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04/18/2008
Very-gross veins
I am not especially vain. Oh, sure, I like a little lipstick, a pedicure, a V-neck T-shirt that draws attention resolutely away from the ridiculous — my inherited tendency to under-chin pudge — and directs it to the sublime — a rack held unshakably aloft by a masterwork of modern engineering, the Wacoal 85185. But that is as far as my interest in clothing stretches, and at the moment my hair looks like this was the year the swallows said, "Fuck Capistrano," and my legs, they go unshaven for seasons at a time.
So the physical repercussions of pregnancy have never been a major concern. First of all, I haven't had many; I delivered Charlie early enough that I was spared many of the customary indignities. ("Wow," said the saleswoman as I bought a nursing bra five days postpartum, "you look great." You think I'm slim? I did not say. You should see my kid.) Second, what marks I bear I think of as badges of courage. In the case of my C-section scar, a thin red badge with an unfortunate dogleg at the end, unfaded after three and a half years. In the case of the stretch marks on my breasts, silvery, crepey-looking badges. You should see the fancy sash I wear for ceremonial occasions. The rosette representing enduring nipple-related ambivalence is truly spectacular.
In other words, I haven't been bothered by the changes pregnancy has wrought. That is, I wasn't bothered until Wednesday's visit with the hematologist.
Because I knew from previous experience that she'd want to examine my legs, satisfying herself that there were no deep vein thromboses I'd, oops, forgotten to mention, I shaved, lotioned, and chose my widest-legged maternity jeans. (Since I own but a single pair, I did not linger long in the closet.) I presented myself at the appointed time, hitched up my pant legs, and showed her my pallid shins in all their purple-mottled glory.
"This bruising," she said, "is to be expected." An effect of the Lovenox, of course. "And this..." she prodded the fronts of my legs with a curious finger. "Any tenderness?" No. "Any redness in the surrounding tissue?" Not that I'd noticed. (I was too embarrassed to tell her that I hadn't really looked at my legs in months. I wash, I jacket myself in a thick layer of Lubriderm, and I forget about them for weeks at a time, except insofar as I frequently use them to connect my torso to the floor.)
"Well, these are just varicose veins," she said, "not a big surprise since you are older." I manfully swallowed the shriek that bubbled up, resituated my dentures more comfortably against my palate, shoved my walker to the side, and bent over, lumbago notwithstanding, to look at what she was indicating: a broad network of raised, wormy-looking blood vessels that appeared to be so near the skin that I could imagine I saw individual platelets whizzing through. Varicose veins are apparently a common occurrence in pregnancy, with up to 40% of women manifesting them to some degree. Although they can be "uncomfortable and sometimes painful," they are not in themselves harmful or alarming; they "tend to improve" after pregnancy, though if they do not, there are, the Internet tells me, ways of dealing with them. (I don't know about you, but to me, surgical vein stripping sounds simply delightful. Even more captivating than the three little words, maternity support hose.)
But that is not a concern at the moment. My own personal varicose veins are not painful, merely ugly. Although the rest of my pregnant body somewhat resembles this:
...Hey, I said somewhat...
...my legs are a little closer to this:
Which makes me think that it might be time to buy another pair of jeans. And perhaps a couple of caftans. Because with legs that look like mine, the maternity Daisy Dukes I've been eyeing are clearly out of the question. Unless you think they'd look nice with compression stockings...?
P.S. Because this has all been such a lark, perhaps I will title my next post, GAAAAH SKIN TAGS GAAAAH
P.P.S. Speaking of dentures, last night I dreamed I was having sex with none other than the first President of the United States, George Washington. GAAAAH HIPPOPOTAMUS MOUTH GAAAAH
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Yeah, gotta love those veins. Veteran of 7 week postpartum DVT. Discovered I have Factor V Leiden. High Risk and pincushion belly from injections with pregnancy #2.
The fun now is a blown out valve in my lower leg that will need surgery. Compression stocking for that leg 24/7. Two vein strippings. Lots of fun.
If you asked me if I'd do it all over again, the answer is HECK YES. My kids are worth it. The varicose veins that look like picture B? I'll wear them as a badge of courage (though mine are covered by the knee length shorts, thanks).
For all the extra doctor visits you're enduring, it sounds like everythingis well in hand. However, I hold my breath when you don't post for several days, worried that something has happened.
If that's happening to a reader, I can't imagine how you live it without going insane.
Hang in there.
GAAH SKIN TAGS GAAH? You know, back in the year 2000 when I was pumping, I sprouted skin tags. When the industrial-grade Medela pump was turned on and set at its default of "black hole" suction, it smarted a bit to have the skin tags whooshed about in a vacuum. It smarted a bit more when the pump sucked a skin tag clean off the boob and, I presume, into the bottle. Extra protein for baby! It was good to be rid of that skin tag, though.
