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04/01/2005
No one ever said on her deathbed, "I wish I'd spent more time with my tit in a plastic cone."
This is not my last pump, but it's close.
Over the last couple of weeks I've dropped the domperidone and have gradually increased the time between sessions, thereby reducing the number of pumps in a day little by little. I'm down to two.
It's almost the end of the line. My supply has been dwindling noticeably and drastically. It's never been plentiful; I topped out at around 24 ounces a day. After fourteen hours without pumping, last night I pulled an ounce and a half. I'm not sure I need to today, but I will because it feels too strange not to. If the yield's like last night's, the milk will be thin, mostly just water and useless.
I am deeply ambivalent about stopping, as much as I was about continuing. I can accept the various risks associated with discontinuing breast milk, mostly. The single place I get stuck? Antibodies. Before Charlie's six months adjusted, he's not making many of his own. Now, I can tell myself that we'll limit his exposure by keeping him away from crowds and sick people, something easily done where we live. I can pretend that because he wasn't especially sick in the NICU, he won't be in the same kind of jeopardy that other preemies might if he were to come down with an illness. I can give him bottle after bottle of the milk I've frozen, knowing that although it's not as rich in infection-fighting properties as fresh, it's better than nothing.
But it's all just rationalization, and not especially effective at that. The bottom line is that I'm willingly giving up, intentionally cutting Charlie off from something he probably needs.
For me, pumping is an inconvenience and not an impossibility: because Paul works at home and happily takes on child care, I'm able to find time to do it. My desire to stop is simple selfishness — not because it's been a rough eighteen weeks, although it has, but because I'm eager to be more present. I've spent hours a day at a remove from the life of this little family we worked so hard to build, and that more than anything else is making me crazy.
Now, we can argue until the cows come home — and who doesn't like a good dairy metaphor in a post about pumping? Am I right or am I right? Hah? Hah? Know what I'm sayin'? A'ight. Yahtzee! Also, boo-ya and other inarticulate interjections — about whether that's true selfishness. But I know it for what it is; now that he's becoming more aware, more interactive, more fun, I want to spend time with Charlie for my sake.
That's why I had a baby, after all.
I believe I'm doing the right thing for our family. I want to invest in the now, in the daily enjoyment of my only baby's only babyhood, rather than in the future, continuing to pump as a hedge against the lurking possibility of illness.
Have I made the right decision? I don't know. I don't know that there is a right decision versus a wrong one, when both have significant benefits and disadvantages. I might as well flip a coin. If Charlie gets sick, I'll feel I've made the wrong decision. But if I'd kept pumping, I know I'd regret that, too. I already do, knowing I've missed a lot in these first few months of his life. That felt right then; this feels right now.
So I have the convictions. The real test will be whether I have the courage of them. I feel vulnerable. I'm worried, probably unrealistically, that I'll be called upon to justify myself, by his pediatrician, by his neonatologist, by outraged strangers who see me giving a bottle. While I was still pumping, I felt safe from the criticism I imagined might come my way, even planning snappy retorts in my head should someone be rude enough to question me, something biting and witty like, "Mind your own goddamned business."
At times I am downright Algonquin.
Now I'm not so confident. In my mind I see myself stammering, rushing to explain, to people who are, after all, in no position to understand and have no right to any answer. But then if my composure is the only casualty, I'll be comfortable letting it go. I think I can take the heat in exchange for familial warmth.
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Wow, you have had such a rough pull of it, mama. I really do understand your ambivalence, and your pain, and all the other things you've expressed. I think you've given Charlie a brilliant start against some odds most people (possibly even myself, who am ardent about bf'ing) wouldn't even consider tackling. Yeah, it'd be great for him to have a couple more months of nursing/pumped milk, of course. But, it would be even greater for you to be able to get the most of every little moment, good and bad, that you have with him. I think stopping will greatly reduce your tension level and his, too, probably. I should tell you i almost NEVER support someone stopping giving their child their milk, but i think you should do what your gut and your heart tells you to. FWIW: My child nursed her heart out til she was 2.5 YEARS old. The second year of her life was full of sickness and all kinds of yuck, so i do NOT subscribe to the die-hard idea that bf'ing = consummately and perfectly healthy, no way. I think you'll use good judgement and make good choices about where and to whom he is exposed, and he will be fine. Give yourself a pat on the back and a brownie, woman, you done good!
