Ripped from the headlines
During my customary — nay, my compulsive perusal of pregnancy-and-baby magazines in waiting room after waiting room, I saw this photo running alongside a question in an advice column. A newly pregnant woman ostensibly sought answers on how to tell a friend who'd been struggling to conceive. The advice wasn't bad, or at least not that different from what I would have said myself: Tell her yourself, tell her in private, tell her soon, and give her time and space to absorb the news — not, the writer of the column stressed, that you should call it "big news" or "exciting news" or "I-just-know-you'll-be-thrilled-for-my-wonderful news," but just plain old unembellished news.
Which of course left me wondering who the woman in the picture was supposed to be. Is she the concerned bearer of tidings, the considerate one, the good friend, the one who's not supposed to gloat? Or is she the beleaguered recipient, the infertile, whose feelings are raw enough to merit concern? Either way, why is she smiling that dopey-ass smile?
This is where you come in. Whoever you think it depicts, this photo desperately needs a caption, the snarkier, the better. Give it one in the comments, and you could win a really excellent prize.
(Oh, as if. A $700 stroller? I am already guiltily responsible for a giant hole in the ozone layer that follows me around like Pig Pen's cloud of dust, thanks to my twice-weekly 70-MPH trips to the city for monitoring. You think I'd jeopardize the planet's health even further by giving away a stroller that couldn't possibly get more than 12 miles to the gallon? Look, I love those burled panels of irreplaceable old-growth hardwood as much as the next gal, and I do agree the state-of-the-art in-dash GPS would be useful when you're trying to find the nearest public restroom that actually has a changing table, and the cleverly placed mirror will be perfect for when your image-conscious baby needs to freshen her brick-colored lipstick, but no. No, the prize will be something in the way of chocolate, valued at considerably less than $700.)
A winner will be chosen at random because I know you will produce only brilliance.