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10/11/2006
Bad company
We went to the playground yesterday. As soon as I'd set him down, Charlie spied a small group of children squatting in the dirt and shambled off eagerly to dig with them. I followed at a respectful distance and stationed myself discreetly behind a convenient arborvitae, willing to let him make his own social overtures but ready to spring like a Merrell-wearing panther should one of the other kids attempt to shake him down for his milk money.
I didn't stay long in hiding. One of the children found me, as it turns out, creeping around the bush to tell me, "We killed a worm." I inferred they'd done so accidentally, jabbing into the dirt with their shovels, so I walked over to inspect the crime scene and reassure them that the worm felt no pain, that it had gone to a far better place, that it had not, in fact, left behind a grieving family and an unhealable wound in its subterranean community.
Sure enough, someone had neatly bifurcated an earthworm whose two halves were still independently writhing. Not wanting the children to be upset any further, I scooped up both halves with a dried leaf and walked the worm over to the fence, speaking a few solemn words over its remains as it peacefully crossed the bar.
"Let's find another one!" I heard one of the children say. When I turned back, they were industriously prospecting for another victim. It had been, I saw, no accident. (Charlie, blameless in the carnage, happily filled the back of a dump truck with dirt, teaspoon by plastic teaspoon.) "I wanna squish this one," another kid said, trying to wrest the shovel out of his friend's hand.
"Wait, wait," I said, being the only adult in the immediate vicinity. "Don't squish worms! It's not friendly."
Right. Savagely chopping up invertebrates for the pure bloodthirsty thrill of it isn't friendly. Very persuasive, Julie.
Trying to salvage some tattered scraps of moral force, I asked the chief vivisectionist, "Do you have a dog or a cat at home?"
"Yes," he said, stamping his cowboy boot in impatience to get back to business. "A dog."
"Well, how would you feel if someone squished your dog?" Here we go, I thought. Reasonable. Low-key. Appeal to his natural empathy.
"Happy," he said. And he smiled and went back to the worm.
"How old are you?" I asked him, eager both to interrupt his work and to assure myself that Charlie wasn't going to hit this phase before I'd had time to find a competent local therapist.
"Four," he said. His henchman held up four fingers to show that he, too, was four. "I'm free," said another boy, who'd been occupying himself innocently with a plastic backhoe. Charlie merely waved his spoon and said, "'Poon." For the moment, I felt safe.
But I wasn't. The second kid, the henchman, confided, "We say bad words on the bus."
"Oh, do you," I asked without a question mark, frostily, distant but polite, considering a dive back into the arborvitae.
"Yeah. We say potty words. Like pee."
His friend in the cowboy boots giggled.
"And poop," he continued, grinning widely. The free-year-old laughed, too.
"And wiener," he happily caroled.
The cowboy then piped up. "And I say fucking bitch!"
And I thought, Holy shit. And picked up Charlie, spoon and all, and headed straight for the gate. After all, there's only so much worm-killing this fucking bitch can take.
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Wow. That *was* scary. Good thing that a Merrell-wearing panther had Charlie's back.
Wow!
Sitting here with mouth agape. What has happened to kids?? When I was little it was bad enough to say peepee. What? In utter shock. Although I don't know why I should be with the way society is going. Soon it will be acceptable playground behavior to say such things.
long time reader first time commentor
Dang I did the slap my hand over my mouth reading this one. Doesn't happen too often.
I know, it's scary. My son is 8 and I've seen all that you describe and more. And I bet their parents don't know half of what they have been doing. Where, I wonder, WERE their parents?
--Mary
AGH! My BubTar is 4! I hope the kids in his class aren't like these two little heathens!
Unfortunately, this tale didn't surprise me much at all... awhile back when my daughter was about 18 mos, I encountered a singularly "spirited" 4-year-old at our neighborhood park.
She kept running up to my toddler and screaming in her face, or screaming at her from a distance. I told her to stop, and she did. Later, when the sharing of a climbing structure was in question, she told me that she was "evil," and when I countered that I didn't think so she said, "Oh yes I am, I don't share and I say bad words."
This kid was brimming with defiance, chock-full and ready to bully anyone younger than her within her reach. She also defied/ignored me, until I suggested I'd go speak to her mother.
