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11/20/2004
The best ear wax I ever ate
I am finding gestational diabetes to be deeply depressing.
I love food. I love to shop for it, to cook it, and to eat it. Before any meal is over, I'm plotting the next one. In the car I like to play a game I call "A Thousand Sandwiches," that involves lovingly describing, yes, sandwich after perfect sandwich in minute detail, down to specifying the size of the grains in the rough Dijon mustard. And when it comes to remembering meals I have known, I am a twitchy Rain Man of a gastronome: name a place I've travelled and I can instantly tell you what I ate there. (Hilo, Hawaii? Lilikoi ice cream, sweet and creamy but tangy enough to rip the fascia of complacency off the most jaded, calloused tongue. Belfast, Maine? A milky, buttery bowl of stew, studded with orange dots of lobster fat and floating an intact mitten of meat, at Young's Lobster Pound, at a windy picnic table overlooking the bay. Percé, Gaspé Peninsula? Pizza topped with what called itself pepperoni but bore every terrifying hallmark of Lunchables-grade bologna.)
These days I am still thinking about food every waking moment. That's a given, a behavior as innate as firmly relocating one's errant underpants when they begin to migrate crackward. What is new is that I am now drooling at the very thought of foods I don't even like. I'm starting to suspect I've hit rock bottom: not only am I looking forward to brown rice, for God's sake, meaning we're completely through the looking glass, but I get downright weepy as I confront the fact that the most I can eat at any one meal is 1/3 cup of it. (My fidgety inner Rain Man is urging me to count the grains in 1/3 cup. Rain Man: "246 total." Paul: "How many?" Waitress: "250." Paul: "Pretty close." Waitress: "There are four more left in the pot." I imagine myself patiently chiseling those last recalcitrant grains off the side of the saucepan, rubbing them into my gums for the maximum cocainey rush.)
When you have gestational diabetes, it's normal for it to become harder to control your blood sugar as the pregnancy progresses. While most people can manage diabetes with diet at first, it's not uncommon to need insulin toward the end to regulate glucose levels. The placenta, swollen with its sense of its own importance, acts like it owns the fucking place and kicks your already-enfeebled pancreas to the curb. I know this, and I also know it stands to reason that my tolerance for certain foods will decrease as the weeks pass. White bread is completely off limits, and today I had to cross whole-wheat couscous off the list for the duration. Will brown rice — which I have always called punishment rice — be the next to go?
I am trying not to dwell on the fact that my options are dwindling at an alarming rate. I expected to make sacrifices as a parent, and even as a parent-to-be. I did not expect to be confined to the sensory deprivation tank that I sometimes feel encapsulates me. I don't like the food restrictions; in fact, as I said, they're depressing me. But as much as I whine, I'm not tempted to cheat. All it takes to re-establish my resolve is a single thought of whose health is at stake.
There has been one dietary highlight in the last three weeks: today at childbirth class I ate a solitary high-octane, full-sugar jellybean. As part of an exercise to illustrate how delicious breast milk is to babies, the instructor passed out a handful of jellybeans to each participant, cajoling me into having just one. (Jeez, I knew she didn't like me, but who knew she'd try to kill me?)
I selected a single jellybean from Paul's colorful assortment. I chose one that looked like nothing so much as the end of a used Q-Tip, white flecked with a golden brown the exact shade of ear wax. It didn't look good, but it seemed the most appetizing flavor available, since every other jellybean in Paul's hand was a different blue. I do not know how those tasted, but I'm guessing Windex, Listerine, Clostridium perfringens, and Crayola.
I ate the jellybean. And you know what? It was delicious. I gasped aloud as the full wallop of sugar hit my tongue, the first pure jolt of sweetness I've had in weeks. I can't say it was good, exactly. Sure, okay, it did taste like ear wax with a powerful note of high fructose corn syrup. But it wasn't brown rice, by God.
