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05/09/2008
Little Boy what now?
Not long before Charlie was born, I issued a manifesto, a list of promises I have mostly managed thus far to keep. No Lunchables? Check. Ridiculous getups? Check. No full frontal nudity on display? Check, although I do have a single photo of him sashaying around the back yard, naked but for his Crocs, a pair of giant rubber oven mitts, and a seraphic whole-face smile. (I have named the picture blackmail.jpg, and I have backups in two separate places. Bring on the teenage years. I am fully prepared to fight dirty.)
I've spent a lot of time marveling at how different this pregnancy has been, from its earliest days onward. This time, instead of thinking to a baby I haven't yet met, I hold Charlie close and make him more silent promises, a lot more complicated and even more heartfelt. Knowing him now, I'm much less articulate, and sometimes I count on my body — the way I persist in roughhousing with him, unwieldy midsection notwithstanding; the fact that I still carry him now and then, just because I feel like it — to tell him what's hard to say. I think he is listening. He hears me. "Mama, I always want you to hold me," he tells me, as I hoist him with some effort. I will is what my grunt says.
Charlie is perfectly delighted. We told him several weeks ago that this summer he'd have a baby brother. He gets it, as much as a three-year-old can. "He's growing in your belly," he says, repeating what we've told him. "He'll come out when he's big enough." And not a moment sooner, I think, smiling and nodding my encouragement. And then, inevitably, "Where will he come out?"
Why, the hospital, of course! Now! Who wants something delicious? A little something I like to call...a Lunchable?
He's taking this all quite seriously. He is full of plans. This time around, he's the one making promises.
"I will sing our baby brother some lullabyes to help him get to sleep," he says, and proceeds to demonstrate. [Deep breath, bellowing.] "JOHHHHHHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! His name is myyy name toooooooo!"
"I would like to go to the toy store," he casually mentions as we pass. When I tell him that we're not buying any toys for him today, he looks genuinely aggrieved. "But for our baby."
In the middle of the evening routine, he declares, "My baby brother can share my bathtub." Rinsing him, I mention that we have a bathtub that's just the right size for a baby. "But I will wash his mighty hams." Three and a half years in, apparently I am in no hurry to teach him they're called thighs.
"I will name the baby...Isaac."
"I will name the baby...Little Boy Blue."
"I will name the baby...Natalie." Because I guess I'm old school when it comes to gender identification, I gently opine that Natalie is usually a girl's name, and he gives me a steely look, then speaks as if I were the three-year-old and he a Prussian schoolmaster unimpressed with my unruliness. "The baby...will be named...Natalie."
"My baby brother can share my big-boy bed." I suggest that a baby might need to be more securely contained. "I'll teach him how to sleep in it without falling out." I explain that babies don't understand such things, not right away. "Mama, he'll want to be near me." And of course I tell him he's right. Of course baby Natalie will.
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Truly a delightful post!! Charlie is going to be the best big brother . . . Natalie's a lucky boy-to-be!
Batman and Natalie...sounds perfect.
Giant rubber oven mitts?! Any chance of a tastefully cropped peek?
Everything here that can feasibly be crossed for Lil Boy Blue making 40 weeks is tightly crossed. Blood-stoppingly so.
Awww how sweet! I was a terrible big sister so it has to be testament to you that he's dealing with this so well!
Aww, sweet boy! P suckered me into the "buying my baby brother a toy" thing also. Thankfully, his baby brother is 18 months old and can actually play with them already. Then again, I know he would have done the same thing if we'd gotten pregnant...and I still would have been suckered in.
Aw...this post made me tear up a little. So sweet.
I am in exactly the same position as you right now, 3 1/2 year old boy, baby on the way. My boy is an aggressive rough-houser, but he has found stores of tenderness for the baby. He insists her name is Ashley and is planning to potty-train her.
I also find myself thinking about how this is going to change my son's life far more than I think about how it will change my own. My hospital stay will be the first time I'm away from my son overnight (after 3 years, I know! I don't know how it happened).
Cute overload!
I will say that when I returned home with Live Baby #2, Live Baby #1 came barrelling down the stairs with the official present for the baby in hand. So it's not just a ploy.
Also, I hope Charlie will be passing on fashion tips as well as toys.
I love that you are writing more about Natalie and Charlie and pregnancy... it is nice.
"But for our baby."
This, I admit, is where I started to get a little teary. Oh, Charlie! I hate to say it, but I don't think I will love any baby as much as I have come to love Charlie, except perhaps my own lil guy or gal.
This is exactly how my son reacted to news of his impending baby brother. Except that he was convinced that the baby would be coming from my belly button.
I'm thinking you should do what people who give boys' names to girls do. Natalie as a first name. And something masculine as his middle name.
How does "Natalie Michael" strike you?
~A~
This is all so sweet. Hubby and I have a list of promises for our little boy so long that it will take a lifetime to fullfill them all.
