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09/25/2008
Kill your television. Or at least that irritating duck.
This morning Charlie lost his mind.
Now, I know I'm not supposed to let my three-year-old watch Wonder Pets until his eyeballs fall out of his head and roll around on the family room rug, causing them to become so thickly felted with carpet fuzz and cat hair that it's hard to reinsert them later. But on occasion we do it, ophthalmologist's warnings be damned.
I resorted to television much more frequently in the first couple of weeks of Ben's life, when a half-hour of How It's Made or Harold and the Purple Crayon or, yes, even the ideologically sound but supremely saccharine Wonder Pets bought me precious time to complete the early-morning feed before I was expected to supervise toileting; make breakfast; find a specific fragment of grimy foam no bigger than my thumbnail, no less treasured for its size or questionable origins; and make appropriate fawning noises at every conversational pause. ("Mama, it's friendly to answer someone when they're speaking to you," Charlie tells me in a tone of gentle reproof, and I wonder, not for the first time, why I ever thought it was a good idea to teach him manners. Then I politely invite him to shut his trap and eat his BooBerry.)
Anyway, for a while things ran much more smoothly with half an hour of television added to the morning routine. And then two things happened. First, Ben's schedule changed; to get through the first few hours of the day, now we generally don't need the assistance of baby animals wearing hats. And capes, for God's sake, capes. In fact I'll thank them not to interfere, because although I do enjoy a good operetta and even kind of dig the turtle in water shoes, lordy, do I want to choke that baby-talking duckling. Whoops — I mean, sakes alive, wouldn't I just love to sit down with her and offer patient, loving, individually tailored therapy as she works to overcome her speech disorder?
Wait...Checking...No, turns out I did mean choke.
The second thing that happened was that almost imperceptibly, half an hour started to slide into forty minutes, and forty into sixty, until suddenly, thanks to those indefatigable Wonder Pets, we found ourselves knee-high in duck shit. It was seductively easy to occupy Charlie that way, much easier than motivating him to do something less passive or encouraging him to take part in whatever I was trying to accomplish. Easier even than siccing him on his hapless father, and coming from an accomplished delegator like me, that's really saying something. We didn't do it every day, but we did it often enough that I'm afraid it became a habit, something Charlie understood as a regular part of our routine, and worse: something to which he was entitled.
This morning Charlie decided, for whatever reason, that he would like to watch television. And although we told him no, but that perhaps he could do so later in the day, he knows as well as any that a dream deferred is a dream denied, and bellowed his displeasure. Then wept. And wept. All through breakfast he cried. He'd be okay for a few minutes, happily chewing his pancake, but then he'd suddenly remember what treacherous bastards we are and start again, his face crumpling in renewed shock and indignation. "I really want to watch television," he sobbed.
"I know," I told him in a soothing tone. "You're disappointed."
And, hey, you know what? Three-year-olds don't like being patronized any better than the rest of us. If he'd had the words or could muster the tone, he'd have acidly told me, "No, Mama, I'm not disappointed. I am most righteously pissed." Instead he was aggrieved and insistent. "But I really, really, really, really, really want to watch television." And it just got worse from there.
If I didn't know better I'd swear I heard the distant sound of an industrious guinea pig vowing to save the thwarted preschooler, and then three shrill animal voices raised in their signature anthem: "What's gonna work? Teeeeammmwork!"
For no particular reason I would like to remark that "strychnine" has the same number of syllables as "teamwork."
But that is neither here nor there. The point is that there were five reallys and a hitch in Charlie's voice. Our normally cheerful, mostly compliant boy was truly distressed, worked up in a way that gave me pause. That's when I understood the problem with television at this age. It's not what happens when they do watch; it's what happens when they can't.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. (Actually, after a day of vomiting and its concomitant laundry, the idea does have a certain — but no. I'm joking, of course. We don't throw out perfectly good bathwater around here. We mix it with powdered formula.) I'm comfortable telling Charlie no, and I can withstand the tears. In fact, I've found that television has its uses as a bargaining chip as well as a babysitter. I was astonished to see how effective it was to yank his television privileges the other day when he'd been rude to me. (Never mind that I hadn't planned to turn it on anyway. It was like telling a kid, "Okay, mister, if that's the way you're going to behave, I'm not going to have your bedroom turned into a gaily colored wall-to-wall bounce house after all. And if you say one more word I'm calling the pegasus-unicorn farm and canceling that birthday pega-uni-colt order your grandmother told me about. Not one…more…word.") But this morning's scene cemented my current suspicion about television: For us, it's generally not worth the contention it invites. It creates a bigger problem than it solves.
