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11/07/2008
Party animus
I was supremely tickled by Lynn's comment the other day, when she mentioned a book called Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful. See, I happen to have that book. It's part of a set, one that was given to me by my sister-in-law when Ben was born. It is hard not to suspect that there was some disagreeable motive behind the gift; this is, after all, the woman who said, when I mentioned I'd had a hard time emotionally during Charlie's first several months, "Yes, I could tell you had difficulty bonding with him." Not what I said, but okay! Thanks for the eight printed volumes of confidence in our parenting!
But whatever her intent, I actually had the books for years 3 and 4 on my desk when I read Lynn's comment. I had consulted them because in each there's a whole chapter devoted to a difficult issue, one that stumps me utterly. But then I realized I need not confront this problem alone. I could ask my friends inside the computer! After all, you've helped me through so many tough times already; I have every reason to trust in your collective experience, wisdom, and exquisite sensitivity.
So I humbly ask your advice: What the hell am I going to do about Charlie's fourth birthday party? You know, the celebration of the milestone upon which he abruptly begins being wild and wonderful (and apparently, according to the cover photo, liberally coated in Cheeto powder)…
…and ceases to be the unfathomable chimera who has plagued our last 365 days:
(Friend or enemy. Honestly. How much can the authors possibly know about child development when it is clear to even the layperson that an innocent three-year-old cannot be anyone's enemy? Now if they'd said unstoppable arch-nemesis, perhaps. Three-Year-Old: Threat or Menace? Three-Year-Old: Satan's Fresh-Faced Li'l Buddy. Three-Year-Old: Sleep with One Eye Open If You Want to Wake Up with Both Kidneys. Fine. But friend or enemy? Please. On my enemies list, Charlie doesn't even break the top ten. Rest easy, Ming Ming. Your spot at the top is unchallenged.)
Anyway, I've never thrown a party for Charlie before. Because his birthday falls so close to Thanksgiving — and indeed on the holiday itself this year — we've been able to avoid it thus far. But I think he's old enough now to enjoy and appreciate a party (where by "appreciate" I mean "notice it's occurring" and not the more mature "feel gratitude towards those who've offered it").
Here is the problem: The only successful parties I have ever thrown have involved hard liquor, group sex, or both. Obviously I need your help.
How many children to invite? Is it awful not to include all the kids in his day care group? Do I need a theme, beyond "eat junk and wreck things"? What about "let's all be quiet and play like we're mimes"? How long should the party last? Is half an hour adequate? What time of day is best? Games? Do I need games? If so, do you think they'd like bridge? Am I obliged to provide anything to eat beyond a communal buttercream lick set in the center of the floor? And! The goody bag! Which I hate with such passion, in fact, that I'm going to go ahead and give The Jackass Who Invented Goody Bags a spot on my enemies list. (Ming Ming better watch her downy back.) Do I have to provide one at all? If so, do I have to send the guests home with a sack full of plasticky crap, or can I just let each kid choose something from the silverware drawer? And presents — oh, God, presents. I've read so much conflicting advice on presents — open at the party; don't open at the party; request that no gifts be brought; what are you, some kind of crazy person who hates children and is crazy? — that I am profoundly flummoxed. Maybe I'll avoid the issue entirely and tell people it's a wake.
Really obviously I need your help.
Please tell me everything I need to know about throwing a birthday party for a four-year-old. I want it to be wild and wonderful, just as I'm told he will be, as soon as he stops being my implacable, invincible foe.
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Cake, balloons, definitely not his entire day care. My birthday parties when I was a kid usually included aunts, uncles and cousins and a couple of friends if I really wanted. As for games, I wouldn't go out of your way trying to entertain a gaggle of 4 year olds. Kids play and wreck shit while the mommies B.S. in the kitchen. Goody bags can suck it and parents are so weird now about what they will even give to their kids, you'd probably just be wasting your money. Just get some potato chips and a cake. Also, I'd be all about opening the presents at the party. It will give the kids something to occupy themselves with for a few minutes. Don't make it harder than it has to be. The kids will be thoroughly amused by party hats and other kids to play with.
How about an afternoon party? Just buy or make a cake decorated with something Charlie likes (flaming skulls perhaps?) and have maybe some pizza and fruit or something. I don't think you need to have goody bags, and don't feel guilty about not inviting every kid at daycare. Maybe you could have some simple games for them to play ( get some cheap placemats and have them play "musical mats", a bean bag toss, etc.) I say open the presents at the party. It will kill time and be a good photo op.
