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02/16/2007
The way I see it
As part of its "The Way I See It" series, Starbucks has sent a flotilla — nay, an armada — of paper cups out into the world bearing "a collection of thoughts, opinions and expressions provided by notable figures" to promote, Starbucks says, "a good, healthy discussion."
Here is how I want to believe cup #208 went down. Imagine, if you will...
One bright autumn day, Michele Johnson-Bergmeier, a warm-hearted, good-natured adoptive mother of one in Wamego, Kansas, indulges herself by settling in with a rich, steaming skinny decaf quad venti organic hazelnut caramel machiatto. Parking her sleeping son's stroller next to a deep plum velveteen club chair in her neighborhood Starbucks, she happens to notice a pithy statement on the side of the cup — perhaps this one, seeing as she lives in rural Kansas — and feels thunderstruck. "Maybe," she says, "just maybe...I could say something on a cup."
So all abrim with creativity, she flips open her laptop, connects to the Internet via the store's free WiFi, visits starbucks.com, and writes a brief but loving rhapsody inspired by her sleeping son, by how grateful she is that he entered her life, by how transformative the adoption experience has been for her whole family. Fueled by sincerity and high-fructose corn syrup, she distills it down to a few short lines and finally clicks "Submit."
Let us imagine that this is what she writes:
A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart.
Nice, right?
The Starbucks customer service employee assigned to reading these submissions — most of which are sent by crackpots who invariably sign their entries, "I am not a crackpot" — sees something special in Michele's. Something touching. Something human. Something they can work with. He forwards her entry up the org chart at Starbucks.
From: Bob in First-Line Crackpot Response
To: Jackie in Marketing
Subject: potential twisijackie,
what do u think of this one for our next "the way i see it"?
b0b
From: Jackie in Marketing
To: Bob in First-Line Crackpot Response
Subject: RE: potential twisiBob,
I don't know. To be honest, it doesn't blow my skirt up. Where's the controversy? Where's the hook? What's going to get people talking? I'll see what we can do, but I'm not hopeful.
--
Cheers,
Jackie
From: Jackie in Marketing
To: Frank in Copywriting
Subject: Possible TWISI #208Hey, want to give this a quick once-over, punch it up a little, see what you can do? I'm looking for something in a piquant-but-not-offensive.
A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart.
--
Cheers,
Jackie
From: Frank in Copywriting
To: Jackie in Marketing
Subject: Frank's edit, adoption TWISIHere's a first pass. Let me know what you think.
Embryo cryopreservation? PGD? Stem cell research? Cloning? Cats' heads on dogs' bodies? A planet where apes evolved from men? Sweet Serono almighty, where will this crazy madcap reproductive rampage end? I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart. Now aren't you ashamed of your own narcissistic desires? My God, aren't you listening? Don't you hear that unearthly whirring sound? Poor Louise Brown is spinning in her grave. Self-absorbed jerks.
From: Jackie in Marketing
To: Lars in Graphic Design
Subject: FWD: Frank's edit, adoption TWISILars, is this going to fit on a cup?
Embryo cryopreservation? PGD? Stem cell research? Cloning? Cats' heads on dogs' bodies? A planet where apes evolved from men? Sweet Serono almighty, where will this crazy madcap reproductive rampage end? I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart. Now aren't you ashamed of your own narcissistic desires? My God, aren't you listening? Don't you hear that unearthly whirring sound? Poor Louise Brown is spinning in her grave. Self-absorbed jerks.
--
Cheers,
Jackie
From: Lars in Graphic Design
To: Jackie in Marketing
cc: David in Accounting, Glenn in Operations, Sasha in Legal
Subject: RE: FWD: Frank's edit, adoption TWISISure, we can just squash the font size down and omit the boilerplate about the contents of the cup being ridiculously, insanely, palate-meltingly hot. It's COFFEE, for God's sake -- what do people expect?
Bigger question is whether the extra ink for all those words will break the bank. David?
From: Sasha in Legal
To: Jackie in Marketing, David in Accounting, Glenn in Operations, Lars in Graphic Design
cc: Louise Brown's attorney
Subject: RE: FWD: Frank's edit, adoption TWISIBoilerplate stays. Are you TRYING to get us sued? What, you think we furnish those corrugated heat-resistant cup sleeves because we're altruists?
And Louise Brown's not dead. Please destroy all interoffice correspondence intimating otherwise.