This is not to say that I intend to forbid TV entirely; I know I'll continue to find it useful on occasion. Truth be known, I also get a kick out of the uneasy look that steals over a stranger's face when Charlie helpfully explains how hot dogs are made, thanks to instructional television. (I can't say I really blame them. I don't like hearing about meat batter, either.) But I'm newly committed to being more judicious about when to turn it on, and to being consistent, and — here is the tough part — to being a little less lazy myself. Because if we don't, I foresee only more tiresome scenes. And if that happens, especially first thing in the morning, the duckling's gonna get it we'll have to have a firm but loving conversation about acceptable behavior. And I'm pretty sure everybody hates that goddamn duck nobody wants that.
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ugh. my guy is younger than yours. but he got a bad case of the 'need tv' after 14 weeks of 'momma has morning sickness' allowed him to have it every morning.
we had been a one episode a day household. by the end of my week two of constant nausea we were up to two episodes, twice a day (when waking and after nap). i cold turkey cut the two morning episodes when we returned from vacation and i was 19 weeks pregnant and seeing bottom of our slippery tv laden slope. ugh. it did go surprisingly well actually. but there were tears at breakfast around here for awhile too. oh my!
Hey, me too!
If my 2 1/2 year old son had his way, he'd watch Clifford every waking minute. I thought my daughter's love affair with Sesame Street/Curious George/Super Why through the years was a force to be reckoned with, but it is nothing compared with the irresistable pull of Clifford the Big Red Dog. (Oh and we also have to read the original Clifford--"Clifford the Small Red Puppy"--approximately 14 times a day. This poor book, which has survived from MY childhood, I fear will be completely shot to hell within weeks.)
But really, how can I be expected to straighten for my cleaning lady unless I can make him stop scattering the Rummikub tiles for 25 minutes? Or make dinner for the kids without him throwing his trains at her head? (Don't you miss 2 1/2???)
Thankfully, he buys that the TV Clifford takes naps. Which doesn't stop the whining, of course, but allows us to squeeze other things into our day. Meals, park time, bath time, et cetera.
Sigh.
S is all over the Backyardigans, Word World, and the Disney movie Cars. We let him watch TV during meals. Yeah, we hauled ass right down that slippery slope.
I must tell you that we had Tuck and Linny as stuffed animals, but we were missing Ming Ming and I special ordered it at the local toy store because, by fuck, you have to own the whole set if you're going to have teamwork (and stuffed animals are silent). They couldn't get it for us and months were passing and then we were at the beach a few weeks ago and what is being sold in the Candy Kitchen but Ming Ming. And peace was restored in the universe.
It does help that the television is only in our bedroom, therefore, to watch television, you need to be in our room. Which means we stick to the 16-minutes per night rule pretty strictly. Unless I need a shower without an audience. And then it's Wonder Pets all the way.
I am so glad that someone hates that stupid duck as much as I do.
Nodding in agreement to all you just said. Especially the whole 'murder the duckling' bit. That thing is beyond obnoxious!
When my first was his age, we just told him that the the TV was sleeping. He'd whine for a minute and then go on to playing with his cars.
Just be sure to avert Charlie's eyes when you strangle that duckling...hey maybe you could divert him with, I don't know, a lunchable, and jerry springer on the tv? ;)
I have to delurk to tell you I laughed my way through this post. When my second child was born in June, the toddler discovered the wonders of Noggin. There are some STRANGE shows on television for little kids. Yo Gabba Gabba is the worst to me.
We went through the same thing with the t.v., though. In the beginning, he watched it a good bit. And he still watches more than he would if he were an only child (which was very little). But I've come up with more effective ways to occupy his time, so he doesn't see nearly as much of it as he did when the baby first came home.
My husband thinks the duck is cute. That's because he doesn't have to sit there listening to the damn thing all the time. I hate that duck and everything it stands for.
J loves all the shows we can't stand.
We don't have a TV, so that makes it easier. I do, however, have a laptop, and we have DVDs of Sesame Street in various languages that aren't English. So, you know, at least they have to work at it, and it stops by itself after half and a half.
LOL
and what's up with the whole "souwerwy" thing? I about died when they dipped tasteless green sticks in curry . . .