OMG....sweetest thing ever !
Charlie will be the bestest, mostest loving big brother ever. At least until Baby Natalie starts to locomote on his own....and "Mommy he's TOUCHING ME!" and can "Mommy he's TOUCHING MY STUFF!". At that point I found the relative peace in my house disintegrated somewhat. Alot. Okay, totally.
Oh and has any one warned you yet that one thing that multiplies exponentially with two sweet babies is noise? Buy some ear plugs, I'm just sayin'......
Keeping my fingers crossed for 8/8/08!
You should absolutely name the kid Natalie and just point to Charlie when anyone asks where you came up with the name. Hilarious! (Or you could go with Nathan and let Charlie call him Nat.)
I'm still carrying around my daughter, much to the disapproval of doctors and husbands. But I can't help it. I know I'll have to stop for awhile after this one comes and I am worried about that for some very odd reason. Like she's going to break up with me or something.
But she is looking at her future brother in the same light as your son does. And it makes me weep at times. I'm so glad I'm able to give her this. And hope she's nicer to him than I was to my own brother who I may have dressed in MC Hammer pants on occasion.
oh be still my beating heart, he is so cute!
i have a little boy named Isaac...it's a wonderful, wonderful name and totally suits him.
Ha, I don't mind Isaac at all — I just have no idea where Charlie picked it up!
*double shooty*
When my daughter was about 2 1/2, she began politely asking for a baby brother named Joseph. She even asked the Santa at our church's Christmas brunch for one (Santa looked a bit uncomfortable, and I just shrugged. I wanted one too, it just wasn't happening...) She told her preschool teacher several times that she was having a baby brother named Joseph. I always had to explain to her teaacher "not yet, still hoping...". Finally, when she was almost 5, we found out baby#2 was on the way. She immediately began calling the baby Joseph. When we found out he was a boy, we knew we had to name him Joseph. I was relieved that our daughter took it upon herself to name her brother, as my husband and I had many heated discussions about what to name her if she were a boy. He - Sherman. Me- Anything but Sherman. (sorry to any Sherman fans out there.) As the last trimester came, after almost 3 years of calling her brother to be Joseph, she abruptly chnaged her mind - he was to be called Phoebus (Feebus?? - no clue) she decreed. What about Joseph? we asked. She shrugged. We finally talked her back in to Joseph, and occasionally tease about Feebus/Phoebus - whoever he is.
Ha! That last paragraph reminded me of when I was expecting my little sister. At three and a half I was sure the new baby would love to be with me and want to play with me. Then the actual kid arrived. I have a very vivid memory of my mom sitting me down in the armchair and placing the baby in my arms. All was well until she left the room to get the camera. It was then that my baby sister started to scream bloody murder. Mom took the picture anyway, with me smiling down at my baby sister's red, contorted face. I love that picture.
Oh....Charlie is melting my heart!!!!
I am in tears. Such a beautiful little snapshot of a full of heart little boy opening his heart to hope and love.
Gorgeous.
Isaac is totally our potential boy's name, and whenever we say that we do the double-handed finger point ala Tim Lange. No baby of either sex yet, alas. We did tell his sister that it's off limits for her son who is due in July.
That just made me all kinds of squishy! I heart Charlie.
Awwwwwww. I've been thinking a lot lately about whether it's worth the hassle/expense of adopting a 2nd child. (Doesn't that sound awful? But you know what I mean.) We've thought we might be happy with just one. But this post gives me pause...maybe Sienna would like the opportunity to be a big sister someday. :)
Awww. I was two when my little sister was born. When my mom was pregnant, my parents asked me what we should name the baby if it was a girl. I said "Beeps." And if it was a boy? Also Beeps. Yeah, I don't know either. I had also named our cat Fipps. I still sometimes call my sister Beeps. (My parents named her Ellen. Clearly they had no imagination.)
Wow, this post made me tear up a little. God. Charlie's going to be such a great big brother, I can't wait until you start posting about their interactions!
Totally loving Natalie as a tadpole-not-yet-born name. Very cute. Very similiar to Gavin and his 3.5 year old reaction to a little-sister-to-be... although he never asked HOW the baby would get out of my belly. (Good thing for him too because I'd have told him. Hey, if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know.)
Awwww Charlie! I did some similar fancy footwork with my then-three-year-old when we talked about how the baby would get out of my belly. I got some great advice (from my OBGYN, no less!)--THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE VEE-WORD OR THE PARTICULARS OF HOW THE BABY GETS OUT. It will blow their tiny minds and you will take the Vee-word to the grocery store, and to visit elderly relatives, and to nursery school...I know not everyone will agree with my on this one, but my kid was a repeater, and I had no desire to hear the vee-word THAT MANY TIMES. Usually they aren't as interested as you might think--when my kid asked how the baby would be getting OUT of my belly I said "I will go to the hospital and Dr. OBYGN will help me get the baby out and THEN DADDY WILL BRING YOU TO SEE THE BABY! WON'T THAT BE COOL???" True but not overly so, and ending on a nice distracting redirect (NEW SIBLING! WHOOHOO!"). It even worked a year later when the oops-really-should've-gotten-the-labwork post-vasectomy bonus baby showed up and the oldest was four and a half. They really aren't THAT interested (although if Charlie is then BEST OF LUCK WITH THAT). My seven-year-old still isn't clear on how babies escape the female body and I suppose I'm going to have to cover that at some point before the child is old enough to reproduce, but until then I'm thrilled to keep dodging!
