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06/06/2008
A kid and a kidney
Right off the bat, let me say that the good news is that I don't have a baby yet. But the even better news — the news that makes me weep and laugh and leak a little joyful snot — is that Danae, much-loved blogger of the much-missed Hardscrabble, does.
I don't know the details. All I know is that I am happier than I can say without resorting to goofball clichés like "my heart is full to overflowing." (Happy enough not to mind when one slips out on its own.) Danae and her husband endured what seemed the saddest of endings — multiple failed IVFs followed by a single Hail Mary cycle at a top-tier clinic, the cautious excitement of an early pregnancy, and then a miscarriage made all the more heartbreaking by the knowledge that it had been a last-ditch effort.
Like the story of any infertile who has to stop short of a child, but more so because I love her, to me it all felt so senseless. It never felt right. But this news does, at last.
In news far more picayune, our vacation ends tomorrow. Since we were not especially eager to travel far given what happened last time I ventured from home in the third trimester — and, yes, I bought trip insurance — we've spent the past week at a family resort a comfortable 90 minutes from our house. (Exactly as good as it sounds, by the way, and I'm told the human body can function perfectly well with the kidney that will remain after you've sold your other to pay for your stay.)
With the hospital located between home and here, I've been able to keep all of my doctor's appointments. That has been the only inconvenience my pregnancy has imposed, so it's been a wonderful week. A strange week, though, as it has been brought to my attention by our fellow guests that at 31 weeks, I do not look pregnant.
There's a zip line that runs from the back of the main inn building on down through some trees to the lakeshore. I'm sure the kids all love it, but so do the adults, especially after cocktails, especially after dark. (To my disappointment, no one took me up on my suggestion that they try it after setting themselves on fire. Maybe I'm not cut out for a leadership position. I must not have done a good enough job explaining how much fun it would be.)
I have been asked on numerous occasions whether I've tried the zip line. "No," I would answer incredulously at the beginning of the week, thinking they must be joking. But they weren't! Why wasn't I trying it? What was I...chicken? "I am seven months pregnant," I would squawk, chickenishly, at which point the asker would direct a horrified look to my midsection, as if I were either gestating wee Thumbelina herself or manufacturing a phantom pregnancy just to get out of signing up for the low ropes course. Which I would totally do, I assure you. (The lying, I mean, not the course.)
If the shelf of my breasts so overshadows the projection of my abdomen, and to my chagrin it still does; if the rest of my body remains unbloated; if I look improbably svelte with my weight gain of 16 pounds to date; who am I to explain? As the week wore on, I confined myself to compressing my lips and simply saying, "No," offering no further illumination. One jovial red-faced gentleman thought to encourage me. "You just need to drink more," he offered.
Well. Clearly! As he said this, it hit me that there was a certain advantage in looking merely plump, and I had squandered it: No one here knew I was pregnant! If I'd played my cards right, I could have spent the whole week drinking my face off.
I'm up to two non-stress tests a week, and an OB visit, a growth scan, a diabetic consult, and a biophysical profile every two weeks. There is a doula to be hired, a hospital tour to be arranged, a complement of snow-white onesies to buy, and a giant box of those cunning squat Avent bottles, carefully hoarded for the last three years, to scuttle. And everything, everything's fine. Even that last lonely kidney.
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Way to go Julie.
Are you taking a Lamaze class??? I dunno if you are going to try a completely natural childbirth, but if you are, then you need some way to handle the contractions.
I know I suggested just going for the c, but hell, who am I anyway!!!!
Oh, and pushing isn't painful.
Glad to hear baby is staying put for now.
I'm glad to hear all is well. When Tertia posted her "guess who had their baby" post, I thought maybe it was you. :)
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
Oh, my heart. I am so so so thrilled it is Danae. That's what I guessed yesterday, and I am giddy to be right. Thanks for spilling.
