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08/14/2004
Why, you're radiant...with evil.
Last night I watched the opening ceremonies for the Athens Olympics. Well, I sort of watched, meaning I fast-forwarded at double speed. (Thank you, TiVo. You may rest now.)
I have had fever dreams more coherent than the spectacle I witnessed. Well, sort of witnessed, meaning I was also compulsively worrying at a hangnail at the time.
I looked up just in time to see the climax of one phase of the show: a young, slender woman voluptuously fonding what looked to be a bowling ball, carried at navel height. It was a bizarre enough sight that I unmuted the television, allowing TiVo the privilege of telling me what the hell was going on.
"— symbolizing the hope for the future: a pregnant woman," the Canadian announcer somberly intoned.
And I watched in disbelief as the bowling ball lit up.
Paul and I couldn't decide if it was closest to 2001, Alien, or Rosemary's Baby. It was exquisitely upsetting. I am left to conclude that the future hinges either on a battery-powered translucent bowling ball, or on a radioactive demon child sending signals to the mothership from the surface of our doomed planet.
"What the fucking fuck?" the Canadian announcer somberly intoned. I heartily concurred.
Posted by Julie at 09:30 AM in I am full of good ideas | Permalink
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Comments (32)
what WAS that? holy hell.
Posted by: Kelly at Aug 14, 2004 9:48:32 AM
Yeah, I was all "So you frolic in the water with Eros and then he puts a GloWorm in your uterus? And then the GloWorm saves humanity?" What the hell?
Posted by: LisaG at Aug 14, 2004 10:57:02 AM
Yeah. They had me till then.
Glad WTF-dom was pervasive.
Posted by: Menita at Aug 14, 2004 11:18:50 AM
It's all the crap that's in the water these days.
I, for one, welcome our Evil Overlord Radioactive Mutant Glowing Pregnant Women.
Posted by: akeeyu at Aug 14, 2004 12:06:35 PM
yeah. . . that was weird. I was feeling a little left out of the symbolism of hope as pregnancy cliche (which still packs a punch for this never to be pregnant symbol of - what?), but then the fake belly lit up and I just thought it was pretty lame.
Posted by: brooklyn mama at Aug 14, 2004 12:35:31 PM
Wait, can I change my answer?
"Symbolizing hope for the future, a high school dropout knocked up higher than a kite, who will go on to name her child McMadysin Krystal Emmaleigh ("because it's unique"), smoke eight packs a day in the nursery, feed the kid nothing but McDonald's Happy Meals and lollipops, then abandon the little darling in the middle of the Try-N-Save?"
Or is that just *too* bitter?
Posted by: akeeyu at Aug 14, 2004 12:41:23 PM
ha hahahaa!!! Marko and I were watching, trying to figure out how we could get my belly to light up. We thought of using the flourescent light in the fishtank. That would work nicely and my belly would be blue/purple'ish. Just a bit nervous as to how we would get the light in there.
Posted by: Tertia at Aug 14, 2004 1:01:14 PM
You know, I actually thought outloud after it was over. "Only if glowing alien baby carrying woman was up on top of the cube with sexy loin cloth man... perhaps that would mean something to the infertile woman. Round and Round the couple goes on top of the cube.. trying to not fall off.. sometimes they slip.. but they get back up and round and round and round they go.... then BOOM.. infertile woman finally beams with fruitfulness and're allowed off the giant cube."
My husband, on the other hand.. said. "So you think she ate some wicked bad greek food before the show?"
Posted by: BrendaS at Aug 14, 2004 1:06:37 PM
I am laughing so hard my loincloth is in danger of falling off into the gently lapping waters of the blue, blue Aegean.
Posted by: Julie at Aug 14, 2004 1:59:47 PM
And then they followed that with Bjork! "The Bjork' mainly known for her swan dress and they have her singing some obtuse song with an even more hideous dress.
Truly, what were they thinking???
Props do go out for the statue parade. I thought that part was awesome.
Can't wait to watch today though.
Posted by: Julianna at Aug 14, 2004 3:26:27 PM
Uhhhhhhh. (Excuse me, the lithium makes me slobber.) Here I thought it was just hallucinations.
Posted by: OliviaDrab at Aug 14, 2004 3:37:17 PM
Yeah, well, my stupid ass actually thought the womas *was* pregnant, up until the belly lit up. Then I had to laugh at my own gullibleness. I attribute this weird performance art piece to the dream I had last night, in which I was a gestational surrogate of twins for getupgrrl. Mind you, my infertile ass has never even been pg before!! But it was cool to feel them kicking around in there, and she was really happy, too. Does this make me some sort of psudo-psycho stalker chick? I'll go back to lurking now......
Posted by: nat1026 at Aug 14, 2004 3:55:23 PM
Wait. Does this mean I'm the only one whose belly *didn't* light up and glow eerily once I hit the size of a bowling ball? Now I feel stoopid.
Posted by: Moxie at Aug 14, 2004 4:20:15 PM
I watched it on TiVo, too and I was totally confused. It was pretty odd.
Posted by: Jenny at Aug 14, 2004 5:25:31 PM
Of all the singers in the whole. effing. world who could stand up there and sing and let their dress UNRAVEL and cover Allan Iverson, they had to pick Bjork? They must have blown their budget on loincloths.
Posted by: LisaG at Aug 14, 2004 5:46:25 PM
I really wish he'd actually said 'What the fucking fuck'. Maybe he said it telepathically, though, using the power of the evil orb...
Posted by: Mike at Aug 14, 2004 5:46:36 PM
My husband won't let me watch the olympics because he is boycotting it this year because they killed all the stray dogs to clean up the city before everyone came.