Posted by Julie at 06:54 PM in Jesus gay, I'm pregnant. | Permalink
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Comments (44)
Julie, what a shit deal you've had with this pregnancy. There isn't an ounce of me that doesn't know that you are so very grateful for batman, but for fuck's sake, could you catch a break? Any woman willing to bake for a friend and take pictures of it on her lovely tile floor, and any woman with the tupperware collection (or is it a knock off?) that you have, clearly has a relationship with food that is deep. I cannot wait for your batman to arrive healthy, happy & without illustrated flipper so that you might be able to enjoy a bit of your glorious gastronomic experiences once again. Me? I'm about simply having a fat ass and sitting in the pantry at 3:00am arguing with myself about why I should NOT break into a zone perfect bar, or anything else with any caloric value. No excuse for my behavior....
Posted by: Boulder at Nov 20, 2004 7:03:35 PM
You've been to the Gaspe Peninsula? How frickin cool.
Cats live to eat ear wax. It's true.
Posted by: squid at Nov 20, 2004 7:29:55 PM
When I wasn't allowed to eat anything, they let me suck on the mouthwash sponge things in the hospital.....they were soooo yummy (well at least they were then).
Posted by: achromic at Nov 20, 2004 7:44:17 PM
Oh, Julie, I can't imagine. You're doing just beautifully, though.
Complain all you need to. You've earned it. I only wish I could do something to help get you through these last months of boring foods.
Posted by: Julia at Nov 20, 2004 7:57:43 PM
In your honor, I vow not to eat a single earwax-flavored jelly bean until the day Batman is born. Actually, now that I think about it, I love you so much that I vow to never eat an earwax-flavored jelly bean as long as I live. You have my word on that.
Posted by: Danae at Nov 20, 2004 8:22:32 PM
Since coming here I've become addicted to blogs about infertility, childbirth and parenthood. I've also become quite afeared that I'm going to have trouble getting preggers in the next few years - but these environments will do that to you.
HOWEVER. Reading about brown rice, ear-was jelly beans and sucking on mouthwash sponges (wha?) makes me not really want to get pregnant.
What are you people doing to me?!
That being said, here's bubbly wishes to you and Batman as you embark on a less-than-sugary but oh-so-sweet life!
And I still want a baby. Guess I should work on that hubbie thing first.
Posted by: Abby at Nov 20, 2004 8:45:03 PM
Ooh, we went all along the Gaspe Peninsula for our honeymoon. It was lovely. No pizza with lunchmeat though, I'm sorry to say. Hang in there with the dietary restrictions.
Posted by: Brooklyn Mama at Nov 20, 2004 10:45:01 PM
Ah my darling, it must be so hard. It hardly seems fair that you get to suffer from PP AND GD after all you have been through. Fucking unfair in fact. That Batman of yours better be extra gorgeous, sleep through the night and end up rich and famous after all this.
love you
Posted by: Tertia at Nov 20, 2004 10:54:59 PM
I'm going to have to start playing that sandwich game. I love food exactly like you describe loving it, and THAT sounds like a great game.
As a vegetarian who eats a mainly low-fat diet, I think basically that I'd starve if I had GD. Every one of my meals would be like a giant block of tofu.
Ick.
Anyway, I totally recognize those jelly beans you had. In my unwavering drive to be helpful, I'd like to point you to the sugar free Jelly Belly jelly beans. They're actually really good and may help satiate some sugary needs.
http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/OurCandy/JellyBellyJellyBeans/Sugar-Free+Candies.htm
I hate the Atkins Diet crowd for their nutritional ignorance, but you may be able to benefit from the new and insane variety of low-carb sweets and pastas directed at them.
My heart is with you.
