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06/01/2005
A few notes to makers of infant clothing
From a darkened room in the middle of the night.
Sleeves. Pantlegs. Make them visibly and obviously different even when all the snaps are undone.
There's going to be a diaper in there. Leave room for it even if doing so spoils the elegant line of your garment.
Zippers are only more convenient if I don't need two hands to hold the outfit on either side of the seam, one hand to pull on the zipper tab, and another hand to steady the squirming boy. Even if some of those can be the same hand.
Internal cuffs and hems that snag fingers and toes: bad idea.
(Oh, and clothes for preemies with a closure sewn across the crotch: a bad idea that can be fixed readily with a pair of shears)
The feet in footie pajamas? They should face forward.
Oh. Scratch that. Instead, just make it much more obvious that the snaps on your garment open up the back.
Tertia, do not say condoms.
I can't figure it out. One thing is perfectly clear: I am gonna freak the fuck out the first time I reach into one of his pockets before doing laundry and find a matchbook with a phone number written on it. I have told him and told him never to play with matches. But does he listen? I can only assume he's irresistibly attracted to a certain kind of dissipated floozy with a lush and yielding rack.
But why?
All I know is that the minute I start finding colored hankies* in those tiny pockets, it's time for us to have a talk.
_____
* Not safe for work, but then surely† you're not surprised.
† No, and don't call me...well, you know.
Comments (36)
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You know, you'd think that someone would wisen up and hire a teenager to design clothing that is easy to get off and back into in a hurry in the dark....
Oh, those were the days.
The pockets are to hide the cheerios and the pacifier. No, I'm not kidding about this. Though my daughter hides her chewed-on snacks up her sleeves. But even with an infant, they are handy for sticking the pacifier if they are big enough. I am actually the only person I know who does this, but hey, it works.
infertiles don't need condoms. why would he need to hide one?
oh.
wait.
And buttons. Buttons may make your precious newborn garnment look all cute and pre-snap era. No one who has ever dressed a newborn would put BUTTONS all around the crotch, or up the length of the back. Teeny tiny buttons that must be done up with tweezers. It's just wrong.
May I just add.... socks. that. stay. on.
Novel concept.
Airplane reference, you rule woman!
Ok, I need to totally reevaluate my comprehension skills. I'm sorry Paul, I thought you were her and I thought Shirley was a ref. from one of the best comedies of all time. It's 9:47 a.m. and I'm going back to bed.
Just be glad he's not a girl!! I swear on the back of every single outfit Skyla has those stupid teenincy buttons!!! It's a PITA!!!
Oh my, I never knew the hanky code. That will come in handy. ;)
Andi Buchanan (Mothershock) said that the pockets were to catch the vomit as it comes flying out!
We always tell our Charlie that the pockets are for holding his money. You never know, as a baby, when you might need 50 cents.
Every peice of baby boy clothing that is not PJs is covered in pockets.
For his money.
But I might stick a condom in there now to freak out his father.
May I add:
Bigger head openings on onesies.
No velcro on anything. Ever.
And make up your minds on the friggin size charts.
My parents bought an outfit for Muffin Man at that age that was "Handwash only". WTF?!?
LOL. I always hated when they had snaps, but then stopped inexplicably 1/2way down the leg and had these cuffs. I'd have to squash my son's legs in/out to change him and if he was half asleep when he started, he was fully awake (and screaming) by the time he was done.
Or how about the ones that have one opening down the back or the torso requiring that you pull the top over their heads and squash their legs to get the bottom off- only to have them poop 5 minutes later and have to get off/on again? Ugh!
It would be so nice if all the clothing manufacturers and designers could have a convention in Vegas and duke it out over what measurements *really* constitute a size 6-9 months.
Amen to all the clothing comments.
Charlie, honey, the pockets are for money in case you have to bribe someone to bring you to one of your internet aunties if mom and dad aren't letting you have your way.
I own that pair of backwards footie pjs! Why on earth would anyone make things that snap up the back for infants and have no snaps in the crotch? Ugh. And what's up with the sizing? Why not go by weight instead of supposed month size? And why not get together so that the sizing is at least consistent? I've always wondered what to put in all those pockets, too.
Also - boy clothes. We really don't need any more sports themed outfits, thanks. There are tons of other things you can put on boy outfits, and mommy and daddy are embarrased to admit that we couldn't tell you the difference between a hockey puck and a football.
Amen to the backward footies. Stupid.
But the pockets are for Daddy. I mean, where else will he put the condoms for when he meets chicks at the park? Chicks are totally into dads with babies. It means he can commit, you know. And babies are just so aDORable!
I haven't even had my kid yet and can already tell I totally agree with everything you said!
Buttons freak me out. Total choking hazard.
Pockets are for torturing him. Just put something he wants in there and watch him try to get it out. Bwahahahaha.
The pockets are for putting darling little notes in. A family friend stuck a note in his newborn's back pocket that read: "Hey, keep outta my pocket!" Amused the relatives for hours.
Those pockets are totally for the numbers of the hot babes he's going to start picking up. Everytime we turn around, I'm getting some mom's phone number because Ryan and her daughter "play so well together."
