« Um...okaaaaay... | Main | That vacant look »
09/03/2004
Rated G (brief nudity implied)
When I was 20, I had what an enamored girlfriend called "perfect maiden breasts." They were round and firm, small but full, and they sat perched atop my ribcage with enviable alertness. At 34B, I needed a bra, barely, but in that size the bras come in gingham, in leopard print, in demi-cups edged with eyelet lace. Frivolity holstered my breasts; matching underpants girded my loins.
And then, when I hit 25 or so, something happened. I grudgingly left my girlish 34Bs behind, assuming a more womanly 36C with ill grace. Goodbye, gingham. Hello, additional hook, you unwelcome bastard. My bras had suddenly become more adult, the kind of bras that pay the phone bill on time and discuss mortgages and health insurance at parties.
And then, around 28, something happened. One day I walked into Nordstrom an overflowing 36C, and left a trussed and cantilevered 38D. Anchoring my rack had become a deadly serious business. Not only did I now merit yet another hook, the shoulder straps now came wide and padded.
For the next few years I held steady, indulging what had become a voracious appetite for expensive foundation garments. But you shouldn't think my bras are fancy. They come in beige and black, period. They sport no lace. They are absolutely plain. And they cost the earth. On any given day, the bra I wear costs more than the sum total of the rest of my outfit. For faultless support, a pleasing shape, and a smooth line under my clothing, I happily pay. I was determined to wear these bras as far into my pregnancy as I possibly could.
And I did. And then something happened. My breasts began to leak out the bottom of my heavily engineered and underwired cups, like overrisen bread dough overflowing its pan. On top, my cleavage was breathtaking. On bottom, half my breast was making a break for it.
This would not do.
Yesterday I went to the maternity shop in the mall and browsed the racks, so to speak. I should have known this mission was doomed to failure when I saw that every single bra, no matter how capacious, had only three hooks at the most. Virtually every bra was composed of light, stretchy cotton instead of the heavily reinforced microfiber I have come to expect. And they cost no more than $15 each, available in white, white, or — if you're feeling racy — white.
I was appropriately wary. But instead of bolting in terror, as my lizard brain told me to do, I explained the problem to the saleswoman.
She was all of 20, with the perfect maiden breasts I left behind lo, those many years ago. (At least someone's using them.) I told her my 38D was no longer sufficient, grievously understating the magnitude of the problem. She suggested I start with a 40E.
Grievously understated. The 40Es were too small.
The magnitude of the problem. The 40Fs were too small.
"I don't suppose you have any Gs?" I called hoarsely from the fitting room, and made her look at me spilling forth from the bra.
"...No," she answered in appalled wonder, a tone I did not especially care for.
Now, one can acquire bras in a 40G; I know this from careful research on the Internet. But they come with frightening words attached, words like "minimizer," "rigid lace," "3-section cup," and "magic lift with back support." They look a lot like this.
Hold me. I'm frightened.
It was obvious that my Ds could do the job no longer. I needed some sort of restraint, so, imperfect fit notwithstanding, I bought what was available. I am now held uneasily in check by flimsy white cotton, ready to burst out of my moorings at the slightest provocation — say, a gentle wafting zephyr of a breeze.
In other words, I am well and truly F'ed.
Comments (85)
Verify your Comment
Previewing your Comment
This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
Wow! Those babies must be huge.
I recently found some white bras with sexy lepoard print straps for my size 40D's at Kohl's, marked down and get this, the straps were less than 3"'s wide! Of course, they only had the one in my size.
I think if I ever had gotten pregnant, I might not have been able to walk upright. (and yes, I had perfect maiden breast at 20 also)
Maybe try Wacoal's nursing bras -- they were extremely comfortable & supportive -- I know that Norstrom's has them (if you ask, they are hiding in the back & not on the floor) -- probably can find them on the web also. They don't look scary either.
I am LMAO at this!!! and crying, and sympathizing, because the same freaking thing happened to me... Right now to the perky-titted clerk giving me the "Oh dear lord, she must be letting herself go!" look when I enquired about bras in sizes larger than D-cups.
Whether or not you wind up nursing, you may find a larger size selection in nursing bras, and most of them are designed with some "flexibility" in cup size, because, I hate to tell you, you may not be done inflating....
The linked page is a great place to look for he-yuge bras. If you can get past the beatific looks on all the models as they pretend to start opening their flaps: "Oh, look over there. Is that the Virgin Mary on the side of that old factory? La la la! No flaps on this bra!"