A friend of mine is prone to non-pregnancy-related varicose veins. She had sclerotherapy, where the veins are traumatized by some sort of injection and shrivel away. She feels much better in her Daisy Dukes now.
You've got to appreciate a company that names a bra color MILK CHOCOLATE. Please tell me they make that color in a nursing bra!
Eagerly awaiting further colors:
Cream
Vanilla Shake
Strawberry on Top
I looked up the Wacoal bra.
You've got to appreciate a company that names a bra color MILK CHOCOLATE. Please tell me they make that color in a nursing bra!
Eagerly awaiting further colors for my nursing bra collection:
Cream
Vanilla Shake
Strawberry on Top
Dude, between Batali and the founding fathers, you're like a one-woman Rozerem ad. Next thing you know, the entire First Continental Congress is going to be queueing up to rub your calves with warm Nutella.
Was the Washington dream more Houghton-Mifflin or post-Colonial revisionist?
I feel you on the veins and I'm not even pregnant. Bah!
But on your dream, have you seen the series "Masters of Horror" (I think it's Showtime.) They had one called "The Washingtonians." If you can find it, I highly recommend it to you. It is not scary but has campy down.
And somewhat randomly (totally "normal" pregnancy, 31-years-old), I had them in my vulva! I almost fell out of my chair when my doc told me all the pressure I was feeling "down there" was not the baby about to fall out but simply varicose veins! I’ve never felt sexier.
Dude, I think you owe me a new keyboard, as YOUR POST caused me to spit my coffee all over it.
And maybe pee my pants a little.
I'm one of "those people" that read your blog and never comment. I'm also one of "those people" that think their kids are hilarious. So I had to tell you that my 2 year old daughter was sitting in my lap while I was reading this post and said "oh no! her have abcd's on her legs!" Thought it might make you giggle.
Older? OLDER?
And you didn't garotte her with the stethoscope? Dang.
Ha. I have those and I've NEVER been pregnant and I'm only 28! In fact I think they surfaced somewhere around 13 or 14. Thank you genetics, you may suck it.
Also, I laughed so loud at the George Washington thing my boss came out of his office to see what was so funny. Don't do that again!
Did you make him keep his stockings on?
Also, I skimmed the article and cracked up when they talked about a picture of him posing with his equipment. Turns out they were referring to his surveying equipment, so I'll rely on you for the details.
Speaking as a nurse who started wearing support stockings (of the knee high variety) at the tender age of 30, I actually recommend them. Especially these:
http://tinyurl.com/5gs68y
I'm sure any day now they'll start making them in a red fishnet variety for extra sexiness.
You can get the veins taken care of after you have the baby. it's an easy office visit procedure. Basically, the dermatologist injects the veins with saline. I'm eight years older than you and my legs are flawless thanks to this miracle procedure. This works best with spider veins, the little blue guys but you can get rid of the bigger ones, too. It makes a huge difference in your appearance and my insurance covered every penny.
Now, what about those skin tags?
Surveying equipment? Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?
Julie, I say go for the maternity Daisy Dukes with compression stockings. If anyone can pull it off, it's you.
Thanks for another, ah, educational post. Glad all is OK. And here's to maternal discomfort in the third trimester, though only insofar as its proves a necessary evil that allows Charlie's younger sibling to gestate longer than he was able to and providing everyone, Charlie included, a calmer and smoother introduction to said sibling upon arrival...
My mom recently had some varicose veins removed, and it was really painful. This is a woman who has an extremely high pain tolerance, and she told me that she had to ask the doctor to stop giving her shots after several dozen.
She's not getting the other leg done. The leg she had done hurt, the other leg does not, and she says it's not worth going through for cosmetic reasons alone.
Second hand assvice, FWIW.
I hear you loud and clear. Two pregnancies exacertbated a 'vericose-ish' vein on my leg and left a batch of small spider veins in their wake as well. Further badges of honor to go with my handful of belly stretchmarks. I lurve them.
The skin tags...now that's a different story. My derm removed them and insurance covered it all. Mind you, one of them under my left arm got slightly infected and so there is now a dime-sized pink scar where once there was a pendulous (okay, not so much) gross looking tag but it's still a major improvement.
Loved the comment above where the Medela sucked off a skin tag and poof, right into the baby's bottle. Extra protein indeed. Somewhere between your comedic genius and that comment, I about choked on my water.
"...except insofar as I frequently use them to connect my torso to the floor ..."
*SNORT*
Jesus H, you are funny.
Mother of gods, woman! I haven't worn short-shorts since I was 13 and found spider veins on my lower thighs and freaked the hell out. Pregnancies only helped further map the back-roads of the East Coast on my legs...However I'm way too big a chicken to get them fixed.