--
Confidentiality Notice: This message, and any attachments, may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and/or protected from disclosure under state and federal laws. If you received this message in error or through inappropriate means, please reply to this message to notify the Sender that the message was received by you in error, and then permanently delete this message from all storage media, without forwarding or retaining a copy.
From: Glenn in Operations
To: Jackie in Marketing, David in Accounting, Lars in Graphic Design, Sasha in Legal
cc: All Staff
Subject: RE: FWD: Frank's edit, adoption TWISII think you guys should really add a line about how as soon as you stop trying and adopt, you'll get pregnant in no time. That happened to my cousin.
--
TTYL,
Glenn
From: David in Accounting
To: Lars in Graphic Design, Jackie in Marketing, Glenn in Operations, Sasha in Legal
Subject: Ink for adoption TWISIIf we were to use this slogan, it would cost less at current prices to print each cup with the blood of an Rh-negative albino virgin than with our standard lead-free vegetable-based fair trade ink. May I suggest a minor edit?
Hey, infertile: Some lady in Kansas thinks you're a selfish ass.
From: Sasha in Legal
To: Lars in Graphic Design, Jackie in Marketing, Glenn in Operations, David in Accounting
Subject: RE: Ink for adoption TWISIGet serious, David. You know we can't say "ass" in corporate communications. Suggest change from "selfish ass" to "selfish gluteal region" if, in fact, you are referring in a general sense to the large posterior muscle group; "selfish sphincter ani externus" if you are referring specifically to the hole therein.
--
Confidentiality Notice: This message, and any attachments, may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and/or protected from disclosure under state and federal laws. If you received this message in error or through inappropriate means, please reply to this message to notify the Sender that the message was received by you in error, and then permanently delete this message from all storage media, without forwarding or retaining a copy.
From: Jackie in Marketing
To: Sasha in Legal
cc: Frank in Copywriting
Subject: FWD: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: TWISIWhat the fuck. You people. I swear to God I would quit tomorrow if Starbucks' insurance didn't cover my IVF drugs. Frank, pass along your final okay on this by COB today, please.
I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart.
--
Cheers,
Jackie
From: Frank in Copywriting
To: Jackie in Marketing
Subject: TWISI finalI'm so sorry my efforts didn't meet your exacting standards, Jackie. In future I'll confine my suggestions to changes in capitalization and punctuation. Heaven knows this Wharton MBA doesn't qualify me to make any real contributions to Starbucks' brand strategy.
There should be a comma after "partner."
From: Jackie in Marketing
To: Frank in Copywriting
cc: Bob in First-Line Crackpot Response, Glenn in OperationsFrank, suck it.
Bob, tell the crackpot she's in.
Glenn, ignore Frank. Print the goddamn cup. And shut up about your cousin.
--
Cheers,
Jackie
What, you don't think it could have happened like that? Look, that's just the way I see it.
Please note: The opinions put forth by contributors to "a little pregnant" do not necessarily reflect the views of Starbucks.
Posted by Julie at 12:18 AM in I am full of good ideas | Permalink
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Comments (88)
Where have you been all week? Post more often. I'm bored and you're so freakin' funny!
Posted by: Robin at Feb 16, 2007 12:27:53 AM
Oh, how I needed this. I've been trying to remain civil to people telling me to lighten up about this on IF boards all over the intertubes.
You slew me with the TWISI. Because you just KNOW they really call it TWISI. :)
Posted by: Ellery at Feb 16, 2007 12:44:06 AM
Maybe Frank and Jackie could edit me up a pretty way of saying the following:
"I really hate that smug twat in Kansas."
Posted by: akeeyu at Feb 16, 2007 1:57:26 AM
Obviously I have worked way to long in the high tech sector because I can actually visualize the marketeers in your scene. Scary, huh?
You gotta write a book!
Posted by: margalit at Feb 16, 2007 3:57:26 AM
There's not a twisi entry at wikipedia.org. You should so rectify that situation.
Posted by: Cat at Feb 16, 2007 5:42:44 AM
I think my favorite part of the "collection of thoughts, etc.," is that the paper ring to prevent burnt fingers covers up the greater part of the messages.
That is karmic in my book. And also stupid, but in this case stupidity works for me!
Posted by: Boulder at Feb 16, 2007 5:48:21 AM
I went to the "TWISI" website and read some of them. For some reason I had this Jack Handey voice in my head the entire time I was reading them.
