This just in

This will be a quickie, because I'm still busy chiseling cantaloupe off my Wacoal 85185.

From the "Take that, milk-on-a-rag-bashers" desk: "The New York Times shocked women last week with an astonishing article in its Science Times section titled, 'Breast-feed or Else.' While laying claim to a balanced approach...the paper, nevertheless, ended up producing an extremely biased article...[T]he costs of nursing are substantial: the reduced time for work due to the need to pump, nurse, eat and sleep has a huge economic and social impact on women and their families. Nursing can also lead to depression or other unhealthy emotional states. It can be painful, and there are sometimes medical reasons why nursing is not recommended."  This comes from "What Science Really Says About the Benefits of Breast-Feeding (and what the New York Times didn’t tell you)," on STATS.org, via MotherTalkers.   

"According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), breastfeeding leads to a 21 percent decrease in the death rate of babies in an age range over one month and under one-year old," the authors assert, "but turn to the AAP’s source. The scientific study used to support this claim found that babies who are nursed are less likely to die...of injuries!"  So, um, does that mean that riding a mechanical bull while engaged in the act of nursing is okay after all?

From the "How many times do we have to tell you jackasses to relax?" desk:  "Some women can become fertile again after cognitive behaviour therapy alone, said researchers."  A teeny-tiny-micro-pico-nano study — sixteen subjects — found that "some perfectionist women who had stopped menstruating and ovulating" regained their fertility after 20 weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is, as the article notes, much cheaper than conventional fertility treatment.  I eagerly await the follow-up study examining the effects of vodka, which is much cheaper than cognitive behavioral therapy.

And finally, from the "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer up your catheter" desk: A researcher whose credentials include a stint in French mime school has found a significant improvement in pregnancy rates when IVF patients were entertained by a clown as they lay in bed after embryo transfer.  (I know.  I know.  Make up your own joke.  This is almost too easy.  I know.)  The researcher said that the response from the study subjects was wonderful, but he wasn't sure how many clinics would apply his findings.  "For medication, you can get the patient to pay," he said, miming the trickle of a tear down his white-painted cheek, "but who is going to pay for clowns?"  Thank you, Marcel Marceau.  Now get back in your goddamn glass box before we make you eat your own beret.

A tip of the rainbow wig to Alison and Cam for the pointer.