« Hot, hot, clot | Main | 30 »
11/10/2006
Focus groups flatly rejected "precisely-timed-intercourse-moon"
If most Americans believe, as Ali Domar asserts, that the number one reason for infertility is stress, then it's no wonder a weird little trend has emerged: the conceptionmoon, a vacation expressly planned to result in pregnancy. (The term, coined by the world-class think tank, BabyCenter, follows, of course, on "honeymoon," which dates back to the 16th century, and "babymoon," a trip taken by parents-to-be before the birth of their child, whose arrival will immediately invalidate their passports, restrict their movements to a five-mile radius around their home, and make them long for the happy day when they can fork over great handfuls of cash to have their child terrified by Goofy getting it on.)
A conceptionmoon, a BabyCenter survey found, is typically taken by couples in their thirties with one or more children already, and who have been trying to conceive for an average of eight months. According to their survey, 1 in 10 respondents have taken such a trip; of those who have, 40% got pregnant. The average cost of a couple's conceptionmoon is about $1,700 — a bargain, according to the Baltimore Sun: "It sounds like an extravagance until you put it up against the cost of fertility treatments."
So I guess all those people who tell infertile people to relax and take a vacation are right after all. Are you furiously flinging your clothes into a suitcase now? Yes? Well, may I recommend a trip to the Bahamas? Don't laugh. Couples' massages, aromatherapy, and "an age-old Caribbean fertility concoction" — no, not rum — really work! Even a desperate couple who'd been trying for two months miraculously managed to conceive when they visited a beachfront resort as a last resort.
These vacations are organized around a heretofore mysterious principle: If you want to get pregnant, you should probably at least consider having some sex now and then. The marketing angle is that you should go places conducive to doing so. Busy couples today, say the trendspotters, have difficulty finding time to reconnect, to re-establish intimacy, to rekindle the romance — to hit it scorpion-style, if you will, which is apparently impossible within the confines of a respectable American home, what with all those pesky local sodomy laws. And there are also those who want a nice story to tell their children about where they were conceived. No, I am not making this up [video]. After all, how can any kid feel special unless her parents name her after the cruise ship on which she was begotten? (I think Lusitania is a lovely name for a girl, don't you?)
This trend, such as it is — quintessentially and embarrassingly American, an expensive purpose-driven vacation because we're just so very busy — is obviously irrelevant to infertiles. (Where do we go to conceive? The Motel 6 in Stirrupville, USA.) But it is hard not to resent the reinforcement-by-marketing of one of the most irritating misconceptions people have about infertility. Harder still when for 40% of the people who try it, it actually seems to work.
A wave of the Magic Fingers to Gina, Jenna, and Jen, who e-mailed about this.
Posted by Julie at 11:28 AM in Jane, you ignorant slut | Permalink
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d834518e0569e200d834c4489153ef
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Focus groups flatly rejected "precisely-timed-intercourse-moon":
Comments (91)
While I agree that stress does horrible things to our bodies and as a general group IFs do tend to stress, I get so pissed when I read these articles. I'm happy it worked for those couples - I am.
BUT, what about the woman with blocked tubes? No matter how much she relaxes she will NEVER get pregnant without assistance. They should discuss those scenarios in their articles too. IFs as a whole get enough assvice as it is.
Sorry, didn't mean to rant in your comments section but it just makes me sooo mad. And what? that one couple tried TWO months - forgive me while I go vomit.
Posted by: Heather at Nov 10, 2006 11:57:48 AM
That is, perhaps, one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.
Actual, medical, infertility issues aside, has anyone every heard of the term "ovulation?" So do your call your travel agent and plan the trip around those magic three days? And what if you have irregular cycles? Do you then call and reschedule? Are the tickets refundable?
Absurd.
Posted by: Her Grace at Nov 10, 2006 12:01:13 PM
This story was covered in the Wall Street Journal yesterday. My husband brought the article home, gingerly placed it in my hands, and then left the room while I slowly exploded.
If only we'd spent my money on conceptionmoons instead of fertility treatments!
Feh.
