« Monkey gone to Heaven | Main | Jenny from the bleccch »
03/17/2008
The boy who knew too much
We haven't told Charlie yet that I'm pregnant. A small part of that, I admit, is continuing apprehension; until we've cleared the looming hurdle of our congenital anomalies scan — you know, the holy-Christ-it-has-flippers-fins-and-claws scan — I don't feel comfortable making too many promises.
More of it, though, is an unwillingness to endure months of Charlie asking when, exactly, he can expect the destruction of everything he holds dear to begin in earnest. His understanding of time is fluid at best. Take "soon," for example. When I say it, putting off a pleasure he looks forward to, he feels strongly that it should mean "now." But when he says it, such as in reference to the happy distant day when we can expect him to skip gaily off to the bathroom to tend to his own toileting, it means "probably sometime next year."
So at this point telling him I'm having a baby feels, ahem, premature. But because I spend so much time with him, and because I am somewhat high maintenance at this point — three injections and four finger-sticks a day — I have not been able to keep him wholly unaware of my regimen. In fact, I've enlisted his help. I prep the syringe, pinch a fold of abdominal flab, and do my shots one-handed while he holds my other hand, cradling it lightly in his with a furrowed brow and a look of concern. "Did it hurt?" he asks solicitously once I've safely sheathed the needle.
"Not a bit," I tell him, and thank him for holding my hand.
So what to tell Charlie and when? Some people recommend telling a child a sibling is on the way only once the child himself notices changes: a new crib in a fresh-painted room, a suspiciously increasing midsection, a copy of What to Expect When You've Deliberately Set Out to Rock Your First Child's Fragile Little World, You Cruel Bastards carelessly used as a coaster under last night's empty bottle of zin. But Charlie, a normal three-year-old in every way, is magnificently self-centered, and has noticed nothing, even when that increasing midsection is bared for his inspection several times a day.
He has, as I've mentioned before, some awareness of where babies come from, and is interested in the process. But so far it's been something that happened to other people, therefore a matter he can consider with some detachment. At this point I have no idea how he'll react, but I also don't think it ultimately matters; however he feels and behaves in the next few months — the expectation — will be nothing compared to the reality.
Which is nothing peculiar to a three-year-old. I don't guess Paul or I will know what's hit us, either.
Last night at dinner I was telling Paul about a story I'd heard, few years ago, friend of a friend, no one you know and whatnot. Seems some school-age kids were engaging in the hallowed tradition of pinching any classmates who weren't wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. We did that. Didn't you? And on Thanksgiving, we'd grab vegetarians by the hair and dunk their faces in a big seething basin of giblet gravy until they sputtered a recantation. Then on Flag Day, if we happened to stumble across any Godless commie-loving hippies lined up outside of the welfare office, we walloped them with a sock full of nickels. E pluribus unum. God bless America. Those were the goddamn days.
Anyway, in the story I'd heard, one of the hateful young pinchers in question got hauled before the administration and punished in accordance with the school's anti-bullying policy. As I was relating this to Paul, Charlie wanted to know, "Who pinched someone at school?"
"A child who was being naughty," I said, summoning my most disapproving tone, the Off with his head! implicit but obvious. "We never, ever pinch."
Charlie's wide blue eyes were guileless as he suggested a sole exception, recalling my flab-grabbing protocol: "Except when you're doing your Lovenox."
Comments (62)
Verify your Comment
Previewing your Comment
This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.
As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.
Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.
I am the oldest and I was 2 and a half when my brother was born. I remember not liking the idea. My family tells me that they would say "aren't you excited about your new brother or sister?" and I would emphatically say "No!".
Then, when he was born, I tried to strangle him. Thankfully, neither he nor I have any recollection of this, but our parents certainly do. Yes, I tried to kill him. So with that in mind, I recommend waiting as long as possible to tell Charlie. And then, you know...keep an eye on them.
I don't recall when I was told my brother was on the way, but in typical four-year-old fashion, I later tried to drown him by splashing water in his face. ;-D I got used to him eventually--we get along all right now. ;-D
Hee, Charlie's a smart one, all right...the thought of a three year old actually saying the word "Lovenox" cracks me up.