I think you are doing what is right for YOU. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this decision! I too have a friend with a 30 wk preemie who stopped bfing/pumping... And she doesn't regret it... So don't worry, and enjoy that baby while he's still little! I know it's hard now, but it's even rougher with a two year old! LOL! :)
I never breastfed, for many reasons, so I too know that feeling of having to justify myself. But the time for justification never came. The only people that ever made a comment were assholes anyway who were looking for something to judge me for. Like you, I wanted to enjoy my child. Sure, I feel guilty sometimes, but that guilt is erased when I see how happy and healthy my child is. And my choice is what was right for my family. In the end, my son is happy because I am with him and delight in his every mood. How I feed him has nothing to do with the delightful person I have the privilege of being with every day. Remember there is so much more to being a mother than where his food comes from. Enjoy your baby, you worked so hard to get him here.
This was about the same time I stopped with my son. Maybe a bit later...about 21 weeks old or so. I also never had much milk anyway and he developed teeth early and bit me. HARD! He drew blood. I tried to get him to stop. I even tried to bf him for a few days while my poor tortured breast healed (I worked fulltime so I pumped during the day...try putting your tender flesh into a breast pump while you are bleeding...real bizare...and painful).
Anyway, to answer any idiots who comment, I really think the "Mind your own goddamned business" is quite a good answer.
You know, that "mind your own goddamned business" would still be a pretty handy retort should anyone have the unmitigated gall to question you. ;)
I loved the last line of this post, and really enjoy the image of you savoring the warmth of your lovely family.
That was about how long I persisted with my son. Maybe a bit later...about 21 weeks or so. He wasn't premature...well, technically I guess 37 weeks is a preemie, but he was full size and his lungs were fully developed and compared with sweet Charlie, my son was not a preemie.
Anyway, I never had much milk either and he developed teeth early and he bit me. HARD! More than once (I guess I am a slow learner). I couldn't get him to stop. I also worked fulltime and was pumping at work. You try putting your mangled flesh in a breast pump...it was bizarre (my milk was pink because of the blood) and painful.
And as for any asshat that make a stupid comment, I think the "Mind your own goddamned business" is a perfectly acceptable answer.
Julie,
Do what is right for YOUR situation, for YOUR family, and for YOU. It's none of anyone's business anyhow.
Love your time with Charlie - sans pump. You are a wonderful mother and bf'ing, pumping, or not is simply NOT going to change that. And anyone who tells you otherwise is an asshat, plain and simple.
The loudest and meanest voices are surely going to be in your head.
And that's the hardest thing, by far.
I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else that has commented. It is your goddamned business and no one should comment.
You do what is right for you and your family, and who knows? Maybe lowering the hormones that breastfeeding keeps up will make you feel better too. That is what I am really scared about, breastfeeding and it making me feel more hormonal.
You are terrific, don't listen to the assvice.
No one gets to decide if you made the right choice except for you. Fuck everyone else. I've been reading your blog for awhile and admire your writing very much. You are one smart and fabulous lady. Enjoy your family, dammit.
Charlie does not give a crap what other people say. You are his mother and you love him like you have never ever loved before. Everyone else can fuck off.
Julie,
GAH! Don't apologize. This is my theme for the day (see my blog) -- we all need to stop apologizing for our decisions! If someone has the gall to question you, knee 'em in the groin. I'm sick of us ladies second-guessing ourselves and each other. Enjoy your freedom from the pump! Enjoy your babe! Go, girl!
Sorry, I'm on a soapbox today...
You do what is right for you and your family and fuck anyone who says anything to the contrary.
My sister was one of those lucky women to whom breasfeeding was easy and natural. She had a mostly blissful breastfeeding relationship with her son for almost 3 years. She was definitley a major lactivist and had a tendency to be a bit judgmental of mothers who didn't attempt to breastfeed or who gave up early. Then she had her second baby. Her daughter had a birth defect and wasn't able to latch properly. She ended up pumping and was miserable. She lasted 3 months. She is not so judgmental anymore. Her resons were similar to yours. With her first breastfeeding helped her bond with her baby. with her second she felt like pumping and feeding EBM was keeping her from enjoying and bonding with her baby. She resented it and was starting to resent her daughter. As a side note, her kids are both very healthy. Her daughter had surgery to correct the birth defect and has never been sick. No ear infections and no more colds or other problems than her son had. I do think breastmilk provides real benefits and that women should at least make an effort to try it and should be supported in those efforts. But i don't think the advantages are quite as drastic as some people would like you to believe. Don't worry too much. Enjoy your son.