Her older sister (a clear family favorite) was also there, along with their parents and another family. These well-heeled folks were drinking wine and having a picnic and utterly ignoring the "evil" 4 year old. Made me sad for little Cruella, and P-O'd at the neglectful parents.
But wow, it doesn't make me particularly look forward to age 4. De-fie-o-rama.
Is it because I've only got girls? Because I thought that was the funniest thing I've read all week.
Oh, I remember working with small kids like that and just cringing about all the horrible things they said and KNEW.
And don't be fooled, Carrie: some girls hit that phase eventually too.
Jesus H. You found the junior branch of the local "hood. Bail out! Bail out!
Oh...my...
I happened to notice the category you filed this under, I supposed for lack of one called Insolent Fouth-mouthed Future Serial Killers in Charge.
Is there a convent for small boys? Because I might want to send mine there to sheild him from...everything.
I'd like to join in, but the kid who squished the worm was probably my youngest.
And my oldest is the one who said, "Fuck you" to a little girl at daycare, as the teacher told me, "With power." (Note to self: No more walking on urban streets. You'd be fuckin' amazed what gets said and picked up and repeated out there!)
And yes, I drink wine at home, but don't ignore my kidlets in the park. They are both more kind and polite now than in the past, and will get better as the years go by. (I hope)
Unfortunately, there are moments of shame & humiliation in all parents lives. Maybe those parents sucked, and maybe they were just tired and weren't very vigilant that particular day.
I know you're a little shocked right now, but mmm, well your kid may not be perfect either someday...
(Note me timidly ducking here...)
Heh. I thought it was a little funny, too.
Of course, I also crack up when, usually in the car, my four year-old says, "Why did you say damn it?" (Hey, the guy cut me off, and dangerously so!)
I started reading your blog kind of by accident and couldn't stop reading even though the rice is finished cooking and my stomach is growling, the writing is fantastic, the material is hilarious, you are my hero. Then I got down to your post from the 2nd, THE CURE. I couldn't believe what I was reading! I thought my sister and I were the only ones who fell off our Danskos. I am totally hooked and thrilled to add your blog to my bookmarks bar!
Tee hee. I have to admit thinking it's a little funny, too, but probably because I'm done with that phase. My kid was the one to say "dammit fuck" on the playground. Appropriately, she's now a junior in college, majoring in communications.
So, ummm, your post inspired me to write a little something about my great parenting shame [bows head in utter humiliation]. ;-)
My then nearly three-year-old called me "stupid mommy" once. We had a long talk about how we don't say stupid, that it isn't nice, we only use kind words. But how do I counter the f-bomb used correctly? For example, "Mommy that little boy at the park was a fucker."
I came close to peeing my pants reading this post. Reminded me of a car ride with my oldest son when he was 5 ... I think this post may be the just the inspiration to launch hundreds of other blog entries under the category "Potty Mouth Babes"
Is it bad that I laughed out loud?
Thank you so, so, so much for the laugh.
Too, too funny!
BTW, Charlie will *never* be like them. Rest assured.
Welcome to the wonderful world we live in, where it seems that many parents are too wrapped up in their own drama filled lives to actually pay attention to their children and raise them properly.
My oldest daughter turned 4 last week. She recently had her preschool interview and there were other children and parents that at the interview. One child kept throwing toys at all the other kids, another tried to actually climb the walls. My daughter sat quietly at my side as we waited our turn and then finally told me "those kids are being so bad mommy" and I agreed with her.
These parents were so busy gossiping on their phones, etc to may attention to their own children at a preschool interview!!
At one point the teachers put a group of the kids on a mat with toys, my daughter included and this one very rude boy grabbed a toy from my daughter and another girl (his mother didnt even stay in the room, she went outside for a smoke). At first my daughter just looked at me with tears in her eyes and my heart began to break. But then the same boy grabbed another toy from her and then kicked her, without batting an eyelash my daughter laid him out on the ground and said "YOU NEED A TIMEOUT MISTER!"
As you can see I'm teaching my girls not to start stuff, but they sure as hell can finish the job.
Most funniest story I heard from you in a long time. Thanks!
Please tell me that last line was, uh, embellished? Or lie to me. You're choice.
That would be "your" choice. Dammit.
That's going to be my kid, because of all the Deadwood-watching that went on in his formative infant months. Except he'll say "fucking cocksucker".