Posted by: Egg Donor at Nov 21, 2004 12:06:12 AM
I feel ya on the food thing. I am on low sodium diet because I am already on the Pregnancy Induced Hypertension highway and headed towards pre-eclampsia(had it with my son) so I know your pain. I also have a family history of diabetes so in 7 weeks I have to take the 3 hour GD test (I am known to flunk the first . .so we are skipping it to go to the 3rd). I am hoping and praying like heck to avoid GD .. If I have to cut out breads and sugars on top of salt .. I think I will be able to eat pretty much nothing appetizing in the slightest. And I'm a carbaholic .. so it will be harsh.
Posted by: Stephanie at Nov 21, 2004 12:07:30 AM
You know, I think Danae is on to something.
In order to support her effort and to show solidarity with you in your GD, I too will refrain from eating a single earwax-flavored jelly bean until, well, forever.
Posted by: Boulder at Nov 21, 2004 12:39:06 AM
Boulder, Danae, thanks. You women are troupers. It means a lot to know I am not alone in my sacrifice. I just hope you don't suffer any lasting dietary imbalance from your noble offer.
ED, you're dead on about the products "designed for the low-carb lifestyle." The low-carb bread is terrible, but at least I can eat a lot of it while hating every bite...
How many grams of carbohydrate in a mouthwash sponge if I chew and swallow the thing?
Posted by: Julie at Nov 21, 2004 8:32:03 AM
I love brown rice! (I really do. Shuddup.)
It sucks that you have to go through this, my lurve.
Am thinking about you and your penchant for sugary earwax.
Posted by: Karen at Nov 21, 2004 9:23:19 AM
You know, Danae claims she loves it, too. I am forced to conclude that the two of you are in league with the devil. The starchy bastard.
Posted by: Julie at Nov 21, 2004 9:28:10 AM
Julie, I have good news. Really! You will have the chance to revel in the unabashed gluttony of eating for two. Yea, verily I say unto you, breastfeeding is king. Breastfeeding will give you rampant, raging hunger, which you'll be able to indulge, since your abdomen will no longer be filled with an enormous uterus. You'll be able to eat anything, in any amount, and still you'll lose weight! And best of all, you can keep it up for YEARS if you so choose. Yes! Years of saying "but I NEED the last slice of pie, Paul. I'm breastfeeding. It's for Batman."
Until then, you have my sympathy. Low-carb bread? No whole-wheat couscous? That's rough, rough, rough.
Posted by: Summer at Nov 21, 2004 10:28:48 AM
julie, i am a kindred spirit. in your honor, the next recipe i post on my site will be GD-friendly.
the most recent GD-friendly one is for a chinese seafood-vegetable soup; you'll want to skip the one for french bread. i've got a recipe on there for chapchae, as well, which uses bean threads/cellophane noodles, though i'm not sure you can have those...they're made from mung bean starch. probably not, huh.
damn. the internet will send cookies to your hospital room to celebrate batman's arrival!
Posted by: wix at Nov 21, 2004 12:04:20 PM
I guess I'm in league with the devil too, as I prefer brown rice to white. But at least I'm in good company.
Lest you thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth, rest assured that I'm still here, quietly lurking, mostly b/c I have no inspirational or scary stories of pregnancy, labor, childbirth or child-rearing to share. Also, I still lament the fact that there was apparently only one lucky cookie in that bag, and I didn't get it. Believe me, DH is still catching hell for that. But since I didn't get it, I'm glad you did.
Posted by: Andi at Nov 21, 2004 1:11:36 PM
Hee. I love brown rice. But then I think Hartz Mountain dog cookies are pretty okay too, so you may wish to disregard.
Julie, baby, this fucking sucks. You really did get a shit deal here. And those Russell Stover Low Carb chocolates send the romance whooshing out of an evening like the liquid gassy...I'm gonna stop now.
Anyway. I possess many nutritional tips-n-trix from my Atkins days (don't loathe me! I know a lot about nutrition!), and one of them involves a passably delicious sugar-free cheesecake. And I am willing to share. Well, for Batman's sake. Let me know if you want recipes, mmkay?