You did good. Speaking from experience, pumping around the clock is really hard, even if you have someone to take care of your child while you do it. You'd be surprised at how many women have an "easy" time of breastfeeding and who stop anyway, after a few weeks. Give yourself credit for hanging in there and go enjoy your little boy.
Not that you need validation from ANYONE, least of all a childless obsessive still deeply entrenched in the throws of trying to conceive... but you've got it anyway.
Hell... what about the majority of us born in the 60's/70's when it was deemed positively unseemly to present a naked teat to the mouth of a suckling infant... when bottle feeding was considered so much more sanitary and orderly without assuming the grave risk of exposing an obscene breast. We survived, right? I'll even be so bold as to suggest that the majority even survived this ordeal without any life-threatening illnesses. In fact... my adoptive mother found that I was most satisifed not by formula, not even milk, oh no, no, no, no... apparently my mother's life was made such more pleasant when I happily imbibed upon sweetened apple juice. Yes... and I still do have teeth that are my own. Amazing but true. Not even a cavity. Go figure.
Anyway, as a preemptive strike against all those judgemental witches out there... I say fuck 'em.
Manuela from Vancouver, Canada
Hey-- don't kick yourself. I nursed my first for 9 months (until I found out I was pregnant with #2-- and that's a whole different lesson!) and the first year he was in day care at age 4 proved to me that antibody filled breastmilk was not all it was cracked up to be. The good news is that after a year of one cold after the next and missing 62 days out of 185 at his day care,(and his little brother was completely cold- free) he hasn't been sick again, and at age 7 has perfect attendance. think his year of illness gave him a heck of a lot more antibodies than I did!
Go for it.
And when feeding Charlie in public, wear a T-shirt that says "fuck off."
Someone said it before - look at all of us who were raised on formula and are still here to tell the tale ; )
You're keeping Charlie at home for the foreseeable future, right? He may well follow my son's footsteps of being a preemie, having latch and milk-supply issues, getting shorted on milk when Mommy can't stand the pumping anymore, and hardly ever getting sick. He had a whopping two ear infections in his first three years of life. No out-of-the-ordinary sicknesses.
And when mouthy people see you mixing up a bottle of formula, why don't you do what I wish I'd done: fix them with a cold stare and say, "Oh, don't start with me." Because really, they'd be sorry if they got the whole horror story. Or you could always inquire what they do with their own bodily fluids, because gosh, don't you really want to know the details?
And it's AMAZING that you made it through the whole yeast infection thing without quitting. You have totally stolen the Super-Mom title from me.
Hell, you e-mail me and I'll give you my phone number so I can tell you directly that switching to formula is Perfectly Fine, and It Will Make You a New Woman. I am willing to bet $20 cash money that your only true regret was that you kept the pumping up as long as you did. Yeah, yeah, immune stuff good, but pumping? No fun. Silicone sombrero? Pain in the fucking ass. Constantly feeling under the gun and inadequate? Sucks ass, big time. Moving on with your happy mother-son relationship courtesy of the formula manufacturers, priceless.
Congratulations for breastfeeding as long as you did. You did a great thing for Charlie, and now you're going to do a different great thing for him by being with him more.
I was a 29 week premie -never breastfed as my mother was too ill at the time. it didn't seem to affect my health and I am currently expecting my first child at 31. no assvice from me on this topic -for comparison I have two sisters also not breastfed who were perfectly healthy children who grew up well rounded and graduated university....
Mollie said it best about the voices in your head. My daughter was born @ 37 weeks to the day. I had been hospitalized 3 times with pre-term labor and continued on strict bed rest until delivery. Breastfeeding for me, fortunately, came very easily. The first few days were rough, but then it got easier. Then when she was six weeks old I had to go back to work. We did pretty well until she was about 6-7 months old, then she started weening herself. (I secretly blame the dimwit that was her caretaker at daycare, another story)
Julie, I was very distraught with guilt, first because I couldn't be a SAHM, and secondly because I couldn't get her to nurse through the 12 month mark. You know what, we survived. We bonded, she is healthy, and I enjoy(ed) my time with her. Of course, now she is 11 going on 16, and the oh so happy teens begin!
Don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy your beautiful baby boy. And screw anyone who tries to criticize you.
the only person who gets any input in this decision is paul. your pediatrician, if he's any good at all, understands that bottle-fed children do as well long term, although they may have more ear infections short-term. no big whoop; kids love amoxicillian (tastes like bubble gum and stains bright pink).
do what's right for your family, not what's right for your ego.