Heh...SURE they do...
and outfits that snap/close up the back. They must have been smoking crack when they designed those.
That hankie code was ridiculous! DOILIES! hahahaha
Clothing that snaps up the back - the stupidest thing I've ever seen... ever. I had a shirt given to me with those tiny tweezer buttons IN THE BACK. Are you kidding me? Excuse me while I roll my tiny baby onto his face while I try to do up the teensy buttons as he screams and flails and suffocates himself in the changing pad.
Also... was that an AIRPLANE reference?!
My partner and I put a condom and the phone number of an escort service into our seven month old son's Sebastian's pocket in his overalls. Then we took him to Grandpa's for the afternoon. I thought her father was going to have a heart attack when he discovered the surprise. *laughing* The pictures are priceless.
LOL! I love your insights! Hey, maybe you should start designing infant clothes.....
Got a whole entry on this written up, waiting to go.
Don't we really want our babies to look like mini portraits of ourselves? I think that is where the pockets and useless buttons come from. Even though, I would love to wear onesies to work every day.
The ones that I avoid buying are the ones that have snaps from the crotch to the ankles. Then, they have some elastic band around the ankles so that you can unsnap them ALMOST all the way, but not completely. With my daughter, I need to be able to unsnap all the way down, and then tuck the outfit just under her chin to avoid getting anything on it. If you're not going to make it easy to change the diaper, don't put any snaps at all. :)
Check it out. Someone at McSweeney's had the same idea on the same day. Looks like it's time for a revolution.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/6/1jones.html
At the daycare where I used to work, I couldn't count how many little lads ended up with maxi-skirts because we couldn't endure the kicks to the face trying to snap up those bazillion little snaps after every diaper change. Hmm, perhaps we should have gotten them hankies as well...
Amen! I had a button's in the back outfit and it always seemed to be put on backwards by others. Of course, buttoning a wiggling baby into in the right way was very challenging.
I can't tell you how many "dry clean only" or "hand wash, dry flat" outfits my sisters bought both my children. WTF??? Obviously, it had been a long, long time since they had a baby (one of those bad things/good things about my being the baby of the family where the oldest grandchild has already graduated from college). And I hate sports, too. Why can't boy clothes have animals on them (animals--not frogs, snakes or lizards)??
So that's where the pockets that should be in women's clothes went!
Here is my list of observations for children's clothing manufacturers. Thanks for providing a place to offer these thoughts.
I'm shopping for a baby girl due in May. I'm really surprised to see so many clothes (by credible manufacturers) with snaps up the back that are about a quarter of an inch thick. With all the recommendations that babies should sleep on their backs to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and all the time very helpless babies spend sleeping, strolling and sitting in car seats, I'm really amazed that manufacturers are more concerned that's uncomfortable and even bad for the baby's back and spine. Are manufacturers considering this properly?
It would be great to see thinner fastenings and/or placement of fastenings that don't interfer with sleep positions, whether the baby sleeps on the back or the front.
Thin front zippers from leg to neck (a la Hannah Anderson one piece outfits) and crotch zip (a la Sweet Potatoes one piece outfits) really are the best. Zippers can be very light and they're fast to change.
Also, I would really like to see fewer boys clothes with sports motifs, cars, superheroes, and stripes. And more with animal and nature themes (not just frogs, lizards and bugs). Or with some interesting prints and patterns. I like to see applique and embroidery on them, not just "iron on" images. (The brand Keedo has some very interesting prints.)
Also, I'm really shocked to see so many clothes for little girls that sexualize them with big lady fashion designs and prints. Things like fashion emphasizing bust lines, wench-like lace up, skimpy hot pants, ridiculously form-fitting clothes emphasizing buttocks and thighs, bedroom leopard prints, and heals on shoes. It's really in poor taste, inappropriate, abusive and dangerous. What's with girl's shoes that prevent them from playing?
I'm baffled by the use of so many stiff, canvas-like fabrics in children's clothes (like baby/toddler pants and shorts). Half the time I wouldn't wear anything so stiff. How can we expect a child to be comfortable in it? If something is stiff, I won't buy it because I'm not convinced it will soften much in the laundry.
Also, I'm not a fan of most words and sentences on children's clothes. Most of the time, things are much cuter and more sophisticated with just a nice image, and maybe a single word on it.
Also, I don't like to buy clothes that feature logos. I don't normally see them as beautiful or imparting status; they're just advertising for a manufacturer and I don't see why I should pay for the privelege of doing that. If logos are prominent, I won't buy the product.
On the hankies... wouldn't it be funny if people got the colors confused?? 'Oh wait... what do you mean you don't like being tied up with clothespins on your penis? That's the color you were wearing." Bwahah
The pockets are to skin the cheerios and the peacemaker. No, I'm not kidding virtually this. Though my daughter hides her chewed-on snacks up her sleeves. But straight with an infant, they are handy for sticking the device if they are big enough. I am actually the exclusive individual I know who does this, but hey, it activity.in this world every one want to be look different in this world.
for this, they copy fashion by the stars, sportsmen etc.
instead of copying their fashion one can get easily Best Fashion Info here.
so lets use this and have discuss about this
--------TAYLAR