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08/08/2008
She must not have gotten the memo
Thank you so much, everyone, for your kind words and support. There is no doubt but that I get by with a little help from my friends [YouTube], and I'm really grateful you've been here to share all of this with me.
The story, such as it is — because if ever there were a blessedly uneventful blessed event, Ben's birth was it — will have to be told in small chunks. For now, please chew on this. (And if you must spit it out, do so discreetly into your napkin.)
Imagine, if you will, that you are two days postpartum, post-surgery. It's 5:45 AM. You're sleeping topless in your hospital bed, facing the nearly-naked baby who's finally asleep himself after a long night of grizzling, rooting, and squeaking. You are not so much asleep, really, as poleaxed.
And the OB resident, whom you have never met before, enters the room. You wake, disoriented, and decide that fatigue must be making you hallucinate her presence, because, I mean, damn: really? But no; it is only too corporeal. After a painful palpation of your abdomen, during which she verifies that your uterus, despite its better judgment, has not, in fact, staged a daring moonlit escape in the eight hours that have elapsed since the last check, she has a very pressing question for you. A question, remember, from a stranger. A question that not only cannot wait until your six-week followup, but that cannot wait for the gentle blush of dawn.
Ready?
You'll like this.
"Have you considered your contraceptive options?"
Comments (167)
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How wonderfully normal! Congratulations, Julie!
Shut up! Love it. On so many levels...
Welcome home, Julie and Ben.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha...I love that one.
Did you laugh hard enough to bust that newly re-opened c-section zipper at the unintentional hilarity? I think I would have had someone said that to me in my post-partum drugged out daze....
J
"Contraceptive options? Well, gee, we thought we'd stick with our previous method. I call it 'not injecting myself with hormones and blood thinners on a daily basis, and not borrowing somebody else's ova, and not having my beloved husband have some Private Time in the doctor's office with a dixie cup, and not having a fertility technician carefully push one of the little swimmers towards our ever-so-thoughtfully donated ovum, and then not growing the zygote in a petri dish until either 3 or 5 days, depending on quality, and then not transferring it back into my uterus.' But you probably have some fancy medical term for it."
Since I can't conjure up a snappy comeback that I would have responded with (my excuse is lack of sleep), I'll just say congrats and I hope that you didn't rip your stitches from laughing too hard at her ignorance. :)
I am so happy for you! Can't wait to hear about Charlie's reaction to Ben!
Oh jeez.. hahaha thats a funny one. She must of lost the sticky note.
Christ, what an asshole.
(can't believe I'm first to the punch on that one :))
Jesus Gay! That's a classic if I've ever heard one.
Oh fuck me!
Okay, after I stopped I laughing... oh, who are we kidding? I'm still laughing, and will be for some time...
You think, for some reason, that maybe female doctors will be more sensitive. Just goes to show you how gender equality should never be taken for granted.
~C~
hahahahahahahahahahaha!
I just almost pee'd in my pants from laughing so hard. Seriously. It was close.
I heart you.
That is too funny!!!!
Whaaahahaahahahaha
Still... I'm not letting my husband anywhere near any of my private parts without at least 3 layers of protection until our IVF twins are well over a year old. You never know...
But then again: Whaaahahaahahahaha!
5 years of ART and two beautiful sons: $250,000
Birth control question from resident in we hours of the morning: PRICELESS
Damn, where did the other 'e' go?...of course it's supposed to be "wee"..
Please tell me you heroically dragged your unshaven, swollen legs to the floor, flopped your tender, oozing body sideways over the side of the bed, got up and seriously smacked the cr*p out of her.
Ben looks absolutely...peaceful.
Ha! Beats waking up ditto to see your father-in-law and his cousin at your bedside unannounced. Though, to be fair, it was the afternoon. And my first real nap.
Awfully funny.
However, in the spirit of honesty, I must tell you that my old boss's wife had 2 pregnancies where they did everything short of donor eggs - the first where they had 1 baby, and the second where they had 4. Then, when the quads were a little over a year old, while using "foam" for birth control (WHY?), she got pregnant with their sixth child. A woman who had never been able to get pregnant "the old fashioned way" before. This is not internet lore. I actually know her.
Not only that, but she EASILY lost all the baby weight each time and fits right back into her size 4 clothes. I would hate her if she wasn't so nice.
Congratulations! The pic of Ben is perfection.