I also was three and not a fan of the idea of a new brother. But I did enjoy "helping" Mom through pregnancy.
And hey - he's three? We haven't seen any big boy pictures of him yet.
We told our 2 1/2-year-old daughter in September that we were having a baby at the end of December. This was AFTER we had unceremoniously replaced her crib with a big-girl bed and AFTER we had sneakily pushed her into a new big-girl bedroom. She was mostly nonplussed -- although she did occasionally effuse, "My sister's coming after Christmas!" demonstrating some kind of ultrasonic gender-identification skill we didn't know she had. (And in fact, she doesn't: we had a boy.)
Good luck!
As an avid reader of your blog way back when, who gleaned most of my knowledge about preemies from your blog which came in handy when I had my own preemie 10 months after you, I'm also tickled pink to be about 2-3 weeks ahead of you with my second, long-awaited, high-tech-conception baby as well. My son is only 2 1/2 and does not know where babies come from, and also doesnt have a grasp of time. So, in order to get him used to the idea of a new baby, I'll ask him from time to time, "Do you want Mommy to get you a new baby?" his emphatic answer is always NO!!! Once I asked him if he wants Mommy to bring him a blue baby or a pink baby, and he said - a white baby. Ha ha. He does look at my ultrasound pictures and say, "a boy!" ooooh, is he our in-house prophet?
So, i'ts useless to keep harping on an event that G-d willing will happen way out in July and that he cannot picture. The only thing I'll need to prepare him for his that when "mommy will have a new baby, you'll spend a little time at Grandma's" or whereever he'll be while I'm away.
I was on lovenox for only one week due to bleeding, but I did 11 weeks of PIO and am currently on a once-a-week 17-P shot, and yes, sonny boy has lifted his shirt numerous times or tried to recap my needles. He also tries to 'hear' his 'baby's heartbeat' by putting the doppler 'microphone' on his tummy. Toddler totally imitate their mothers. Theyre funny.
We've been telling my daughter (who just turned 4) that "Mommy is growing a baby in her tummy." This phrasing seems to help with the feeling that it takes forever, instead of "Mommy is going to have a baby."
I have a 3 year old and a 22 month old, and we are expecting baby #3 end of April/beginning of May.
We told the kids that there is another baby, and that it's a girl. The 3yo often says he wants to see his baby sister, to which I reply that she's not ready to be out of my tummy yet. The 22mo will point to her tummy and say "Baby."
Each family is different. You and Paul should do what you feel is best for Charlie. The rest will work itself out.
I was 7 when my mom had her 2nd, and I remember she didn't tell me until I, very carefully I might add, said:
"Mommy, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you're getting kinda fat."
The reply, in her sweetest voice possible:
"Well honey, I'm 6 months pregnant."
While it may not be that bad as he's so young, I wouldn't recommend telling your kid the way I found out. It wasn't fun.
What a timely post! I was outed last night by my 6 year old son -- way, way too prematurely, as I'm in my seventh week and things are far from stable.
He found me in the guest bathroom shooting some progesterone into my ass -- and also noticed last week's ultrasound picture posted on the mirror, with the little fetal pole highlighted by arrows. "Is this a baby?" he asked, gesturing at the ultrasound picture. I gave a half-hearted nod. "Is that medicine?" he asked, looking at the now-empty syringe in my hand. Another nod from me. A few seconds of thought. "Is that medicine for the baby?" "Uh huh," I hesitantly confirmed.
My son screwed up his face, rubbed his eyes and let out an "Oh my God . . . " before he left the bathroom and went back to watching TV. We haven't spoken again of it yet. What do you think the chances are that he'll just forget about it until, say, September?!?!
When I was 5, and my older brother was 7, my parents started including in our nightly prayers the prayer to wish for a baby brother/sister. I can only imagine my mother was already pregnant, but I have to say, it did a pretty good job of getting us on board for it. I mean, they made it something we were wishing for, and then it came true a few months later.