I am also thrilled for you and the utter normalcy, amid all the appointments, and the mere 16lbs (I am almost up to that myself, but I started 20lbs higher than last time, and I lost a couple in the first trimester, and you have 5 weeks on me, so I will surely pass your milestone by the time I get to 31), and your lovely boobs (cause mine, despite ballooning to DD do not protrude beyond the belly anymore), and just the fact that you are where you are. And I wish you more of the same-- smooth sailing, mostly.
Holy shite...only 16 pounds?!?! I've already gained 12, and I'm a mere 18 weeks! Would it be wrong to wish for gestational diabetes?
Way to go! I'm so excited for you. I totally get the not looking pregnant. Though it can be very offensive at 39+ weeks. LOL Enjoy it and the breasts.
Just wait for it. Between five and seven months, I was wearing maternity clothes but lots of people still didn't guess I was pregnant. And I wanted them to think I was pregnant 'cause I knew the alternative was they thought I was just kind of fat. And then I popped right out and spent the last two months with people saying "you must be ready to pop any day now."
Here's to entering the homestretch what with the many NSTs, BPPs, and tasks to be done in coming weeks! Hooray :-)
And how incredibly awesome for Danae--how I've missed her and how happy I am for her wonderful news; thank you for sharing.
Oh! I was thinking about Danae just yesterday. How utterly fabulous. That makes my day. Thanks for sharing!
I have big boobs and a long torso. Unless I wore a tee shirt proclaiming "KNOCKED UP", I just looked like the cheeseburger queen of the midwest.
At around 35 weeks I threw in the towel and only wore empire waist tops. that helped.
But what about talking to a lactation consultant?
Well, I am relieved it's not you, and so, so, so very happy for Danae, wow. And 16 lbs? Kudos to you for the work you must have been doing to manage the GD, that's all I can say.
It's a shame about the old baby bottles; I recently tossed mine as well. But you certainly don't need to buy "baby cubes!" All you need is a regular old ice cube tray and a Ziploc Freezer storage bag.
As for not looking pregnant, I cannot relate. I had strangers coming up to me when I was 11 weeks with my 2nd and saying "congratulations, when are you due?" I mean, I wasn't even telling people yet but I was already big as a house. I'm not sure which is worse: people not believing you're pregnant because you aren't showing or people saying "you must be ready to go any day now" when you're only 6 months pregnant.
I'm thrilled for Danae. I miss her. And I appreciate you not doing a happy dance and rubbing it in that you know what is going on, and we don't.
Your vacation sounds just right. Do the zip line next year, with the bambino in a backpack.
My best friend had her first baby four weeks ago, and I swear, she didn't look pregnant until her last week, and even then, she looked about six months pregnant. It ended up having no bearing on the size of the baby -- the doctors predicted a 6.5 pound baby, the baby ended up being a robust 8.5 pounds, and left us all marveling, "How did he FIT in there?"
What is it with people feeling compelled to comment on a woman's appearance? I got the endless fat questions and "are you having twins?" for nine months and you are getting the other end of the stick where people don't want to give you credit, but really in the end, what business is it of anyone's to say anything else besides "You look wonderful" or "Of course you are pregnant, I must be blind, how lovely you look in that outfit"?
Sigh...sorry about the boneheads.
As for the stuff, yes, definitely buy it now, and if you feel superstitious then store it in the garage or elsewhere, but I'm realizing now that it was a mistake for me to not buy it ahead of time. Didn't change the outcome, but now I'd give my left tit to have already done some of that shopping.
Hooray for Danae! Such wonderful news....
I got the same sorts of comments. When I was out strolling with my newborn daughter, a neighbor across the street stopped me and said, "Wow, I never knew you were pregnant"--and we saw each other all the time. She continued to make dumbass comments until I wanted to slug her. People are idiots (but man does that resort look amazing).
I was in a wedding party while 8 months along. I thought I would look like a ridiculously tubby monk with my brown dress and low-slung string belt.
Instead, I kept having to turn down beers passed to me on the party bus from church to reception. I don't know if it was the dark fabric or people's general tendency not to look all that close (I think the latter), but no one guessed I was just a couple months from giving birth to a full-sized infant.
