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Stats and splats

Continuous days of fever: 4

High temperature: 104.2° F.

Current temperature: 103.3° F.

Amount of enjoyment resulting from rectal temperature-taking: -5

Meals ingested in the last 72 hours: 1.00003

Meals kept down in the last 72 hours: 1

Ounces of milk kept down in the last...I don't know, three years: 0

Ounces of Pedialyte cheerfully accepted: 0

Ounces of Pedialyte ingested under main force patient and cheerful parental persistence: Enough...I hope

Times awake last night: ∞

Times vomited today before 8 AM: 2

Parents who got tagged: Both

Parent who got tagged directly in the crotch veiled only by ratty sweatpants: Guess

Hint: Not me

Substance milk-based vomit most resembles: wholesome cottage cheese, curd size dependent on time in stomach

Current local price, one gallon of regular unleaded gasoline: $2.15

Miles to Kansas: Too goddamn many, I'll tell you that right now


Number of thermometers in this house: 2

Large-print labels thermometers now bear: BUTT / NOT BUTT