Posted by: BrooklynGirl at Nov 10, 2006 12:03:08 PM
Please, for the love of god, don't let my mother see this article. I think I will spontaneously combust if I have to explain what ANOVULATORY means one. more. time.
Also, if my insurance company won't cover Letrozole, I'm pretty sure they're not going to pay for me to spend a week fucking in the Turks and Caicos.
Posted by: Alexa at Nov 10, 2006 12:08:03 PM
Yeah, what Her Grace said.
"I need to book an absurdly overpriced vacation so my husband and I can frisk it up in an exotic locale, because clearly his sperm won't get out of bed (and up my cooch) for less than five grand."
"Oh, okay. Now, when do you have egg white cervical mucus, and for how long?"
Somebody recently recommended I go on a vacation to get pregnant, and I said "It wouldn't help. I don't ovulate on my own," and then it got really ugly.
What I wonder about is the percentage of women heading out on these stupid vacations who get their periods as the ship is pulling out of port.
Of course, they all get pregnant anyway (usually with the third assistant cabin boy's lovechild), I'm just wondering.
Posted by: akeeyu at Nov 10, 2006 12:10:32 PM
The survey results they report are not scientifically valid. This is a self-selected group of responders. Are they going to be more likely to respond if they had a successful trip? Of course. Also, what defines success? If you just happen to take a vacation and just happen to get pregnant while on vacation, is that reported differently than if you planned the trip several months in advance for that purpose and only that purpose? My guess is that if you tested the "conceptionmoon" as a treatment for infertility with the same scientific standards as you would use for any other actual treatment, that it would fail miserably. And for those who are not infertile, what's the freaking point? You can't "treat" a disease that doesn't exist. A lot of those "success" rates may be artificially inflated also by people who apparently put off even trying until they are on that specific vacation. Oh, the luxury of being too busy to try for a baby. Only the very fertile and the very naive can afford it!
Posted by: Ersza at Nov 10, 2006 12:18:45 PM
Cringe. I am one of those people that got pregnant while on vacation but I rarely tell that part of the story because I hate reinforcing articles like this. Especially since in my mind, it was not the vacation but the Clomid I was taking that finally made me ovulate after 11 cycles of nothing.
Love this line: " the heretofore mysterious principle: If you want to get pregnant, you should probably at least consider having some sex now and then"
I actually know women who were TTC that got upset when the one time they had sex right before their period didn't work. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people who don't even understand the basic concept of ovulation find articles like this enlightening, but it's still annoying.
Posted by: LC at Nov 10, 2006 12:22:25 PM
I can't tell you how many times my mother, MY OWN MOTHER, has told me that my recurrent miscarriages are the result of stress. Are babies brought to term in the middle of famine? In the middle war? In the middle of divorce? The answer is yes. How is my stress so much worse than theirs? It's just completely illogical.
Posted by: Alice at Nov 10, 2006 12:38:01 PM
Hey, don't mock. I think Grand Princess will be a unique and special name for my son.
Posted by: CM at Nov 10, 2006 12:43:52 PM
Let's see, my husband's sperm, what few there are of them, don't like to swim. To combat this problem, I shoved needles in my abdomen and ass and went through a series of procedures that ranged from humiliating to comical to depressing. And now you tell me all I needed was a nice cruise? Damn! I am going to have some words with that RE.
Posted by: at Nov 10, 2006 12:44:49 PM
A dear friend who knows all about our struggles to TTC and our looming IVF sent me a link to this article. And it wasn't meant to be funny. I just wanted to cry. I too wondered how the heck you schedule a vacation for ovulation. And why a couple on their third month of TTC is worthy of anyone's time. The whole thing was puke inducing.
BTW, we tried the get away and get pregnant stragety once. Right after our first IUI we packed our bags and went to the beach for the weekend. It was lovely and filled with lots of frisky sex. When even that didn't work, I was inconsolable. I'm an idiot. LOL.
Posted by: sarah at Nov 10, 2006 12:55:23 PM
I read about the "procreation vacations" on CNN the other day. While I simultaneously banged my head on the desk.