Also? They told us the baby came out of a little door in the side of my mother's belly, which only appeared when the baby was ready to come out. Not sure I'm going to go with the same story when/if my time comes... ;)
Good luck!
In my experience, full-grown adults have a hard time waiting for the baby to arrive, although I feel churlish complaining on your blog about the fact that people were asking my 41+ week pregnant self, "Haven't you had that baby yet?" Also, my tiara pinches. I have problems, here.
Anyway, my point (I did have one) is that I am strongly in favor of waiting as long as possible to tell someone who's entitled to have the patience of a three-year-old.
Normally I'd say as long as possible, but if you're concerned about premature labor you should probaby tell him before you think you have a chance of giving birth. You probably don't want to tell him only after the baby is already born. Good luck!
Once you feel "stable" enough to tell him, his own calendar may help with "When?". I did it for my oldest when I was pregnant with my second. On his calendar I put "BABY" on my supposed due date (but explained it was "supposed" to be then and might be a different date) and he would X off the days as they passed. It helped give him a point of reference when he saw how slooooowly the days were passing. He didn't bug the hell out of me every day asking how long was left but enjoyed counting the days and telling me how many were left!
It's so hard when they don't have any concept of time AND you don't have a crystal ball to tell you exactly when you will deliver. Good luck!
We told my daughter relatively early. She's pretty aware of what's going on around her and asks a lot of questions, so we just sort of tackled it early. Not because we felt totally safe in the pregnancy either, but because if something went wrong she wasn't going to fail to notice that either.
She loved the book "When you were inside mommy" and while it doesn't mention things like second degree tears, how contractions really feel or go into specific detail about WHAT opening it is that stretches to let a baby through, it did use words like uterus, womb and umbilical cord and I liked that.
It also came in handy when it was 4am, I was contracting like crazy and explaining my noises by saying "remember the part in the book when it says the muscles start squeezing? THIS is what they meant, and mom is going to be just fine."
She now, by the way does a great impression of me in labor - only in her recreation the baby DOES hit the floor instead of only coming close.
You know, my daughter managed to keep the whole sibling rivalry thing under tight wrap. It would come out occasionally, but the main visible emotion on the arrival of her baby brother was sheer joy. She reveled in the social boost it gave her among her preschool mates; she was "thankful for her baby brother" at thanksgiving; on seeing him for the first time, she ran through the birthing center delightfully telling everyone of her new baby brother.
(she was 2 years, 9 months at the rocking of her world).
Since then, she's forgotten what it was like when she was the only one (though we still remember, vividly). We get the normal sibling rivalry (how come he gets more pears than me?), but without a doubt, they love each other and find joy in each others presence.
BTW, I tried answering "Why does he get more" with "He's a boy, and boys always get more." But had to stop when the wee boy started saying "well, I get more, because I'm a boy." I considered "Because I love him more", but decided that was too cruel, even for me.
wishing you joy in the months and years to come.
bj
After 2 miscarriages and a still birth we decided not to tell our daughter, who was 3 months shy of four, when we got pregnant. She was visiting her Grandma in Ca while we were at home in IL. While at dinner one night Grandma, G> Grandma, and G. Grandpa were talking. They inquired to my health, she said I was really sick and couldn't have anything but liquids, my daughter immediately piped up with, "Is Mommy pregnant AGAIN!"
So needles to say the cat was out of the bag. Charlie will glean what ever he can from the surroundings and likely make the jump on his own. In the mean time, enjoy the one on one with him.
Just don't make the mistake I did and tell Child No. 1 he will soon be getting "a wonderful surprise.'
We brought his little sister home from the hospital and pulled back the blanket to show her to Child No. 1. His response was immediate and filled with disgust: "That's just a baby. Where's my wonderful surprise?"
