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10/12/2006
Julie to La Leche League: Suck it
According to Salon.com's Broadsheet, La Leche League has booked so-called "comic mom" Tricia Shore, who writes under the name Tricia Smith Vaughan and whom some of you will remember from others' well-crafted rants, to speak at a dinner celebrating LLL's 50th anniversary.
A sampling of Vaughan's pro-woman, pro-family building opinions on a few topics that may be of interest to you...
On women postponing conception by using birth control pills:
Girls could choose any guy we wanted, have sex with him, come away with little if any emotional attachment, and choose to not become pregnant. Or choose not to continue pregnancy.
What happens to women who have too many choices? We become overstressed and tired and cranky and depressed and have other maladies from the choice of it all. [...] We became so good at supposedly doing all this choosing stuff that we forgot that sex was connected to something that it had been connected to for at least thousands of years. Some did so much of this forgetting, and did it so well, that when it came time to have a baby, well, they forgot. We'd been forgetting for a long time and then, suddenly, we were supposed to remember that sex produces a baby, but we forgot the whole sex-leads-to-a-baby thing because pills and birth control and women's magazines have told us that sex leads to fun and glamour and prestige, but not necessarily to a baby.
[A]lready, in our brave new world, women who say they want a baby have no time for sex. What will happen when their artificially conceived offspring cries and needs his or her mommy? Never mind, she'll be working and doing other important stuff. The nanny or day care will be there, for a fee, of course.
A generation of women are too busy to have sex and are so disconnected from nature that some must hire a doctor and a test tube to conceive. As a result, a generation of children will be saying, "Where's my mommy?" And through the silence, they will receive a reply: She is much too busy to care.
...which postponement can lead to assisted reproduction:
When one is too busy with career, travel, and other amenities to have sex, one turns to the medical community: Women "are prepared to pay thousands of pounds for private IVF treatments — even though they have unpleasant and potentially harmful side effects — because they believe it offers them the best chance of 'instant pregnancy'."
Pregnancy should never be worth the wait, should it? After all, we grew up with instant oatmeal, solid-state television, instant gratification of every sort. And yet all that took too long. Now we are having trouble waiting to conceive. Who cares about those nasty side effects — we want to conceive and we want it NOW!
...which might eventually in its turn lead to adoption:
With stranger adoption, we take children from their natural families and place them with families that aren't their own, asking everyone to pretend that these children belong in those families.
The next time you become angry at a couple who claims to be "two mommies," [Not that often, Tricia. — Julie] ask yourself how often you've capitulated to the rhetoric of this brave new world, how often you've called someone who's never given birth and passed along genes a mother, or how often you've looked at an Asian child with two people who are clearly not her parents and believed that they are family.
...or, if you conceive and deliver, postpartum depression:
We follow celebrities, especially when they tell us how we should think. One reason for the recent post-partum depression epidemic, of course, is mental health spokesperson Brooke Shields. [A quick search of PubMed reveals that no studies have yet been published fingering Ms. Shields as Patient Zero. Perhaps those are still undergoing careful peer review. — Julie]
Brooke really should know better than to prostitute herself to the mental health industry...I have a real problem with her promoting post-partum depression and so easily taking the medications that made everything bright and cheery again, supposedly. The old-fashioned kind of prostitution, sans government intervention, harms few people. With the newfangled Brooke Shields-mental-health-prostitution, many new moms read her book and say, "That’s me!" And then the moms jump on the post-partum depression bandwagon themselves, along with the little pills that supposedly cure the depression. [C'mon. What are you waiting for? All the cool kids are doing it. What are you, chicken? — Apparently Brooke, Julie, and others]
Ah, but now we come to it:
By the way, breastfeeding your newborn helps your hormones to return to normal, but how many times do you read this fact when you hear about post-partum depression? Instead of promoting this natural hormone regulator, Brooke was paid by the formula industry to promote bottlefeeding.
You see, it seems that Vaughan, or Shore, is a breastfeeding advocate who was barred from performing at a comedy club when she attempted to take the stage with her infant son in a sling. According to the club's management, bringing in the baby would have violated California's liquor control laws, which prohibit people under 21 from entering bars.
So on that score, LLL's interest in Shore, or Vaughan, who's spoken at a LLL gathering in the past, is understandable. I can only assume they were unable to find another woman who'd been discriminated against because she breastfed. I'm sure they combed this great bottle-feeding nation of ours and came up dry in their search for another advocate who could speak forcefully but wittily on the topic of nursing without all the troublesome anti-mother baggage.