Posted by: Maria at Feb 16, 2007 7:15:58 AM
This post reminded me of the book "e" by Matt Beaumont, which takes place at a British ad agency and is told entirely by e-mails. Very, very funny.
Posted by: Carol at Feb 16, 2007 8:21:07 AM
Is there going to be another TWISI written by Comic Mom? "I wish all those baby-stealin' adoptive 'parents' . . ." and then someone could respond to the justifiably outraged that "We're just trying to stimulate discussion, and jinkies, do you mean you can do that without being offensive? Really?"
It'll really add to my enjoyment of my grande no foam soy chai, extra smug.
Posted by: Slim at Feb 16, 2007 8:42:34 AM
i got that cup a few days ago and the second thing i thought (the first thing i thought was that i was shocked that anyone thought that was a good "twisi") was i wonder if julie has seen this yet?
i usually never read those cups don't know why i decided to . what's next - "you just need to relax" or some such. starbucks does not need to be dispensing advice to people struggling with infertility.ugh.
and your post, as usual, was effing hysterical.
Posted by: angela at Feb 16, 2007 8:46:41 AM
Oh boy, you crack me up. I wonder if enough IF'ers have hit Starbucks complaint button yet to register a blip on their radar screen.
Posted by: Leggy at Feb 16, 2007 8:51:30 AM
I think I'm in love with you and the way you turn assvice into such creative posts. There should be a comma after something, but thank you for making me laugh!
Posted by: Amy D. at Feb 16, 2007 9:35:39 AM
I thought their expansion into every market known to man was a stupid move (music, movies, etc.) but these quotes on their cups? What a bunch of boneheads. Their marketer should be fired. I can't imagine what they really thought they would accomplish--except raising the ire of people left and right. But, really, do I care what someone printed on a cup? Not really. I hear stupid crap like that every day, no cup needed. Your post, however, was hilarious.
Posted by: Ali at Feb 16, 2007 9:37:50 AM
This is brilliant, except that I can't believe there's a Starbucks in Wamego.
I've also decided that "suck it" is an underused insult, and intent to rectify that situation.
Posted by: runnerwoman at Feb 16, 2007 10:12:37 AM
I've been thinking about the cup, and I guess it doesn't bother me. I chose to do IVF to have my second child instead of adopt. This woman has a different opinion. That's fine. I guess Starbucks is just trying to engage their coffee-drinking public on an intellectual level. Well, and sell more coffee. What really ticks me off about Starbucks, though, is how one woman was thrown out of one for nursing. If I'm going to boycott Starbucks, that's why I'd do it.
Posted by: Carol at Feb 16, 2007 10:13:12 AM
What bothered me about the post was that you seem to think there''s a starbucks in Wamego, Ks.
Posted by: bethany at Feb 16, 2007 10:19:58 AM
that was so f*cking funny i nearly peed myself! you need to get published. the shit you come up w/ in your head is BRILLIANT - why confine your thoughts soley to a blog? ;)
Posted by: Tiffany at Feb 16, 2007 10:20:26 AM
This is why we miss you. Absolute perfection. You made me laugh out loud at work!
Posted by: dani at Feb 16, 2007 10:51:12 AM
Yet again you have me laughing so hard I almost peed. Please, PLEASE write a book! Your voice must be heard out there in the world!
Posted by: Silene at Feb 16, 2007 11:09:41 AM
Yet again you have me laughing so hard I almost peed. Please, PLEASE write a book! Your voice must be heard out there in the world!
Posted by: at Feb 16, 2007 11:10:19 AM
That is some funny shit. And I know nothing about IVF or adoption.
Posted by: Bake Town at Feb 16, 2007 11:12:39 AM
Well, there *is* a Starbucks location within 15 miles of Wamego, in the Dillon's Food Store in Manhattan. I'm thinking no plush armchairs, though.
Posted by: Orange at Feb 16, 2007 11:25:37 AM
That is some funny shit. And I know nothing about IVF or adoption.
Posted by: Bake Town at Feb 16, 2007 11:42:16 AM
Yeah I saw that one and actually thought of you... this is how much you are on my mind apparently... kinda scary huh? And I bet you're right about how that all went down... I especially like the part about insurance covering IVF... :)
Posted by: mfk at Feb 16, 2007 11:45:34 AM
I think you have confused Starbucks with those other coffee places that actually offer free WiFi. Because at Starbucks, it's only after you plunk down your $4 for coffee and then buy a wireless access card (minimum $10, I believe) from T-Mobile (or happen to already be a T-Mobile subscriber) that you get to surf there.
