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For my next trick...

On the heels of my most recent post, which ended up being more controversial than I'd expected, I am contemplating what I'll write about next. Some possible topics:

  • The surprising results of my comphrensive tests on which brand of vodka best alleviates morning sickness (which also appeared in last month's Consumer Reports).

  • Charlie's endearing fascination with the menthol smoke rings I blow to distract him during diaper changes.

  • Charlie's dry, hacking cough of unknown origin.

  • A rhapsodic appreciation of how angelically Charlie sleeps when nestled prone in a mountain of fluffy feather pillows.

  • The fact that not only am I supplementing my pumped breast milk with formula, but as soon as Paul gets back from the grocery store we're gonna purée us up some Lunchables and give Charlie a real treat.

  • A thoughtful treatise on spanking, including a helpful diagram of the most effective target areas and the detailed plan for behavior modification I will enact if Charlie doesn't put on those mittens right now. Hey, my parents spanked me and I turned out all right, didn't I?

Um, didn't I?