Before you let the antibody factor weigh in, do a little research on how maternal antibodies remain in the babies system for the first 6 months. I was told that while breastmilk does offer antibodies, the bigger player are those remaining from mom's donation while babe was in utero. I could be wrong, I haven't looked into it, but it might be worthwhile.
And the best quote on breastfeeding (via the tap or pumped milk):
"All things being equal, breastmilk is best. However, all things are rarely equal."
In my case, as in yours, they were pretty fuckin far from equal. I pumped for a year. It was a mistake. I won't do the math to tell me how many hours I wasted pumping - it will depress me. It is not worth the small amount of pride I feel saying "yeah - I breastfed for a year."
Just another perspective.
do what's right for your family, not what's right for your ego.
Oh, man, this is the best advice ever.
Thanks, y'all.
I had a breast reduction at age 18, and I can tell you that in the early '90s, once they slough off your nipples and attempt reattachment they are pretty much useless. When my son was born, my breasts became enormous - but there was no source of exit. I left like buying one of those milk carton spouts! My point here is that I never breastfed. I would have if I could have, but I couldn't and I am fine with that. My son didn't get his first cold until six months old, and is one of the happiest and healthiest kids I've ever known. (Granted, he wasn't a preemie, but the point is still valid.) The nursing nazis at the hospital did spend a lot of time trying to convince me it was possible (apparently they knew something my surgeon, pediatrician, and obstetrician didn't) but strangers never said anything about my bottle feeding, and I took him out all the time. Do what feels best for you, and don't spend a minute worrying about it. He'll be fine because he has you there.
Oh, come on. Just keep pumping, what is the big deal? Then Paul can nurse. Have you heard of this strange phenomenon? I wish I hadn't. Adult nursing. You heard me right. My husband and I laughed our butts off after reading about this at a website yesterday. As if! As if I would actually let my husband nurse me AFTER the baby is done. Pshaw! Not!
No one ever said on her deathbed, "I wish I'd spent more time with my tit in a plastic cone."
You know what, I am so glad you wrote that. I was starting to get sad that I'm not pumping anymore, and when I read that, I thought, "you know, that's true..if I were still pumping I wouldn't have any time for my babies and my husband."
Makes me feel better.
Julie, I wished for you breastfeeding success, only because I have thoroughly enjoyed nursing all three of my children through their respective first years. I wouldn't have traded that special bond for anything.
But then, outside of having trouble getting started with the first baby, and a breast infection with the second baby, I've had a relatively easy go of it, all three times.
As much as I advocate breastfeeding, I support even more every woman's right to make her own decision regarding whether to nurse her child. I am very aware of what an easy time I had of it in that area, and equally aware that many women have lots and lots of difficulties, some of which are all but impossible to overcome.
What I'm trying to say is, I wish you the best with whatever decision you make for Charlie. He needs antibodies, yes, but he needs his Mommy, too. One of the best advantages of breastfeeding is that bonding time, and he can't bond with you when you're off in the other room, bonding with the plastic cones. He needs you, and you need him.
And I'm pretty sure I'm rambling now. I just wanted to leave a little note of support, and let you know I've been thinking of you and praying for you since Charlie's birth (and before, really). I don't comment often, but I stop in every day, sometimes more than once, to see how you and your family are doing.
God bless you, Julie. God bless you and your beautiful family.
24 ounces! That's impressive.
One thing I have discovered is that people seem to suddenly think you are public property once you have a baby; and, that they can offer whatever advice they think is best at any time whether you want it or not.
Not true! You have to do what his right for you and your family.
I want to try to make you feel better about the whole antibody thing. Breast milk is going straight for the stomach, with it's pH of whopping 4. That will denature any protein, and antibodies most probably get denatured. And as far as we know, they can't re-assume their shape after denaturing. Breast milk obviously has some benefits, but I am not at all sure antibodies actually make a difference. Does that help?
And what everyone else said-- do what's right for you.
Pfft, it doesn't matter. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
I get assvice because I DON'T pump, and exclusively breast feed (no bottles)
If I just gave bottles, it would be "Oh, why don't you breastfeed?" I know it.
No matter what, people will always tell you what you're doing wrong.
Ditch the pump and enjoy the baby! You are so right about the death bed comment. Banish the plastic to oblivion and make some flesh and blood memories!
And you can always keep the cone o' torture handy in the diaper bag to insert in the mouth of any ignorant asswad that want to comment on the bottle. No snappy retorts needed.
