« For my next trick... | Main | Here's to the ladies who pump »
02/28/2005
: )
I had a rare and pleasant conversation with Tertia yesterday. Unusually, we were each able to type with both hands instead of conversing in the kind of abbreviations Prince would use if he ever had cause to refer to lactation — "u pumpn rt now? know how u luv it." "i h8 2 pump, a-hole." "hor." "anus." "shut ^." "no U shut ^!" Et cetera.
I could type with both hands because Paul was taking care of Charlie. She could type with both hands because she'd sent Adam out for a pack of smokes or something. I told her how hard the early morning had been. I believe I referred to my well-loved small son as an asshole.
Yeah, he was that bad.
I told her that his reflux has been especially acute lately, and that during feedings he cries and arches away in pain, making it very difficult for him to eat even though he's ravenously hungry. I told her that he'd screamed for much of the night, wanting to feed but hurting when he tried. I described the way I'd felt, that night would never end. I repeated what I'd crooned to Charlie in soothing, motherly tones, directly into his shell-pink ear: "Whaaaaat. The fuuuuuuck. Is wrong, my boy?" I told her why I had finally snapped and gone to wake Paul — it happened while I was changing a terrible diaper. I'd carefully moved his clothes out of the way so they wouldn't get smeared, and was holding his tiny ankles in an iron claw to keep his feet from kicking against his poo-slick bottom as I went through wipe after sullied wipe. I was so careful, and was doing brilliantly, until the little asshole — yes, I said asshole — decided it was time to pee, drenching the footie sleeper and onesie I'd tried so hard to protect, and my nightshirt that he'd already spoiled several spit-ups ago.
"Did you spank him?" Tertia wanted to know.
"Well, his pants were conveniently down at the time..." I admitted.
That's when I went to get Paul.
Watching Charlie struggle with reflux makes me feel better about not nursing.
Every time I put him to breast, he'd end up screaming and wriggling away. I took it hard, feeling that if only I'd built a better milk supply, or put him to breast more often, or taken the time to shave my armpits, or had a nice-looking rack like Ashley Judd instead of the terrifying mammarian shelf that threatened to overwhelm his fuzzy little head...if only I'd done something different.
I felt better once I'd given up trying. I felt better about pumping, too, easy in my mind that by not trying yet again, I wasn't missing out on some idyllic interlude — Their eyes met across a crowded bra — but instead was avoiding yet another painful confrontation. And lately, I'm feeling even better: watching him struggle against the bottle makes it clear that it's his own body he's fighting, not me.
It's hard taking care of a newborn under the best of circumstances. In many ways, we have those best circumstances: Paul and I are both around most of the time, since we work at home. We can switch off when one of us has had enough; we can nap during the day as the situation permits. And we love Charlie deeply, always aware of how fortunate we are that he's here and he's healthy. That knowledge makes it easy to be patient most of the time. Most of the time. But it's still very hard. It's relentless.
In other ways, we have the worst of circumstances. The parents of a typical newborn face the same challenges, the lack of sleep, the constant demands, the arc of pee in the dark of night. But one day they wake up after yet another night of broken sleep, and their baby smiles at them. Here we are still waiting.
By all outward appearances, Charlie doesn't like things yet. Parents I know will say things like, "Oh, she loves her bath!" or "He's so happy in his bouncy seat." Paul and I say things like, "Hey, he doesn't scream as much when you change his diaper now." He doesn't like; he tolerates. At worst, he hates things; at best, he seems fairly neutral.
Charlie doesn't smile. And of course he will. But so far, Paul and I have been enduring the difficult parts of being a parent without the payoff. Parents of full-term babies endure maybe six weeks or so of toil before they get the feedback and the feelgoods of a big gummy grin. At this point I am desperate for there to be something that obviously gives him pleasure — I need to know from him that we're doing something right.
We're coming up on fourteen weeks, and I sure could use a smile.
Posted by Julie at 10:05 AM in Mama drama, Welcome to the bad place. Population: You | Permalink
Comments (85)
Feel your pain. Their eyes met across a crowded nursing bra! That kills me. It took forever for our wee one to smile at us. I called her the glow-worm. That's what they seem like at the beginning. Except, really, no glow. Hang in, it gets worse!