Welcome to my world!
I'm a 46DD, and I still haven't even gotten pregnant - can you imagine the unholy terror these puppies will unleash on the earth if that ever happens?
That said, here's a few places I love to shop - the bras are comfy, girded with steel, designed by the same guys who built the Brooklyn Bridge, far as I can tell, and they come in more than just white:
I love figleaves.com, justmysize.com, and also lanebryant.com.
Good luck - I literally feel your pain in the neck, shoulders and back on this one!!
Haha! Boy, do I hear you! I have been through SO many bras. I, too, am "blessed" with ample boobage. Might I suggest this bra-
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001CYJP4/103-8310205-6131801?_encoding=UTF8
It doesn't look like much, but let me tell you, it is comfortable and supportive. I've been through piles of them, this one is the best I've tried. The options are not so great when you enter the E, F's and G's...
Try starting with 34DD BEFORE you even get pregnant, and continue to use your imagination.... I'm at 27 weeks right now, and my problem is spilling out of the top of all my maternity blouses which at the moment are mostly v-neck, wrap styles. My co-workers will be glad as it gets colder and I start to cover up more, preventing their discomfort with my decolletage. (And it's a pain that in most tailored maternity stuff, I need a lg for teh boobs but only a medium for the rest of my body--so I have to buy the tent size for the sake of my boobs.) Egad.
Anyway--though I haven't broken them out yet, I have in my closet some nursing bras in size 36 or 38F and G from my first pregnancy that I ordered from motherwear.com. Check it out--it's a good site with good stuff (although I'll say for the nursing wear--if you are fairly large chested, it's a waste of money because it's easy to get the baby to nurse under your shirt, whereas if you are smaller, you have to lift your shirt so much higher that nursing wear can be more helpful.) Anyway....if I recall correctly (first preg was 5 years ago), I started wearing the big mama bras in the last month of my pregnancy. And then I wore them, underwires and all, EVEN AT NIGHT, for the first few months of my daughter's life. Finally I found some non underwires that would hold the dang breast pad in place at least overnight. And finally I stopped leaking at night and could dispense with the armor at night altogether.
I also recommend nursing bras from Sears. I have had success with a few. Yes, they come in boxes like those Playtex ones, and you'll feel like your grandmother perusing them, but they do come in some non-laughable sizes. (And what maternity store were you at, anyway--any DECENT maternity store ought to have Gs, for crying out loud.) (Incidentally, I believe taht if you have to buy special bras for prgnancy, they might as well be nursing bras and do double-duty.)
Good luck, and know that there are legions of us commiserating with your every lingerie problem.
If you shopped at Motherhood I feel your pain. I don't think their bras are "accurate" as they gave me a 40E to try on and it was so freaking tight on my ribcage I thought I was going to have an asthma attack. I went to another store and tried on a 40DD nursing bra and it fit like a dream, although I felt rushed back to the 80's and Madonna's "Cones". Thanks for the suggestions on the comments though ladies!! I have some "perusing" to do.
And Julie: the bigger they get, the sexier you become woman!
You'll appreciate this, then. :)
http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~cat/bra.html
Enjoy!
Ok I feel your pain! Well not really but whatever right ? lol I do have a suggestion...Head over to Lane Bryant they have bras in all sorts of sizes pretty ones too not all white black and tan....but another way around the problem of not finding ample cup sizing is to go up around
because typically a 40D and a 46D in the same pattern bra do NOT have the same size cups...For some reason the cups in the 46D are much bigger than the 40D and if you have a handy dandy sewing maching you can adjust the strap in the back quickly and easily to fit your body around properly. Its like bastardizing a bra but it works:) God bless lany bryant is all i say because their bras rock for me and they are pretty...I dont own ONE WHITE BRA or ONE white pair of underwear thanks to LB :) lol
Would buying Marks & Spencer Bras online help you? Because knowing Marks & Spencer's they have HUGE bras that can easily house a small family in a 34 B sports bra. Let's not even get started on the F cups. Or maybe it's just me. I can't even fit into a 32 AA properly. Marks & Spencer's is a British shop by the way, not sure if you can get those in the States.
Would buying Marks & Spencer Bras online help you? Because knowing Marks & Spencer's they have HUGE bras that can easily house a small family in a 34 B sports bra. Let's not even get started on the F cups. Or maybe it's just me. I can't even fit into a 32 AA properly. Marks & Spencer's is a British shop by the way, not sure if you can get those in the States.