Hummus yeah - but perhaps it was cuter to say "curwy" than Hummus.
look out ducky... this is sewious!!.... how funny... my line when i'm being nutty is to sing the 'baby cow... stuck in a tree... this is sewious!'line. gets my hubby every time :) since my mother STILL cannot figure out the tv remote she pretty much leaves it on all day if she's watching the munchkin. good thing it's just for a few hours a couple days a week. not so sewious yet
NIP IT IN THE BUD! I used TV to help with the toddler while I was with the baby in the mornings. Then it worked its way into afternoons, and now the damn TV is on all the damn time in this house, and if we don't let her watch her shows (damn you, DVR!) she SCREAMS. It's hideous. I was going to be the one whose kids "never" watched TV.
The baby is 18 months old, the 3 year old is a bonafide TV addict, and I know I need to get her off of it, but mornings are so early... and I've never been a morning person... and when I finally get some resolve and say, "Ok, today's the day I tell her that the cable was cut by the lawnmower and we have no more Disney Channel!" she wakes me up at 5 am and I turn it on in my sleep so that she will leave me the hell alone so I can sleep for 10 more minutes.
It becomes just as much a habit for Mom as it is for Charlie. Believe me, I know. Don't let yourself go there. Be smarter than I was!
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
Julie, how can you be in my house and with your family at the same time?
It's not Wonderpets here. It's "Hummus" the Tank Engine. And Elmo. My husband is similarly amused by Baby Bear's "powwidge" -- I am not. Therefore, I now know not to watch Wonderpets.
Dude, a loved one of ours actually MAKES Wonder Pets. So if we don't watch it (and sing along), we are committing some sort of...I don't know, something bad against the family.
The only thing that saves us from Tee Vee is not having cable. When PBS goes to local governmental hearings (or for that matter Arthur or Zula Patrol), the matter is resolved. Well, more or less. We won't talk about the DVDs.
Shhhhh.
We're not up to TV with our kiddo yet, but let me just say that I LOVE BooBerry cereal and only regret that I can't find it more often.
Thanks for this post. I used to have a no TV before 4pm rule (just to keep myself from being glued to it all day). I let this slide terribly once baby number 2 came along. I am now encouraged to turn it off again until the evening and cut down on my computer usage as well (yikes).
I thought we were the only ones who sat the preschooler down in front of How It's Made. Gotta be careful, though--the other day he asked me out of the blue how people were made, and while I stopped to ponder how I would answer this weightiest of preschooler questions, he said, "So, is there a machine that makes the bones, and another one that puts on the skin and stuff?"
Ugh, the t.v. I myself am a total t.v. addict, but my 2 yr old recently discovered Scooby Doo and asks for it all day long! The only show she used to watch was Signing Time and I was ok with that, but now I feel like her brain is going to rot out watching Scooby Doo and it doesn't help that I have a 15 yr old son, an 8 yr old daughter (and a 38 yr old husband, ahem) who all love to watch cartoons also. I am also 32 wks pregnant and am wondering how to get through those first weeks without completely depending on the t.v. If you have any brilliant ideas...please share!
P.S. I hate that WonderPets duck too (although we don't watch that show...I have seen it a couple of times...) and what is up with that Bear from Sesame Street that talks like that too? My son talked like that for years and I am not kidding that it took intense speech therapy to help him gain the ability to pronounce an "R" before Jr. High so that I felt ok about putting him back into public school after 4 yrs of homeschooling!
thank you. The duck is just awful. I tell my son that I can't listen to the pretend baby voice. Don't ever watch the one with a baby stegasaurus that get's a pushy pushy on it's tushy. Or whatever it was... It still haunts me.
You need Fifi & The Flowertots. It's awesome. The little British accents and claymation make it almost pleasant to watch.
In our house, it was Planet Earth (BBC version, with David Attenborough) that turned the boy on to TV. Some friends were going out of town for a week, and knowing that our two-and-a-half year old loves anything animal-related, they left us their copy, along with a Planet Earth sticker book. I thought "nature documentary" and "educational" and figured since he's not really a baby anymore, it would be okay. That was four months ago, and entire weekends have passed in a looped montage of Deserts, Caves, Ice Worlds, Deserts, Caves, Ice Worlds. He says "hunting dogs" with a faint British accent. And of every animal, he must know: "Who does it eat? Who eats it?"