Posted by: katie at Feb 28, 2005 10:10:26 AM
Madison was Satan baby until about 3.5 months. Not that it's any comfort but know that you my empathy. Once she smiled because I pulled a fuzzy that was stuck in her nose and I seriously contemplated shoving a whole carpet in there just so I could see some joviality as I removed it. But unless she was in motion -- preferably in arms -- she was screaming. Damn it was so hard.
By the way, my friend says it doesn't matter what you say to a baby as long as you smile as you say it. I was thinking of this when I read your "Whaaaaat. The fuuuuuuck. Is wrong, my boy?" Why do you think there are all of those horrible lullabies? "Down will come baby, cradle and all..." Throughout eons frustrated mothers have been threatening their little tiny helpless babies to a pretty tune. It's a formidable tradition and one we must carry on!
Posted by: Dawn at Feb 28, 2005 10:22:44 AM
Hahahahahahahaaaaa. I'd never thought about that lullaby! Turns out I'm part of a proud tradition who knew?
Posted by: Julie at Feb 28, 2005 10:27:02 AM
Maggie was a generally unhappy baby for about 4 months. Not colic, since it never lasted that long, but just uncomfortable and cranky and overtired and not fun. At six months, she still has her fussy cranky this is just not right moments, but they are interspersed with the hugest smiles. You'll get there and I promise the early days will fade a little.
And I love your honesty. I have said frustrated things to Maggie at 3 am and sometimes not in a sweet voice. I had NO idea the whole thing was going to be so hard.
Posted by: Murray, mom to Maggie at Feb 28, 2005 10:39:11 AM
Now that T. has started to say word/sounds back to me I have to curtail my own "Go to fucking sleep already!" lullabies, alas...
Posted by: cori at Feb 28, 2005 10:46:59 AM
The smile is coming. Hang tight. It's almost here.
And the world will be a better place because of it.
Posted by: Amber at Feb 28, 2005 10:47:09 AM
Of course you'll get a smile. Eventually, I mean.
Some kids are just super-intense. From what you describe Charlie seems to be among those. Both of my kids were full-term and the youngest (now a year) is pretty much a screaming harridan of a chain-smoking 40 year old in a toddler's body. She's really just an intense kid - smiling and happiness don't generally come easy to her (it took her months to smile, except for those little faux gas smiles). But when she does laugh or smile, they're the most deeply felt I've ever seen. Just amazing.
Posted by: Marsha at Feb 28, 2005 11:02:41 AM
Oh, sweetie, that boy is giving you a tough time, isn't he? As if gestational diabetes and HELLP weren't fun enough--now the fun continues, unabated. It will get better. I trust you've talked to the pediatrician about the reflux? They do give kids meds in more severe cases. My kid Ben spit up copiously and frequently, but without any reflux pain, so he didn't fight feedings. Maybe Charlie wants drugs?
May I suggest the following lullaby: "Lullaby, go to sleep, go to sleep little asshole. Go to sleep now, go to sleep now, or I swear I'll lose my fucking mind..."
Posted by: Orange at Feb 28, 2005 11:09:28 AM
Would you feel better if Charlie smiled while sending that arc of pee skyward? Because I'll bet you $10 that's what's coming next.
Posted by: deborah at Feb 28, 2005 11:10:58 AM
What line of work are you and your husband in? I would love to work at home, but I haven't been able to find anything that will allow me to do so.
Posted by: Stacey at Feb 28, 2005 11:21:54 AM
My daughter was a reflux baby, too.
Zantac worked, and so did Mylanta. Charlie's being a preemie, I don't know what your doctors would think of it. But our routine was Mylanta fifteen minutes BEFORE eating, and Zantac every eight hours.
Also, one thing I noticed peds forget to tell you is that when your nursing baby has reflux, you have to eat like you have it, too. That means nothing acidic. No vinegar, onions, tomatoes, citrus or acidic fruits like grape and strawberry. I followed that regimen and we got through it.
Also, put him down to sleep in his carseat/carrier. The angle is exactly right for keeping the acid down. Mary slept in hers for the first six months.
It's horrible though, just horrible. Hang in there.
Posted by: Elizabeth at Feb 28, 2005 11:27:43 AM
Oh I can so relate to this post! One of my twin boys was awful the first 3 months. I truly thought that I had my first unhappy baby. He was so miserable and unpleasant that he earned the affectionate nickname of "Gremlin". 2 1/2 years later, we call him Gremmy for short and he is the happiest of all four of my kids. He delights in everything and has a smile that lights up the world.