Posted by: Jo at Nov 21, 2004 1:40:33 PM
I love brown rice, really, I do. Sometimes I even find myself craving fried tofu of all things with broccoli and brown rice.
I know how sucky this feels because I do not tolerate sugar well either and yet I love it. I'm like you, I love food. I love to prepare it, think about it and have a memory for taste as well. I remember places by food too, so I can empathize how crappy it is to be so limited.
Think about it though, right after the delivery, Paul can bring you a pound of chocolates ;)
xxxxoooo,
Posted by: Emily at Nov 21, 2004 2:15:43 PM
Oh, I remember the days of GD! Not fun. So sorry, this hit you on top of everything else.
Because I consider myself somewhat of a "statistical outlier", too, I may have some good news: blood sugar control could get easier not harder if that's what happens to the majority of GD...Seriously, I had to check my blood sugar 6 times a day in the beginning (my values were quite bad it seems), but later on had only to check every other day (and I did not need insulin). Weird, right? And if that won't happen to you? Then you may be more "normal" afterall (meant in the nicest possible way)!
I may not have succeeded to give you any comfort (or hope) but, please, know that I am here cheering for you and Batman!
katja
Posted by: katja at Nov 21, 2004 3:18:18 PM
Seriously Julie, do you think the devil would be eating brown rice?
And would somebody please tell me what a mouthwash sponge is?
Posted by: Danae at Nov 21, 2004 3:45:59 PM
I had gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy. I remember crying because my husband was downing brownies and I couldn't have one. It sucked big time. The good news? I didn't gain too much weight and the baby didn't turn out to be sumo wrestler size. I feel for you, honey. That first real coke after delivery was like heaven to me. Look forward to that like a druggie does it's next high.
Posted by: katie at Nov 21, 2004 4:42:17 PM
AHHHHH jelly belly jelly beans. I'm sitting here eating a few; you MADE me. You reminded me I had a bag in my laptop case and I just had to pull it out to see if I had windex flavoured ones. I never knew Clostridium Perfringens had a flavour, maybe like turkey left out for three days?
Posted by: Lauren at Nov 21, 2004 5:56:03 PM
ooooh, lobster bisque...your description is just scrumptious.
Posted by: MOT at Nov 21, 2004 9:53:03 PM
You have my sincere sympathy on the food issues I decided voluntarily to start eating like I was diabetic for a while, in an attempt to see if it would affect my PCOS. I went a whole week and a half without cheating ONCE. I was so proud of myself. Then I went to Montreal. I'd never had a Montreal bagel before. We hit if off instantly.
I will forever remember Montreal as the place I ate that gorgeous sesame seed bagel with pesto, asparagus, hearts of palm, romaine, tomatoes and provolone cheese. It was served with a side of marinated artichoke heart and olive salad, and followed by the tallest, creamiest cheesecake I have ever had, dripping with raspberry preserves nearly as good as my grandmother's. That and the vegetarian Thai beef brochettes. I suspect I am not helping either one of us by sharing that, but at least you can eat most of those ingredients. Assuming your town stocks such exotic luxuries as asparagus, which mine apparently does not.
I do not have the willpower you do. But then, I don't have a Batman to inspire me. Best health wishes to both of you.
Posted by: Orenda at Nov 21, 2004 9:56:43 PM
Think the mouthwash sponge if chewed and swallowed is no carbs, simply fiber, so you probably have the all clear on that Julie.
PS - I remember the post surgery days where this was all I was allowed and you cannot believe how wonderful a pink star shaped sponge on a lollipop stick can be. I'd see the bag of them coming my direction in recovery and cry tears of joy because I knew my mouth would no longer be parched and no one would begrudge me my sponges.
Posted by: Boulder at Nov 21, 2004 10:57:41 PM
I feel for ya, I really do. I went through hell to bring my daughter into this world. She was our third pregnancy, we had already lost our son and an early miscarriage. We are now dealing with secondary infertility.
