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08/18/2008
Don't make me post a recipe, too.
I don't know where to go from here. My first feeling based on the comments from my last entry is gratitude — from most of you I felt warmth and understanding, even from those whose stories are radically different from mine, and, man, what an amazing gift that was. Thank you.
My next feeling, though, is defensiveness, the almost irresistible urge to say, But wait, we did have his tongue clipped, and we did try again. My God, of course we did. And You know, I am still pumping, just not with crazy-making frequency, so Ben gets human milk at least three times a day. And After two days on the bottle we gave on the lactation consultant's advice, Ben wouldn't latch worth a good goddamn. And But. And And. And so on, graf after graf of fevered justification. But then I rein myself in — uh, okay, mostly — and remind myself that although I feel buoyed by the support of my friends inside the computer when I'm lucky enough to get it and occasionally crestfallen when I don't, it's Ben and Charlie and Paul to whom I ultimately need to answer. And Paul understands; Charlie, despite my frequent pestering, doesn't read my blog; and every time Ben makes that captivating baby bird mouth I smile instead of grimacing. All answers good enough for me.
My friend T., who had difficulty nursing her own two children, said something to me that rings beautifully true: Don't let anything get in the way of your relationship with your kids — least of all yourself. Depending on your situation, of course you can read that any number of ways, and I recognize there are those who will say that by giving up on nursing, that is exactly what I've done. But in our circumstances I interpret it as meaning that it would be emotionally ruinous for me to indulge my own lingering issues at the expense of being the relaxed, happy parent my family and I deserve.
And that really is all I'm going to say. Except that I still want to make out with anon of comment #45 et seq., although despite professional encouragement I still haven't settled the contraceptive issue, so maybe we should wait until we're really sure we're ready. And that I have a few choice remarks to share with Jonnelle of comment #256 and a few other commenters who've offered similar views in the last two weeks. And that Ben's jaundice has resolved, he has regained his birth weight, and I am taking back everything bad I ever said about ready-packed prefab food for kids because it turns out that the Campbell's Cream of Lunchables we're feeding him ten times a day really isn't that bad after all.
What, humor's not working? Then how about that last refuge of someone who'd really like to change the subject, a picture of a baby?
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Oh, he is precious. Well done, Julie. Many congrats to you and Paul and Charlie.
Oh what a beautiful boy.
oh dear GOD that is a beautiful baby.
i will spare you the stories of my three nursing experiences, because they are entirely irrelevant. all i will say, julie, is that i know--and many, many women know--that when nursing hurts, it is TORTURE, and torture is not conducive to good mental health or happy mothering, particularly when it is inflicted eight to twelve times a day by the person you are supposed to be falling in love with. sometimes it (nursing) works, sometimes it doesn't, but we are past the days when your baby would die if you couldn't breastfeed (and what were all those wet nurses for, anyway?). ben will thrive and you will be a better mother, and a great big fat FUCK YOU to anybody who feels they can judge you, particularly from within the confines of the computer.
congratulations on making a beautiful baby. i see a lot of charlie in him.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful baby...
oh dear GOD that is a beautiful baby.
i will spare you the stories of my three nursing experiences, because they are entirely irrelevant. all i will say, julie, is that i know--and many, many women know--that when nursing hurts, it is TORTURE, and torture is not conducive to good mental health or happy mothering, particularly when it is inflicted eight to twelve times a day by the person you are supposed to be falling in love with. sometimes it (nursing) works, sometimes it doesn't, but we are past the days when your baby would die if you couldn't breastfeed (and what were all those wet nurses for, anyway?). ben will thrive and you will be a better mother, and a great big fat FUCK YOU to anybody who feels they can judge you, particularly from within the confines of the computer.
congratulations on making a beautiful baby. i see a lot of charlie in him.
What a handsome little man. He looks so much like Charlie did. I do love pictures of sleeping babies.
I can't believe someone actually told you the maternal bond is missing. Stunning.
Egg origin aside, anything that grows in and comes out of your uterus is related to you. FWIW I'm sure he picked up a few bits of your genetic material somewhere, with all that amniotic fluid, blood, and whatnot.
Ben is adorable. Love the outfit.
What a beautiful little boy. I normally just lurk here, but I wanted to thank you for posting something - anything - to put an end to the breastfeeding thread. The vast majority of the comments were made in good faith, even those that were a little critical, but there was some nasty stuff too, and I was getting worried that if you didn't distract everyone soon, it would surpass the number of comments on the first picture of Ben. And that would have made me sad.
lookit his perfect little MOUTH! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
and he's got some nice meat. lunchables clearly agree with him.
That is one ridiculously cute baby.
Your fried T is very smart. When battling the WAHM v/s SAHM decisions, I find I am my own worse critic. I'll keep her words in mind during my own guilty episodes.
Wow. That is one seriously sweet little baby. Can I be in love with him?
Awwwww.
I die of cute!
wow... what a cutie! congratulations!
Oh my god, he is BEAUTIFUL.
ignore the haters. love is better than all the breastmilk in the world. so keep doing whatever makes you both the happiest.
hurrah for your gorgeous family. I'm so happy for you. so so happy.
Never mind breast milk, formula, and lunchables; I want to nibble on that baby. (Just a tiny taste? No? Rats.)
That kid is a cutie!
Julie, your new baby is beautiful. I think you are one of the smartest and most thoughtful women/moms that I "know."