Those first three months were so hard. In hindsight we decided that he truly wasn't ready to be born. The world was just hard and uncomfortable for him. Once he decided to participate in life, instead of just existing, it was awesome!
It was so hard to give and give and get no response, nothing in return,, but just wait. That first smile is just around the corner and it will melt you to your core. There's nothing like it!
Charlie is just beautiful.. I can't wait to see pics of that first smile!
Posted by: Laura at Feb 28, 2005 11:37:51 AM
The lack of positive reinforcement (smiles) is the WORST. I had bosses like that, but this I can't quit. I have no clue what I'm doing that's right, until he stops fussing (he likes: sleeping, eating unless he's not getting any milk, being walked; hates: diaper changes, clothes changes, baths, hunger, mastitis infections, car seats until it starts moving, mommy pinching his wee-wee while snapping the cloth diaper). Often I'm staring at him in total confusion, asking what he wants because he won't nap and just ate for an hour (and my boobs are sore sore sore), or he's falling asleep while nursing but waking up a minue later to suck twice and sleep again and then I've got that hard, frustrated voice saying "Pick one dammit! Pick one!" Maybe I should be playing with the boy when he's awake, but dammit, I just want him to sleep so I can get some dishes and laundry done!
Thanks for writing about your frustrations; it's making this new mom's life more bearable. You're doing a fantastic job.
On a positive note, many grandmothers have pointed out that before you know it he'll be asking for the keys to the car, which means he's sleeping through the night and feeding himself! I keep that thought in mind at 3 a.m. (along with the number of weeks until the six-week and three-month milestones, when everyone says it gets easier).
--SJ
Posted by: SusieJ at Feb 28, 2005 11:41:23 AM
*First Post from recent lurker*
GAWD, your honesty is FANTASTIC!!! :D THANK YOU for always saying out loud what MOST moms, even and especially the most loving ones, ironically, lol, say/do but would never admit to (including me, regretably).
Your intellect and wit is staggering. Your story is mind-bending and mesmerizing. Congratulations on finally getting what you've wanted and suffered dearly for, for so long...the "joys" of motherhood, lol. ;-)
Katie, what a brilliant revelation about the cleverly concealed wickedness of a parent's spite in the tender melody of a lullaby, lol. This is also apparent in the classic nursery rhymes. "Lay right down now and I'll tell you a story (that will SCARE THE DEVIL OUT OF YOU AND GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!!), my darling." Muuhahahaha ;-)
Posted by: Wendy at Feb 28, 2005 11:42:21 AM
The single piece of parenting advice that did me the most good was from someone who I knew was a good mom who told me it was perfectly ok to sweetly sing to the baby "good night, please stop screaming, or I'm going to flush you down the toilet." Reassured me no end.
The worst thing about typically short US maternity leaves is that you go back to work just when the little alien is turning human.
Posted by: Elizabeth at Feb 28, 2005 11:54:27 AM
I remember a wonderful moment in the haze of newborn-ness: while talking on the phone to my mom about my very Charlie-like baby, she asked "so have you swore at him yet?" I was a revelation that even she, a wonderful mom on all counts, remembered this stage as well. My custom lullaby was "shuuuut the fuuuuuck uuuup please" to the tune of rock-a-bye-baby.
Hang in there.
Posted by: pumpkinmama at Feb 28, 2005 12:02:28 PM
"Whaaaaat. The fuuuuuuck. Is wrong, my boy?"
HA! I have said something like this many, many times, only I sing it to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine":
"Oh what the fuck is / wrong with you, baby? / Oh why do you need to scream so? / I really love you / oh yes I do, dear / but if you don't hush / it's out the window!"
And by all accounts, my baby is an easy baby. So I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Hang in there - he WILL smile. And then, he'll start laughing such big belly laughs that he'll scare himself and start to cry, and then look at you quizzically when this sets you off laughing.
Posted by: T at Feb 28, 2005 12:15:53 PM
You need the Hostile Baby-Rocking Song.
Oh, this is the day they give babies away
with half a pound of tea
If you know any ladies who want any babies
Just send them along to me...
My youngest had colic. It was at least 9 months before I liked him. Now he's 11 years and the apple of my eye.
Posted by: Jonquil at Feb 28, 2005 12:45:36 PM
Rosalie Sorrels, The Hostile Baby-Rocking Song. Don't miss the intro monologue.