Century 21 had Wacoals on sale a few months ago and I totally loaded up, thinking of you.
Just be glad they've confined themselves to your LEGS. I was among the fortunate few who get them...further up...in, uh...PINK areas (NOT my nipples). Um...yeah. And THOSE hurt like motherfuckers. I asked my OB/GYN what to do about THAT and she stopped gawking, slack-jawed, looked me in the eye, and said "well, I COULD have you fitted for a truss..." I declined and stuck to rolling up witchhazel pads and stuffing them between the folds of...the pertinent areas...for support. Isn't childbearing GLAMOROUS?
I had varicose veins starting when I was around 20 (I agree - genetics can suck it). They were exacerbated by pregnancy so I had them treated. I had two major veins in my legs laser-ablated, some superficial biggies actually cut out (*NOT* vein stripping), and some were injected with stuff to make them shrivel (nasty stuff, not saline). I was breastfeeding at the time of treatment, so I skipped the customary valium during treatment - that was fun! It hurt some, but wasn't terrible (advil for pain, not stronger stuff) and I think it was well worth it. If you have questions about how it went for me, I'd be happy to answer them - stephanie at ozenne dot com.
Julie- you rarely fail to make me laugh out loud.
As a 52 y.o. mother of three, AND grandmother of three, those interesting, spidery thingies that inhabit the inside of my right calf have been there for almost 34 years. No problems,ever, from them.
I look at them now and then, shrug, and say, " Oh, Well!"
Many good thoughts you, Paul, the wonderful Charlie, and "Snowball II".
Deb
Yah, for a while I was a mock patient for interns at a med school. I memorized a case history they interviewed me and did non-invasive tests. It was to teach them bedside manner. Tons o' fun! The teachers loved me because I could break out in tears or start freaking quite realistically. One person actually made me cry and I was healthy and pretending...
Unfortunately, I never did any hematologists...sounds like she could use a lesson in tact.
Funny thing about varicose veins -- my husband had one and that's why we did IVF, but as if by divine account keeping, I an "older mother" was spared.
Not from skin tags though. I have become quite adept at clipping them off with a nail clippers. Now the cherry angiomas are another matter, damn them. (IF I wanted to make a late start in exotic dancing "Cherry Angioma" would definitely be my nom de gogo.)
Oh Julie...
it could be MUCH worse. Those very-gross veins could be on your VAGINA instead of your legs.
:::lookingaround:::
at first i thought your doctor was merely rude for referring to you as "older." then i realized--YOU'RE MY AGE!!!! 1971, baby, it wasn't exactly the mesozoic... well fuck her and the exam table she rode in on.
i'm sorry about the veins. each pregnancy wreaks a new horror on my physique too...one of the many delightful surprises that accompanies gestation: singleton or twins? boy or girl? freakishly disfiguring varicose veins or hemorrhoids the size of apricots?
it sucks, but of course, as problems go, it beats the hell out of the alternatives.
Ok...time for a weird coincidence. I just finished watching that game show "Duel" on ABC, and one of the questions (which my husband and I both answered correctly, I might add) was something like:
"Which of the following was not used to make George Washington's dentures?"
A. Gold
B. Wood
C. Donkey teeth
D. Hippopotamus ivory
(answer: B)
And, I'm in the same boat with those above who have nasty vein genetics on their side. My skin is so translucent, you can see almost all of them. I can remember being in high school, at the bus station, in my Catholic uniform skirt and hearing some teenage boys making fun of the "varicose" veins behind my knees. Good times. I say start a new trend with the Daisy Dukes and stockings!
Daisy Dukes and compression stockings are so last year. All the hip pregnant girls are wearing compression BOOTS now.
Well, er... fiddlesticks! If you are older, than I'm fucking 6 feet under.
I say buy those Daisy Dukes and show those young 'uns how an older woman rocks it - compression stockings optional depending on whether you want the hair on your legs to stick through the stockings or not.
Skin tags!!! Don't get me started. My armpits, breasts (above and below), neckline and several existing moles have simply sprouted during pregnancy. My husband and I joke about one mole in particular that makes it appear I am reproducing asexually and actually budding another being off my midsection. Sexy!
Ugh, the skin tags! I too am cursed by the blasted things. Luckily (so far) I've dodged the veins, but those TAGS! They are every where and make my neck itch like MAD!
Sorry about the compression hose!
I feel your pain. Sadly, I almost never wear shorts anymore. In addition to the unsightly spider veins I got post-partum, I also have plenty of hail damage. It sucks being almost 40.