I'm so happy you posted about Danae. I sometimes wonder about her and am so pleased to hear she got her happy ending.
And I'm so jealous that no one can tell you are pregnant at 7 months!
I'm getting a lot of "You can't be 7 months pregnant...you're so small!" over here too, I think it is that I'm tall with big boobs. Also the fact that these ppl have only seen me pregnant with twins, so yeah, I look small compared to last time. You must be carrying kind of long and thin, too, more watermelon than basketball.
That vacation spot looks too good to be true. I'm bookmarking that page, for sure. We will be spending my husband's vacation time this year getting to know our newborn, but it looks like it would be a great place to stay with little ones. Do you get a break on your dialysis if we mention that you recommended the place? Do you need to have a tissue match up before you go?
It is really wonderful for Danae, it is wonderful for anyone who has struggled so long and through so much. I don't really know her because I am late to the infertility blog thing, but that doesn't matter. It is a wonderful day! Congratulations, Danae!!!!!!! Lactation consultants, doulas, and white onesies all around!!
Well THANK GOD it's Danae! I've had so many body parts crossed hoping against hope that it was her...and I'm now just one big ol' cramp.
A) So freaking happy for Danae. She's remains in my bookmarks as one of those folks who I wish was still around. One of the original VP. B) I'm so glad your still pregnant!
Glad to hear you are doing well. I remember Danae's story and I'm curious to hear from the horse's mouth about their good news. Is there any possibility we can find out more info?
(1) Thank god! Your baby is still on the inside; Danae has a baby (on the outside) - it's all good.
(2) Sorry for freaking out on your in your comments yesterday. That's what happens I guess when Tertia feels the need to prove she can keep a secret.
(3) I LOVE the Tyler Place! Spent a week there when my Kid was 3 (a, um, Junior Midget - egads, they need new names for the kidlet groups ... ). I loved that they all had theme songs they sang when they pulled the kids around in the wagons, giving you time to leap out of the road and behind a bush so your kid wouldn't spot you as you sauntered from tennis to pilates. And the grown-ups only dining room! And the cocktail parties! And that one hot Tyler - Chad was it?! I need to make a reservation for another week!
Every time you write a post, I have to pinch myself if I didn't write this. Scary.
I'm 33w pg and today someone congratulated me on the birth of my baby. What baby? According to my figure she thought I was postpartum. There was no way I could be 33w. lol.
I gained a total of 7 pounds so far. And the baby weighs 4 1/2.
(I started out with 30 pounds overweight,s o the doctors are happy I didnt gain more.)
Before you toss the Avent bottles, you should check with a Babies R Us store. Some of them are taking the bottles back and giving store credit, as long as they are bottles they still stock in the stores.
If you liked the Avent bottles, the Born Free ones are very similar. We switched my son over at about 11 months and he didn't notice a difference.
Also, I only gained 15 pounds my entire pregnancy. I was slightly overweight, maybe 20 pounds or so. I actually weighed less when I got home from the hospital than I did when I got pregnant. So no worries there!
In the past week I have crossed an invisible line - the one that takes me from no comments at all to "wow, when are you due?" from perfect strangers. I think the baby shifted, dropped, and gained about 2 pounds all in one day. Or something. It's odd that it's suddenly so obvious. (almost 36w)
I also am thrilled about Danae (and would love to know the details). I checked back periodically after her heartwrenching last try. I am glad that she is happy.
I also had many many NSTs that usually became BPPs because my son evidently, somehow, inherited my laid-back metabolism.
And as for not looking pg...not so much either. I just looked a little fatter. I feel for you, Julie.
I tended to keep my hands firmly linked under my belly at all times, whilst arching back slightly, in order to highlight the bump and de-emphasize the fat. Still didn't work.
Being a UK resident, I have just been obliged to Google picayune and zip line. I nearly got picayune from context, but I initially thought a zip line might be some sort of odd monorail...
Glad to hear you're still gestating nicely.