A good friend of mine just had her second and they told her older daughter (who is almost three) pretty soon into the pregnancy. I've noticed a huge change for the better in the toddler's mood since the baby was born. I think not knowing what life with a little sister would be like was really stressful. My vote is to wait as long as possible so he doesn't feel anxious for many months. Given the comments above, it also seems like a good idea to tell him before he figures it out for himself and thinks you were trying to hide something from him (although you are clearly being VERY open about it without actually saying anything). This is hilarious btw: "What to Expect When You've Deliberately Set Out to Rock Your First Child's Fragile Little World, You Cruel Bastards"
I was 2y9m old when my sister was born, and the day she came home from the hospital, my parents brought a present from the new baby for me. It was a Fisher Price Sesame Street and it was fabulous and I remember opening all the little plastic bags - the furniture and the characters, etc etc..... and then remembering, Hey! There's a baby here too! I thought she was pretty cool, because she brought me such a great present. Plus I got to be a big girl and help Mom.
When you said "He has, as I've mentioned before, some awareness of where babies come from, and is interested in the process." my first thought was "He's interested in IVF? Wow, he really IS precocious!"
...but then, I guess that's not where everybody's babies come from, huh?
The other day my 4 year old ran off into the pharmacy section of walmart, grabbed a box of acid reducer, and came trotting back to me with a giant smile. " Here, Mommy, here's your zantac for your burning heart. "
Truth be told... He even got the right box.
Lets see - our 3yr, 2mth old - we told after anatomy scan - very casually - with the great book "I am going to be a big brother" - which we read 10 times that day & then deposited on the bookshelf. I am due May 2 and we talk on and off about the baby but don't focus on it too much. We are doing a "class" at our local hosp. And I have GD & I explained it that mommy's blood is not working right - so when he offers me food(cookies, crackers, ice cream, fucking ANYTHING to eat), I say thats why I can't eat...and why I go to the doc 3 or 4 times a week...etc. It took a while to get my blood sugar under control and he asks every finger stick (4 -6x day) - is it a good number?
I was given the advice of not blaming things on the baby -- ie, don't say you are sick because of the baby -- its just that you are sick. That way, when you are exhausted/are unavailable its not the sibling's fault. Already. You get the idea I am sure. Siblings without rivalry is a great read too.
I was 3 when my little brother was born, and I remember asking my mom if we could put him on someone's doorstep, ring the doorbell and run away. Sadly she wasn't too keen on the idea and we ended up keeping him. Though now I don't regret it, and I'm pretty happy we kept the kid after all. :P Turns out having a little brother is all right. Plus you gain the title of "big sister" and you get to scare off the bullies that pick on your sibling. I'm sure Charlie will be a proud big brother once he gets used to the baby.
My son was 2 1/2 when child two was born. My belly was pretty big when I told him there was a baby in there. I also told him the baby wouldnt be here for a long time. I think I was 6 months or so along. I wrapped some little toys and gave him one a day after the baby was born. I also let him help open all the baby gifts.
My daughter was almost four when we had our second baby. Our family attended a great sibling class offered through our hospital before the baby was born.
The class was for kids three to six years old. It covered everything that was happening with mom and the baby inside; what to expect on the day the baby is born, (including a terrific kid-appropriate birth demo, both natural and c-section, with proper terminology using a completely equipped cloth doll!); what things mom and dad will have to do after the baby is born; and what the new baby would be like, etc. The kids brought a picture of themselves as babies to share, diapered a doll, and bottle-fed the doll. It ended with a hospital tour of the nursery and patient rooms which was really fun.
Our transition to a family of four was incredibly smooth, and I give a lot of the credit to that class for making my daughter feel involved, prepared and not alone in having a new baby coming.
Hope something like this is offered in your area.
Wow, I think you solved a mystery for me today. This morning I was dithering about searching frantically for something green to wear. I'm not Irish, I don't work in a school or in the Irish consulate, there is no earthly reason I NEED to wear green today but finally after many false starts I threw on a pair of green shoes with my otherwise brown outfit and called it good.
Had you asked me this morning, "Any traditions for St. Patty's Day when you were a kid?" I'd have said no. But now that you mention the pinching thing...we totally did that. No wonder I was afraid to go out without green.