They're not in the business of giving anything away, except these invaluable opportunities for discussion.
Posted by: Jennifer at Feb 16, 2007 12:23:31 PM
Hee, I'm surprised and amused that I wasn't the only person to feel certain that there's no Starbucks in Wamego. I grew up in Manhattan KS and Wamego is EVEN SMALLER. I also don't think that a married woman in Wamego would hyphenate her name, nor do I think that she would tell anyone that her child was adopted. I could be wrong on that last part, though.
Posted by: girl in greenwood at Feb 16, 2007 12:36:29 PM
Here I was all set to write about this stupid cup but instead I'll just link to this brilliant post. Loved the details. I spit out my organic English Breakfast tea when I got to Sasha's disclaimer.
Posted by: millie at Feb 16, 2007 12:41:13 PM
Ah, girl in greenwood, scroll down here for confirmation of both phenomena!
Posted by: Julie at Feb 16, 2007 1:11:59 PM
Hmm, I wasn't offended by the message on the cup. Just one woman's point of view.
"Ignorant twat in Kansas?" Yikes
Posted by: Andrea at Feb 16, 2007 1:16:58 PM
Never underestimate the cultural power of rural Kansas, I stand corrected!
And this is coming from someone who grew up near Liberal and went to school in Hays.
Posted by: bethany at Feb 16, 2007 1:42:51 PM
Describe an entire group of women receiving treatment for a medical condition as "desperate" and imply that they haven't adequately considered all their options (because if they had, they would have made the same decision you did), and yep, I consider you ignorant.
Posted by: Slim at Feb 16, 2007 1:56:06 PM
Really, isn't "ignorant twat in Kansas" also just one woman's point of view?
(Well, in this case make that at least two women's POVs on the TWISI, FWIW, IMHO, YMMV...)
Posted by: Ellery at Feb 16, 2007 2:48:00 PM
Does the cup really say "desperate" or was that in Julie's conjecture? I couldn't find the exact message online. I thought the cup said just what was in the first block quotation in this entry.
I know it might be hard for all of us to believe some days, but not everything is a secret shout-out to irk you. A child who becomes your child through adoption does become your family (I have some issues with the word "completes," if indeed that is used as quoted above, but that's another story). What's so offensive about that sentiment? Where exactly is the part about ART IS NUTS INFERTILES ARE DELUDED YOU SHOULD ADOPT!!!
(for the record, since I know it matters to some: I'm not infertile, I adopted my daughter from China, and I really enjoy this weblog.)
Posted by: mimi smartypants at Feb 16, 2007 2:49:13 PM
On top of the subliminal messages I get from XM's Hear Radio all day [LATTE, you need a Latte, YOU MUST HAVE A LATTE! Not Later! NOW! LATTE!!] this post was just too much for me. Before I knew it I was in my car and on my way to Starbucks in desperate quest for a chocolate croissant and a mocha (having a chocolate thing today). I think I had a blackout.
You sound like you feel better. I hope so.
Posted by: Jessica at Feb 16, 2007 2:54:09 PM
Exactly right Mimi Smarypants.
Not everything ever said about adopted children is meant to attack infertiles.
I too could not make out the actual message on the starbucks cup, but if it was just the original one you listed, what in the world is wrong with that?
Posted by: Andrea at Feb 16, 2007 3:24:21 PM
Dear SBUX people,
I am coming here for an overpriced sugar-laden caffeinated coffeeshake because I am an unashamed addict. Stop trying to enlighten me with your uninformed opinions so you can pretend you're not a bastion of consumerism gone mad. Shut up and make my coffee for goddsakes.
-Me
Also, what is all this "if you don't adopt you're selfish" talk lately? It seems like it's making a come back in the media--I don't know if I should blame Sandra Bullock or what. If adoption were really THAT easy, wouldn't we all do it?
Posted by: SarahD at Feb 16, 2007 3:29:33 PM
Julie's point is exactly what some of you have been saying (not to speak for Julie, but having read -- nay, savored!-- this post and looked up the actual cup). There first version is perfectly fine. But that is not the version that is on the cup; the cup's text includes the words "desperately" and "realize."
Maybe that wording seems fine to you. To a lot of us, it doesn't.