With such ugly attitudes towards other women, mothers and those who hope to be, I find it hard to believe Shore's really as funny as she thinks she is. But then maybe I don't have much of a sense of humor, because her presence at the LLL dinner sounds like a lousy fucking joke to me.
Update: mamacrab writes, "Just called LLL to complain. The woman on the phone told me the speaker has been CANCELLED! I asked if she was cancelled due to complaints and she said yes."
Posted by Julie at 09:00 PM in Jane, you ignorant slut | Permalink
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Comments (176)
This woman strikes me as genuinely conservative and narrow-minded. How she managaes to reconcile this stance with her aspiring carreer path of a comedian--- beats me.
As Kurt Vonnegutt put it, "Humour does not go well with preaching. It often leads to vomiting and instant death."
Posted by: tsena at Oct 12, 2006 9:13:48 PM
Jesus, what an asshat.
Posted by: Stacey at Oct 12, 2006 9:19:23 PM
Oh god, this woman again! She is horrid, absolutely horrid. Where did I read about her the last time, did you blog about her before? Or maybe Getupgrrl did? I remember reading her views on adoption. She is hateful.
Maybe if she had a deformed uterus, and 3 miscarriages, and couldn't pop out her damn kids easy as can be, she'd think a bit before she opened her idiot mouth.
Gah.
Posted by: Erica at Oct 12, 2006 9:26:12 PM
What Stacey said. God those comments on adoption just burn me- why the hell do people assume the most important part of parenting is DNA?
Posted by: Leggy at Oct 12, 2006 9:28:40 PM
I'm not sure that this woman is as "conservative" as much as she is "narrow-minded". I think it's okay to aspire to be a stay-at-home mom (if one is lucky enough to have that option), but don't preach to me or anyone else about the difficult decisions we've made. I also think it's okay to want to breastfeed your children until they're 12 (not really - eew), but don't preach to me about it. I find the pseudo-sarcastic/judgemental attitude toward women using contraception and bottle feeding offensive. She's definitely not funny.
Posted by: Sarah at Oct 12, 2006 9:29:45 PM
What a weird weird weird thing for LLL to do. Weird. Really weird.
Posted by: lb at Oct 12, 2006 9:29:56 PM
Horrifying! Surely some of the people at LLL will come to their senses, and stop giving this person a forum for her nasty, ill-informed and divisive opinions. I can't believe anybody would hire this person to speak at a celebratory event. How depressing.
Posted by: SheilaC at Oct 12, 2006 9:32:10 PM
Oh, come on, you have to admit the idea of using ART because you don't have "time" for sex is kind of funny.
Just not in a ha-ha way.
Posted by: Alex at Oct 12, 2006 9:32:53 PM
I just don't know what to think... perhaps I should see a lactation consultant.
Posted by: Emilie at Oct 12, 2006 9:33:12 PM
I don't find her narrow-minded or conservative. Just plain stupid. Really strikes me as the type who's trying to get some attention by espousing the most arbitrarily radical views she can and shouting them to anyone who will listen.
May she become the wet nurse of the rats of a thousand sewers.
Posted by: Casey at Oct 12, 2006 9:37:17 PM
I hate the definition of a family debate. It's so nuclear, so passe.
Posted by: Cricket at Oct 12, 2006 9:38:04 PM
You know, I sometimes hear negative comments about LLL. But even as a bottle-feeder myself, I have always figured they couldn't really be that bad. I gave them the benefit of the doubt in my mind.
But honestly, their decision to book this woman for their dinner makes me a little less inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt next time.
I'm sure they're a great organization, but this decision was a bad one. It gives ammo to the non-supporters and confuses us in-betweeners.
Posted by: k at Oct 12, 2006 9:41:17 PM
That is...
um.
I'd say disgusting.
Posted by: uberimma at Oct 12, 2006 9:43:43 PM
I nursed for 8+ months with my second daughter - and still got PPD.
And what happens to those of us who have plenty of time for sex - but just don't ovulate? Perhaps we just don't want it bad enough.
Shame on this woman. Not funny at all.
Posted by: Toni at Oct 12, 2006 9:45:14 PM
Feel free to let 'em know what you think...
Posted by: Julie at Oct 12, 2006 9:48:44 PM
What a complete asshat, and I say that as someone who nursed both kids for nearly a year. I think it's worth letting LLL know how many potential converts--I mean, new moms--they might lose if this raving loony is their public face.