I feel ya. I got married a 36B and by the time I got pregnant I was a 38D. Luckily I'm going into my 7th month and still fitting my bras okay. Now when the milk comes I'm gonna be wigging. I hate the maternity store with all my heart. They only cater to the 5'6 130 lb pregnant lady.
You should look into an "Edith lance" - a few of my very well endowed friends where them - they cost in the $75 range but are very good and give a lot of support. You can buy them from Sara Saposh in Brooklyn and have them converted into nursing bras right in the store. You can email me for her phone and address if you want.
Toward the end of the pregnancy invest in a few bra extenders. They are abot 2-3 inches long and just hook onto the back of your bra. As your ribcage spreads apart (nice image, huh?) these can help stretch a bra for a while....
They do take on a life of their own, don't they?
Try http://www.bravadodesigns.com/ for all manner of nursing/maternity bras.
Hi - I surfed over from Grrl's site - and I've been there, done that too. Started out at 36C, ended at 42FF (I think, I quit asking what size they were strapping on me)
I highly recommend nursing bras, even if you plan to bottle feed. They are a bit more expandable, it seems, and mine lasted forever!
Good luck...and no, you're not done expanding yet. *g*
A friend of mine on the east coast got a tailor to make her bras because her breast were so large that she couldn't find anything comfortable to wear. You might look into that option.
The Bravado bras come highly recommended by my sister, who has the big boobahs too. Here's a link- they even come in leopard!
http://www.nestmom.com/bravado.html
Thank you for making me laugh.
Your writing is brilliant.
Sorry dear, but I'm afraid that baby is MALE. That's the best explanation I can come up with!
Damn, do I feel your pain. (And I want those perky maiden breasts back. Come on, you're middle-aged, get used to it honey.)
Ah, the grass is always greener... I guess I should quit wishing my boobs did SOMETHING during pregnancy. They stay their own little 36B the entire time, just looking smaller as my belly grows larger!
Best of luck (to all) at keeping those bad girls under control!
I bought 8 new bras before I found out I was pregnant. 38Cs. I refuse to invest in new bras until... Until ... Well I will know the day.
Right now I'm popping out the sides, bottom and top and that's just fine.
I come home, take my bra off, take my pants off and walk around the house in a t shirt. Lord help the family member or friend who stops by without calling first.
My man often sits back in his chair while I am cooking dinner and comments how being barefoot and pregnant suits me. He likes burnt food.
Power to the big boobied!
I thought I was reading my own breast history there until you got to the G. I've been wearing the Bravados since about the middle of my pregnancy and I was surprised that they support as well as they do. Like you, I'm a black and tan girl, and I had to go with black and pink in their line. Oh well.
If you breastfeed, there's nothing more adorable than a wee babe with their face crushed to a breast twice the circumference of their cranium. I'll miss that sight, really I will.
Ah yes, the quest for a decent bra is a lifetime quest. I found Bravado (as mentioned above) to be fairly good (and they come in some wild prints!). I LOVED the Medela bras. They go up to 46H!! Don't go hog-wild and buy lots now - when you have this child, they'll get even bigger...
This is why I check in on you, almost every day. In addition to being consistently brilliant, you have just articulated exactly what I was compaining about to my husband last night. He found this: http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org. It seems to have a lot of information about bras. I haven't had a chance to peruse it yet. Let me know if you find anything useful on it.
Also, Nordstrom on line does have 1 nursing bra, up to 42 DDD I think, a Wacoal. I'm now wearing a 40F or G depending on the style from Motherhood. I almost fell over to see that the bras at Motherhood were only 15$. I think I last spent that little on a bra when I bought a bra for my bat-mitzvah! I just ordered the Wacoal 40DDD. I'll let you know if it fits.
I always read your blog but never comment. Today, I can't remember laughing so hard while at work. I am a "nearly A" who is thrilled to be a B/C sportbra at week 11 of my first pregnancy. But all my friends are much better endowed than I (who isn't) and they tell me their stories. I sent your words to them and we all think of you as a master writer.
Thanks for the laughs and good luck.
Wait until after baby comes and/or nursing is done. I like to refer to my current bra size as 36 long!!!!