I remember the fear (and tears) about deciding that pumping had to come to the end. It was 8 months, but the last 2 I pumped only twice a day and it was enough to count - I mixed in soy from 4 months on. I'll admit that I always felt guilty that my son just took a bottle as if I wasn't busting my balls, errr, tits pumping. I didn't make enough extra to have it frozen, so it is nifty you can pull that out when he gets the sniffles. It'll happen sooner or later; I was lucky and mine was 15 months - a full 7 months after stopping with breastmilk. It does give them a good start in my opinion. I don't remember feeling like I had more time with him as a result of stopping but mine was older and doing well occupying himself by that time, but you will definitely enjoy it with that being your goal. Congrats on your decision. It'll be a bittersweet relief.
I have a 12 week old, exclusively bf and she has a whopping cold right now, so there ya go.... it's different for everyone!
Enjoy that little one, Julie!
You've outdone yourself. I applaud you from my breast milk-soaked sofa, where I practice your same drill day in and day out.
I have friends with formula-fed kids who are more hearty than their breast-fed peers. Hmph. But I know your struggle... my daughter is 8 weeks old today and I'm a slave to my pump.
I'm so happy to hear Charlie is smiling and rewarding you for the path you've clawed to cherish those gummy grins.
I breastfeed and formula feed. The only reason I use formula is because I dislike attaching myself to a pump for long periods of time. The only thing I've found to ease the annoyance of pumping is to do so wherever I feel like it. I don't have a special place I go to pump, I sit in my living room, watch tv, watch my husband play with the baby, and I pump. Unfortunately I can't do much else while pumping, gotta keep those stupid cones attached. I have a terrible time pumping anyway, I literally have to go without any draining for at least 8 hours to get about 5ozs.. Trying to pump, and breastfeed to keep only breastmilk available to him while I'm working is too much of a pain in the butt. I'll be selfish about it. I'd rather mix a bottle of formula for him while I'm away, then feed, then pump, only to start all over an hour later. It's too damned time consuming, and there simply is not enough time to spend 3-4 hours of my awake time devoted only to providing breastmilk to my son. If I were in your position, I simply would not have done it. I'm not that dedicated. I probably would have lasted about 2 weeks pumping every two hours on top of feeding, which takes forever when feeding a newborn. So you do what's right for you, and to hell with all the people who think they could do better. To be honest, with your sons reflux as bad as it is, he may do formula, it's always the same, unlike breastmilk which is ever changing. His little body might get used to the one type of food, and he'll be happier and calmer. These are all my personal opinions, and I don't care who disagrees. You've done a marvelous job, and you need to just enjoy your son, they aren't this little for very long, and you cannot get back what you lose.
I had to exclusively pump too and I remember the "pumpmoms" telling me that I would just know when to quit. I did, at 7 months, and it was absolutely the right thing to do.
They just get more and more fun... be there to see and enjoy it.
This is your decision and that makes it right. You don't have to justify this to anyone; doctor, stranger, playgroup mom. You are allowed to mother Charlie as you see fit. Rock on. It will start getting better.
This may be a more male thing to say (translation: insensitive) but what do you care what other people think?
Regardless of which way you choose, it's a roll of the dice. There's no such thing as a right roll or a wrong roll; there's only a well-considered one or an ill-considered one. You've given it the best consideration you can. That's all mortals can do.
I think you're making a fine decision. As for comebacks, maybe something along the lines of:
"If it's really that important to you, I'll make time for you to come over and do it."
Julie, Charlie has had the best start to life. You're probably sure on what route to take but I just felt like saying - do what you feel is best.
Other people can get stuffed. Like someone said above, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. What I've found about being a parent now is that someone somewhere will find what I do wrong. No matter if it's cloth vs disposable, formula vs breast milk or the many other vs you can think of, someone will disagree.
They just need to pull their heads out of their arses and get over themselves. No one is perfect, and they sure as hell aren't too.
I wish you all the best, and apologise profusely for this rambling mess.
I totally related when you say you feel slightly removed from your familt due to pumping. My twins were in the NICU for 20 amd 60 days. They were preemies, and we had a tough time latching etc. I pumped and pumped and bottled fed my milk and supplementd. Then one day I was upstairs pumping (had visitors walk in while I had my boobs in the plastic cones one too many times)I could here my DH and both kids talking and cooing and I felt so left out I started to cry... That was that -- I was not going to spend my kids babyhood feeling sad... I have never looked back, tried not to feel bad, and I am fortunate enough to have great friends who have not judged or commented (at least to my face.)