Posted by: cori at Oct 12, 2006 9:52:25 PM
OMG. I think my head might explode. Maybe I should post THAT video footage on YouTube.
We are too busy to have sex? With all the sex on TV she thinks that we aren't making time for this? Cause, yeah, fertility treatments are the "quick and easy" way to get pregnant.
So is this woman completely opposite of that feminism woman hocking her book that has been cause so much trouble on the blogs for so long? Or just so long as you plan a career where you can breastfeed your baby all the time. Wait, she couldn't do that either. Oops.
And I don't think any of these people bothered to pick up Brooke Shields book.
*snarl*
Posted by: MamaChristy at Oct 12, 2006 9:53:14 PM
oh i hate that stupid bitch.
Posted by: afrindiemum at Oct 12, 2006 9:54:20 PM
And here I was smoking crack to be one of the cool kids, when really my post-partum depression would've gotten me right into the club. I had no idea.
I'll have to think about that some more while I neglect my children and think about how much time I don't have for sex.
Posted by: Mir at Oct 12, 2006 9:59:50 PM
i had no major issues with conception, birth, breastfeeding, etc. and i still got more and more pissed reading every word of that. who in the fuck does she possibly think she is?
Posted by: mama without instructions at Oct 12, 2006 10:06:35 PM
I've read a lot of bullshit in my time and have gotten angry. But very rarely do I read something that leaves me so utterly furious I'm almost in tears. Breastfeeding didn't do crap to help my hormones, that's for sure.
I tried really hard to nurse my son but my milk never came in. I tried support groups, herbal remedies, and prescription drugs, but nothing helped my supply. It wasn't a latch or suck problem, either. I had to supplement with crazy-expensive formula (milk protein allergy) or my son would have starved.
All of the fighting to nurse really dragged me down into a nasty case of PPD. I look back and don't think I ever hit bottom as hard as I did the day I called the ped. and begged for help. I consider myself a pretty strong person, but knew something was wrong when my OB/GYN got concerned when I couldn't stop crying in my 6-week checkup.
As my ped. said the very first week when he told me to supplement: "A happy mother means a happy baby. I've seen struggles to breastfeed lead to many cases of PPD. So, by all means, keep trying, but please don't beat yourself up over it if you choose to wean." I just wish I'd listened to him sooner. 8 weeks of fighting it about killed me, and I felt so much better after I forgave myself and weaned him completely at 12 weeks. So, Ms. Shore can kiss my flabby post-pregnancy ass and go to hell.
Posted by: Mazarin at Oct 12, 2006 10:21:44 PM
Gosh, um...as someone who is adopted, and pretty damn happy with my mother "...who's never given birth and passed along genes...", I am simply flabbergasted.
Julie, not only are you funny, brave, and witty, you are so damn good at keeping people aware of the good, bad, and sometimes outright crazy...the latter adjective clearly describes this woman.
Posted by: Maren at Oct 12, 2006 10:21:57 PM
Um...ew? Her bizarre and offensive comments motivated to check out her website, which is 1) not funny, and 2) downright mean, especially the bit in her "bio" section about being adopted as an infant.
And I think that even the best parenting jokes lose something when followed by, "She'll be here all week, folks."
Posted by: Adrienne at Oct 12, 2006 10:33:09 PM
I read all through her website and so many things come to mind to say but in a considerate effort to not be a blog-hog I will just sink really low and be very blunt.
She is a shitbox.
Posted by: B at Oct 12, 2006 10:45:15 PM
Yeah, hi. Fertile. Never took the pill in my life. Sailed through pregnancy in the best health of my life. Emergency c-section because my daughter la petit merde decided to be breech. Nursability like unto a dairy cow. And guess what?
Diagnosis: moderate to severe postpartum depression. To put it another way, my baby was born on the 6th and by the 19th I had taken my first dose of antidepressants, because in that tiny little space of time I became so fucked-up I could barely function.
The formula companies have not paid me to whore, and if they did my husband would probably be a little miffed.
I like the word shitbox. Someone needs to please tell this shitbox to go fuck Tom Cruise (who can talk about PPD all he wants once HE gets pregnant). The word shitbox keeps me from using the word "cunt" in an insulting fashion, something I've never done in my life and intend never to do... but she brought me pretty close.
And I *like* la Leche League, so what the hell were they thinking?
