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10/22/2005
Friday night
I smell of vomit. I've lost count of the times Charlie's tagged me. I've changed my clothes, washed, rubbed a wet washcloth briskly through my hair, but I still smell awful.
Charlie doesn't win any prizes, either. He's been throwing up intermittently for the last day, keeping no solids or formula down. Because he's not dehydrated, and can keep down the electrolyte liquid the doctor has recommended, he's not in any danger, but between the ear infection, the cold, the teething, and the vomiting, he's obviously feeling awful, in need of a great deal of comfort.
So we comfort. I'm rocking Charlie after he wakes at 8 PM. I'm humming along with his lullaby CD. He's folded into my arms, as comfortable as he can get, and he's wrapped in a soft blue blanket printed with friendly white clouds.
He finally falls asleep, so after ten more minutes of rocking — insurance — I stand and put him in his crib. In his sleep, he tosses and turns and tries to get comfortable. His movement wakes him again, and he starts to cough.
The coughing brings more vomiting. He's fouled a great deal of his crib sheet. He's crying piteously. I pick him up immediately and am, of course, therefore smeared anew. I don't care. I sit back down and as we rock, I clean him up with wet wipes.
There are globs of vomited...something...in his eyelashes.
It takes a long time to calm him again. As we're rocking, I feel him gradually relax. His hands stop clutching the blanket — a fresh one, bright primary plaid — quite so tensely, and his left foot slows in its rhythmic kicks of my thigh.
I'm humming and patting, occasionally chanting snippets of his favorite book, Big Red Barn, in a monotonous singsong. I feel a patch of his vomit drying on my cheek.
His body is getting heavier in my lap as he nears sleep again. His hands are still moving, but languidly. I watch one hand slowly explore his cheek. He's gently stroking his face with his left hand. As I watch, he gives his cheek a soft pat, then another.
I haven't seen him do this — have scarcely even thought of it — since before his due date, when he, like many preemies, used to stroke his own face to comfort himself as lay in his isolette.
It's this that really gets me, more than the vomiting, the helpless look he gives me as he coughs hard just prior, the sad whimpers directly after. He pats his cheek to soothe himself. I pat his sweaty head. In time with my rocking, I talk to him. I'm here, I chant, I'll help.
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I hope Charlie feels all better soon. I'm sorry.
I am sorry he isn't feeling well. My daughter used to have reactions to the antibiotics that resulted in vomiting and diarrhea. The poor thing would get so sick, we would have to bring her to the ER for fluids.
Hope he feels better soon.
Where did you get that picture? i have three preemies (triplets) in the NICU right now and I had never heard that is why they put their hands on their faces. I'd be interested to learn more about their self-soothing. Would you email me when your wee one stops puking and feels better? Good luck and hope he feels better soon.
E-mail sent.
poor little Charlie. Poor tired mama. I hope all is better soon.
You just made me cry. Not nice. I hope your little man is feeling better soon!! I'd rather lose a finger then watch my wee one feel bad, especially when I can't explain to her that she WILL be OK, and that I AM here for her.
poor baby! poor you! tummy bugs are the worst :-(
**sniffle**
Pooooor poooor Charlie!!! and poor poor Julie too!!!! **hugs to you both**
and many many ~~get well soon vibes~~
Awww, poor little guy! And poor Paul and Julie too! I hope he's better soon.
Poor Bubba ... Poor Mommy & Daddy. I hope he's feeling better very soon.
Awww, I hope he's better soon.
Julie, you are AMAZING. In the midst of a sick-baby week you write something beautiful and heart-wrenching. Lesser mortals would just sleep or something....
It was the first time my baby was sick that I really felt like a parent.
Poor sweet baby. He's lucky to have you as his mom.
Poor little Charlie. I hope he's better soon. And poor Julie and Paul--I have a wee one too and I hate to see her in any type of pain. My heart goes out to you.
Last year my son had an ear infection for a month. My husband and I would sit up with him all day and all night in a rocking chair, because laying him flat hurt his ears too much. It went on and on for a month. At one point I was so tired that I hallucinated that I was giving him 10 times the amount of medicine he was supposed to get. We got through it one day at at time.
Sounds like you're doing all you can for him. Hopefully he'll be better soon!
Poor baby! I hope he's better soon. The first time my son puked, he tried to stuff it back in his mouth while hysterically crying. awful. I hope he's better soon.
Poor baby! I hope he's better soon. The first time my son puked, he tried to stuff it back in his mouth while hysterically crying. awful.
I agree with Jen (yup another one)...you are amazing. What a beautiful post in the midst of caring for your little guy.
Hope he feels better soon.
All weepy. I hope he feels better soon, poor little fellow.
I hope you get a chance to take a shower and some sleep as well. All my best.
I just wanted to say that your last paragraph was heart-breaking and heart-warming simultaneously. I don't know how to explain what it made me feel to read this - just that I'm happy for you, that you finally have him, that I'm sad that he's sick - but so very thankful that he has you.
AWWWW. Poor Charlie. Maggie twirls her hair to soothe, I guess cause I rub her little head when she gets sick.
I wish I could put my feelings into words like you do.
Poor baby.
Why is it that preemies stroke their faces for comfort? Just wondering.
Even cheek-stroking can't compare to Mommy's love. I hope he feels better soon. In the mean time, keep doing what you do best...being Charlie's mom.
