got some positive results. Good luck!
Welcome back...and congrats on breezing right past the first trimester milestone! I was feeling disoriented because i wasn't exactly sure where you were (date wise). Phew!
Congratulations. Glad you're back. I missed you!!! Love, S.
Kids are gullable. My stepson likes to ask what's for dinner over and over again. One day early in this pregnancy I was a little overwhelmed and he came in. This time instead of telling him I told him we were eating poop and stomach parts! I had him going until my husband came home from school. My husband got a kick out of it. He realized I reached my limits!
I'm so happy your baby is doing well. Milestones are huge deals. I just reached one today. I'm seven months. Now I feel safer(?)if I go into labor soon.
“Relieved” and “Pleased” are good, and I’m sure I speak of all us out here in saying that we’ll go ahead and be happy for you.
Whew, I'm replieved too. Glad to hear all is well. And very, very glad you're back!
PS I love the name Batman.
Congrats on the scan! Good to hear that Batman is doing well :) Try to relax, and don't let the guilt get to you--you deserve to have others take over for a little while :)
Your uterus grows from the bottom during pregnancy, so you can expect the location where your child's placenta implanted to gradually move up.
So happy to hear about the great scan! Wouldn't Aquaman be a little more accurate at this point?
I am so very glad that things are going well!!!
And you mean there is another temp for u/s gel? Having never been pregnant I had no idea that is came in any other flavor than permafrost! Something else to look forward to! Wooohoo!!!
Permafrost in the cooter...
Aw Julie, Thanks! I needed that. I'm so glad your scan went well. Little Batman is doing well it sounds like.
Whatever you are doing, keep it up lady! Take care of yourself!
PS: Got any new pics of "Follistim" the kitty? He must be a teenager now! Love his little fuzzy belly.
Batman sounds like he/she is doing very well for himself/herself. Congrats to you and baby Batman!
"I am supposed to feel home free, or close, but I'm still uncomfortable telling people about my pregnancy. I feel uneasy among the low-grade fuss that ensues, and it's hard to act as enthusiastic as people expect."
I am extremely happy for you and Paul and hope and pray that everything turns out just as you want. I am almost 34 weeks and still have trouble when people acknowledge my pregnancy. Strangers will walk up and say "So how do you like your pregnancy?" and I stare at them like a complete dumbass. I didnt tell anyone I was pregnant, I just didnt have the words. Close friends and close family - people I could share intimate details with but not coworkers etc.. I completely love my baby but I just dont know how to talk about it all. Its like if I do itll go away or it wont be real??. Maybe Im just a nut. Anyway, I really do hope everything goes well for you and your baby. Good luck to you.
I had my second child 18 years ago. Things have changed so much!! Then the ultrasound was a novel thing. I had one with my last child.
"Replieved" about sums up how I felt at that point too. It's way, way, way better than "gidnicked" (giddy and panicked) or "glautious" (glad and cautious).
I also got the too-hot gel treatment for my last abdominal. Kind of burned me! But whatever temp the gel, as long as the news is good, that's all that matters.
And wowee zowie but am I glad to hear all this good news from you, gal.
Rest, assured.
Such lovely news, Julie! And I'm so pleased with your decision to stick with Batman no matter the sex. "Batmanine" and Batmanette" are bogus.
I think we both have the same due date - but I've ended up being over conservative and going with iVillage's first trimester marker, which is at 14 weeks. Tomorrow. Weee!
Of course iVillage said I'd be over this morning sickness problem by 12 weeks, and here I am at one day short of 14, and I'm feeling pretty damn good that I didn't throw up today, because it is a sharp contrast to the rest of the #$!#$ week. Feel glad you skipped this symptom. Feel very glad.
Anyway - don't worry about the placenta. They often start out low and then move higher. A low lying placenta on an early scan will almost always end up being just fine on a later scan.
*crossing fingers for you and "Batman"* Let's hope the positive news continues! :)
Wow... she shouldn't, strike that... couldn't get pregnant.
We've got two kids: my girl, off to college, and my son... in high school; 18 and 16, respectively. She, my lovely wife, has polycysitic ovaries. We've been told on numerous times by docs that the mere fact we even have kids is a miracle, much less a matched set... improbable! It's why we haven't used birth control in 20 years; we never had to. Protect against what, the improbable?
My wife's breasts have been sore for a week; could've been anything: too much caffine; a weird, latent period; a romp the night before; gas ... who knows, it's probably nothing.
She felt nausea when she brushed her teeth two mornings ago. So that evening, when she told me, I jokingly opened the phone book and looked up Planned Parenthood (... ha, that's an oxymoron... whatare the odds?) I told her to "...run downtown to get a pregnancy test," this was all in jest... a little lite joking's good for the soul, right?
She's 40... has polycystic ovaries... and was in a humerous state of defiant denial.. she absolutely refused to get the test done. "I'm pooped... I'm not going down there this time of night... besides, it'll all go away tomorrow."
Well, driving home on my way from the firestation last night I called her: chatting about the days events... how her day at school went... how my day went... how she mentioned she was pregnant. WHAT?!?!?! Yeah... the little test she took had two lines instead of one: E.... 4... you sunk my battleship. No need to study for this test, she already passed. Sore boobs, nausea, pregancy in our 40's, one kid in college, one in high school = wow, what now?
A blessing, yes... whatare the odds? No one knows about the pregnancy, except for my wife and I... freaky. My wife's brother's wives each had a baby last year.... my wife felt really out of the loop... old. This'll teach her (...ha, and me, I guess...).
I write this because I had to tell someone. Hope you ladies have a great day.