I just had my daughter's 4th birthday. We had a "Ladybug Picnic." She had 8 friends over for a picnic in the backyard. EASY! She loved it.
http://abraleahstamps.blogspot.com/2008/06/and-they-all-played-games.html
I also just did my son's 3rd birthday. He had 6 friends over, they bounced in a rented moonwalk so they were nicely worn out. They played with chalk on the sidewalk, and that was about it. It was a "Thomas the Tank Engine" party because my son is a bit obsessed. Oh, and we had a pinata: http://abraleahstamps.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-to-make-thomas-train-pinata.html
Four was the first year we did a party with friends. We kept it super simple - we invited 6 kids from her preschool class (4 came) and we didn't really have a theme. She's a July birthday, so we told everyone to bring their suits and they spent the first half hour running through the sprinkler. Then they spent the second half hour inside playing with the doll house (we had planned some games, but the kids wanted to play with the doll house so we went with it.)
We spent the final half hour on food and cake. The food was also simple - chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese and a fruit salad, plus cake of course.
Honestly it was a great party. Not too overwhelming and not a ridiculous amount of money either. You can only get away with something that simple for a short time. Now she's 8, and knows well enough to ask for elaborate parties.
My sister-in-law has developed a wonderful system to deal with the seemingly endless birthdays of three children. On odd numbered birthdays, the kid gets a party. The number of guests is the age the child is turning. On even birthdays, no party. The child invites one close friend over and has a day o' fun where he decides what they go and do.
Ok, not a mom, only 22 (almost 23!), not to mention a dork. However I work for a kids party store where we do everything, all moms do is write the invitations and thank you notes. I do not advise you use such a service for a four year old. They don't remember it and half the kids sit on their parents laps the entire time.
I DO reccomend cupcakes. Especially if you can find the mini ones that are like one grown up bite. And ice cream cups, they are small little one serving ice crams, you buy vanilla ones, and m&ms and chocolate syrup and sprinkles and voila, they have cake and a amake your own sundae without you having to cut or scoop a damned thing.
As far as entertainment, I'd let him pick a theme, try something vague, like superheroes, or jungle, or something, invite guests to dress up for it, clear out a room for them to play, put some fun music on, and let them run amok....in the one room. Enlist your husband, or another mom to be a runner to the kitchen, and let it go. Parents will probably want to stay, so be prepared for that, but DO NOT offer them food or snacks, it only encourages them.
If you want to do goody bags, go to your local dollar store and pick out some cute stuff that is not candy and won't go straight in the trash.
Now that is a BIG party, I prefer the way my parents did it. I got to pick one friend, and we got taken out to eat at a special restaurant (read McDonald's) and get whatever we wanted, then we got to go do something special, like go to an amusement park, or an arcade, or The Indianapolis Children's museum. This worked on my sister and I well past our party years, the last one I remember was my sister being about 14 and we went to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. (Casn you tell I'm from indianapolis?)
You could take them to a gymboree, or a special place like Build a Bear. Somewhere that you consider totally frivolous but that he wold love. Good luck!
Ok - so I also hate the goody bag inventor with a passion. So I tend to give a bottle of blowing bubbles or bath bubbles (something somewhat uselful)with a helium balloon tied around the neck with maybe a slip of stickers attached too. As for the party, we tend to do a buffet style lunch with veggies, fruit, hotdogs and cake. Then we go to a local park or gym or our back yard and let the kids run off the sugar crazy. We usually invite our friends with like aged kids, who birthday person knows and loves, plus a friend or two from school or whatever activity who's parents we also enjoy. So our parties seem to be big but we do them mostly outside(my kids have spring/summer birthdays). But could you do this kind of party at a local rec centre? We have been to a few and they seemed moderately priced.
PS. We usually have about ten kids with parents and now second kids so we are at thirty plus our four. But we love entertaining and so, it is fine. Usually there is beer too - and designated drivers just in case. And have a v.small house. So chaos. And most of the buffet items we order from our local grocery store, ie. little prep. Hope this helps!
Our sons are the same age, both November 2004 babies. This is the first year we're throwing a party for him, because he's woken up to the fact that on your birthday, you get gifts. And cake.
We're having a small lunchtime party ( 2 hours total time)at our house, with mainly our neighborhood friends with same age kids coming. And the relatives. The Bubbe would never forgive us if we hadn't invited her. I think it'll be about 6 kids his age and a few babies tagging along. He decided on the dinosaur theme himself.
We are doing goody bags, but with dollar store stuff and leftover Halloween candy. Nothing big.
The previous years, while we didn't throw a party, we did bring in cupcakes for his day care class and little favors for all the kids. I mean, LITTLE favors. The Target bargain bins are great... books for $1. I remember laughing in disbelief over what one parent did for her daughter... plastic beach buckets and shovels, PLUS bottles of sunscreen, sunglasses and Spongebob BEACHTOWELS. As favors. For a 2 year old.
I don't have any experience with 4 year old birthday parties, as my oldest is still 2 and our birthday parties have only involved family. And, if you knew my family, you would understand how much that is NOT a party. By the time they leave, I'm longing for that hard liquor and/or group sex that you referred to. But, I digress...