Posted by: Heather at Oct 12, 2006 11:05:58 PM
I'm all in favor of breastfeeding, and supporting women who want to breastfeed. But this woman sounds absolutely despicable, not to mention utterly ignorant.
Posted by: Becki at Oct 12, 2006 11:08:52 PM
that is disgusting....
Posted by: yanicka at Oct 12, 2006 11:16:42 PM
Oh, good lord. Conservative rushing to say that no, no, NO! she's not with us! (not with 99% anyway - but everyone's got their fringe :)). I was lucky, I had no bf'ing problems and no PPD. And about her adoption comments - honestly, it sounds to me like she needs a therapist, not a comedy routine.
Posted by: Sonetka at Oct 12, 2006 11:23:14 PM
I wonder how she'd explain the fact that I didn't use birth control for more than a couple of years, started trying to conceive at only 26 and would have breastfed had my beautiful boy not been doing something really stupid with his tongue instead of sucking? The PPD, well, that did happen too and the Paxil I took for a few months definitely helped clear my head.
I'm thinking she needs a dose of an anti-depressant herself. She could definitely stand to start looking at the world from a more positive angle.
And, Stacy's right, she's an asshat.
Posted by: Hero at Oct 12, 2006 11:31:52 PM
Whoa, LLL is going too far with this. I'm all for breastfeeding, and have breastfed 4 kids, but where the heck is this lady from? It just turns me off completely. Makes me not want to have sex, just go get IVF next time....oh wait, just kidding!!!
Posted by: Gina at Oct 12, 2006 11:40:05 PM
Has she ever DONE IVF? Because I have a hard time believing that anyone who could achieve pregnancy the old-fashioned way would ever in thier lives choose to do IVF instead. I have no words to even describe the rage I'm feeling right now.
Posted by: Flicka at Oct 12, 2006 11:53:48 PM
Oh come on now don't be so hard on her-I think she is just jealous of those of us infertiles and/or habitual aborters (I just made the cut w/ misc. #3!Woohoo!)because we are all intimate with the "love wand". And oh what a joy that is when you are bleeding, cramping and fully expecting to hear the wee one's heartbeat has stopped.
I'd typically say I'd never wish that on my worst enemy but man I'd really love to see what this bitch would be writing about if she had to endure a misc. at least once.
Oh yeah, I thank God/The Big Cheese-as I like to call the great divine source-for MY beautiful and amazing Daughter who was born to her lifemother (saw that recently and REALLY like the term) in China but I am the one lucky enough for her to call "Mommy"!
I feel so sorry for that woman's kids.
Posted by: Theresa at Oct 12, 2006 11:57:09 PM
Yikes. Creepy.
I'm breastfeeding my 12-month old daughter and nevertheless had terrible PPD. What a douchebag.
Posted by: chrissieroux at Oct 13, 2006 12:28:59 AM
What a horrible, mean, hateful woman she is. It is sad that some people look down on anyone who doesn't conceive a child "natural" into their own biological family. It just makes me sick. and sad.
I wasn't too busy to have sex. We started trying when I was 23 but those damn blocked tubes screwed everything up. And when my "artificially conceived offspring cries and needs his or her mommy" I am there for him Damnit.
And don't even get me started on her opinion of adoption.
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.
Posted by: Melody at Oct 13, 2006 12:29:12 AM
Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the negatives of breastfeeding? I swallowed the breastfeeding kool-aid, went to the lactation consultants, cleared up that damn painful infection and am still breastfeeding my daughter at 14 months. But what all those breastfeeding-cures-all proponents fail to mention was that it was one of the most isolating experiences of my life. A baby that feeds for 45 minutes at a time, gives you a 15 minute break and then wants to feed again is incredibly isolating. Hormone regulation or not, I think that sense of isolation probably contributed more to my post-partum depression than anything else. Geez, I hate people.
Posted by: Jujubee at Oct 13, 2006 12:41:41 AM
Melody - I hear you, I was 24 when I started trying and still stuffed full of high school health class propaganda about how if you stand downwind of a guy you'll get pregnant. Quite the rude awakening that was!
Posted by: Sonetka at Oct 13, 2006 12:44:31 AM
Wow...I'm so glad to know that my best friend, who has never given birth but is in the process of adopting her foster daughter and has parented many others, isn't actually a mother, but that woman who picked up her four-week-old son and used him to hit her "baby-daddy" is, all because of genetics. What a completely asinine thing to say. Methinks that woman is a perfect example of what is wrong with our country.