Posted by: Jonquil at Feb 28, 2005 12:50:59 PM
My daughter had reflux and boy howdy it sucked. But a ray of hope - at least for us it started getting better around 4 months, and by 7 months it was pretty much a thing of the past. Now she's 9 months, eating solids like a champ, sleeping through the night, and rarely exhibits any of the symptoms that plagued us for those first few months.
Its a draining experience (and I'm sure worse with a preemie), but it really should get better soon.
Here's some stuff that helped (which you may already be doing, or have done and it didn't work, but that's why we call it assvice, right?)
- I can't stress enough how much what you eat can make the reflux worse if you're breastfeeding. I too pumped for 3 months since she wouldn't nurse, mostly because I kept reading that breastmilk was much better to digest than formula for reflux babies. Well it turned out her stomach was sensitive to nearly everything I ate, and was allergic to the soy and diary I was passing through to her via my breast milk - ultimately she was much better on Alimentum formula then breast milk, even after I went on a strict elimination diet. (My chaffed, bloody nipples were thrilled to hear they had toiled for 3 months for naught). Not saying this will work for Charlie, but its worth keeping an eye on his pain patterns and see if they're connected to what you're eating.
- Keep him upright as much as humanly possible. She tolerated the bouncy seat, so basically the first 5 months of her life she was either in the bouncy seat or in a stroller. She slept every single night until she was 7 months old in the bouncy seat, learned to play with the toys hanging off the bouncy seat, ate her first solid food in the bouncy seat - the bouncy seat was our friend.
- If he won't tolerate the bouncy seat, keep him upright in your arms for at least a half hour after a feeding. This prolongs feeding insanely, but it really made a difference for us.
- Ask the doctor when you can add cereal to his bottle. While most kids wait until their 5 or 6 months old for this, they say it helps with the reflux to start sooner.
I was actually going to add in there "nap when he naps", which is when I realized I was going over to the assvice dark side, and that it was time to say good luck and hit send.
Posted by: Joceline at Feb 28, 2005 1:06:18 PM
Felix had a hell of a time with reflux and was a very unhappy baby for the first 5 months of his life. Finally around then his doctor convinced us to get him on Reglan and Carafate for his reflux. It made a huge difference (I think that the Carafate did the most to help; it heals their esophagus, so that it doesn't hurt so badly when they puke).
Now Felix, who was at one time the most unhappy and unfun baby I had ever met, is a fat little 9 month old who is mellow and always happy.
It's such a nice change.
I'm surprised that Charlie didn't give you at least a small smile when he pissed all over you.
Posted by: Natalie at Feb 28, 2005 1:21:19 PM
My daughter screamed almost constantly her first six months. If she wasn't nursing or sleeping (the latter of which never happened for a stretch longer than 2 hours in a row), she was unconsolable. When she learned how to crawl, the screaming improved. She's almost 5 now and sleeps all night long, but most days she cries more than my baby does! Anyway, just wanted to say BTDT with the colic thing. It does get better.
Posted by: Karen at Feb 28, 2005 2:15:33 PM
Just wait until he can talk! My now six-year-old was a very intense, needy baby. Most of the time now she's wonderful, but when she's upset or angry or confused, instead of just crying for hours at a time (newborn-12 months), she can yell things like, "I hate you. Leave me alone. I don't want to live with you anymore." Ahhh, I guess if we needed continuous positive feedback, we wouldn't be parents. Thank God for parental instinct!
Posted by: Anne Fitten at Feb 28, 2005 2:20:03 PM
This is the internet, so I can pretend I'm a tall, gorgeous, thin, fabulous mother with rosy-cheeked, perfect obedient children. You'll never know I'm a raddled harridan who spends her days muttering (audibly), "The sooner you little bastards manage to kill me, the sooner you can dance on my grave."
Posted by: Becki at Feb 28, 2005 2:36:46 PM
Can't wait to hear about the smiles! In the meantime I am so relieved to read HONEST words about what it can be like, because I know someday soon I will be sleep deprived with a screaming baby and convinced I am the world's worst mother.
And then I might remind myself - Julie sucks too.
;)
You're doing great and soon will get those smiley rewards.