Anyway, I just wanted to comment as the mom of a peanut allergic kid. Try to be sensitive to kids on the guest list that may have food allergies and avoid having potential harmful stuff on the menu. The last thing you need is for one of those little wild and wonderfuls going into anaphylactic shock on your dime.
Other then that, party on!
I do helium balloons at the party, and each kid gets to take one home. Perfect party favor -- appreciated, cheap, and isn't cheap plastic crap.
I limit the number of kids to the age the kid is turning.
You don't have to have a theme unless you think Charlie would care, and/or find it fun.
Two hours is plenty.
Have fun, it's really not as bad as it seems, I promise.
Do it at a park. That way entertainment for the kids is already provided. I wouldn't invite an entire day care class. 5-6 of his close friends would be plenty. If you want to avoid serving meal food, do it in the middle of the afternoon and serve cake and ice cream. Buy paper everything, plates, cups tablecloths and then when the party is over you can throw everything in the trash in one swoop.
Do NOT have a theme! If you have a theme, you will over-plan. Every possible thing you can think of related to your theme, you will want to do. Then when you will not do it, you will consider yourself an utter failure. You will continue to overcompensate for years to come, until thirteen-year-old Charlie (or sixteen-year-old, if you're not Jewish ... I was thinking Bar Mitzvahs, obviously!) pitches a temper tantrum because you attempt to draw the line at spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to hire the top pop star to dance naked on his cake.
Think small. If you want really easy, go for something like Chuck E Cheese or a bowling alley. I know everybody hates Chuck E Cheese. But really, they're awesome. Pizza. Ball pits. Skee ball. You can manage a party for a few kids on the relative cheap. If you have a severe visceral reaction to the thought of people in furry mice costumes, places like bowling alleys and gyms usually have inexpensive options - they'll entertain the kids for you, give you a space for cake and pizza (and sometimes provide them!), and CLEAN UP!
If you're set on doing it at home, think small. Have a local playground? Plan to get the kids together to play outside, organize some games of tag or hide and seek, bring cupcakes. You can do the same if you've got a backyard. Have a rain plan! Your rain plan should involve large plastic tablecloths that you can cover ALL of the floors in rooms children will occupy.
As far as numbers go, I'm a fan of the "as many friends as your child is old" rule. 5 4-year-olds is plenty. Especially if one or two have siblings that end up tagging along. (Oh. If you do goody bags, make sure to have extras on-hand for emergency sibling goody-bags! Birthday parties are no place for the "This is Older Sibling's friend's party, so he gets a goody bag. You will get a goody bag when your friends have parties." talk.)
Half an hour probably isn't long enough. Some kids will be late, and if they arrive 15 minutes late and feel like they have to leave right away, there might be tantrums. I'd recommend 1-1.5 hours. 15 minutes for people to trickle in and for Charlie to show off, 30 minutes to play something, 15 minutes for cake.
Another thing to think about is whether you want parents to stay. If there are enough grownups in your house, more parents might cause more problems than they solve. Be clear about whether parents should be dropping off or staying (although some will always insist their child needs them to stay. Be cool with them. They're probably way anxious).
You can always do some kind of craft instead of a goody bag. This also solves the problem of "what are they going to do for an hour !?" Do NOT, under any circumstances, use fabric paint.
You've got lots of excellent, practical questions! I'll come back if I think of more suggestions. I have planned and run more 4-year-old parties than I care to remember. (And I don't even have kids yet!)
I have always RSVP'd "no" to kids birthday parties after attending one for my daughter's daycare classmate, who was turning 3. I showed up, and I knew the hostess and sort of knew one other daycare parent. The rest of the crowd was the child's family and the neighbors. Since they were hanging out for dinner later, they could drink the beer and wine provided by the hostess. Since I was staying a mere two hours, I couldn't very well imbibe and then drive my kid home without feeling very awkward about it. My daughter was only two and a half, so I couldn't leave her on her own.
I didn't know anyone else there - the hostess was so busy entertaining, I was really by myself. And no one else was friendly enough to chat me up, despite my attempts to be sociable, so I just sat and watched my kid jump around in the giant bouncy castle in the backyard. She only knew the birthday kid, and while she was fine just playing, it felt really, really awkward for both of us. For two hours, I watched her run around. NEVER AGAIN.
So please, consider the dilemma of the parents you invite.
Make it like it would be a play date but with balloons and cake (cupcakes are easy too). It doesn't need to have a theme unless you want it to. The rule is to invite his age plus one. That will be about as many as you really want there. Good luck!
Everybody hates the goody bag - Sandra Tsing Loh calls the plastic crap from kid's birthday parties "treasure chum" and swears that it will take over your entire house if you aren't careful.