Posted by: KelliAmanda at Oct 13, 2006 12:44:37 AM
Holly crap! I was trying to keep my cool, and almost had it until I read about adoption… Cause clearly, infertile women don’t exist, and all those Asian kids are so much better off in their state-run orphanages…
Posted by: vasilisa at Oct 13, 2006 12:50:52 AM
I hope perople throw their food at her when she gets up stage. She is a vile, cowardly person who won't even accept e-mails from people unless they register with her first. Fuck that and fuck her in her punk ass.
Posted by: Carrie Jo at Oct 13, 2006 12:58:54 AM
I dont ever remember hearing Brooke Sheilds saying everything became "bright and cheery". And for the record I breastfed my one daughter and STILL had postpartum depression....but I guess thats what happens when u go thru one too many pregnancy losses and then the "sucessful" pregnancy and delivery doesnt read like a fairy tale story.
Attempted breastfeeding second daughter, but she was born 6 wks early and during one of our first "sessions" she stopped breathing and I nearly killed her! Turns out my breastmilk (the tiny bit i had) was giving her so much reflux it was cutting off her airway. We didn't try anymore and I didn't have PPD that time. HHHHhhhmmmmm.....
I'm all for breastfeeding - IF YOU ARE ABLE! And it gives women everywhere a bad name when some bitch like this gets up and becomes a "poster child" for a decent cause.
Posted by: Megan M at Oct 13, 2006 1:59:46 AM
I think she is totaly flippant about things that are really hurtful to EVERONE. Who has not read that and said, 'She's talking about me?' She should be more thoughtful and caring. (The world has gone totally mad)!
Posted by: Coral at Oct 13, 2006 2:05:58 AM
Thanks for this. Another source for my dissertation on the anti-woman (not even anti-feminist, simply misogynist) nature of modern breastfeeding rhetoric. Jesus H. Fucking Christ, "pretend they're a family"? Can I just say that my family-of-choice is far more loving and serves the functions of family far better than anyone I'm related to?
Posted by: BeckaJo at Oct 13, 2006 2:41:56 AM
Wow.
She obviously did NOT do her research on Brooke Shields, because anyone who read her book, knows that her first priority was breastfeeding, with formula as a back up.
And as far as the anti-depressants go, well, we all know it's FAR better to have a suicidal, detached, emotionless mother than one who *GASP* takes "happy pills."
What a twat.
Posted by: at Oct 13, 2006 2:53:56 AM
Whoops, that last comment was from me.
Posted by: Kate at Oct 13, 2006 2:54:27 AM
Oh, of course, that's why I'm appealing to the medical community to help me fall pregnant. Silly me, I didn't realise. It's because I'm too busy to wait until I fall pregnant "naturally". Of course, that's it. I mean, what's three and a half years?
I don't even find her vaguely funny and the idea that women are going to listen to her, that women are actually comfortable listening to this is just mind blowing.
Then again, a woman who had twins thanks to the help of clomid, did say in front of me, "I just can't believe that women are happy to inject themselves with cancer-causing hormones just to have a child." Unbelievable.
Posted by: Carlynn at Oct 13, 2006 4:05:13 AM
She strikes me as a sleep-deprived woman desperately holding onto a few straws of her truth (read- bigoted) and attempting to string them together into sentences. Also, I'm willing to be that she has not encountered any problems whatosever on her journey to parenthood.
Although I do think there is a nugget of truth in something she nearly says, and which I think every person should be aware of before starting adult life- namely that fertility decreases dramatically with age- it is useless to pretend otherwise. I also think that young people should be made aware of the potetial repercussions on future fertility of STDs, for example.
Posted by: e at Oct 13, 2006 4:13:30 AM
Yeah, add me to the chorus of people who think this woman is pure evil. What a complete asshole.
Posted by: jenn at Oct 13, 2006 7:01:42 AM
From the looks of her photo on her website, she waited quite a while to have children too. What's wrong with her?
And really, I expect better from LLL. They couldn't have done their research.
Posted by: chris at Oct 13, 2006 7:11:40 AM
Wait... so is she saying that babies come from... SEX?
Oh my god! Alert the infertile community: Women, stop with the injections and the doctors and the miscarriages, because none of that is neccessary! You just need to make time for SEX!
Posted by: BitterSugarPixie at Oct 13, 2006 7:18:29 AM
what an asshole
Posted by: margaret at Oct 13, 2006 7:32:53 AM