But he better leave the worms alone, goddamn it. I do have my priorities.
He was FOUR?!!!
I'm with the "your kid might not be so perfect someday poster", but with a twist. My first, a lovely four-year-old boy, as it happens, who is kind, waits his turn, is a little shy, and adores his mommy, would have been horrified and probably spent the afternoon in my lap after an experience like this.
My lovely daughter, however, at all of nineteen months, has curious worm squisher written all over her. I'd like to think she won't have as horrifying a vocabulary, but truly, she is an ass-kicker in the making. We'll work on patience, kindness, and respect, of course, but honestly, I think she just got the stubborn, independent gene in a way her brother did not. It stuns me how different the two sibs are given the genetic overlap.
Good luck to you and I hope you get to find this out first hand... :)
You know, I have to believe there's a broad spectrum of behaviors between shining perfection and...well, animal-torturing preschool Longshoremanism.
Four year olds think it is funny to use potty language. Pee and Poop and all those are very histercal to them. However the last one was a little beyond anything I would even let me child here, none the less say.
And my kids have quickly learned that if they are going to squish worms that they better write a report on its internal organs.
I am expecting my first child - a girl - and stories like this one only remind me of my own childhood ... Well ... mostly my *brother* learning swear words from his friends. Upon seeing two dogs humping, he loudly proclaimed to my mother, "Mom - those dogs are fuckin'." Nice. Who said girls were more verbal than boys?
Does it help you to know that the worm is now not one dead worm but two living worms?
Annelids laugh last.
Ooh, that worm-slasher sounds sociopathic.
I too nearly peed my pants when I read this. I certainly laughed out loud. Maybe I'm twisted.
I'll be honest, the worm killing bothered me more then the swearing, especially since the little wanker thought it might be fun to have his dog squooshed too. You know that's a sign of future serial-killing, right? At least the cowboy will only be a foul mouthed ruffian. His friend may be bunk mates with the BTK (and yes I know they don't bunk updeath row inmates).
I don't think you have to worry about the temporary bad influence on Charlie, unless he starts saying "it puts the lotion on it's skin...."
When I was in 1st grade in 1976, I called Jimmy Jones a jackass for cutting in line in front of me. Mrs. Dosche very nearly had a stroke. The principal was so shocked he forgot to spank me. My mom had to come get me at school and meet with him. But when we got home, she couldn't punish me because she KNEW I had learned that kind of language from her...and I was right about Jimmy Jones being a jackass. My dear mom is now passing on her vocabulary to my kids, much to my dismay.
I don't know, Jo; I hope that worm was feeling lucky...
I, too, found the worm-killing a little disturbing, but it really does take a long time for kids to learn empathy. But the swearing...well, if I manage to keep my kid from saying "fuck" before he's three I'll consider that an achievement.
A co-worker never swears in front of their kids, but when they were in an accident a few years ago (their SUV flipped a couple of times and ended up right side up), the first thing he heard once they stopped moving was "What the fuck?!" from his 8-year-old. He was so rattled that all he could say was, "What the fuck indeed, kiddo."
8^0
okay...the worm killing...disturbing.
But as someone who hardly ever swears in front of my kid(except when stubbing my toe or dropping eggs on the ceramic tile, maybe), I have to admit, I have a 4 year old whose life mission it is to embarass me with his incredible potty mouth. It's not that he hears it every day, but little Andrew Dice Clay will repeat pretty much any word he hears, swear or not and decide based on public reaction if he will repeat them again. The public reaction he is looking for being shock and awe. OMG we have exhausted every option at this juncture discipline wise and have moved on to totally ignoring him when he feels the need to make us appear to be total trash.
That being said, there is a chance that Charlie may be dropping an Eff Bomb sometime in the next two years. Let me know how you deal with that one.
Why, I'll cut him in half with a plastic shovel, of course.
As another poster mentioned, that worm is still alive, only plural now.
Wow.. long time reader.. actually I've commented before as well, made that slightly craptastic Batman doll thing. ANyway..
Yeah. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. both girls. my eldest has called me a bitch once, and said "fuck you" to my father in law on more than one occasion.
My youngest will not stop saying "what the fuck is that?" or "aww shiiiit" whenever she feels like it.
I'd like to blame it on my husband being a sailor (which he actually is), but it's my fault too.