Try this link:
http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~cat/bra.html
Most stores in Canada don't stock anything above a DD, maybe a DDD (E or F depending on the manufacturer) if it's a nursing bra. With my first at 2 and gestating my second, I am shuddering with horror as my breasts begin expanding AGAIN.
I think I'm currently at a G or H, depending on the maker and style, but since I don't have the time or $$ to buy a bra that fits, I have been relying on the penningtons sports bras... they're okayish, but the rib-cage is loose and the cup is a little tight.
God it's so true about the 130lb, 5'6 pregnant woman. Is it so hard for manufacturers to belive that the vast majority of gestating women are not 21 year old scrawny britney-wannabes? Why are plus size stores so often have such degrading names? Who's the mysoginisitic ass that came up with "Dress Barn"!
I should be grateful that things have improved in the plus size world in the last couple of decades, clothing wise, but I wish bras would catch up.
www.motherwear.com has a nice selection of bras in all shapes and sizes.
Also, try www.onehotmama.com. :-)
I just purchased some 40DDD bras last weekend which my husband termed "super porn star size."
I started out a 38D and when I got pregnant I told the ladies that they were big enough and there's no need to grow. They didn't listen. As they grew my husband would look at me each night with a mixture of happiness and terror. How does the Greg Brown song go? "No one's ever been bosomed to death.... probably."
Get thee to Lane Bryant.
http://lanebryant.charmingshoppes.com/shopping/thumbnails.asp?attr=79&col_id=&nav=LB&web_size=40DDD
Me again. Remember - No H. I'm not the buttmunch who posted the getalife comment.
I'm a dork and somehow included the link I wanted to give you in my signature, so my name is now linked to:
www.breakoutbras.com
Which is where I wanted to refer you. Great prices on Bravado, Medela, and other nursign an dplus-size bras, free shipping, and she's great to help you measure to get the right fit...
Because the other thing I wanted to say was -- be careful that you're actually a 40G. You might actually be a 38H or even a 36! Little perky-titted clerk RARELY get the measuring right in larger sizes!
Be strong! And maybe start lifting some weights to strengthen those back muscles...
Decent exposures:
http://decentexposures.com/
Not exactly La Perla, but they accomodate changing sizes and nursing.
Oh hon, there is hope. I'm a student in the UK right now and they are so good about big bra sizes (38DD here, no pregnancy). If you find no salvation in the US, look into things at www.rigbyandpeller.com or www.bravissimo.com. They are godsends.
Hehe .. I started this pregnancy at my 48D .. well I am least a 50F and I am not even 10 weeks along. I hate bra shopping .. it sucks. I remember though from my first pregnancy that Fancee Free makes really great bras for those of us overly blessed women.
Everyone told me that their breasts went back down to their normal size after they were done breastfeeding. I am still staring wistfully at my 36B bras, thinking that there is no godly way that these healthy D's will ever fit back in, and I quit breastfeeding awhile ago.
I can totally commiserate, and just want to warn you that those puppies may not shrink!
Long-time reader, first-time commenter. :)
Bravado tends to make big breasts into one big uni-boob, but the bras are super-comfy and come in leopard print! Decent Exposures is highly recommended, as are Goddess bras (find them here http://laurensilva.com/laurensilva/).
Here are some great resources:
http://www.biggerbras.com/ (Big Girls' Bras)
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/PlusMat%20Clothing%20FAQs/PlusMat_Nursing.html (Plus-sized nursing bra and clothing resources)
http://www.plusmommaternity.com/ (Plus Mom Maternity)
http://www.plusmaternity.com/index.htm (Pickles & Ice Cream)
http://www.babybecoming.com/bras.html (Baby Becoming Bras)
HTH!! :)
I was a missish 34b in high school - all of high school, when big boobs could have done me some good. But after that, my boobs exploded. The grew and grew and grew until I stabilized at a 36HH. A HH. It is truly bizarre.
I went on the very lengthy search for bras that both fit *and* (please god) did not look like bras my Grandma would wear. I had shirts smaller than some of these bras. And, for no good reason, the tops of them extended almost to my chin, definitely over the flattering V-necks of my tops.
After many hours on-line, I discovered Bravissimo. It is a british company that works with many of the major manufacturers to develop flattering, patterned, colored, *pretty* bras everywhere from a 34-42 and a DD to JJ.
They have a web site at www.bravissimo.com. If you request one or order from them, they will send you a very nice full color catalog. The bras are not cheap - they run between 20 and 40 pounds (I think between 40 and 80 US dollars). I consider it a necessary expense. At these boob sizes, bras are definitely a necessity.
