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And now for something completely different

Five things I promise I will not do during next weekend's adoption workshop:

  1. Loudly inquire whether the agency will guarantee a loaner baby during the wait.
  2. Introduce self during mandatory "get to know you" cocktail hour refreshments period as "winner of 26 Grammy Awards, American legend Quincy Jones."
  3. Arrive with a nanny in tow, explaining, "Oh, since she'll be the one raising the kid, we figured we'd bring her along and see what she thinks...and whether she recognizes any of you from prison."
  4. Start whisper campaign during the five-minute stretch break: "I heard that while we're in the meeting room, the agency staff creeps into our hotel rooms and rifles through our suitcases looking for...you know, clues."
  5. Indignantly insist that we were promised a substantial reduction in fees if we were willing to adopt a child without irises or pupils.