Posted by: Mandy at Feb 28, 2005 2:58:56 PM
i am smiling from here, but i knows its not nearly the same. maybe you should give us a new charlie picture to ooggle.
you are doing great. *smile*
Posted by: jenB at Feb 28, 2005 3:38:46 PM
Having had a preemie myself I remember those endless newborn days well. Whenever people would inevitably say to me "enjoy her, time goes so quickly when they're babies", I wanted to scream. Time going quickly? Every day was endless. I thought my daughter would never smile, coo or interact in any way. I felt similar to how you feel - that she was either miserable or indifferent and I wasn't fond of either mood. Then one day when I made a silly face and kissed her nose, she gave me the faintest hint of a smile. Of course for the next week I proceeded to make the same silly face and kiss her nose relentlessly with little response. But, slowly but surely, other things began to elicit little smiles and she developed a spark in her eye that showed me she was emerging from her extended newborn cocoon. Anyway,in my long-winded way I'm trying to tell you to hang in there. I know that's as much of a cliche as those people who tell you how fast the time passes but Charlie will turn into the interactive, smiling and content baby you've dreamed of. Of course, he won't be that way every minute of the day but it will be enough of the time that you'll find this whole parenting gig rewarding after all. By the way, those people who tell you how fast the time goes? It turns out they're right. My preemie is almost 6 years old now.
Posted by: Amy at Feb 28, 2005 3:55:03 PM
Isn't getting peed on by your child like an initiation rite or something? Or like stepping in dog poop, you know, lucky?
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and can only pass on one parenting tip to you heard from my ex-MIL. Before you take the diaper off the baby when giving them a bath, since hitting the warm water makes them pee, leave the diaper on, put them in the bath standing up and then they'll pee in the diaper. It could also be that trick only worked because my ex was Satan's spawn, but that's another story.
I'm smiling for you, ear to ear because you're doing great!!!
xxoo,
Posted by: Emily at Feb 28, 2005 3:55:55 PM
I hope that Charlie starts getting more used to the world. I can't imagine how hard it is at points. About the bunny picture that was under the comments? TOO DAMNED CUTE! It made my day! Hoping for some smiles any day now:0)
Posted by: Jen at Feb 28, 2005 4:01:59 PM
Babies smile??
Posted by: Marivic at Feb 28, 2005 4:05:16 PM
De-lurking to tell you to hang in there! It is so difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know. It will be so worth it in the end.
I wish something would come easy to you - if anyone deserves easy, its your family.
Posted by: Heather at Feb 28, 2005 4:08:57 PM
They say this thing works for collicky babies and frustrated parents
sorry more assvice http://ambybaby.com/Home/
I am gonna buy it when I have kids.
I was a premie (2 months & 2 weeks waaay back in '75) and a hellian at times and I turned out fine. I even have a masters degree :)
Posted by: fuzzit at Feb 28, 2005 4:13:40 PM
Reflux sucks. Both my kids have had it, thanks to their father's gene pool. My daughter was on Zantac, and that worked for her. Once she started feeling better, the nursing problems magically disappeared and the whinging, screaming, flailing child we had brought home from the hospital (who I was certain couldn't possibly be my child) turned into a happy, smiley baby who nursed well, even though she didn't sleep.
The boychild - notsomuch. He was slow to gain. We put him on Prevacid powder which was a miserable failure, then moved him to Zantac. That helped with the screaming and arching, but not with the puking or FTT. We added Reglan, which helped with the puking and FTT, but then the ear infections started, and we were having to increase his Zantac every few weeks. Finally, the drug company saw fit to come out with Prevacid solu-tabs. One of those puppies dissolved in 3cc of water (and a trip to the ENT for some ear tubes) has done wonders for the boy. He's gained 2 lbs in the last 3 weeks, sleeps better, smiles often, rarely pukes, and . . . has just started to call me mamamamamamama (which is not so cute at 2 a.m.).
Moral of the story? Better living can be had through modern chemistry - especially if reflux is in your life.
Posted by: Nance at Feb 28, 2005 4:16:41 PM
Can't believe I'm gonna do this.......
:)
I guess Charlie is just like the rest of us...sometimes it's just too hard to smile.
I bet he's grinning on the inside.
Posted by: Simone at Feb 28, 2005 4:45:44 PM
Oh, yes, the first smile. My son's first smile was why I decided to let him keep the job as The Baby after weeks and weeks of colic.
It really is hard when you feel like they are always either unhappy or indifferent. Hang in there, you are doing great.
Posted by: Kathleen at Feb 28, 2005 4:58:20 PM
HA! Mine was resolutely stoney faced until one day I took him down to the doctor whilst I had a check up for my caesarian scar. One of the office ladies took him whilst I was being examined and returned him with cries of "oh, he smiled at all of us - what a wee man"...took ages longer for his face to crack a grin at me, his own bloody mother. Seven years down the line, I still hold it against him, lol.