I had one of the most complicated pregnancies ever! But it was well worth it!! Alot of people tell horror stories and I guess this may sound like one, but everything worked out wonderfully in the end.
Besides the "normal" pregnancy symptoms I dealt with: my daughter was a "threatened miscarriage", then came the gallbladder attacks (they wanted to do surgery while I was pregnant and I said NO), the siatica, the high blood pressure (PIH), the preterm labor (stopped by meds & rest), the gestational diabetes with insulin injections three times a day (i am also a food lover-so I know what u r feeling!!), NST's three times a week, u/s's every week, my iron dropped to 5 (had to see a hematologist), then I was induced because my daughter was getting too big and I was rejecting the insulin. After she was born I got ecclampsia (PPIH), had to be hooked up to mag sulf (nasty NASTY stuff) and they all acted like I was gonna die.
But my daughter was born healthy, weighing 9 lbs and I was able to give birth to her vaginally without any pain meds. She is my greatest accomplishment.
I am wishing you all the luck in the world with your pregnancy!! Thanks for letting me ramble on and on!!
Posted by: Megan M at Nov 22, 2004 1:35:23 AM
I am regular plain old diabetic, so i guess being pregnant with it wasn't as much of an adjustment. but blood sugar was way easier for me to control with insulin than diet and pills, which is how i do it post preg. i know they are few, but count your blessings, you can always ramp up the insulin if you booger up, i sort of miss that. now i am back to making non diabetic people taste my pop - ARE YOU SURE THIS IS DIET? :-)
yours in sugar deprivation,
jen
Posted by: jenB at Nov 22, 2004 3:13:31 AM
This tip from my sister: Your bag for the hospital should contain some really good chocolate (or whatever you've been craving), because you don't want to be at the mercy of the hospital's cafeteria and vending machines when you get the go-ahead for solid food.
I am taking the pledge on earwax jelly beans, too. How much more loyal can your fans be?
Posted by: Slim at Nov 22, 2004 8:48:36 AM
I'm fairly certain I can identify that as a Toasted Marshmallow Jelly Belly, the only kind I like and could eat by the pound.
I'm just sayin'...
I lurk here for the absolute humor you maintain. I have pregnant friends and I'll join the club someday, but I have to believe that irreverence doesn't get thrown out with the positive test. So, thanks... :)
Posted by: jen at Nov 22, 2004 10:25:00 AM
There really ARE earwax-flavored jellybeans, just FYI. They make jellybeans with weird flavors and package them with a Harry Potter label, as a novelty to sell to kids. (They sold really well at the University bookstore here, go figure.)
You could have gotten worse than earwax, they also have vomit.
Maybe the childbirth class lady is a sadist?
http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/Shop/CandyDetails.htm?CS_ProductID=1064337&CS_Category=BertieBotts&CS_Catalog=B2C
Posted by: cathy b at Nov 22, 2004 10:44:20 AM
I've been lurking for a month now. Came across your blog when I put in google 24 weeks pregnant (to find out more about the GD test).
I do believe that you ate a toasted marshmallow jelly belly but there is an earwax flavor which came out in honor of Harry Potter.
Thank you very much for your posts. This blog has helped me through many rough days.
Posted by: Sarah at Nov 22, 2004 10:46:56 AM
There really ARE earwax-flavored jellybeans, just FYI. They make jellybeans with weird flavors and package them with a Harry Potter label, as a novelty to sell to kids. (They sold really well at the University bookstore here, go figure.)
You could have gotten worse than earwax, they also have vomit.
Maybe the childbirth class lady is a sadist?
http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/Shop/CandyDetails.htm?CS_ProductID=1064337&CS_Category=BertieBotts&CS_Catalog=B2C
Posted by: cathy b at Nov 22, 2004 11:05:18 AM
In exchange for the excruciatingly painful rocky road you took to getting pregnant, I say you should get a baby who just prefers not to cry, but simply coos and gazes lovingly at mother.