Posted by: statia at Nov 10, 2006 1:02:30 PM
I . . .
I . . .
I'm too frustrated by this article to create full sentences right now. As if America needs more morons thinking that infertility is caused by stress.
Posted by: at Nov 10, 2006 1:08:50 PM
I . . .
I . . .
I'm too frustrated by this article to create full sentences right now. As if America needs more morons thinking that infertility is caused by stress.
Posted by: Mollywogger at Nov 10, 2006 1:09:18 PM
What I don't understand is why these articles keep getting written with the basic misunderstanding that it's not all that hard to get pregnant. I don't know the statistics; what's the percentage of women of childbearing age who are considered infertile? I'm assuming it's a large enough number that it shouldn't be hard to find evidence that these conceptionmoons and the like won't work for a lot of women.
And, hey? People writing these things? It's not hard AT ALL to find blogs like this one. It's not hard AT ALL to find infertility message boards. Do your jobs, "journalists."
Posted by: candace at Nov 10, 2006 1:16:15 PM
Reading this article coincided nicely with my afternoon sugar-crash and general crankiness yesterday. In the time in which it has been out, I have had no less than three people (including an in-law) mention that maybe we should follow the assvice in it and go on vacation. Cause a vacation is going to get and keep me pregnant! Do you think I can just go on my own and get pregnant, since obviously it's just the exotic locale and not well-timed sex and hormone supplementation that's needed? At least your write-up of it made me smile.
Posted by: Katherine at Nov 10, 2006 1:46:47 PM
40%? Even IVF works 50% of the time (well a little less than that for me, but in the best-spun statistics).
Of course, I did get a nice vacation along with my ivf, thanks to doing it long-distance. I even have a postcard of the hospital's hotel to put in the scrapbook, if I ever do a scrapbook (ha). But I'm definitely not going to name the kid after Leona Helmsley.
Posted by: luolin at Nov 10, 2006 1:47:02 PM
I've never heard "babymoon" used that way--everyone I know uses it to refer to parent-baby alone time after the birth.
Posted by: sleeky at Nov 10, 2006 2:02:11 PM
Hey, I can see this as a new career for someone. Planning conception vacations with all the trimmings, including ovulation kits ready and waiting in the hotel room.
Then you can take all the money you make from being a conception travel agent and pay for your own IF treatments.
Posted by: Sparklykatt at Nov 10, 2006 2:12:07 PM
40 percent? They're lying, I tell you, lying. At least I hope so.
This whole thing just pisses me off.
Posted by: chris at Nov 10, 2006 2:12:48 PM
I think this was on the Today show a month or so back, and I had a similar reaction... Luckily they did have a doctor on who explained that unless you took a 30 day vacation, you wouldn't necessarily hit your ovulation. (If you were so lucky to actually ovulate once in a 30 day period of time... and have cooperative sperm to boot!)
We plan to tell our son that we took a lovely vacation to Stanford University, a whole 20 minutes from home, (where at least they have palm trees!). After we left, he was conceived. After he was conceived, I lay bloated on the couch for a week or so, not sunbathing in the tropics, and not very pregnant. At least we didn't name him "petri dish". (Or "liquid nitrogen tank", where he spent 15 years in one incarnation, and several months in another...)
Posted by: kari at Nov 10, 2006 2:49:30 PM
If you don't have time to have sex, you don't have time for a baby.
There. I said it.
Posted by: Cakes at Nov 10, 2006 2:54:19 PM
that was of course for the fertile population.
For me, if you don't have time to go to 50 appts a month, shoot up in strange bathrooms etc...
Posted by: Cakes at Nov 10, 2006 2:55:38 PM
Damn, should have named Polly "Locust & 10th." Too late now.
"Even a desperate couple who'd been trying for two months miraculously managed to conceive..."
One of your best lines ever.
Posted by: Menita at Nov 10, 2006 2:58:26 PM
Oh, my, I have things backwards. For some silly reason I thought it was the infertility that was causing my stress.