Posted by: Slim at Feb 16, 2007 3:29:53 PM
Okay, "desperately" is offensive. Where did you find the actual cup? My Google skills must be lacking today.
Posted by: mimi smartypants at Feb 16, 2007 3:31:04 PM
I'm pretty sure this is the exact text:
"I wish couples who desperately take every means to conceive a child would realize that adoption is a wonderful alternative. A child who becomes your child through adoption completes a family. Just as when you commit to your spouse or partner there are no biological ties, yet a family was formed. This child enters a family the same way! It is not blood and flesh that form a family, but the heart."
Posted by: Carol at Feb 16, 2007 3:55:11 PM
Here, here, here, and a bunch of other places besides, mimi.
Slim sums up my point precisely.
Posted by: Julie at Feb 16, 2007 3:59:10 PM
See? Julie is not the sort to seek offense. She refrains from asking how "the" became "there."
I think I'll blame a lack of caffeine.
Posted by: Slim at Feb 16, 2007 4:07:01 PM
Fantastic!
Posted by: anne nahm at Feb 16, 2007 4:20:04 PM
Holy shit, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Not only am I infertile, I have worked in marketing AND in copywriting and I am here to tell you that's EXACTLY how it could happen.
Posted by: margaret at Feb 16, 2007 4:39:07 PM
I just don't get the way people prescribe other people's happiness so summarily.
"Get a dog, you'll be happier."
"Have a kid, you'll be happier."
"Adopt, you'll be happier."
"Make sure you have at least two kids, they'll be happier."
"Are you trying for a girl, since you already have a boy? Have one of each, you'll be happier."
I've been on the receiving end of all of these questions, and it blows my mind. Do people seriously not get that everybody's different, and what works for one person -- and family -- won't necessarily work for another? It seems like such a basic concept, but I guess not.
Posted by: Tammy at Feb 16, 2007 4:46:29 PM
Question for those who are not offended: is adoption a more moral way to build a family than ART?
What if the TWISI quote said: "I wish couples who desperately jump through every hoop to adopt a child would realize that IVF a wonderful alternative. It doesn't matter whether sperm and egg meet inside the body or in the lab. All that matters is that they join, implant in a womb, grow into a child and make a family -- a family that would not have existed before this miraculous technology was developed."
Would Starbucks have printed that? Why or why not?
Posted by: Ellery at Feb 16, 2007 6:30:46 PM
I think we're flooded all the time with the message of ART -- and I think that's great. Every time I get in my car I hear an ad for a fertility clinic, and I like how that demystifies it and helps us understand how many of us may suffer from infertility.
But adoptive parents don't usually rush to the airwaves and complain about this.
Posted by: Andrea at Feb 16, 2007 7:40:44 PM
I think we're flooded all the time with the message of ART -- and I think that's great. Every time I get in my car I hear an ad for a fertility clinic, and I like how that demystifies it and helps us understand how many of us may suffer from infertility.
But adoptive parents don't usually rush to the airwaves and complain about this.
Posted by: Andrea at Feb 16, 2007 7:41:51 PM
I know cardinal rule No. 1 of commenting on blogs is to remember that this is someone's blog -- someone who has all the rights in the world to say whatever he/she damn well pleases because, hey, who's paying the mortgage around here and all, but ... Should we necessarily debate the intentions and merits of a corporate conglomerate of questionable ethics that reprints Hallmark-variety sentiment about adoption onto its coffee cups? There are people far more virulent than old Michele in Wamego, and seeing as though nothing we say here will change their narrow minds, perhaps we should ignore dreck like this. The folks at sbux are tools -- we know this -- so I'm wondering if taking their bait inflames an ART vs. adoption divide that's been brewing online.
Of course I believe many people *should* be offended by that bit of twaddle. And I can only imagine how infuriating it must be to hear "just adopt." I just don't know if following sbux's breathless, caffeinated exhortation to "Discuss!" a la Linda Richman does us any good. We here already know how we feel about these topics and that respecting the choices of others is paramount.
Posted by: eliz at Feb 16, 2007 9:14:41 PM
No kidding. TWISI #208 is real? I totally thought you made that up. Huh.
Posted by: KathyH at Feb 16, 2007 9:19:31 PM
Yes, but the fertility clinic ads don't specifically call on people who are jumping through hoops trying to adopt a child to try IVF instead. I expect there would and should be plenty of complaints in that case.
Posted by: Ellery at Feb 16, 2007 9:26:53 PM