It's a weird thing when he cries much of the day (especially when we try to make him drink the whatchamalyte instead of formula) and can't sleep even though he desperately wants to, and we still get to say, "he's much better than he was yesterday."
I keep thinking how lucky we are that this is all he's got. And holding him in shifts all day and night, rocking him back to peacefulness -- been there, done that, still know how to do it. It's reassuring, in a way.
I hope Charlie feels better soon!
So your beautiful post nearly had me crying. Then I read Paul's comment just before mine and it sent me over the edge.
Hope Charlie feels better soon.
Julie:
You usually make me laugh till I cry. This one just made me cry. I'm here with you, feeling that pain for you both too. Hope he feels better soon and the crud somehow escapes you.
Been there, done that. And all that singing--I did it once til I was hoarse. He'll remember you doing this for him, and there will come a time when he is older (near 3 like my little one) when he'll actually talk back to you and your singing. And tell you that he loves you. THAT makes it all worth it.
Damn you, Julie! How am I supposed to explain to my kids (that are laying on the floor behind me watching a DVD) why I'm crying over some else's baby vomit? You put that so beautifully. ::sniff::
This is what it's all about. Being there for them when they need us. They will aways need us. Consider it heart-wrenching practice for other things that are to come. This isn't one of the fun parts, but one of the necessary evils.
I hope he feels better soon. Kisses, hugs and get well wishes from our house to yours!
Awww...poor Charlie. I hope he feels better soon. T. has a coughing cold and it and the medicine threw her naps off, and well, we had a full-blown meltdown before bedtime, alas.
This sucks... I am so sorry... you really can't do anything but try to keep him as comfortable as possible. I usually spend the time my cowboy is sick minimally dressed and try to keep sane. Sending you wishes of good health and sleep!
Aw, poor Charlie. I hope he feels better soon. We love The Big Red Barn too. It was given to me as a shower gift by my 18-year-old cousin who is still passionate about her childhood love for it.
What a lovely comment by Paul. Yes, that's exactly it- "been there, done that." That's how I felt recently when Jamie was sick. Ok, baby's in bed with us tonight, up every two hours nursing. Yep, been here before.
Oh Julie, Paul, and Charlie, I'm so sorry. The first illness really, really sucks.
Here's to a quick recovery.
Sometimes it is good just to stand in the shower with them. Everyone gets clean, and sometimes they like water cooling their skin. My daughter liked being held in the shower so much we never used the baby bathtub after week 2. Sometimes we could even lay a towel on the bottom with some toys and she would sit & play. The shower for two gets rid of the residual puky smell on both of you. I hope he feels better soon.
I remember this with my little princess. She is three now, but she used to vomit a LOT when she was small. We always had to have spare clothing and receiving blankets for quick cleanup. We even took to placing receiving blankets under her in the crib for quick cleanup.
Poor little guy, I hope he is better soon. {{{hugs}}}
We JUST tried Sudacare (I believe it is) Shower Soothers with our 2 year old. I took her in the shower with me, she kinda sickly drew on the wall with her bath crayons and I just sat on the edge of the bath. After awhile she was feeling much better, the ability to breath and not hack and cough does wonders.
I'm only mentioning them because I think the taking him into the shower is a wonderful idea, and if you can drop one of these suckers onto the floor all the better.
{{HUGS}} I hope Charlie feels better quickly and you manage to lose the vomit smell...
Hope you're all back to normal, soon!
Please tell me that you'll write a book one day. I think your blog is one of the few where I've read *every single post*.
I hope Charlie recovers quickly!
I hate sick kids, though I love the extra cuddle time. Hoping it's all better soon.
It is so ery hard when your baby is sick. For me, not being able to make them all better right away made me feel more helpless than anything ever had. I hope Charlie feels better soon and thanks for the beautiful post.
Julie, just want to say that you are an incredible, compassionate and loving mother. You're also a gifted writer. Charlie is a lucky boy and I feel lucky to be able to read posts about motherhood that are so beautiful. Thank you. Hope that poor little guy feels better soon.
Wishing you lots of clean laundry for Julie, easy breathing for Charlie, and contented sleep for all.
Poor Charlie... prayers are with you both.
Big Red Barn was one of our favorites too. Hopefully, the vomit fest will just be one of those stories you tell soon.
aaaaah dear charlie, get better sweet boy. and hugs to mama and dada too. we love you all lots and lots.
Poor Charlie. Poor you and hubby. Honestly, that first year with my son and his vomiting almost pushed us both over the edge. I didn't know anyone could vomit that much and I never thought I'd stop doing laundry.
I hope it gets better soon.
Julie...
I hope Batman gets better soon!!!!!!!
Would you mind sending me the information on preemies and face-stroking? My baby was only 5 weeks early... and is now 11 weeks old... and STILL does the face-stroking thing.
Thanks!!!
Thank you for the good, cathartic cry.
My four year old baby girl just got out of a stint in ICU and I hadn't been able to cry about it yet. The rocking and whispering to them throughout the night? It never ends.
You are so lucky to have each other.
I hope that Charlie is feeling much better. Know that I'm thinking of you all.
Oh Julie, this broke my heart. I'm just so happy he has bigger soothers than himself now, and so very happy he knows it.
Ok, reading that while holding my own sick baby made me cry. Thanks you big jerk.