I think every toddler/preschooler/adolescent/damned teenager has their times of.. just I dunno. Rebellion? Thinking f-bombs are cool? Eating all the damned cheesecake?
Apologies for this being completely stupid. My kidneys are giving me hell and I couldn't think straight if I tried.
It's a given that the worm-killers are future serial killers.
But don't you think you're getting just a wee bit high and mighty on the whole bad-language thing? Just saying, but your little prodigy is halfway to "poontang," and he's not even two yet.
I love you Sara. Thank you for making me not feel like the World's Worst Mother. I will gladly share the award with you.
Hey, T.?
Suck it.
Sorry, but that totally cracked me up and I'm glad to see I'm not alone there.
You know, I work with kids, so that shouldn't surprise me, but...nonetheless, it does. I smiled at the kid labeling "pee" and "poop" as bad words, but Mr. Cowboy Boots...yeah, that had jaw hitting keyboard. And sweet Charlie, utterly oblivious....
My mom was a doctor who was frequently on call, so she was often mad when the phone rang. She hardly ever swears, even now that we're grown (I didn't know about "fuck" until well into elementary school, and then I learned it from graffiti). Still, she realized she'd better clean up her act towards the telephone when 2 1/2 year old me started screaming "GODDAMMIT" every. single. time. the phone rang.
Pfft, please, there is a one-year-old at my work (daycare) who will tell you off and call you a fucking bitch without batting an eye. And hell try to spit on you, too. At one.
It's a well-known fact that kids kill things: bugs, worms, caterpillars. They just do. As a pre-schooler, I always took caterpillars onto our front stone step and stepped on them to make a decorated stone out of their different colored guts and I have never killed a person. Sorry, I just cant get horrified over children, especially boys, killing a WORM. It's a WORM, people. Sheesh.
I always thought that old two worm halves becoming two worms was an urban myth designed to make gardeners feel better, and Julie's link seems to confirm that. A worm cut in two generally makes one dead worm, not two live ones.
And regarding foul-mouthed toddlers: They have to hear it somewhere. If htey repeat in onnocence language they hear in teh street -which definitely happens- then that would be a good time to have a talk to them about what is appropriate language for a four-year old. If you go ballistic the first time they try the words, they will use them as a good way of winding you up when they need it.
My guess is that truly foul-mouthed little ones are only repeating language they hear from their parents- particularly that little one-year old mentioned above, who sounds as though she is witnessing domestic abuse of some kind, and sounds like a potential child-protection case. I find that report very disturbing.
My children hear bad language on occasion(my nine-year old, having stubbed her toe the other day, distinctly said "Oh shit!" which I couldn't get too cross about it as it was "appropriate" in the situation (rather like the toppled SUV eight-year old cited above). In the main though, they find swearing inappropriate.
I think the average four-year old is perfectly able to understand the difference between "poop" (normal potty mouth for four, probably passed on at nursery) and "fucking bitch" (probably witnessed said in anger by an adult). Either way, their parents need to talk to them about it.
As the mother of a "spirited" boy and easy girl, well, boys do stuff like kill bugs/worms. And when you asked about the dog? Look, 4 year olds are pretty smart. He knew where you were going, and he wasn't going to let you "win". I'm sure he doesn't actually think he'd be happy if Fido croaked. My 3 yr old boy will say things like "If I have to get in the car seat, I don't WANT to go to the playground/get ice cream/go to friends house/go to the restaurant..." (patently false, designed to get me into the argument of, "yes you do honey, you love doing XYZ....") Also says "I WANT to be flat like a pancake and go to the hospital!" when told he cannot run into the street and why. When angry at me? Tells me he wants me to "go away forever" (also patently false because 5 min. later he needs me to get him some milk or whatever...) Etc. Little kids lie to get your attention.
And squish stuff.
As to the swearing, I would have been caught off-gaurd too, but kids repeat what they hear. And some "modern" parents of today refuse to change their swearin' lifestyles! Some blogger, can't remember, wrote a long post about it. How she wouldn't change her swearin' for a mere kid. How boring that would be! No friend would want to be with her if she didn't swear! Or something like that. And I know parents who think swear words are fine and don't care if the kids say them. That's likely what you've got here, a set of parents who swear and a kid who repeats.
I guess I would have left too, because I'm sure my 3 yr old would have heard and copied immediately....