In exchange for you being socked with placenta previa, I say you should get a baby who sleeps through the night, every night, from day one on out. Even when sick.
In exchange for gestational diabetes, I say you get a baby who grows up to be the most fabulously world renown pastry chef the world has ever known! He/she shall regale you with scrumptious desserts throughout all your days!
Posted by: Kristine at Nov 22, 2004 11:33:20 AM
Julie:
I don't know if this helps, but the Breyers Sugar Free chocolate ice cream is pretty good. That's what I eat now instead of the regular stuff and the hubs eats it w/o a complaint.
Also the low carb pasta is good.
Good luck and just remember it's only a matter of time before you can eat whatever you want.
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle at Nov 22, 2004 12:21:51 PM
Take it easy on the sugar free stuff. That ice cream without calories will send you careening off the road in search of bushes. I know first hand. I was so totally excited to find a dessert I could eat that I got a good helping of it. Believe me, it's not worth it. Remember that new oil they came up with ten years ago to fry potato chips in? Remember the disclaimer about abdominal cramping. O.K. I'm just saying use caution.
Posted by: katie at Nov 22, 2004 1:25:47 PM
Delurking to add that if you're jonesing for ice cream, Ben & Jerry's has a couple of sugar-free flavors and a low carb "carb karma" that's pretty tasty (Half-Baked is particularly yummy). Of course, like Katie points out above, enjoy it in moderation or else you too may find yourself looking for bushes while out and about with no restrooms in sight. I've been low-carb, low sugar on doctor's orders since Jan. 2003 so I can tell you that your system does get used to the sugar alcohols and the potentially explosive BMs do ease up as your body gets used to 'em. Not fun in the beginning though.
Oh, and whatever you do, stay away from the Pepperidge Farm Sugar-Free Milano cookies--they are particularly rough on the system (but damn are they tasty)! But the sugar-free Jelly Belly jelly beans? They kick some serious sugar-free ass!
Posted by: Dee at Nov 22, 2004 2:09:54 PM
Oh, Julie.
I read this and thought not of the subject, but of your incredible ability with this clunky language of ours. At first, there was wonder: this is agile, fabulous, adroit... then, jealousy: I wish I could do this so well... then, love: Oh, how I love you.
Sorry again about the punishments, brown rice included. I've heard that sometimes when people end up stranded in the wilderness with access only to barely edible things for sustenance, they actually develop a taste for things like leaves, berries, and Johnny Marzetti.
It could happen to you!
Anyway, I'll be thinking of you as I carbo-load my way into oblivion on Thursday.
Posted by: mollie at Nov 23, 2004 10:08:27 AM
Congratulations on Batman's arrival!!! WHOO HOO! I can't wait to see you back on here, hopefully with pictures!
Posted by: Queenie at Nov 28, 2004 10:45:34 AM
Oh my God, I could have written this! I had GD with my pregnancy and was so depressed over having to restrict myself (not that I did a great job of it, but it still sucked). I had Miss Pink on 10/26 and while she weighed in at a whopping 11lb 5oz, thus necessitating a c-section, and she did have some sugar control issues for the first 24 hours, she is now a very healthy, very happy one month old. Best of luck to you!
Posted by: Pink at Nov 28, 2004 7:22:14 PM
Does Queenie know something I don't? Last I heard Batman was a while from arriving..
Posted by: Egg Donor at Nov 28, 2004 10:44:44 PM
I am so glad to hear that Bat arrived safely and Julie and Paul are doing well!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Thanks to Tertia for the updates!!
Posted by: jen at Nov 29, 2004 2:34:50 PM
Congrats!
Can't wait to see pics!
And hear the name!
I love names!
WOO HOO!
Posted by: Abby at Nov 29, 2004 9:22:16 PM
how do you know what ear wax taste like
Posted by: Bob at Mar 3, 2005 11:42:56 PM