My daughter usually makes a fortune teller (one of those little fold-uppy paper things with numbers on the outside and wacky predictions on the inside) for each of her friends. I know that's not helpful for a four-year-old boy, but I just want to point out that they have been wildly successful and nobody seems to miss the little bag of cheapo trinkets. I think balloons are a great idea, and as time goes by you'll find other things that are great alternatives.
Oh! One year we gave every kid a page from a make-your-own-paper-airplane book. That was a big hit, too. My daughter decorated a manila envelope for each kid with special pictures just for that child. It was very good-hostessy and a fun project to boot.
No to the goody bags! It just encourages other people to hand out goody bags. We need to stamp them out! Instead, you could look at the Oriental Trader catalog and find a cheap craft to have them do. At our 3 year old's party they decorated pumpkin's with stickers and took those home.
I'd also highly recommend an ice cream cake (which we didn't actually have). The kids didn't take a single bite of cake, but ate all the ice cream and frosting, so next year I am going straight for the ice cream cake.
I think for four year olds you can have a couple of really basic games (like the musical mats someone above suggested), but I wouldn't try to plan out every single little thing. They'll have more fun just running around playing. I think by age four they should be ok with opening presents at the party--the other kids should be old enough to understand that the presents belong to the birthday boy.
Good luck!
Also, the three year old book had a specific section on how to plan a party for a three year old. I wonder if the four year old book has the same. Also, I wonder if the four year old book has any better advice than just "get a babysitter and let her figure it out."
ooh, i love parties. for a four year old, i'd say simple is best. free playtime; cupcakes, fruit, and a drink; open gifts if he wants to/can handle it (mine couldn't until she was six -- wanted to ooh and aah and inspect every single gift for ages and to open them all would have taken hours, literally. rather than encourage the whole rush-rush-tear-toss deal, we opened her gifts over the course of the entire week after the party. i took a picture of her opening each one to send along with the thank you note.). as for party favors, i hate the goodie bags filled with plastic junky crap, but love something useful. yes, it costs a little more, but it's worth it to know that the stuff won't just be tossed. we always make mix cds of current favorite music and they are always hits. other fun items have been flip-flops for a summer birthday; beach towels (buy at the end of the season for just a couple dollars each, not a huge cost if you only have a few kids coming) for a beach themed party, etc. the cd though is always a favorite! have a great party!
I don't have much advice for party logistics except for the goody bag, which I also detest. For my daughter's fourth birthday, I bought each child an early reader book (the soft cover ones), rolled them into tubes and tied them with ribbon attached to a balloon. Voila--minimal garbage and everyone went home happy.
I have to tell you, my sister has four kids, ranging in age from 5 to 14, and I have a son who turns 5 on the 20th. Food can make or break a child's party. Especially at Charlie's age. Give them a food they'll like, and you've got a good 10 minutes occupied. Do you want to know the food that has been the biggest hit between kids and adults alike at our parties? Come on, you'll never guess. Pizza pockets! You know, the little pockets of dough filled with sauce and cheese and mini pepperoni? Oh yes. We bought TONS of pizza pockets and fed the kids those, along with potato chips, and cake. That was it. No candy, no cookies, no gum, no ice cream. Just pizza pockets, potato chips, and birthday cake.
The only thing that's ever come close to trumping that is the DIY party where the kids made their own hot dogs and ice creams sundaes, but that's more advisable for a summer birthday, lol.
Games are a crapshoot at that age, but if you're inviting kids from the daycare, you might ask the provider for suggestions. But the alltime favorite entertainment for our parties was the time we stuffed all the toys from the bedroom into the closets and covered the floor in balloons. Stock up on advil for the adults, because the kids will spend an hour playing catch and popping balloons.
Good luck! We're not doing a party this year, as my husband is deployed and won't be getting home until early December. But we do live in Florida, so instead, our son will be having a short dolphin encounter at a place in St. Augustine.
Ann F. had a good idea -- you get to invite one kid for each year you are old.
As for goody bags, by the time you spend to buy the shit that the mothers are going to throw away anyway, you may as well give each kid a paperback book or something.
I have a VERY excellent idea, if you invite a big group...get each kid to decorate a square of muslin for a craft, and make charlie a birthday pillow or quilt or whatever.
