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USA Today asks, "What Would You Do with Excess Embryos?"

It's an interesting question.  We never had any spares.  If we had, they'd have been donated once our own family was complete, either to another couple or for research.  Although I like to think of myself washing the ugly ones down the garbage disposal with the dregs of a bottle of wine, drawling, "Either this wallpaper goes, or I do," I always felt it was important to do something useful with excess embryos, rather than leaving them frozen indefinitely or destroying them.

But if you're not comfortable with donation, either to another infertile recipient or to science, I am happy to say that there are other options.  In case you're wondering what to do with your own leftover embryos, may I suggest the following?


1. Why waste expensive toilet paper?  Instead, use human embryos: absorbent styptic patches for those annoying morning nicks.


2. Don't trust your fine breakables to conventional bubble wrap.  Cushiony human embryos cradle your belongings in a gentle, if gooey, embrace.


3. Peel and stick beauty marks.  They totally look real, I swear it.


4. "Not garnished?  Not finished."  — Ted Allen, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy


5. "Rob the jewelry store and tell 'em make me a grill."

Glad you asked, USA Today?