Wouldn't you think of all the hospital personnel, the OB/L&D ones would get how exhausted you are? Similar thing happened to me when I had my son...minus the less than intelligent and pressing bc question. Our hospital had "nap time" from 2 - 4 wherein the occupants of the roomare not to be disturbed. On day two, baby, mama, and daddy were all napping peacefully, finally, when at 3, the nurse comes in for the checking. Not only did she wake me, she woke up my son. I should have jumped up from the bed and smacked her. Did you tell the ob resident to buzz off? Because I wish now I would have told the nurse to stick her checks where the sun doesn't shine.
Wow-I cannot even explain to my 8 year old why I am laughing so hard at the computer this morning. Ill-timed, idiotic questions are always out there waiting to be set free and when they find the right person, well, out they go.....
Oooh, somebody needs some re-education.
Good grief. She couldn't just take your b/p and temp instead of the nurse who, I'm sure, did it 15 minutes later and leave you the hell alone?
Oh, to be a fly in that room when she said that.
Hahahaha. Beautiful.
Ok, between the youtube clip and your OB, I've practically burst myliver laughing! My girls think I'm insane, and may not be far off actually. LOL That Ben is a total doll. Welcome to the world little one, and kiss your mommy for me!
xoxo
Beth
My husband and mother stood guard at the door (in shifts) keeping people out, finally, so I could try to sleep.
What do you think medical charts are for, really, since no one ever reads them?
On behalf of all the new residents out there, I'd like to apologize on our collective behalf. We are (generally) trying our best, though we make mistakes. We're still learning, and it's tough being as careful as you'd like to be somewhere around that 24th consecutive hour of work.
I'm glad you said something to her (I'm assuming you did.) If she's any good she'll be privately mortified and will be more sensitive about asking such questions in the future. Me, I'm on the peds end of it, so I just get to give vague answers to questions about your new baby. (I don't have one. Thus, all my advice to you is secondhand. I apologize on behalf of my fellow childless pediatricians too. We're trying.)
I got that one, too. I am only hoping you were awake enough to give that resident a "teachable moment" she will never forget. I was too flummoxed to pull it off, but you're definitely more ballsy than I.
hello! you won't be trying so desperately now so you'll get pregnant. will you never learn?
I hear kicking the resident 2-days postpartum is really quite good physical therapy for the c-section patient. Don't you agree?
Oh yes, the question. I already am trying to think of a creative answer.
Oh I can top that. An OB resident/stranger walked into my room two days post surgery and said, "It looks like you've got another baby in there!"
So I'm dying, here. WTH did you say to The Clueless One?
I'm SO hoping your response was that you'd stay away from reproductive endocrinologists!!!!
LOL...
I'm with Shelley... what did you say!?
Oh, yeah. I did laugh when my OB came in to discuss my contraceptive options, and it hurt. I told him that it was silly to alter my cycle with hormones, or to diddle around with barrier methods when we have the best birth control there is...sterility. I mean when you've been having unprotected intercourse for 8 years with nada, zip, nothing to show for it, what else do you need? Then there came the serious face "You know, it does happen sometimes." Har har hee hee stop it, you're killing me.
I think you were imagining the whole thing. ;)
Bwahahahahahha..oooooooohhh...
Next time she'll look at the chart first, I bet. Assuming that the details are on there, but given your conditions, crap, it'd have to be somewhere.
(Didn't some doctor ask you that question at some point after you had Charlie? Or while in the middle of the first rounds of IUI/IVF? I have this weird flashback of a post where someone else asked you about that...)
I have 3 words for that resident (the same words I had for all of my docs when I had my son) READ... THE... CHART!
O.M.F.G.
THAT is the funniest thing I have heard all day...granted it is only 9 am..lol..but I think THAT is a winner..lol..
I cannot WAIT to hear what the rest of the conversation is..oh to be a fly on the wall
Oh man. Hilarity.
That made me snort. :-)
PLEASE post what your answer was, I beg of you.
Thanks for the laugh and congratulations on a wonderful pregnancy and beautiful baby.
HA! *snort* That's good.
Glad to hear it was wonderfully uneventful. Congratulations again!
You will totally be one of those people who accidentally gets pregnant with twins at 44. My SIL just decided to stop trying after a year. She had HELLP and, I believe, PCOS, plus gestational diabetes. I am sure she will be another one to accidentally get pregnant at 44 with twins!
Congrats on your beautiful son!
If uteruses were capable, I am pretty sure yours would have found its way out and given that resident a slap.
Welcome, Ben. Congratulations, family.
I literally cannot WAIT for this question when I give birth in approximately 3.5 months. I will call my very female wife into the room (in my imagination, she is just outside the door when this happens) and then say, "Honey, how will we keep from getting pregnant again too soon?"
"Why, by not having sex with any men, darling."
O holy hell!