I've drawn the line at weekdays - no TV at all on weekdays - but I let myself get lured into it on the weekends because we are doing a ton of work around the house right now and it distracts him and also we live in Tucson, where playing outside in the summer can be problematic, but I know I'll need to confront this one of these days.
As for the duckling, on Planet Earth, it's done in by an Arctic fox, who must feed her kits, who are just as adorable. I find it disturbing, but you might might find it cathartic.
I have to admit, the duckie is our favorite wonder pet. We have good reason, my son has a very well loved duck that his big sister gave to him the day he was born. So, naturally, anytime a duck is involved, it is our favorite.
And, I would watch the wonder pets over Hannah Montana any day, which is what my 6 year old would prefer to watch all day every day.
Oh, it is so very very easy to do, that slide into perdition! It's the late afternoon Nick Kids shows that caused me to finally draw the line and realize just how bad things were. WonderPets are so much better than Drake and Josh or iCarly!
Hey, do you know there's an ad for the Baby Whisperer series on the site? Ouch.
I was at the grocery store the other day when my 11 year old son requested Lunchables for his school lunch. Of course I denied the request, but the weird part was that I thought of you, fanning yourself and hyperventilating a bit at the thought of anyone's child eating Lunchables. It was awesome yet creepy. This has nothing to do with your post. How about this: "Yay post!!!! Good job writing there!!!!" I added extra exclamation marks just for you.
My almost 3 year old spent weeks on end calling himself Ming-Ming. Luckily, we have moved on to playing Diego (although according to him, his 7 yr old brother is Diego and he is Alicia).
Yeah, that was what drove me to cut way back, too.
(Does children's TV move at the speed of light or what? I have no idea what show you're talking about.)
Okay, I'll be the one to own up to thinking the duck is cute. But if we're going to talk about cartoon characters we'd like to strangle, can we please discuss Caillou?
I use television way too much. If it wasn't for Sesame Street every morning at 10 I wouldn't be able to feed and dress the baby and dress myself. The also watch in the evening most nights while my husband prepares dinner during another feeding session. Today it is pouring rain outside and both of the twins have a nasty cold and are pretty drugged up right now, so I imagine it will be a Backyardigans marathon when they get up from nap this afternoon instead of our usual outdoor play or park trip. *sigh* I spend all of our time playing trying to help them from the chair with a baby on my breast, or in the sling. Heck with the Boppy and the Brest Friend, Is there anyway I can just attach the baby to my body with a wrap of duct tape so I can walk around and use my hands while she eats?
I hate that stupid duck. And unfortunately for me, my boys have learned the meaning of team work very well. They sing the stupid song as they dismantle the gate together. We don't need anymore frickin' teamwork around here. They'll be taking over the world in about 6 months...and they won't be saving any baby animals.
Yeah, when I realized that turning off the TV invited more hassle than that which it saved during getting ready in the morning, the rule became "no TV weekday mornings". Weekend mornings or sick-days we still let our toddler have TV or a movie which we get from the library. (More often the latter because a movie has a finite running time.)
We are going through this battle right now. For my son it is all about Curious George... and he plays on my emotions by wanting me to sit and cuddle with him during the show, the only time he wants to cuddle. How can I say no to that?
I love Ming Ming. I love her far better than anything I've ever seen on Yo Gabba Gabba before the channel is changed as rapidly as possible to the evening news.
There is far worse aimed at kids than "Wonder Pets." *shudder*
This post has perfect pitch. Awesome.
Every adult I know hates that duck. It's almost like they are encouraging speech impediments.
Have you seen the episode about potty training the dog? At the end they say "Celery is always great after a good pee!" Twice. HORRIBLE.
Thanks for a great laugh!
True confession - 20 yrs ago I was the worst kind of TV-allowing mom for my twins. Now they are seniors in college, and one is looking for a grad school program in... media studies. Both are part of the young adult fan base for Wonder Pets and Yo Gabba Gabba you keep hearing about (and worrying about). At least I can lure them home for an occasional visit to catch up on the latest episodes posted on cable On Demand. In interest of full disclosure, both are great people, great students, full of imagination and fun. So maybe the boob tube OD didn't completely destroy them.