Wow, I think you solved a mystery for me today. This morning I was dithering about searching frantically for something green to wear. I'm not Irish, I don't work in a school or in the Irish consulate, there is no earthly reason I NEED to wear green today but finally after many false starts I threw on a pair of green shoes with my otherwise brown outfit and called it good.
Had you asked me this morning, "Any traditions for St. Patty's Day when you were a kid?" I'd have said no. But now that you mention the pinching thing...we totally did that. No wonder I was afraid to go out without green.
I told my son who was 2yr 8mo when my daughter was born that there was a baby in my belly when I was about 18-20 weeks. And just left it at that for awhile. Every once in awhile I'd remind him that he had to be careful not to kick my belly because of the baby (oh, and he had to walk up the 3 flights of stairs to our apt on his own now too). Taking him along to a couple of the Dr appts was good too, so he could hear the heartbeat and help measure how big I was getting. A vague "in the Spring" sufficed for when he would be a big brother (and I phrased it like that - not that I was having a baby, but that he was becoming a big brother). I got a couple of those big brother books which he really liked and I swear he's been the sweetest big brother ever, even from the very beginning.
We haven't told yet, and she is six. But then I am not looking forward to the "what if this baby dies too?" conversations. I am hoping for some happy too, though. But I am chickening, and my internal clock is also set to the anatomical scan. Although since last time she asked before said scan, she got to come to it, and now I am feeling guilty not taking her this time (if we manage to keep the secret that long). So no decisions have been made, and we will see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
Charlie saying Lovenox? Too bad he didn't learn your cycle protocol too-- I am sure he would've been a big hit on YouTube as the world's most adorable RE.
I was four when my parents ASKED me, "Would you like to have a baby brother or sister?" And I thought about it for quite a while before consenting that a brother would be okay--but not a sister, no way.
Luckily for all of us, a brother was what arrived. But now I can't believe they asked. What if I'd said no? I'm only 19 weeks along with my first now, but if/when it's time for more, we'll be TELLING, not asking.
I struggle with this question too. Not that I'm pregnant yet, but I'm hoping we have luck as we work with the doctor again. Our DD is seven years old, but I'm also afraid of getting her hopes up too early. I'd really rather try to eek past the first trimester before I tell her. Good luck telling Charlie. He sounds so cute, knowing the word Lovenox. That cracks me up!
We told our daughter (who was four at the time) when I thought I was at 12 weeks. (Surprise, I was at 9 instead...) When we got nearer the due date, I involved her in fun projects like fabric-painting onesies for the baby to wear in the hospital, and tie-dying shirts for herself and her new brother. She enjoyed it and we were sure to make things for her, too.
We read lots of "Big Sister" books but the best one, hands down, was Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes. It allowed Meg to acknowledge and laugh at sibling rivalry ahead of time, and gave her a framework for dealing with her own feelings.
Stopped back to see what others had for advice and decided I needed to share a funny...
When kid #2 was in preschool (about 4'ish, I guess) he hadn't ever known anyone that was pregnant before. His teacher decided to explain her ever-growing midsection by telling him that she had a baby in her belly. His response...
(Gagging) "You... (gag) ATE a BABY???" (GAG!) While backing away and looking at her like she was a total monster.
Guess you had to be there..... :)
my daughter was 3 years 3 months when her brother was born, very articulate, hyper-verbal. we told her early, and she didn't start to react much until the last couple of months before he arrived, during which we were treated to some truly apocalyptic tantrums. i talked to her at different times about how it would be ok if she sometimes wished she hadn't gotten a brother, or if she felt mad about it at times. the only time she didn't look at me like i had two heads was a month or so before the big day, when she started to cry a little and acknowledged that she was worried i would not be able to hold and carry her around after the baby arrived like i had before. that nearly killed me, but i was grateful she was able to talk about her feelings a little bit.
cleo never tried to kill owen, or even seemed to seriously consider it. she sublimated, big time: if she'd gotten her way, SHE would have become owen's mother and i would've been out the door. she took it out on me, going so far one day as to tell me "i love owen more than i love you, and owen loves me more than he loves you." it didn't feel good at one week postpartum, but it seemed better than her trying to smother him with a pillow.
i often felt, in the first three weeks, like i'd ruined all our lives by having another baby. but we all got through it, and cleo and owen adore each other more often than not, and now there's another one coming in august. i worry about owen, but cleo not so much. she already tells me she feels sad that it won't be just her and owen anymore, which makes me both happy and sad.
god, my comments are always so freaking long. sorry about that. get me started about my life, this is what happens.