You are such an amazing and entertaining writer!
Oh and before we knew the gender of number two we asked the eldest whether they wanted a baby brother or a baby sister. The child expressed a preference, and then we went for the big ultrasound and it turned out that that was what we were having. We excitedly relayed this to the three-year-old, who tipped their head back, HOWLED, and said "I CHANGED MY MIIIIIIIIND!!!" Whoops. I have a similar policy on full-frontal-nudity baby pictures, but also have my one set of blackmail pictures of my three-year-old buck-naked and holding both sides of my double breast-pump to their bony little chest. Go ahead, kid. Ding my car when you're seventeen. MAKE MY DAY.
My nine month old and three year old are just starting to really connect. They smile at each other and giggle together. I left the room together for a moment one day, and the three year old had hidden himself and his brother under a blanket. "Where are we?" he asked, when I came back in. It warms my heart like nothing ever has.
our 3 year old has taken ownership of our new baby. wanna HOLD her! need her NOW! MY baby sisserrrrrrr! as he collapses into tears because he can't hold her right now because she's sleeping / eating / screaming her head off. if only he wasn't so easily distractable and would pay more attention to holding her than to say, Bob the Builder, it'd be pretty nice.
I too have a small collection of blackmail / prom night pictures. I think they're a must have, really.
Bless that little Charlie boy. He's gonna be one heckuva big brother.
Awww. So sweet.
Oh, and I meant to say - I tried to convince my parents to name my little brother Christopher, but they wouldn't. But my ex-boyfriend was named by his then-three-year-old brother.
Oh Julie, you are the best blogger EVER. You are so funny and warm and wonderful and yet also an amazing person and mother. It's all of the fun without any of the Schadenfreude. And being just a little preggo myself, these posts never fail to make me sniffle. Thank you for updating!!!
My friend was four when his parents asked him to name his baby brother. He picked Colin, from The Secret Garden. He was quite the reader; they're just lucky he didn't pick Tintin.
That photo = priceless!
My then-five-year-old sister's vote for our younger sister's name was Peter Pan. My parents told her they didn't think it was a very feminine name but she was unconvinced.
I swear to god your ability to make me laugh through tears will keep me checking for a new blog 18 times a day even through the weeks you hibernate. Thank you so much, I really...I mean really, needed this today.
My daughter decided to name our baby "Maria Sanchez". And in NO way is Maria Sanchez a bad name, but it hardly fit our blond blue-eyed baby girl.
At least you have real names coming out. My almost four-year old wants to all his yet-to-be-born baby sister "Gas Station." He's serious.
My daughter LOVED the book "When You Were Inside Mommy" and I loved that it explained things without cutesy terms, but using the correct words in the right places without being too specific.
She learned about the umbilical cord but it said the baby would come out of an opening that can stretch wide to let a baby through (ie no specific vaginal or caesarean birth reference - can go either way).
It was one of her favorites while I was pregnant, and since the focus was on when SHE was inside it was a way to address the new baby but still keep some focus on her.
Granted, it doesn't address what happens when you have to have an emergency csection due to hellp and major danger to mom and baby, but hey - nothing is perfect. ;)
Until I had my second child I had no idea how nurturing and gentle little boys could be. My first child (a boy) was so loving and caring towards his little sister that at times it just made me weepy to see.
Your little cuy certainly sounds like he's something special. "Natalie" sure is lucky to be getting such a big brother.
Aw. I just love the promises and excitement of an 'expecting' sibling.
You will love seeing them interact. Probably not in a few years, once they start fighting and trying to knock each other out any chance they get, but the lovey moments are priceless.
Hi Eliza... Um, I think Cesarian Section starts with a C, not a V.
damn you for making me cry when i have too much work to do.
i know all those silent promises made, before and after they're born. spent a long time cuddling my 2 year old last night, telling him over and over that mama will love him forever and thinking in my head that I hope that's enough armor to get him thru.
have had to become at peace that no more children for us. i've tried to tell myself an only child can have a lot. but your post today makes me ache for all that he *could* have. its a good ache -- enjoy your family.
Charlie wants to name the baby after me? (looks around in disbelief, pointing at chest)
Awww, thanks kid! I'm honored!
Would it pursuade him at all to tell him that Nathaniel is the masculine form of my/the baby's name?
Charlie and Nate - great combo in my book!