Posted by: Isla at Feb 28, 2005 5:39:31 PM
My son was colicky for 4 mos. (he was a month early). He rarely smiled and cried a great deal. I really didn't start to like him until after he was 16 weeks. For some reason (probably genetically programmed in the brain to continue the species), I have a hard time remembering how bad it actually was even though it was less than 2 years ago. My husband even claims that "he didn't cry that much". I have another due in June and am terrified of another colicky monster.
It really does get better, but it's a nightmare when you're in the middle of it.
Good luck!
Posted by: madwoman at Feb 28, 2005 5:40:53 PM
Gawd you poor things. This has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world, right?
My son smiled at 8 weeks. Occasionally. If you had him at the right angle in the right spot under the right window with the right level of sun. Would grin his ass off for his grandma, but we clearly weren't funny enough.
Other than that he was a miserable shit until he was about 4 months old. He had reflux too, couldn't/wouldn't breastfeed and I couldn't get a drop when I pumped, so he was formula fed. What sorted him out to a large extent was thickening his bottles with a special thickener or cereal, as well as all the other stuff they tell you to do. At one point he was screaming so long and so loud that the dr put him on reflux meds for a while.
Until he was 5 months old, we hated being parents. Loved the baby, hated what he was doing to us. He whined all day long, wouldn't be held, was bored by everything, slept badly. Perfect angel when we took him anyway though, obviously. Then there was a whole month where he was gfeeling better and was adorable - pleasant, infectiously happy, calm, slept 12 hours each night.
Then he got sick and STAYED sick until he was 9 1/2 months old. Whiney, waking up 5 times a night (fucking torturous), bad tempered, hard to please.
Now, at nearly ten months, now the boy is a joy. Content, smiley, friendly, funny, an absolute joy to be with.
So, basically the first year sucks. And after that it's nice with sucky periods. :-) But it will probably never suck quite as much as the first 6 months. We have often looked back and said "Hey but at least this isn't as bad as the first week/2 weeks/3 months/5 months" and been amazed at the improvement in him and us. It does get better. Promise. :-)
Posted by: Hayley at Feb 28, 2005 5:44:03 PM
It gets better. Then it gets worse. Okay, kidding. Kind of. But changing a toddler who can grab the poopy diaper and throw it where it invariably lands poop side down on something you'd rather not clean, like a couch, well that pretty much sucks. Still, it does get easier.
Hang in there. I think my son starting smiling when I needed it most. Otherwise, it was looking like a trip to the fire station for him, let me tell you.
Posted by: chris at Feb 28, 2005 5:53:09 PM
On the twisted lullaby theme:
I bought a CD of tropical lullabys (since I fancy myself a tropical girl at heart here in freezing-cold Michigan) for my baby due in one week (come out already!). As I'm listening to the CD and reading the English translations of the lyrics I realize most of the lullabies, loosely translated, contain some part of a "go to sleep or the boogie man will come and eat you up" theme. Before your post Julie, I was disturbed by this. Now I understand and will likely play the CD often. It's not only timeless, but international!
Posted by: KathyH at Feb 28, 2005 6:06:11 PM
My son had reflux as well, although was only 3 weeks early. He was a miserable little bugger for the first six months, and is now a complete joy. His reflux got better at 4months when he started sitting up on his own. Prior to that, he practically lived in the swing or the bouncer seat, assuming my husband and I weren't holding him.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just that tunnel is coated with vomit and pee.
Posted by: Pam at Feb 28, 2005 6:47:39 PM
:)
Posted by: jen at Feb 28, 2005 7:54:49 PM
i feel your pain. my little guy is almost 5 months old, and even being a full term baby, didn't smile for me until he was almost 4 months old. the only smiles i did get to see were those gassy sleep smiles. he didn't like much of anything, cried a lot, didn't sleep well unless i was holding him.. oh the horrors we endure in the first few months. now, i have a terribly happy baby, he smiles about everything, he loves to play, he's started putting himself to sleep when i lay him down awake.. he still throws back his food at me all the time(i also breastfeed) but does a hell of a lot worse when he drinks formula. i've given up almost all forms of dairy, and it helped immensly, the kid doesn't like cow. oh and i tell him daily he's an asshole, i yell at him, he just laughs at me. i say absolutely horrible things to him in the meanest voice i can muster up, and he thinks it's funny. so, it does get better.