We're stuck forever at one child, so no advice there, but that Lovenox comment was hysterical!!! Touche!
I was 2 when my brother was born. My mom did a lot of babysitting during the days to make extra money. I don't think they really explained it to me (guess they thought that having an older brother would mean I understood), but I remember him being about 8 months old and thinking "Is this kid EVER going to go home?!?!"
Our daughter is 2 1/2. Child #2 is due in the fall. Every now and then I mention our expected baby, but only lightly and vaguely. I don't want to leave her out of the loop, but at the same time, until we get a little further along, I don't want to talk about it much. We'll be seeing one of her friends who had a new baby sister in a few weeks and I think we'll talk about it some then. Then as we get closer, we'll start talking about it more.. and I'll make sure to let her know that being a big sister means having another kid in the house every day.. always :)
It is time to tell him when it is noticeable for the outside world. A woman I knew putted it of only to have a casheir woman tell her son, 3, congratulations you will be a great big brother. Which is cute but painfull when child has no idea..
I'm just glad to read that you've got to the point where you can tell your first child about the second. Been reading for a long time....
J
I didn't tell my then 2 1/2 year old at all. Instead I bought him a baby doll and we practiced caring for the doll. We pretended the baby was crying and had to figure out why: "oh she's hungry! Oh she's tired! Let's give her food/ a nap" kind of thing.
Hearing a baby cry causes a toddler a lot of distress and he will (mine did) act out -- hitting etc.. Only we adults pretend to be cool and calm when inside we are frantic a baby is howling!
I think I told him I had a baby in my "tummy" when I was around 9 months. But it was HARD after she was born and not because I didn't tell him about the baby earlier. It's just really hard on the first. But I second the recommendation to read Faber and Mazlich's Siblings without Rivalry -- it's an intelligent practical book.
Things do get better. Now that she walks and laughs he likes her a lot more!
My first was only 20 months when his brother arrived, so he had no clue (other than we trained him to point at my belly and say baby, but he didn't know what it meant - it was cute though!). This time around, #1 is 4.5 and #2 is 3, so both very aware. For one, I never asked them "did they want" another sib, because, well, they have no choice. :) They are both really excited (we'll see how long that lasts post-partum!), and were very very clear that they wanted a SISTER, not a brother. I am planning to do the class at the hospital where we'll be delivering (note to self, set that up), and we do talk about what babies do (cry, eat, sleep, poop), so they don't expect an actual playmate yet.
We have been trying to figure out how to tell the twins that they'll be getting a new brother or sister...but as my mother says "They already know." As oblivious as two or three year olds seem, they are still very close to their mothers, so like animals, they sense that something is up. My boys have gotten extremely clingy, have started really fighting for my attention, and have gotten real touchy feely, especially around the boob area. Yesterday I picked up one of our baby-dressed bears and cuddled it, only to have N forcefully knock it out of my hand and say "Uh OH!"...with a very devilish gleam in his eye, three times. They definitely know something is up, and they aren't liking it too much. My next step is to get a cheap baby doll and start carrying it around and having them help me. I think it will go over like a fart in church.
I had my twins when my older one was 2 & 7 months. She heard us talking and figured it out. I was around 5 months pregnant when I heard her from the back seat of the car saying, "two strollers" and I said, "What???" She said, "two babies, two strollers". I think that having them was the best thing that ever happened to her - I guess it really depends on your approach. I still had time alone with her and we did 'big girl' things together. Those three are 14 and 11-1/2 now and I now have a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old and a new baby. So far it looks like everyone is happy. I think a 3-year difference is great, because the older one has already really established his place.