Well, no wonder I don't get to go on vacations! I was born with only one kidney so I have nothing to sell in order to get the hell out of my house!
Glad you're still knocked up(Like, WAY glad) and I'm glad to hear that you're having a good vaca. Even if you didn't get to take advantage of drinking your face off :D>
Hey - that's really wonderful news about Danae - so totally awesome!
I'm also thrilled that your experiencing 'mid-verging on later' third trimester. I totally hear you about appearing pregnant - I travelled a lot with my last pregnancy and always pre-boarded due to back pain, but always had to explain that I was pregnant. I had my son at 35 weeks, and never once experienced the congratulations from strangers, which I still regret. Hoping this time that I'll show more - I'm definitely showing earlier, (to those who know my tummy intimately - ie me and hubby), and I'm only 13 weeks now.
Thanks to the commenters who pointed out that with big boobs and a long torso it's hard to see the belly poking out - that describes me to a 'T'! I guess the only advantage is being able to enjoy a glass of wine in public, without a thousand judgemental looks.
Sending you warm thoughts, and hopes of atleast 7 more weeks of pregnancy.
xo
Amanda Lynn
NO WAY. We just tried to make reservations at the Tyler Resort, but they were completely full when we were free to go. We decided to vacation at home instead. Although now I'm kind of happy I get to hang on to that kidney.
My father-in-law last night night told me that I looked like a 'dirigible' when pregnant last time. I can't wait to hear his pearls of wisdom this time round.
Good for you 7 months and 16lbs. I'm only 9 weeks right now and feel like I've put on 16lbs of boobs alone.
well, i never cease to learn new things from your blog, julie. it never occurred to me that a woman could be irritated by not looking pregnant. i have gained right around 35 lbs. with each of my pregnancies (i am currently 29 weeks with #3, and already up 25)--but i'm 5 feet 1, and once upon a time i was very narrow and petite. also, i never lost about 20 lbs from my first baby (the weight from #2 fell off in months). this time around i seem to be getting more obnoxious remarks than ever before. last week, a woman i know casually walked into the room, saw me and smiled, then did a double-take. what followed was a gesture i can only describe as a pantomime of the pillsbury doughboy--cheeks puffed, arms akimbo to indicate rotundity.... i get that shit all the time. i don't know what makes people think any woman wants to hear how enormous she looks, even if it's pregnancy that makes her so.
I was only ever a lurker on Hardscrabble, and I've never delurked her before. I am sobbing, actually sobbing, to hear that Danae is finally a mother. Congratulations!
Ha, ha, ha! It totally is the shelf of boobs. I went from a 34E to 34J (yes, they do go that high) when I was pregnant and no one could tell until I was almost 9 months along. And I just want to say to all those people who said they would get smaller when I quit breast feeding - It's been over a year and they are BIGGER! Yes, bigger - I am now a 34K - thanks so much, boob fairy (I hate you). Here's hoping you don't have to keep your gigantic rack.
I gained 60 lbs with both pregnancies (Which I lost, and discovered most was water retention) but people were always shocked when they'd say "Any day now!?" and I'd say "No I still have 4 more months." People think you're either starving yourself or bingeing on cake all day and they believe when your pregnant it's their right to say so.
Julie,
FWIW when I was pg I only gained 25 lbs total, most of it after the 30 week mark. And my kid came out 8lbs 12 oz, 22 inches long.
Enjoy your vacation!
And instead of baby cubes, you could use ice cube trays, and then you put the same foods in zip top bags. Much cheaper, and easier.
If your boobs are still obvious, then you have a way to go. It's that point when the belly is everything and the boobs disappear that time is nigh.
SIXTEEN POUNDS? Are you sure you're pregnant? I just went to a baby shower for a friend who gained 30 lbs in her first trimester alone. Julie, are you gaining so little weight because you're following some sort of "no white flour, no sugar," gestational diabetes-prevention diet? (I apologize if you've posted about this before. I know you had to be careful with your glucose last time but can't remember if you posted about your diet with this pregnancy.)