I used to give my 3-yr.-old one or two 15-min "tv tickets" a day. She could use them if she wished, or she could save them (although no more than two could be used a day). If she saved ten, she could redeem them for a trip to the bookstore to choose one book. I was happily shocked to discover that she usually chose to save the ticket & forego the tv. It was all about giving her the illusion of control, which as a 3-yr-old, she was ALL about. :)
We have a 30 minute baby video that we play for my almost-two-year-old once a week or so. It's harmless enough - it's about sign language, which we had meant to teach him but then he started talking instead. He asks for the video a few times a day and tries to break into the TV cabinet and turn it on himself frequently too. We still think all the pestering is worth it for the weekly 30 minutes of pure bliss (for him) and peace and quiet (for us).
I could have written this entire post, except not nearly as well. We (me) relied more heavily on tv after my baby was born. And then my 2 year old could not distinguish the difference between a privilege and an entitlement when it came to tv. And I renewed my commitment to limit tv. But we have grandmas. Grandmas who say that a little Sesame Street didn't hurt us, and we turned out fine and their definition of "a little" is rather expansive when it comes to the precious grandchild. And also, I am tired on occasion, and need to cook dinner sometimes, and the tv is still very seductive. We have improved our habits some but it still did not prevent a heart-wrenching sob fest yesterday in which the 2 year old told me he was "very frustrated" with me and was "so disappointed." Luckily I have a heart of stone, so he went to bed without his precious tv.
Haha! It was on behind me while reading your post. I hate the duck. Why in the hell did they put a duck with a speech disorder on a show that is supposed to TEACH kids?? I banned it for a while.
I have issues with how Diegos pack can "rescue" him by turning into anything. It's great that he has a pack that turns into a parachute when he falls off of a cliff but my kids don't realize that theirs aren't going to save them if they try and mimic him. Errgh.
I have 3 homeschooled kids plus watch another 1yr old during the day. TV is my sanity keeper so I can occupy the little ones and do middle school teaching with the older kids. I'd be bald from pulling my hair out if it weren't for educational TV.
NTM, my 3yr old is SO smart from watching Blue's Clues and then we run with whatever it is that grabbed his interest. I don't think TV is all bad. Used the right way it can be a super learning tool. My older kids in middle school now were PBS Kids junkies and have genius IQ's.
My oldest is addicted to Animal Planet. He can tell you everything about every kind of animal and wakes up to quiz us all about whatever he learned the day before. His love for that channel has gotten him to want to volunteer at a shelter or ASPCA. Just some positive examples of how TV can really be beneficial.
I thoroughly loathe Ming Ming too, but around here, the Wonder Pets are a distant second to Wow Wow Wubbzy. I don't know exactly what kind of subliminal-message crack is embedded in that show, but my just-turned-two-year-olds are so thoroughly hooked on it.
In our case, Daddy is the chiefly responsible party -- when he walks in the door, they start begging him for "Wuzzy! Show! Pees Dada Wuzzy!". It's been an understandable defense mechanism, since the poor man has been a single parent for nearly the entire duration of my terrible horrible no good very bad pregnancy. Still, I can't stand the TV addiction, and we're going to have to do something about it.
He's three. If it weren't over The Wonder Pets, it would be over something else. It's just part of being three.
Aw come on, I love the duckling! "This is SEwious!"
I've found I have to be very random about TV time in order to keep my kids from feeling entitled. Some days I let them watch quite a bit, some days none. Sometimes they get to watch till the end of the program, sometimes they don't. And once in a while I throw in the "if you're going to get upset about watching TV, you obviuosly watch way too much." That one really shuts them up.
Long-time reader...first time commenter..
delurknig to say that our family-life has become an operetta because of the stinking duck. Everything is thee-wee-uth....but when a two-year old sings "I want some milk please-can you help me?" I want to pee my pants laughing. -and a turtle who wears water shoes? That's funny shit, man!
AND I'm totally with the commenter who wants to "discuss" Caillou. That kids makes me want to smash my tv.
Haha!
I love the Wonder Pets! I do agree that Ming Ming gets a bit old... But we don't have cable anymore, so my son's TV habit has decreased significantly! His DVD watching, however.... that is a different story.
This was such a fun read. Thank you, and good luck!
You're right, it is the whining that comes when they can't have the TV that is the worst.
I've tried to institute a rule that there's no TV during the week, and then try to be so busy on weekends that there's rarely time for it. That doesn't stop him from asking and whining when I say no though.
Thomas the Tank Engine is the 800 lb gorilla in our house. I've tried to Tivo other shows (including Wonder Pets), but he only really wants to watch Thomas.
You are far more funny and perky than one would suspect for having a new baby. Great post :^)