Um, parents may hate goody bags, but kids absolutely LOVE them, and any kid who has been to more than a few birthday parties may be seriously sad when he/she doesn't receive one, which kinda puts a damper on the end of the party. Just buy some of the cheap plastic crap. They will love it. A dum dum and maybe a pack of smarties per kid is customary around here, too. As for time, two hours seems to be the magic number. By the time everyone actually arrives and gets warmed up, an hour will be gone. You can then serve pizza and juice boxes (a nice fruit platter is usually a good idea too, plus water or whatever for adults), let the kids run around a bit more (by then they'll be having a ball), then serve cake and the party is over. Opening presents is tricky, because the birthday boy may not like evryone grabbing his new toys. It's hard for everyone. Themes: if Charlie is really into trucks, or Spiderman, or anything, you can use it to make shopping for party supplies (i.e., tableware, invites, etc.) really easy. Don't feel like you have to go overboard, but you may surprise yourself and be inspired to get creative. Or not. Number of guests is tricky. Smaller (like 6-8 young guests) is probably ideal, but you have to balance that with the tangled web of relationships that we all have. If it gets too big, you simply must have it off site, lke at one of those inflatable bouncy places. As for entertainment at a home party, put out a bunch of toys, but if possible its a nice touch to have something special. Maybe a pinata, or some very simple face painting (if you have an artistic friend?), or a "dance contest"? Just some ideas. Good luck!
I always hated planning and hosting these childhood parties. I felt exhausted after every one and just thought, I never want to do that again. Here's my advice of what I did at my daughter's childhood parties:
*Invite as many kids as the child is old (so 4 friends since Charlie is turning four).
*Ask respectfully that Charlie's friends spend no more than $5 on a gift.
*Don't try to have one big huge party that serves as the family's celebration, the friends, the friends parents, etc. Invite only the kids over (and a parent) and let them be kids. Then have a separate time for family so that grandpa can give Charlie the huge gift and get all the attention, etc.
* Don't let it go longer than 2 hours at this age.
* Just let the kids play and have a good time. So one or two organized games, some free time playing and unwinding, then cake and punch, open gifts, more free play, go home. GO HOME.
Our party rule of thumb has always been that the birthday child can invite as many friends as they are old (ie. Turning four = four friends invited). Although we're going to have to rethink that as they get older (because turning 16 = sixteen kids invited would then equal Mom cowering in a closet with booze hoping it will all end soon)
With our girl we always did a craft, then game, then cake, then presents, then walk over to the playground. About 2 hours tops. With our boy, we've notcied that we can pretty much do without the craft and possibly the game, too, as all the boys want to do is play hotwheels until the cake is ready. Boy parties are pretty easy.
Happy birthday in advance to Charlie!
Your Charlie and my son share a birthday. I can't believe four years have passed already. Regarding the last post, my son has been behaving so much better lately. I thought four was supposed to be a bit of a break. Please, please let it be so. It is my daughter who will be 3 soon who is driving me insane. My kids are a year and a few days apart so we have a shared birthday party. Yes, I have two toddlers. Yes, I self medicate most evenings. Yes, believe it or not, I used to be infertile.
This year we are celebrating on the 29th. We have zero space to throw even a family-only party, so we just rent out a local indoor play place that has a party room. I am doing small paperback readers for the gift, too. I am not inviting the preschool class, just family. So I will only have about five kids total. What can I say? I'm a wimp.
Not a parent, but I loved my parties as a kid. We also had our age = number of invitations. We never did gift bags or presents for the birthday kid at the party. We always did a gift exchange, and when I was really little it was just a pile of presents where each of us played musical chairs or something and then got to pick one to unwrap and take home. As we were closer to 6-7, it became more like a yankee swap. We normally did cake inside and the present thing inside, then had a free for all outside. The adults often made home made ice cream and sat around turning it while chatting. When we did do themes, it had more to do with activities like the famous haunted house party when we were 9 and got to tour all the abandoned houses and barns in the valley --- uh not the safest thing, but I remember that party to this day!!!
I would get presents from my parents, close family, and pick the dinner menu (or when I was 4 get to eat the things my parents noted I LOVED even if it was out of season, expensive, or not very healthy) on the day of my birthday which was a tradition we maintained until all of us were grown and out of the house. Parties were on a convenient Saturday around the time of my birthday.
Oh I so wish I could have a kid party again, they were huge highlights of my childhood --- much more exciting to plan than my 30th next month.
Also not a mom, but used to be a nanny for two young children. A variety of parties were thrown for the two, whose birthdays were in mid-October, a girl, and late December, a boy. The little girl had a Discovery Place (Charlotte, NC kids museum) party when she was three - too young to enjoy it; a farm party complete with pony rides when she was four - too overwhelming and damned expensive; a gymnastics party at the local Y when she was five - a hit and easy peasy, kids were worn out after; and a Halloween costume party when she was six - okay. The only party the little boy had before they moved away was a Little Gym party. And that one was, I think, my favorite because the staff handled EVERYTHING. Kids had a great time and were worn out after, presents were opened at home, cupcakes were the party treat, and basic party favor bags were handed out.
As the assigned beta-wolf auntie of my sister's kids for years (13 to be exact) I've seem 'em come and go and have been in on the planning and execution of most of them.
Rule #1- If you're relaxed and happy, they'll be happy.
Rule #2- Invite age + 1. Invite 5 kids, expect 3 to 4 to actually come.
Rule #3- Invite kids whose parents YOU like, because they'll probably be hanging around for the event.