Um. Just so you know why I have no idea what's happening in the olympic this year other than what I read on people's blogs.
Posted by: Chasmyn at Aug 15, 2004 4:27:23 AM
"Yeah, well, my stupid ass actually thought the womas *was* pregnant, up until the belly lit up. Then I had to laugh at my own gullibleness."
You're not the only one - they had me going there for a second too...until the bowling ball lit up.
"My husband, on the other hand.. said. "So you think she ate some wicked bad greek food before the show?""
A way to get a glowing baby would be glow in the dark sperm, right? And how's that accomplished? Light-sabers.
Posted by: Alexis at Aug 15, 2004 5:34:01 AM
"Yeah, well, my stupid ass actually thought the womas *was* pregnant, up until the belly lit up. Then I had to laugh at my own gullibleness."
You're not the only one - they had me going there for a second too...until the bowling ball lit up.
"My husband, on the other hand.. said. "So you think she ate some wicked bad greek food before the show?""
A way to get a glowing baby would be glow in the dark sperm, right? And how's that accomplished? Light-sabers.
Posted by: Alexis at Aug 15, 2004 5:35:08 AM
I didn't think she was really pregnant. Nope, I thought, no woman who was really that pregnant would have such slender ankles, not after standing around for many hours on an Athens August afternoon, waiting for her moment of fame. And then when her belly lit up, my first thought was "Teletubbies!" I mean, if Tinky Winky was straight, and he did knock up a human woman, a glowing pregnant belly seems a likely result.
Posted by: Summer at Aug 15, 2004 9:19:03 AM
Im 35 weeks pregnant and almost had a nervous breakdown after watching that womens ET stomach light up. What the hell did her OBGYN give her to make her baby do that? I looked down at my own stomach and was devastated to see my stretchmarks, flab, peeling skin and hair. Why am I not blessed by the Greek gods too? I want a party trick like hers.
Posted by: Danielle at Aug 15, 2004 9:57:54 AM
I was feeling so snitty and left out of the pregnancy = hope for the future metaphor that I blurted out, "Why do they have to have a fucking pregnant woman in this?" (a mean thing to say anyway, and then doubly weird since the friends I was watching with don't know much about my infertility). Then when the belly lit up I let out a squawk of horror so abrupt my cat woke out of a sound sleep on my friend's lap and tore off across the living room. Glad I wasn't the only one to be horrified.
Posted by: cee-jae at Aug 15, 2004 10:52:43 AM
It was like something out of Alien, only there was no scuttling facehugger. Still as creepy, though. And what was up with Bjork? And DJ Tiesto - was this an attempt to 'modernise' the Olympics? At least the horde of 'happy children' didn't have 'I'm on crack I'm so happy to be here' grins on their faces...y'know, some days I think I'm too cynical for my own good.
Nah.
Posted by: Orodemniades at Aug 15, 2004 3:54:05 PM
Even more disturbing to me was the lighting of the torch at the end of the evening. Please tell me I'm not the only person who thought that a Cheech and Chong reference finally explained the last couple of hours. I was laughing hysterically as the giant joint was lifted to the sky.
Posted by: Cheryl at Aug 16, 2004 9:39:22 AM
No, you're *wheeze* not *eyes watering* alone.
Posted by: Julie at Aug 16, 2004 9:52:46 AM
Bless you, bless you all! I was saying the EXACT same things during the ceremonies... When the pg woman came out, I looked at the boyfriend and said, "She can't really be pregnant, not looking like THAT, in THAT heat! No way!" And then the belly lit up! We freaked! I was laughing so hard and was all about "ET Came Home" and the boyfriend said something like, "That's what happens when ET drinks all that beer, he knocks up some Greek chick!"
And yes, oh, yes, the giant joint! I'm so glad I'm not alone in the tearful laughter of symbolism. And after all that talk about anti-doping and a drug-free Olympics... for shame!
Posted by: peach_linen at Aug 16, 2004 10:12:52 AM
Well damn! And I thought it was going to be the same ole boring show. I'm sorry I missed that. And I suprised it wasn't on the news this morning.
Posted by: Carrie Jo at Aug 16, 2004 12:06:54 PM
Oh man, am I glad I missed this thing. "What the fucking fuck" indeed.
and Chasmyn, I'm with your hubby on this one.
Posted by: Anna at Aug 16, 2004 12:53:52 PM
hmm... wonder if it was just a costume malfunction? ;)
Posted by: liv at Aug 16, 2004 3:28:26 PM
Call me different, but I personally really liked the idea of the pregnant woman symbolizing the future... I just wish it had been a true pregnant woman, and not a fake.
I agree that it was rather odd to see the belly light up, but you have the think that in a stadium with 70,000 spectators, they had to find a way to "show" the future to everyone, not just TV spectators.
As for the final torch, I didn't see a joint at all, and I wonder what some of you are on to have thought that!
All in all, I thought it was a great ceremony (except for Björk), and I believe that the Greek deserve some serious applause for their hard work, exceptional organization and creativity, rather than criticisms.
Only the opinion of a Proud European!
Posted by: Emilie at Aug 17, 2004 4:48:55 AM
Yes, I am ashamed that I first thought she really was pregnant, and that, eh, that's kind of neat, wait, where did they find such an attractive pregnant woman ... oh, I see. Never mind.
And Cheryl and Julie, I TOTALLY saw a giant doobie, as well. Thank jeebus I'm not the only one.
Posted by: jen at Aug 17, 2004 8:43:38 AM
What kind of comments my eyes red above?
You are all sick people with no hope for life and no culture at you minds.
I feel very sorry for you.
Go drink some Coca cole and eat a hamburger.
Posted by: Anonymus at Oct 17, 2004 6:25:14 PM