Enjoy your child -- not to souond overly cliche, but they do grow up fast!
Melanie
Pumping sucks. I liked BFing (mostly because I'm too lazy to clean bottles, etc.), but I despised pumping. Don't beat yourself up about it. 4.5 months is a LONG time.
Charlie's going to be fine. The formula fed baby at my sitters is ill less often than my son is. And obviously, all babies get sick, eventually--so please don't start second guessing yourself when he gets his first cold.
On a totally unrelated note--we've had to download the charlie movie so my son can watch it on demand. He goes absolutely wild when we play it. We have #2 on the way in a few months (insha'allah)--and if he is 1/10 as interested in the new baby as he is in "tshalie"--I will be a happy mama.
You have to do whats right for you and your family. If your baby is happy, and your happy, an hubby is happy, so what if he gets formula or breast-milk. I am so glad to see breast-feeding proponets giving their opinion that its best to do whats right for you. I had a very hard time nursing my first, only did it for 6 weeks. I got alot of crap from 'friends'. Until one person told me 'its better to give a bottle lovingly, than the breast grudgingly'.
Delurking to say that I'm learning that every major parenting decision like this has its pros and cons...you just have to weigh both sides, decide which for you is the lesser of two evils, and move on, confident that you made the right decision. While the antibodies are clearly a "pro" for continued pumping, not being able to fully enjoy Charlie in his oh-too-fleeting babyhood is most definitely an overwhelming "con."
I'm exclusively breastfeeding my 12 week old, but we've been blessed with no real bfing problems and I've only ever pumped a handful of bottles (mostly because my husband wanted a turn with feedings). Pumping is a huge PITA, and if I ever had to do it exclusively, I don't think I would last very long. Throw it away and enjoy your son, and do your best to remember that anyone who might comment negatively has no idea what is best for you and your son.
As for that comment about anti-bodies being esscentially useless in breastmilk, actually, studies have shown that's not the case. I won't get into the details because this isn't the place and the information is widely available anyway.
Julie, you know I'm a huge fan of bfing, but I understand what you have been through (I won't say "I know" because while I dealt with premies and pumping, you've been through so much more).
I can never tell you enough how amazed I am at how hard you worked at this. You've worked so hard at all of this and bfing was one more place where your dedication was obvious.
You have a plan at keeping Charlie well (Synagis and keeping him away from crowds are GREAT plans) so I hope you take comfort in that.
You've been through so very much. My deepest wish for you is that everything is smooth sailing from now on out. May the fates realize you have filled your quota of misery and difficulty.
I hope that right now, a higher power is looking down and thinking, "Dude, she's been through enough. Let's give her a break FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE." Well, at least something to that effect. :-)
I feel for you. I had my twins at 32w and fed them breastmilk exclusively for their first three months. I was a pumping machine and hated it. I had a big supply which made quitting very hard (guilt). But, at 3m I was suffering from my third case of mastitis and I quit cold turkey - talk about pain! Anyway, just want to give my support and understanding. My kids have never had an ear infection and have hardly been sick - they will be two in a couple weeks.
Good luck. Do what is best for you because a happy you=happy Charlie.
Please read the entire next sentence before you actually gasp.
I bf for 7 months exclusively, was able to do something for 3 months more (pump, feed & do formula) - so 10 months of breast milk - AND I STILL FELT GUILTY ABOUT QUITTING. Yep - I really don't think it matters when you quit - just the fact that you're stopping makes you feel guilty.
I can say that I got over it...and I know you will to. Just keep telling yourself that he won't hate you b/c you didn't bf for longer. Promise he won't even bring it up in the future :)
yeah, I'm totally with you on how hateful the pump is when it takes you away from the baby (and family) that you're pumping for. That's the difference between pumping the way you are, and pumping at work, or bf'ing. You're choice is -- do I hold my baby, or do I pump? Even those folks who would have rather spent their time attached to a pump than working on a job report probably would choose the baby first.
bj
Heh. Breastfeeding. I tried with my first and failed and started getting panicky and freaked out and I couldn't sleep, worrying if my baby would starve. Enter Enfamil.
My friends were horrified and I just laughed. While they were moaning about exhaustion and maternal ambivalence I had the energy to be madly in love with the baby. Here's the dirty little secret - once you aren't lactating you're going to feel so much better and Charlie will reap many of the benefits.