Shouldn't a conceptionmoon be defined as the act of dropping one's pants so dear hubby can do the progesterone in oil shot? Just sayin'.
Posted by: Elizabeth at Nov 10, 2006 3:41:32 PM
Love Elizabeth's re-definition of conceptionmoon.
And as for..."a conceptionmoon is typically taken by couples in their thirties with one or more children already, and who have been trying to conceive for an average of eight months."
Is it just me, or does this not exclude a non-trivial number of infertiles? Not to diminish the pain of secondary infertility, but many of us can't make it even that far.
"According to their survey, 1 in 10 respondents have taken such a trip; of those who have, 40% got pregnant." On the trip? Or just sometime afterward? Because frankly, if it's the latter, I am not impressed by the "success rate" of this treatment...
Posted by: at Nov 10, 2006 4:04:58 PM
Whoops...didn't mean to be anon. The post immediately above was me.
Posted by: Alex at Nov 10, 2006 4:06:28 PM
My SIL was planning to take one such conceptionmoon, although I doubt very much she called it that. Just prior, she found out her husband was sleeping with his boss. So there goes the only anecdotal evidence I have to offer of the success rate.
I should have named my daughters DaylightSavingTime and SpringAhead. Maybe I could have a study funded that indicates that turning clocks ahead has an impact on fertility. It's just as likley.
Posted by: Sarah at Nov 10, 2006 4:07:39 PM
What I don't understand is why these articles keep getting written with the basic misunderstanding that it's not all that hard to get pregnant.
I find this baffling as well. Of my college friends who've decided to have children, nearly all have required intervention. I'm in the minority because my husband and I conceived without trouble. And it's not like I'm from some college class from the early 1980s and the problem is that we all waited too long: we're mostly in our early 30s, and many of the women who are having trouble started TTC in their late 20s.
It's not like this is some rare disorder that no one can pronounce. No one realizes how common it is because it's invisible -- when you're childless, people don't know you're struggling to conceive unless you tell them, and once you're pregnant, no one knows that it took three cycles of IUI with injectables to get there, unless you tell them.
Posted by: Naomi at Nov 10, 2006 4:32:27 PM
Ok. Did anyone notice where the survery was done? BabyCenter.com???? 4 out of 10 people there I am Certain were able to conceive buuuut... let's talk about those wonderful infertiles too busy gouging needles into various body parts and standing on their heads while a massage therapist "destresses" them. We are the people who didn't have time to make it to the poll otherwise I am sure the results would be very different.
Seriously, I understand, I go to that website on a hopeful day to dream maybe once every six months (key word "hopeful") but other than that the only people that would generally go there would either A. Be expecting or B. They are already victorious in their fight with the uterus.
That is a horribly inaccurate poll. I DEMAND a recount!
Posted by: Ellie at Nov 10, 2006 4:53:28 PM
Well, my first thought was that my oh-so-white-boy husband doesn't like to be out in the sun. Something about not enjoying skin cancer.
My second thought was that I've certainly paid enough to send my RE on a vacation. Shouldn't THAT could for something in my favor?
Fucktards.
Oops, sorry. Did I say that outloud?
Posted by: Allison at Nov 10, 2006 4:57:11 PM
Wow, everyone on here is very negative. That's probably not going to help you get pregnant. And, when you think something is going to happen or stress about it happening, your body cannot differentiate whether it's fake or real. So, you're setting yourself up for success or failure. Think about that people, and stop being so bitter.
Posted by: Aimee at Nov 10, 2006 5:09:17 PM
aimee - bite me. think about that. twit.
Posted by: beaver girl at Nov 10, 2006 5:28:14 PM
the thing I hated most about the article I read about this the other day was that that couple that conceived in a couples of months was that they had only just gotten married as well. I believe the article I read said they got pregnant 3 months after their wedding. I am assuming that meant they were trying to avoid getting pregnant til after the wedding, so just a few months after getting married they found themselves pregnant, that is a far cry from needing to get pregnant or having had trouble getting, and wouldnt they have just had a honeymoon?