I nearly committed a major faux pas last October when I congratulated somebody on being pregnant and she was all of eight weeks along. She said, "I didn't think I looked pregnant!" and I had to backtrack, explain that *I* was, and there was something about the way she was standing...
I am SO glad she was actually pregnant, because that was a case of a subliminal cue travelling straight to my mouth without stopping by my brain on the way. And no, she didn't "look" pregnant.
I wanted to put together a comedy routine about being pregnant, NOT based around the fact that pregnant women are large, for the simple fact that all of the pregnancy jokes out there reduce to "Pregnant women are large!!!" Har dee har. Didn't get it hammered out in time, maybe I'll work on it for some future date.
Thank you for sharing about Danae! I was so stubborn, kept going back to her blog forever hoping for a happy ending.
And go you re: the 16 lbs. with GD. That is amazing and I'm glad your babe is still baking.
Hi there. I'm finally delurking to tell you that I'm loving your blog, and am wishing you luck in the remainder of your pregnancy. My thoughts are definately with you.
On another note, I linked to you from my blog, as you were one of my firsts and favorites. I hope that's okay.
~Amanda
PS. I only gained 17 lbs in 35 weeks of pregnancy in my last - it is possible! I was taking part in a exercise based research study at our university, aimed at preventing overweight, underactive women from developing gestational diabetes. Since I fell in to that category, and since my dad as Type II Diabetes I was at signficant risk, so I followed the diet / exercise recommendations quite closely, which is likely why. FYI, the diet was not particularly onerous, especially compared to what you've posted about your diet - we could have any carb, but were limited to 25 carbs per snack, 35 at lunch and 45 at dinner. The funny thing was I couldn't eat as much as they wanted - they were all about lots of snacks - two after breakfast and before lunch for example, in order to maintain a constant glucose level for the baby, which is apparently why we can become prone to diabetes in pregnancy...
Long story, but I wanted to mention that weight gain in pregnancy is a very individual thing, and can depend on many individual factors.
*further side note* I love that last week my midwife's student asked 'are you weighing yourself in this pregnancy?', instead of 'what's your weight today?' - of course it's my CHOICE to weigh myself, but hadn't ever thought of being asked about it in such a sensitive way.
back to lurking now,
Amanda Lynn
Julie -- just thought you might be interested in the NYT article on Factor V Leiden, if you haven't already seen it: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/10/health/10brody-.html?em&ex=1213243200&en=356a0e00ccbfd592&ei=5087%0A.
Have to admit am jealous of not showing. With baby #1, gained about 15 overall (but had a bit extra to start with), and am quite tall, so didn't show really till 5 or 6 months - very easy to disguise. With this one - I am not kidding, I had to pull out maternity clothes at 8 weeks. Ridiculous. Still can't believe it. Am putting it down to giant ovaries (love that OHS) and seemingly never-ending progesterone shots.
11 weeks now, and have given up hiding it, which totally goes against the grain, given past difficulties, as I'm sure many will relate to.
We used Avent bottles with my first child. I really liked them, and we weren't going to use them much with Baby #2 since I was mostly breastfeeding, so I just bought the Avent sippy cups (BPA-free) and screwed the bottle nipples on those. It works great.
Danae has a baby! This is some of the most beautiful news that i have heard in a long time. her last posting killed me...i started reading her back on LJ - as you can see way back - my heart is just too happy for her...
We have the same birth plan! That's wild, what are the odds.
OMG Danae has a baby! I am so happy and excited for you I can barely type, I've thought of her and wished for this outcome so often, I thought of emailing her so often but didn't bcs I never knew what to say, nothing ever seemed enough, nothing ever seemed worthy, oh my God Danae, HOW FUCKING EXCELLENT!
Danae dahling, if you happen to read this, I tried emailing you but it bounced back, I wish you all the best, all the very best, it surely doesn't seem possible that it will get better than this but just you wait, for it will, and I am so grateful for you that you were given this.