Since I am pretty sure she will not read this, I will share. My best friend just had her second baby in two years (they were born 365 days apart, almost to the hour (9 minutes past the hour mark)...thank goodness for leap year, and also for parentheses). Anyway. This second pregnancy, she had varicose veins in her vagina/vaginal area.
So yeah. OW.
P.S. Said best friend is only 25. So the varicose veins can happen to the young of us.
i am a bit ahem "chesty" so i'm wondering if i should invest in the wonder of mondern engineering but daaaayum- $55 for a bra? did you pay that or find it somewhere cheaper? sorry about the very close veins (that's what i thought people were saying when i was younger. as in very close to the surface).
Oh you do crack me up! Loved the bit about the dentures and walker.
Now I'm off to check out my legs.
Pregnant - check
Old - check
GREAT!
mine are so bad people recoil in horror when they catch sight. What's worse I live in florida and it's absolutely cruel to leave your house in jeans for 95% of the year. Unless I can have then patch in a portable a/c unit where the butt pockets used to be, I'll just continue to flash my purply black legs around town and work on grooming my leg hair as shaving around such bulging blood ferrying things has gotten to be pretty precarious.
You have hit on my Secret Pregnancy Fear... for some reason I am POSITIVE that the second I get pregnant horrifying veins will leap out all over my legs and never go away. I'm not really sure where this paranoia comes from, except that my mom does have them... so if they're genetic, I'm screwed. And vein stripping pretty much sounds like the seventh circle of hell.
This is just normal pregnancy related. If you want to see a truly extraordinary pregnancy then go to http://pregnant-man.net
I am a long time lurker from Australia and just wanted to comment on the veins.
I am 32 and have had my lovely veins since I was about 18.
During both my pregnancies I had to wear full leg compression stockings - on both legs.... all the way up to the top of my thighs (with big inch wide elastic to keep them up!!) for the entire duration of pregnancy....mmmmm just what a 28 year old gal needs to make her feel sexy.
And its damn hot here too - some weeks it didnt get below 40deg celcius- including one of the
birth-days.....
To add insult to injury i also had to inject myself daily to stop the veins clotting.
yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk i say.
No more babies for me - don't care how beautiful kids are - nothing can make up for 9 months of thick, tight, full length and white compression stockings.
Love your blog tho.... and looking forward to hearing about your wonderful future family member.
My daughter was born when I was 35, and the worst comment I've ever heard came from an office clerk at the pediatrician's office, she called her a "CHANGE OF LIFE BABY"! I wanted to KILL the bitch!
Okay, now I'm finding this mysterious because I have no bruises at all with the heparin shots and my normally prominent spider veins have faded a lot. In fact, right about now I should be getting more, and the bulging veins on my nipples I had last time should be exploding, yet they aren't so far.
Anyway, I hope you are okay, and now I'm calling my OB's office to ask if I'm normal because everyone else seems to get bruises and such, and I have none...then again, I've always been weird.
Yeah I have never had spider veins, stretch marks or skin tags.
Ouch stop hitting me eveyone!!!!!!
I blame genetics for ALL of that crap. My mom and grandma are like me.
Of course I feared it all when pregnant. Luckily I have not had to endure the effects of them.
I would totally do the procedure though. Casue I am vain. I'm not afraid to admit that.
Oh I love your blog you crack me up. That GW thing was a little icky though. Tell your brain to think more along the lines of Matthew McConaghey.
hehe.. hippo mouth. Dont feel too weird about George Washington.. I used to have a recurring dream of being married to the queen mother..gin breath and all.
i LOVE your blog -- i just started one at www.crazypregnantlady.com, and I put your site up on one of my links....
I think it's really strange that she called you "older." Perhaps she meant "older than Jamie Lynn." I'm close to your age and it's only now starting to happen that I occasionally see a doctor who's younger than I am. And it's usually a resident.
YES, skintags, please someone talk about skin tags, because whenever I mention it to my mother or sister, they both look at me like I'm crazy. Or Typhoid Mary. Or something like that.
People never talk about skin tags and it makes me feel like a freak! DISCUSS please!!
Infertile APB
I had a troll stop by today and politely explain to me why I am infertile... apparently... Jesus hates me... check it out... Fun stuff.
I need the old gang.
After a heavy-duty dental procedure, I fell asleep on the couch and my three year old twins traced the veins on my legs with permanent black magic marker, encouraged by their father! They were making a treasure map. I wore tights in 100 degree weather for a week.
A friend going through IF treatments just told me that theirs has male factor: Varicose veins on her husbands scrotum. And yes, he did go get them removed. Something to ponder.
Another survivor of vulvar vericose veins here. You think compression stockings are bad? Try one of these...
http://www.prenatalcradle.com/v2.htm
gotta love the jock strap for women...