I agree that if you are too busy for sex you shouldnt be trying to have kids too, because that takes a lot more time out of your life than having sex does.
Posted by: Amy M. at Nov 10, 2006 5:31:13 PM
But I did get pregnant on a vacation. And I got pregnant at home. I even got pregnant while I was going to the RE.
But what I can't seem to figure out is, how do I STAY pregnant? Do they have a vacation for the fertile infertile????
BTW, do you think those Magic Fingers would work on a waterbed? LOL
Posted by: Catherine at Nov 10, 2006 5:55:26 PM
Yeah, well I got pregnant while on vacation. Of course, that vacation day was planned so that I could do my FET that day and not have to go back to work ... (pesky details).
Posted by: Lucy at Nov 10, 2006 5:56:19 PM
Ah, great, just a few more people who think relaxing is the key to combatting infertility.... *rolls eyes*
Posted by: Audrey at Nov 10, 2006 5:57:36 PM
I love you beavergirl.
Meanwhile, I can't help but wonder what would happen if sexual education classes actually included information about what has to happen in order to conceive. I'm sure it'll never happen, we all know the objective of sex ed isn't to actually educate, but to terrify. If teenagers thought there was more to conceiving than having sex, they might actually not care about using protection. Oh. Wait.
I've learned the ignorance surrounding conception is widespread and deep. Of course people think a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich will get them pregnant.
I've lost track of how many people have emailed me about this, how many assumed I'd get pregnant in Jamaica even though I knew the timing was off. It ultimately comes down to the simple fact that many people not experiencing infertility don't want to be educated on the problem, they'd rather focus on their notion that THEY have the solution.
I'm stressed because I'm not getting pregnant, not the other way around. I couldn't have been more relaxed than I was on my honeymoon, but I certainly did not ovulate.
Posted by: Mandy at Nov 10, 2006 6:16:47 PM
Julie, I'm laughing my ass off at your post, I really needed a good laugh tonight, so thank you!
This whole concept pisses me off so much, and the stupid articles that say "it works!" are so ridiculous... but then I think I'd rather have these fertile yet impatient people go on "conceptionmoons" instead of clogging up the waiting rooms of IVF clinics so actual infertile people have trouble getting appointments!
Posted by: Erica at Nov 10, 2006 8:19:21 PM
I'm so glad Julie turned this into a fun read. My local paper published this piece on Monday along with a picture of the 2-month conception couple. It made me cry in the shower, all the way to work and for a few minutes in the car before pulling myself together and facing another workday as a woman whose successes do not include producing offspring after 4 years and numerous well timed vacations (as well as hours in stirrups and doctors' offices).
I think Aimee is misinterpreting our frustration with society and our bodies as bitterness. This is a place where we turn to humor to ease our frustration and she just didn't get that - just like our friends and relatives don't get that relaxing is not the solution to infertility for a large percentage of the population.
Legitimate studies show that humor is extremely important in relieving stress and helping us cope. Things like this article and the bogus survey only exacerbate the problem with the "sympathy" we get from people who don't know the whole story behind an individual's infertility. Their "advice" and attempts at compassion often come across not as sympathy for how we feel, but as sympathy for how sad it is that we are defective somehow since we can't reproduce spontaneously. Articles like this one just make it worse by putting the blame (in the minds of the general population) directly back on the shoulders of the sufferer.
Posted by: ailel at Nov 10, 2006 8:22:15 PM
When I read this article, my first thought was, Boy, is this going to piss Julie off. Thanks for your playful confirmation of that. But I gotta defend the babymoon, cause I wish I'd taken one before the first freeloader showed up at our house. No, we haven't holed up at home for the past 2 and a half years, in fact, our daughter has her own frequent flyer accounts with two airlines. But you've admitted yourself that vacation with Charlie is NOTHING like pre-baby vacations.
Posted by: Carrie at Nov 10, 2006 9:07:14 PM
I tried the vacation thing... I even went the Bahamas. What they fail to tell you is that some people actually have problems that go beyond stress... haha!!