Rule #4- Simple is good. Get a few balloons from the grocery store to tie to some chairs and send home with the tots instead of ever-falling and tedious crepe paper or banners. Cup cakes. Ice cream. Chips and dip and coffee or tea for grown-ups.
Rule #5- Keep it short! 3-4 hours is plenty. Better short and happy than too long and cranky.
Rule #6- No Goodie bags. Send the balloons home with the guests along with the results of a simple craft that kept the little demons--err angels busy.
A non-sloppy or gluey craft will keep a cold-season indoor party happy. I like stringing macaroni on yarn for "party jewelry" and decorating pre-cut paper crowns with stickers and crayons. No scissors, no glue, worst could happen is spilled macaroni or a sticker in their hair. An active local teenager to help out (and crawl after dropped macaroni) is a plus.
Rule #7- If you can at all afford it- a cleaning service before, and keep the babysitter for a few hours after so YOU can take a bath and a nap.
Make sure to eat a good lunch beforehand and have a frozen lasagna or order in for dinner after. No matter how mellow the party is- you're going to be tired.
That's my two cents worth of experience.
Goody bags are the devil! Whoever came up with them is to blame for the attitude of entitlement that so many people have today. The birthday person gets something special. Not everybody else. They can wait their turn. Their birthday will come sometime within the next 366 days.
Now, on to timing. Afternoon parties sound like a good idea, but in reality are not. Afternoon is when little kids take naps. Missing naptime makes 3-4 yr olds pissy (and some adults, too). Even if your kid doesn't nap, other people's kids do. The far kinder thing to do is to provide copious amounts of cheap pizza and cake beginning at 11:30 am, so as to avoid screwing with somebody's siesta. The party should not last more than 2 hours.
Location: anywhere other than your house is good, to avoid excessive cleanup and damage to your home. Parks are great, but where you're at, it will probably be too cold, so anywhere with an indoor play area is good. Home can work as a last resort, but is not recommended. The idea about clearing out a room and limiting it to that room only was a great one.
4-5 kids would probably be a good number to invite. I would not suggest inviting Zane. Good luck.
Admittedly, I didn't read all the other comments so this could be redundant. For my money, Family Fun Magazine is the hands down best resource for this type of thing.
Go to their website, choose parties and then parties by age. There are easily ten fantastic ideas for themes that all have the following:
- invitation ideas
- favors/prizes
- decorations
- games and activities
- food
It is fool proof, age-appropriate, and fun!
As for who to invite, I'd say maybe about six kids would be perfect - depending on the size of the house/space. Also, feel free to invite parents to stay for the party (and then put 'em to work)!
Have a great time and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLIE!
For lootbags, we've recently done giftcards to Chapters. You can choose any amount, the kids love it and they can "shop" for their own book! We always do themes, the next theme for my soon-to-be-6-year old = cowboys, all guests will get cowboy hat, kerchief, sherriff badge and other assorted cowboy stuff. The two years prior was pirates. All guests got (during the party) pirate patches, kerchiefs and vests. Both super easy! Try discount or dollar stores and online places (great selection) like orientaltrading.com I just got all my cowboy stuff there so easy and fairly reasonable. eBay is also a great source for interesting things. It sure saved my Pokemon party from disaster!
For my soon to be 10 year old, we did pool parties about 5 years in a row, I think. Everyone had a great time! I booked private pool time at the local pool, ordered pizza, and the lootbag was theme-ish, so one year was a beach towel rolled up and tied off with sailor cord (Dollarama), another year decorate your own beach pail (Michaels), and so on. The pool parties were a bit hit but I never got to enjoy since I was busy running stuff. This year he wants paintball or something like that, new world for me, we'll see how that goes...
For birthday cake I recommend tearaway cakes which looks like a cake but really is a bunch of cupcakes iced over all together. WalMart makes them and probably other bakeries do too.
For birthday toppers, go theme if you can, shop Dollarama for bags of little things like dinosaurs, rings, whatever. Just make sure you wash and dry before using (and let your guests know you did!
If you want to avoid the hassles associated with a party, have someone do it for you. Call places local to you that plan parties, try trampoline places, indoor playgrounds, Art activity places (like make a plate and paint it), Build A Bear, hassle-free and I don't think crazy expensive.
Good luck, and have fun!
Nilia
Who invented goody bags? My kid never looks at it again and I have never provided them to our guests. We have received one cool one- seeds, dirt and a flower pot. That was very cool and he loved it. Why do we have to buy gifts for guests? Relax and have a great time.
Since his birthday is so close to Thanksgiving, I suggest an autumnul, Thanksgiving themed party, something like "turkey cookin time." Guests should bring Charlie homemade cranberry chutney, maple-pumpkin-pecan-cheesecake torte, mushroom-oyster stuffing and bluecheese garlic mashed potatoes. Games to be played are Pass the Salmonella, and 5 Finger Fillet. The goody bag should also double as a vomit bag, and if the kids fill the bag up, then good for them, they have something to take home.