What a juicy, awesome little baby. We even have the same shirt over here.
On a total side note, there is something, uh, fun, about formula feeding our baby in Germany where I'm visiting now. You get to upgrade formulas every few months, and there is special NIGHTTIME formula with moons and stars on the box. Is there Benadryl in it? I hope so!
Your son is adorable and happy. That's all that matters.
GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS. Mazel Tov
I distinctly remember you saying that you wouldn't drive yourself crazy over this. You have done what you can, you tried. Just enjoy your baby. I'm sure he won't be doomed to be the chronically sick manager of a Burger King just cause Mommy had some trouble with breast feeding. Screw anyone who tells you otherwise, you're fucking fantastic.
I'm a long time reader, but I don't think I've ever commented before. I just wanted to say that Ben is beautiful and I am very, very happy for you and your family.
That works ...
The Cream of Lunchables clearly is agreeing with him, and you. That is one seriously adorable little boy you have, and sporting a hipster orange alphabet sleeper at that! :)
Eeee! He's PERFECT!
He is so cute! I love the infant stage. Enjoy it - you worked hard to get here!
gorgeous! looks a lot like charlie!
Boy is he yummy! So cute Julie. Do I see a hint of Charlie???
And as for the Jonnelle - can I go after her for you? What an idiot.
I want to rub his fuzzy little noggin! *sigh*
Adorable child.
Too bad you're not maternally bonded to him.
(Kidding. I kid.)
Oh my God, what a beautiful baby! My kids are 11, 15, and 19 and that pictures ALMOST makes me want to have a baby!! Enjoy your boys because time flies!
He's cute enough to munch on! Can I get a nom-nom?
I would just tell the douchecanoes to mind their own business and STFU; do what you feel you need to do.
Hey, I recognize that sleeper! Gotta love the hand-me-downs (am I right?). What a beautiful baby.
I've managed to resist Lunchables so far (2 1/2 years), but man, those Spaghetti-O's are a bitch to clean out of the cracks in the hardwood floor. Assuming I clean, of course. Hee.
OH MY DEAR LORD He is one more gorgeous little man. I'm happy for you and your family with the addition of your new bundle of joy. Regardless of how he receives his necessary nourishment for survival he has parents who love him, an amazing little brother, and he will grow up not really caring where his meals came from so long as he gets them. Do what you have to do Julie and give them precious little boys of yours all the lovin in the world.
One of the wonderful things about feeding an infant is that it doesn't really matter how it gets fed. No one can tell if a kid was breastfed or bottle fed as a baby and way more important than the slight nutritional difference is the bond between ma and babe. If you seethe pain and emotional turmoil every time the baby sits down to eat, the bottle seems like a much better way to get the job done.
It's not like formula is fast food and breastmilk is organic and vegan and fresh. It's like formula is buying organic veggies from the supermarket and breastmilk is like growing them yourself - once you get them on the table and in your belly it's the same stuff.
I would tell you not to stress about it, that in the long run it's not even a minor detail whether you bottle or breastfeed, but I stressed when I weaned both of my boys and I know it's hard not to stress. So instead I'll say to hang in there and from over here it looks like you are making stellar and thoughtful decisions.
OMG, those cheeks are so precious! Your son is absolutely gorgeous!
He's beautiful. And nice and fat. I would like to sniff his head.
As a therapist, I think people who feel the need to make negative comments to you (and about you) are probably only trying to make themselves feel better. I think you are doing great. I also CANNOT understand how you possibly have time to post with a new babe and Charlie running around, but all I have to say is more power to you. Keep at it.
He really is gorgeous. :)
Congratulations again on your wonderful, healthy, adorable new baby!
Oh my GOD he is beautiful. Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. Congratulations again!
He is so beautiful... and I'm glad you got [mostly] overwhelming support.
He is beautiful.
I haven't had a chance to say it yet, but congratulations on your new son! What a joy. Wishing much happiness to you, Paul, Charlie & Ben.
heavens, what a gorgeous, gorgeous baby! What a perfect little man. Julie, you have no one to answer to but yourself and your family. Don't you worry about what anyone thinks. Do what you need to do and enjoy your beautiful, beautiful children.
Beautiful! You're doing wonderfully in my book. And regarding Jonnelle -- I don't want to start a flame war but to Jonnelle -- Honey, really. Come on. You didn't really think that and then write it? Please just tell us momentary insanity caused you to write that. Because if people really think things like that, oh lord, this world is in worse shape than I thought it was.
To say he's beautiful just doesn't do him justice.
He looks healthy, happy and makes me want another.
oh. wait. That's not possible. ;) Please share pictures often!! I think we're due for a Charlie fix too.
You're doing great, mama, and I think you already know that.
What a scrumptious baby. Thank you for sharing your life with us. It keeps me sane.
I know its a little early, but can we get a Charlie holding Ben shot? Wearing matching pirate shirts? Pretty please?
Julie, bless your heart to be so open and honest with all of us, your readers. Ben is beautiful and I am very happy for you and your family. Be confident in your choices, I know you never arrive at any decision lightly.
Take care, your friend in VT, Karissa
He is just gorgeous, Julie.
And rather than eating Lunchables, I suggest we feed Jonnelle to the masses. :)
He is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Wow. And, may I just say that even as a not-yet-parent I know this: There is no "right" way of parenting - it's whatever works best for YOU and YOUR FAMILY, not everyone else on the whole effing Internets. :-)