Posted by: dawna at Feb 28, 2005 8:17:14 PM
Corrected age he's only 4 weeks, no? Maybe he knows how old he's supposed to be and is waiting another two weeks to smile at you.
(My only reflux advice is to find a pediatric chiropractor to see if the nerves at the base of the neck are pinched, which can cause reflux. Baby chiro adjustments are basically teeny little neck massages, but can really help their systems function more effectively if they had any birth trauma from c-section or difficult vaginal birth.)
Posted by: Moxie at Feb 28, 2005 9:04:31 PM
My cranky little howler monkey (almost 6 weeks; adjusted age -2w) gave me the triple whammy the other day- nasty pea soup tar poo, pee arc, and spitup simultaneously. He's talented. Oh, and he hates sleeping in any of his beds (even the Amby), preferring to scream until picked up and held. Personally I thnk he's pissed at the world for being born early. He did grin (his one and only smile) for MIL last week after his first bath, the traitor.
Posted by: lisa at Feb 28, 2005 9:31:01 PM
It's not what you say, but how you say it...so keep on crooning whaaat the fuuuuck if it helps. I need to find something new to say because Lila's starting to talk. That'd be a great first sentence, no?
Hope his reflux settles down soon. That alone should take away a ton of stress for all of you. Poor guy. Smiles are on the way, but damn. I wish they were today. You deserve it.
Once when I was late for an appointment and changing 3 month-old Tyler, he peed in his own mouth while strapped to the changing table. Gurgle, gurgle, strip and bath. Oi. Isn't it fun?
Posted by: Kelly at Feb 28, 2005 9:37:41 PM
When I read that last sentence I literally said "awwwww" out loud, you sound so pitiful. As the mother of a 21 month old I'd all but forgotten what a blob he was in the early days... but at some point I fell stark raving mad in love with him. Am I a witch for not being stark raving mad in love with my son until he was old enough to do much more than cry eat and poop? Nah. I think it was around 4 months when I took him to run an errand with me on the weekend *even though i didn't have to* since my husband could have watched him... A month previous, I would NOT have taken him with, and would have relished the time running an errand alone. Anyway I'm rambling, but I feel for you.
Posted by: Cynical Mom at Feb 28, 2005 9:56:02 PM
It's so hard, life with a newborn. So very difficult to listen to your baby cry, so very hard not to take it personally, as though your mothering skills are not up to par. Even if you intellectually get it that sometimes babies cry without a specific reason, or sometimes there's a reason you can't do anything about, it's painful to listen to....feels like it'll never end. Especially at 3 a.m. when it's been going on for 4 hours straight. Relentless is a great word for it. Hang in there.
Posted by: Shelley at Feb 28, 2005 10:00:18 PM
My daughter is four months and I am just seeing that she likes things. Up until this point the child has screamed and bitched and moaned about being here on earth. You are not alone! See she's crying again! He will smile. Promise. I often sing to my daughter those same words. Unfortunately we don't hear enough of the horror stories all we hear is the golden mothers who dress there two month old babies to the tee. And how their child already sleeps through the night and latch on perfectly. I was fortunate to have my sister. She helps alot. We were pregnant together with our firsts. Then we took turns. It helps listening to her complain that her 3 year old takes her diaper off and pees on the carpet like my 1 year old does! It changes. I pray now for sight words and basic listening skills. Soon it will be that they have enough sense to put a condom on. It just changes.
Posted by: jenni at Feb 28, 2005 10:12:13 PM
One of my friends told me that she'd go through non-drugged labor, including four hours of pushing, again and again if she could have skipped the first two months of her son's life. That was saying something: my friend is a weenie when it comes to pain.
I kept saying that mantra to myself: the first 8 weeks suck. Lo and behold we reached 8 weeks . . . . it still sucked. Then another friend (who has three boys - if anybody knows, she does) told me that the first three months really suck, and that it doesn't get really fun until they're one. Sigh.
It did get better once J (a.k.a "Yowler" or "Punk" - we've started collecting change to put into a fund for therapy down the road :) ) got to be about four months, started smiling, responding, interacting, 'earning his keep'. Sometimes I feel guilty admitting this, but man, is love conditional!
Blessings to you for sharing your experience: it does my heart (and self-esteem) good to hear that I'm not the only one.
Posted by: MunchkinMama at Feb 28, 2005 10:53:21 PM