How timely, as I am planning T's 5th this week! We do a big party every other year (sadly, THIS is a big party year) and we've got a lot of kids coming -- the siblings really rack up the guest list, but hey. She's started a new school this fall, so we have new friends and old friends and I didn't have the heart to keep her to her age, which we usually do.
I, too, hate the goody bag with the white hot heat of a thousand suns, but the poster up-thread is right that they all expect them now. What I hate is the goody bag filled with candy. They're already flying on cake and excitement, and you're sending more sugar home with them? Uh, no. Dollar-store and Target for a few stickers and a matchbox car or something is more my speed.
We're renting a space (my dojo, in fact) which has tumbling mats and mirrors and we'll put in lots of balloons and let them go nuts. Oh, and feed the gown-ups lots and lots of coffee.
Definitely you want a morning party at least until age 6 or 7 years; send them home after lunch to pass out -- your parent-friends will thank you.
One thing we did with my sisters kids was pick up some of those cheap terra cotta pots at the craft store along with some paints (maybe garbage bags to protect their clothes). Toss a cheap plastic table cloth over the table and let the kids paint... you've never seen such a quiet party... and that was with 8-10 kids. After they were done they played for a bit, opened presents, had cake and then before they went home we filled each pot with dirt and planted seeds in them... and their craft doubled as their "goodie bag".
De-lurking to say...I have been reading your blog on and off for most of Charlie's life, and just the other day was looking at some of your pictures and realized I *know* you! Weird, weird! But cool weird!
And now, onto the topic of the day, I vote for the way-relaxed party. We generally invite a lot of people, and invite whole families to stay, so the guest list favors kids with parents I like. We buy a whole mess of multi-colored helium balloons, and the birthday kids gets to pick out a mylar one. We put out a bunch of kid friendly snacks buffet style, and let the kids run wild for a while. Then, we do cake and ice-cream. Oh, and I make punch. One for the kids, and a spiked one for the adults. No need to quit the hard liquor just because it is a 4 year-old's party. And my kids open the presents as they arrive. But I'm way slacker like that.
Have fun.
May i suggest - open presents last. That way, there is less time for the guests to "mess with" charlie's new stuff. And if parents return for their offspring during the present-opening, all the better - then they keep an eye on their own kid.
And I always did a craft project as one of the activities, and the guests took their craft home (in lieu of goodie bag).
I'm not an authority on the subject by any means, having only a six-month old myself, but my mother's party formula seemed to work:
1. White sheet for a tablecloth, with markers for kids to decorate while you make lunch chosen by the birthday child (in my case, ALWAYS SPAGHETTI-Os).
2. Play outside and/or party games (Pin the Tail on the Donkey, etc.).
3. Birthday song and cake, then birthday kid opens presents while everyone eats their cake (and ice cream).
4. Parents arrive to end the party. Goodie bags need only have some fun-sized candy and pencils, stickers, etc. from the Dollar Store.
I think 2 or 3 hours is plenty of time. Goodness knows that's all I'd be able to take.
I'm purposely not reading the other comments. Maybe after I write this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever hold a children's birthday party in your home or yard or it will be destroyed.
I am still scraping icing off of my ceiling 5 years after the last one. Learn from me.
So here comes the money part, yeah I know--you thought IVF was the expensive part of having kids.
HAH
You must invite everyone to the party who goes to the daycare or whatever, but no one else, do not mix groups. If you leave anyone out until the sacred age when girls and boys separate into gender divided parties, then there will be resentment and gossip. Family is a separate dinner or lunch thing with another cake.
First, rent a childen's party place, get cake, pizza, and lootbags. (Just suck it up on the lootbags, it's sort of like stretchmarks, it's just part of the experience and if you try to skip it everyone else will resent you.)
Make the kid's party place have an activity. Ours have had entertainment included, either a climber/slide for the kid's or a person directing the dancing, music, or magic show, or crafts, or whatever.
2 hours max. one hour of activity, 1/2 hour of eating pizza, coca cola, and cake, then 1/2 hour more of play/activity.
Yes, give them coke on their birthday. They will be enraptured for a whole year, until the next birthday.
Never open presents at a party, in fact, get your hubs to take the unopened presents out to the car before Charlie sees how many there are. Let him open the three best ones at home. (peek inside the wrapping, only give him three because he will be overwhelmed by any more) Then carefully unwrap and note the rest and who gave them to you. Use the rest for regifting, and keep them in your present closet in the meantime. BUT DO NOT REGIFT TO THE SAME KID WHO GAVE IT TO YOU. Hence noting the names.
Also no pinatas. They are a source of fistfights over the candy.
