« Sleep, but not too much at all | Main | I guess they do think homosexuality is genetic. »
05/01/2005
Super Funtime Slumberpalooza!
Despite the most patient attention, the most loving guidance, and the most familiar, relaxing routine, it is often difficult to induce Charlie to go to sleep at night. Won't you help?
Special bonus Variety Pak™: After you've settled him in his crib, you'll have just enough time to do this challenging word-seek puzzle before he's yelling his wee fuzzy head off yet again.
Comments (59)
Verify your Comment
Previewing your Comment
This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Julie, you are hilarious! That made my day!
(I am also playing the sleeping game; reading your blog is my "grace period" tonight.
My comments here tend to be of the "don't slit your wrists, it'll eventually improve" variety. As unhelpful as I recognize these words to be, they're all I've got and I'm sticking with them lest I convince myself that it really would be a good idea to sell my daughter to the pack of travelers that stopped by today to reshingle my roof.
Really, though, things *will* get better (just in time for a new and different problem to arise). My full-term, mostly-healthy girl is 15 months today and just this week started sleeping longer than 2 hours at a stretch (well, there was that one 4 hour bender when we accidentally gave her benadryl instead of tylenol but other than that...). She's also just recently started being kind of fun, so I'm glad I stuck it out with her. Charlie will get there, too. Some babies (ours among them) just seem to take longer.
Thank you for the laughs! It's great to see that through the baby induced sleep deprivation and related stress, you've kept your great sense of humor.
I hope you beautiful little boy starts to settle into something more manageable for you. I feel your pain though, my wee one just starting going to bed before 1 am in the past few days. I guess you can't really make them do anything until they're ready :(
Damn you are funny. Save this stuff to torture him when he is older.
Oh, come on. You're not really putting him into a suit of armour, are you? And feeding him bottles of poison?
Oh, I get it. It's a joke! Ha ha.
Jules,
You are hysterical. That is all.
Brilliant.
Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.
You just made my baby-will-only-sleep-if-attached-to-my-nipple night. I can't decide which is funnier: the white noise, or the reassuring story.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
OMG - you are effing BRILLIANT! So sorry you are going through sleep hell, but damn if it doesn't make you the funniest woman alive. Now go to sleep Charlie!
That's too funny--except the part where it's true.
With no expectation or insistence that it will work for any other baby, and with full knowledge that I'm handing out unsolicited assvice, this does work for both our twins:
As long as they've given us some sign that they're actually tired, this usually works. Eventually. Sometimes I have to go several rounds of 60-counts, or somebody's got poop where he doesn't like it and can't fall asleep--and my back feels like it's never going to recover from all this leaning over cribs and bassinettes. But eventually... the screamin' demons fake us out a few times and then fall genuinely asleep.
FWIW. Hope this helps somebody.
Well, if this is what sleep deprevation does for your creativity, maybe we should be thanking Charlie...
Or not.
Best of luck. I'm banking on the white noise being the best bet.
Oh my, you're such a funny woman. I do hope Charlie gives you some new material to work with soon, perhaps how funny he sounds while snoring...
Dearest Julie,
For.the.love.of.God.
It is the Celine. CELINE.
Charlie wants the C.E.L.I.N.E. to stop playing in that little mind of his.
Your friend,
Boulder
I told ya... Vodka. Not for him... for YOU. Drink enough that you don't hear him crying his fool head off. LOL
How appropriate. I just checked your blog after I put my daughter in her crib to CIO (BLEH) for the first time. Lots of screaming going on right now. I am hiding in my room. "SIGH"
I feel your pain.
bahaha, i can laugh so hard because i'm not in that situation! now i go fix my cold with a hot toddy and dream about babies.
you are a talented one, you.
I especially like those pyjamas. Did those come from a well-wisher, or did you buy them yourself?
ahahahha!
Why am I not as funny when I'm in a sleep-deprived fog? I hope Charlie never sleeps if we get more posts like this! Thanks for the morning laugh!
I wish I could be of more help. I turned chickenshit around the 7 week mark and started co-sleeping (something I swore I wouldn't do 'cause it took forever to get the first out of my bed). I wake up with a crick in my neck and my arm is asleep, but by g-d, the little bugger sleeps like....well, like a baby.If being attached to me like a small tick is what it takes to get him to sleep, then I'll do it for all our sanity. I don't know how you feel about thw whole co-sleeping issue, but it is the only way for us to get any sleep. f@#^&! worthless 300 dollar crib!
Too effing funny. If nothing else, you have to save this for guilt fodder when he is old enough ;)
Of course, if you were *my* mother, the guilt would have already started.
Do what my mother-in-law did with her four boys. Put a nip of brandy in his bottle. No, I'm not kidding, and yes, it explains *so* very much.
You rock. You totally get it. Thank you!
Bwahahaha!
Now I am alarmed. You made me laugh so hard with the maze that I *snorted*. I thought that sinus surgery worked.
Priceless, Julie.
I hope when I am dealing with sleepless nights I can view things with the same level of sarcasm. I would hate to lose my edge! :-)
And whereever did you get that lovely mobile? I must have one.
I agree, it is the Celine. Stop torturing the kid with that. It must be removed from the house entirely.