Thanks for the snarky post. You do a great job of making the news articles that I read and cringe at come to life! :)
Posted by: Jamie at Nov 10, 2006 10:09:14 PM
I thought Julie was satirizing when she talked about the "two whole months" and then I read the article and was absolutely astonished. If someone's life is so hectic they can't have sex at ovulation time, well ... they're in for quite a shock once the baby shows up, that's all I can say.
Menita - and here I missed a perfectly good chance to name my son Highland Park. With a name like that, admission to an Ivy would have been a given - I could kick myself :).
Posted by: Sonetka at Nov 10, 2006 11:16:10 PM
You mean the 2 days of bed rest after the ET don't count as a "conceptionmoon"?? But I listed them as "vaction" on my work schedule!
Posted by: Christina at Nov 11, 2006 12:30:54 AM
I second Lucy's comment. I got pregnant on my vacation too :)I even had a glass of wine or too between retrieval and embryo transfer. If only there were palm trees and white sand beaches in CT it would have been perfect.
This study is fine. Everyone who actually has been labeled as infertile knows that you have to have unprotected sex for at least a year, had recurrent miscarriages, and/or been diagnosed by a physician as being unable to conceive. (this from my wonderful insurance carrier who paid just about everything) Sorry, but having unprotected sex for two months and not getting pregnant doesn't cut it. 40% of those couples got pregnant because 40% of those couples weren't actually infertile...duh. Aren't the statistics something like 1 in 6 couples will suffer infertility? If you are fertile, I'm sure that a nice vacation is perfectly conducive to getting pregnant, if only we were all that lucky.
Posted by: Chickenpig at Nov 11, 2006 7:39:25 AM
Al Roker really controlled himself pretty well during that whole asinine segment. He must have done some deep breathing beforehand. He and his wife did ART (I think IVF, but can't remember exactly) because of male factor IF. Source: A featured interview with him in the Guideposts Magazine I read at my grandma's house last summer.
I wonder if he tried to bring up the fact that the 40% statistics came from a Babycenter survey of self-selecting respondents and his segment producer just told him to shut up and do the interview as written.
Posted by: Moxie at Nov 11, 2006 9:24:27 AM
This one is for Aimee...
While being relaxed has not been proven to get women pregnant, one thing has been proven in studies to bring on ovulation, and that is moving. Yup, moving, apparently it brings on old migratory instincts where you want to get pregnant before you leave so that you will have your young after you're settled. What is one of the most stressful things people go through in their day to day lives? Yup, moving... (we were told this lovely nugget of info by our RE because we were in the process of closing on our house and packing during our pre-ART consultation)
Maybe women get pregnant during honeymoons and vacations because in the flurry of wedding and pre-vacation stress and packing their bodies are tricked into thinking they'll be back-packing across the Sahara so they better get pregnant NOW?
Also,I am amazed by Julie and the people who post here, quite frankly. I've seen a lot of emotions , but bitterness isn't one of them. Sadness, ironic humour, maybe some heated debate...but bitterness? Not really. I myself have no reason to be bitter, I'm as fertile and capable of bringing babies to term as a tried and tested brood mare. I've had sex while on vacation, while under stress, and while so relaxed I was pretty damn near comatose...if only my husband's sperm weren't so relaxed that all they do is lie there and wriggle.
Posted by: Chickenpig at Nov 11, 2006 9:51:09 AM
I thought Aimee was being sarcastic.
Posted by: luolin at Nov 11, 2006 10:13:42 AM
Although I do think these articles/videos are pretty dumb for a number of reasons (including what people have pointed out here), I think people are a bit critical.
From what I had read, no one suggested a "conceptionmoon" was a cure for infertility. All they seem to suggest is that it is a cure for fertile couples who can't be bothered/are too busy to have sex while at home.
It is a shame that they don't point out all sides of the story (ie there are many people out there that a simple vacation will never work for), but its a fluff story. What do you expect?
Posted by: Allison at Nov 11, 2006 10:17:48 AM
Does this mean that if I don't want any more kids I can't ever go on vacation again?
Posted by: Jennifer at Nov 11, 2006 11:23:46 AM