The shipping is something like 12 pounds, or 20 US dollars, so that's not cheap either. But returns are free, so what I usually do is order everything in my size and price range that looks like it could fit, try it all on when it gets here, and return what doesn't work. Never had a problem with it - they seem to expect it, if you live in an area where you can't stop by and try stuff on.
Sorry if this seems like a sales pitch, but discovering this company has saved me hours of bitching, moaning and feeling sorry for myself.
P.S. They offer a few nursing bras too, both underwire (with detachable cup) and soft cup.
Oh do I feel for ya! With all three PGs my boobs got bigger than the pg before. This last time I felt like I should be tied out in some barn and milked. With the BF and the fact that I'm not getting any younger I feel the "girls" are starting to decieve me. Once upon a time I could bend over and they would stay snug against my chest. Now I avoid bending over for fear one of these days the "girls" are going to be touching the floor. I must say I have masterd the art of picking things up with my toes. LOL
I read your blog all the time and I love it!!
I'm a 40 G while not pregnant. While I was pregnant, I forced myself into my G's because the thought of buying something bigger scared the bejeezus outta me. I shudder to recall it. Great post. thanks!
My best friend and I plan to start a bra shop called Big Ones Little Ones. We both have enormous trouble finding a decent bra but for opposite reasons. I am pittifully small (barely fit into an A cup and I AM 25). My friend on the other hand, while only a double D and not quite as voluptuous as you, she also has problems finding decent bras. So we've decided that we're going to have a combo bra shop, a sushi bar open between 2 and 5 (her idea because she can never find some during that time) and karaoke bar with a fashion show for the lingerie. If it sounds strange we DO live in San Francisco, so that's to be expected ;o) We will most definitely carry maternity bras that go up to size J if we have to.
Yes, I also say either Marks & Spencer or Lane Bryant.
Me and my 42G's salute you. (I'm so fucked if I manage to get pregnant again, I swear).
And whichever of the lovelies above said to sleep in the damn bra after you deliver is right. I didn't, and honestly, my boobs almost suffocated me in my sleep. I thought my seriously overweight cat was sleeping on my windpipe and cutting off my air. Imagine my surprise. Milk was leaking also. Once I caught my breath, I was like "Dayum, suffocate or drown?"
Oh, and when you first start breastfeeding? LIke, the FIRST DAY OR TWO? Be extra careful, cause nobody warned me, and the damn breast almost suffocated Arianna while she was nursing. I didn't realize it, (Well, that and I was still high from the C-section drugs and epidural drugs too)
I also think you are NOWHERE NEAR through inflating either.
Love ya babe. Good luck hunting for your brassiere's.
Jenn beat me to it. I too am a Bravissimo girl - already a 38FF and nowhere near pregnant. They aren't cheap but they are worth every single penny.
Marks are good, but Bravissimo rules!
Even if you are not Plus Sized, you may be able to find some decent bras at Lane Bryant. I got some comfy ones there once my boobs expanded. They have 38 to 46 in all cup sizes, and even some cute ones that look like they should be for maiden breasts, only larger, for those of us with boobs that have developed a mind of their own.
how *how* did you make your boobs bigger in your twenties??!
Long time lurker de-lurking to LMAO!! And suggest Fredrick's of Hollywood...sorry the "booby fairy" was so generous!
For the longest time, I thought I was a 40DD. Turns out, after being properly fitted, that I am in fact a 38H. And the fit makes all the difference in the world.
If you have a lingerie shop anywhere near you, they can normally do a better fitting that your typical department store salesperson.
From my experience, unless you have gained a significant amount of weight, your band size (that's the number) should not change. And forget about that "measure under your boobs and add 5" crap. I measure 30 inches under my boobs, and US manufacturers would tell me that I wear a 36-inch band size -- 30+5=35 then round up. I SWIM in a 36. I took Dee's advice at www.plussizebras.org and went to a 32-inch band. I was wearing a 36DDD and she said I should be a 32J. Gack! But when I bought bras in that size (from Bravissimo.com, btw. Even after shipping from the UK to the US, they were still cheaper than buying from a specialty store in the US) it was wonderful. They fit perfectly.
Then I got them reduced to a 32D and life is even better. :)
OOOH YUK! you poor poor thing, that picture is more scary than those huge granny undies (oft referred to as grundies) you see at Kmart.