My son was 7 when I got pregnant the 2nd time. Our plan was to tell him as soon as I started showing. But then, my husband went to fetch the old crib from inside the garage as we wanted to check the condition thereof. He asked very excitedly "Mommy are you having another baby!!!". So we admitted it (7 weeks into the pregnancy). I was really worried about the time thing and gave him a calender to reference it to (like one of the previous commenters mentioned) and explained the due date in terms of what would be happening in his life first i.e. baby will arrive one month after we celebrate your birthday. We also had a chart that showed baby's physical development on a weekly basis which we checked regularly. He was always curious as to the size of the baby and here I also compared it to stuff that he saw everyday i.e. baby is the size of an orange this week. etc. When we found out the sex, we could prepare him for a brother and even got him to help us choose a name. I carried to 38 weeks and he was extremely proud of his brother (it made him quite popular at school) and still is to this day despite the big age gap between them. You will know when the right time is to do the telling. Good luck!
Hey look! More assvice!
My girls are 23 months apart (dear g-d! Why did I insist on starting RIGHT AWAY with the second just because it took forever for the first)
We took girl 1 to the u/s with us at 20w. We explained about the photos and how that was her sister growing in mommy. And she would do the greatest things. She would hold diapers up to my ever growing belly for the baby to wear. She would offer her bottle to my womb when she was done and there was still milk left. We got her a doll and she held it just like her sister would be held.
You will know when he is ready. Watch him, watch him watch you... You will figure it out!
When I was gorwing up my parents never really told me anything when my sisters were born, when I questioned the belly, it was simple, my sister was in there, and going to be coming out in however many months, I don't relly remember all that much of my mom being pregnant, I think that maybe explaining things a little better than I was explained might help, I mean there are bound to be a bunch of questions that he'll ask, and a certain degree of the sex talk comes in at this point, as long as they know that you didnt eat the baby...
Oh, there's something fabulous and unique about assisted reproduction when first (and I suppose second, third, etc.) children are present. My daughter just turned 5, and she's been watching me do shots since she was 3. She is completely fascinated by it, and is convinced that babies come from shots. It's much easier than the real story so I'll let her believe that for a few more years.
She also thinks that babies have VERY long gestation periods, and we're still just waiting for the baby to grow and come out... someday...
On the other hand, she is also not shy about telling me that the baby must be growing because I'm getting fatter. Thanks. Considering I'm NOT actually pregnant yet, after 5 IUI's, an IVF and a pending FET. *sigh* Out of the mouths of babes.
Good luck telling Charlie. I did finally tell my daughter there was no baby after the IVF didn't work. Her first question was "Does that mean you can pick me up now?" Her second question was "Can I have a snack?" They really do live self-centered lives.
Bwahahahaha!
Oh - you mean there's a recommended method for telling a child he's going to have a sibling? Huh. Oops. Guess taking my 3-yr old to the 10-week appt to hear the heartbeat was a bad idea, huh?
We do talk about the baby now (I'm 24 weeks) and he talks to the baby in the evening and tells her what he's done during the day. The other night he told me she was going to get a ladder and climb out of my tummy. If only.
Before we started talking about it every evening he was acting out, and since we started acknowledging the baby he's been better.
Another vote for "Julius, The Baby of the World" by Kevin Henkes. This is the book we give ALL new big siblings. It is such a fun to read book.
We told our older child when it was too obvious to ignore. You know, when other people start making comments about when you're due, and comments to your child about becoming a big brother/sister...I guess I wanted to be the one to mention it - not the nosy lady at the check out counter!
I'm not a fan of "the fragile life as he knows it will soon come crashing around him" philosophy. My son had a great time participation in my pregnancy and was very impatient to meet his sister. He also got to name her. Once she was born, he took his big brother role very seriously. He was 3 1/2 when we learned his sister was on the way. His nagging questions amazed me, as did my answers. His sister would come "when there was snow on the ground" (it freakin' snowed for the first time that year during my labor!). She would come around the OSU v Michigan game (OMG, she totally did, the day before!).
My son thinks I'm freakin' PSYCHIC.