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10/27/2005

Now let us never speak of it again.

Some of you may have noticed over the last 24 hours that this site was first unreachable, and then ass-ugly and completely unnavigable, and then again unreachable. Unfortunately, my domain name registrar carelessly knocked my site from where I thought it was safely perched, on a wobbly shelf just above the bathtub, with its mouse-gnawed cord pushed loosely into an ungrounded outlet.

Oh, and my e-mail got carried away by a pack of rabid dogs, who briefly attempted to raise it as their own before turning on it in a foamy frenzy, mauling it nigh unto death.

I called my registrar on Wednesday to give them my new credit card information, as my old one had expired. The well-groomed young man on the line — I could just hear his crew cut bristling — looked at my account, clacked busily on his keyboard, and helpfully informed me that it seemed I was paying for a particular service I wasn't actually using. "I'm not using it?" I asked cautiously. "No!" he boomed. "Absolutely not!"

So he turned that service off, and thereby succeeded in wiping my very existence off the face of the very Web.

And, oh, how we all did laugh.

In the subsequent hours I talked to no fewer than five different support engineers, each of whom attempted to fix the problem, all of whose efforts confounded each other, until the whole Internet snarled itself into an impenetrable knot, swallowed its own ass, Oroboros-style, and vomited the bilious mess into my naked lap. This made me very unhappy, as I allow only my direct descendants to do that, and although I did, in fact, invent it, I am currently in such a snit that I am disowning the Internet entirely.

Everything should be back to normal around here shortly. My apologies for the inconvenience, and an impotent shake of the fist — oh, hell, an unlubed ram of the fist, if you know what I mean and I think you do — to the fine folks who made it all possible.

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