Pee your pants funny! You are an amazingly talented woman - your Photoshop (or whatever program you use) skills are exquisite. After Charlie dies of embarrassment, I hope he finds these entries entertaining. Except perhaps, the ones with penis references.
Snort! Oh my god, I remember that desperation like it was yesterday. Oh wait...it WAS yesterday. The merest snuffle from my sleeping son's room makes my palms sweat and my heart race.
I finally got some sleep last night after 4:00 when I decided to turn on the heat (Gerogia 61 at 10am don't need heat)he stopped mid cry and fell asleep. Trying again tonight will report back.
willem 16 weeks
Excellent job building your grid of words—how long did it take you to find words of the right length?
Also, TiVo's "search for title" tells me that in addition to the 14 kids show, "160 Lb. Tumor" and "18 and Ready for Action" are both gonna be on. Set your TiVos, everyone!
Wait, even better, there's now a show called 200 Pound Tumor! I guess 160 pounds just didn't satisfy. Super size me!
Apparently someone is sleeping because you've got time to make these wonderful jpg's.
You're a fruitcake.
And a sleep deprived one at that.
Too Funny!
I KNOW it will get getter, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few years. I've been there, and the babies all outgrow them. But I am sorry that you have to go through this.
List of things it may help: Miracle Blanket, Swing, Amby Hammock, sleeping on a tummy (I know, I know, but it really works).
Hilarious! I don't think its Celine that's the problem, my guess is Ann Coulter. So not soothing.
Delurking again to say:
1.) I'm LMAO at this post!
2.) Thank you for the memories of how my life used to be with my very unhappy little boy
3.) Assure you that it will get better. I'm laughing at this post instead of cringing or moaning at being reminded of how my life used to be with my very unhappy little boy.
Ann.Coulter.
*can't stop laughing, peeing pants now.*
Hee hee. That's why when Jamie was between 3 and 5 months most nights would find us in the family room on the couch. I found that if I put him down very, very gently and made sure I was actually touching him he would sleep. I just got so tired of running up and down the stairs to resettle him.
Don't worry. That's just practice for when he's teething and the little bugger's long stretch at night turns into crying jags between all-out screaming fits. And just when he's calm and you put him down to play, to sleep, or to change a diaper, he'll start the whole thing over again.
Why, oh why can't we give some valium instead of Tylenol?
I know its not nice to laugh at your current situation - but that is hysterical. It will get better.
Julie, Julie, Julie. Charlie is a BOY. Ann Coulter will only make him scared. You must read something like Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly. They speak from a male perspective. Perhaps you should have Paul read to him.
I'm glad you are able to find some humor in your situation.
Have you thought about trying this? www.ambybaby.com
AHAHAHA! You rock the making stuff house. I want you to make something for my blog, dammit. Can you fashion a neat-o backyard for me the way you did for Tertia???
Love you. And Charlie.
You're twisted, sister.
God, I love you.
I'm going to stop lurking and comment on this as soon as I stop snortling...
Charlie is at a horrible age. Nobody likes their children at this age. I wanted to run my daughter through the dishwasher at that age. My $.02 on the whole sleeping thing:
a) milk. Lots and lots of milk. I swear I thought my husband was trying to make our daughter fat on purpose because he kept feeding her. Sure enough -it's like baby crack. Knocked her on her ass.
b) does Charlie's crib have one of those really firm plasticky baby mattresses? If so, fold up the biggest fluffiest softest baby blanket (or three) that you have and put them under the sheet. It makes like a little pillowtop mattress, and the sheet is tight enough he won't smother, I promise. This is what finally did the trick to get my daughter to sleep in her crib (after I noticed that she slept fine on our oh-so-squishy couch, but screamed in her firm-like-a-rock mattress). Something about the cushyness of it really helps them relax, I think. Think squishy-like-a-boob...
Aw, Julie... I like a woman who meets her challenges with humor and... well.... deeply disturbing mental disorders bordering on psychosis. We'll just chalk it up to sleep deprivation. I must say, you're very funny when you're staggering.
~CA~
You forgot to add "14 Kids and Pregnant Again" on the VCR.
You forgot to add "14 Kids and Pregnant Again" on the VCR.
It does get better, it does get better, it does get better. Reading this brings back the nights when my guys (currently 11 and 13) were tiny and all I wanted was sleep. While it is true that as they get older you just move on to a different set of problems, those new problems are a lot easier to deal with. give Charlie kisses for me.
Girl, you are brilliant. Thanks for the many laughs.
Got Sleep?
Want Sleep?
COSLEEP.
Seriously.
We went from a baby that started crying LITERALLY just after I laid back down in bed, to a baby that only cried when hungry every couple of hours. A miracle in sleep improvement. I cannot praise the benefits of cosleeping enough.
Just make sure you do it RIGHT. Dr. Sears should have some information on it. If not, I know there is a chapter on it at the beginning of the No Cry Sleep Solution.
It really DOES get better. However, if you insist on keeping him in a crib be prepared to wait...and WAIT...did I mention WAIT??
Also, for those that keep praising CIO, just remember it doesn't work forever, you have to keep doing it again and again after they get sick or if you travel...not to mention that it is just a horrible thing to do. Sorry, I'll just stop before I even get ON my soapbox about that one...
Seriously though, try the cosleeping, you will be amazed at the amount of sleep you get. It is well worth it.
Did it. Didn't like it! Thanks, though.