Until they are about 9 or 10 years old, no one will leave their kids alone at a party, so you will have guests. So, serve the parents coffee if it's morning. But if it's after twelve noon, you can serve wine. I do and so does Tertia apparently.
Be like us. ;)
I stole this from a playgroup thing, but I love it.
Find cute bags. Provide bowls of trail mix ingredients: goldfish, M&Ms, pretzels, etc. Put a scoop in each bowl and let the kids make their own bags of trail mix. Activity and goody bag in one.
Genius!
Presents: say nothing. People will bring if they want. If they bring, open at the END of the party. No one will want to stop playing to have cake. Much crying/arguing will happen.
Cake: yes.
Icecream: not unless you like cleaning up melted messes
Goody Bag?: Better idea. Pinata. Fill with goodies. Give four year olds a stick and ENCOURAGE them to hit with it. Will make you the coolest mom evah! Plus all kids get goodies, you didn't have to make any annoying bags or come up with stupid games.
Need a time filler?: bubble machine.
Time?: An hour is more then enough at that age
And have fun!
While my favourite suggestion would have to be "cleaning service before, babysitter after" (I'd probably wanna hang on to the cleaning service for after, too) I also love the idea one commenter had of giving a balloon with a bottle of bubbles tied to the bottom in lieu of a goody bag (my most tragic birthday party memory as a child was when I was five and my balloon slipped through my mittened grasp to float away and die a gruesome death by impaling itself on the bare branches of our tallest oak tree. I wept bitterly). If you wanted to you could also tie a lollipop or a tiny sachet of smarties to the bottom of the balloon ribbon and make a sort of fun bouquet with minimal sugar and plastic ctap-- plus, it would be weighted, so no more children would suffer a loss as cruel as mine.
The suggestion of the cupcake cake made me giggle, because I am a devoted follower of the Cake Wrecks blog. The blogger, Jen, likes individually decorated cupcakes united to make one image just fine, but for aesthetic reasons she has decided to wage war against the iced-as-a-single-cake cupcake cakes. I must say I isially agree with her, there are just too many ways for the lumpy things to go wrong . . . but then I honestly doubt that four-year-olds would care too much what the cake looks like, so if you don't mind, no way will they!
I started reading other comments, realized I was saying, "Yeah, yeah! That one!" out loud, then decided to just add my own two cents worth and be done with it.
1. Charlie will be four, so invite four kids or so if you can get away with it. If only inviting four is going to cause more trouble than not at daycare than inviting more, then go for it, but I would think six would probably be your max.
2. McDonalds does a good kids party for that age, really. I despise the diarrhea-inducing greasepit with the best of 'em, but after having a bunch of toddlers on a sugar high running around my house, a "never again" vow was made. The PlayPlace is a must, of course, & they provide Happy Meals, cake & balloons, I think. If that just gags you, then ChuckECheese or one of those play places with a lot of bounce houses is perfect. Burns off tons of energy! If you choose some place that does not provide the food, make it easy on yourself & serve cupcakes & easy snacks, like Chex Mix or Cheezits. The parents can snack on 'em & the kids can eat on the go as they run around like squirrels on crack. Also, Capri Sun or individual juice boxes are cool, or pick up little sports bottles for them to put drinks in, write each kid's name on his or her bottle & let that be one of the party goodies.
3. Let 'im open his gifts before cake, maybe, so you won't have icing all over whatever wildly age-inappropriate thing someone will surely get him.
4. Bubbles, cheapo dollar-bin toys, coloring books & crayons, etc., all make excellent goodies. My 5-year-old received a single container of generic playdoh, some weird glow-stick thing & a sucker at a party last week & is STILL talking about how awesome it was.
5. Two hours. Max.
Good luck! My soon-to-be 6-year-old wants to have a freakin' ICE-SKATING party this year. Has she ever been ice skating? No. Can she skate without breaking MY arm? No. This should be fun.
Maybe its a regional thing? I LOVE goodie bags and am stuffing them with awesome things, have 2 entertainers, balloon tunnels, bouquets, catering, the works!
We just did the lowercase's 3rd birthday party last weekend. We did 2 hours at Gymboree in the late afternoon (3 to 5). This worked supremely well. We had cake, sushi (what can I say, he loves it), some raisins, cheddar and honey bunnies, and a cheese tray. The kids painted a magnetic picture frame, we took a picture of each kid with the digital camera, printed them in another room and put them in the frames to go -- frames were $0.50/each. There were quite a lot of kids there -- his 7 good friends and their younger siblings. Still, we only did the project/favor for the older kids as the siblings were all in the newborn to 12 months range.
So...afternoon...something extremely active...if you do it somewhere like Gymboree where they have teachers who will rein in their wild and wonderfulness, then you can do up to 2 hours. If you do it at your home without the teachers? I'd say max out at 60-90 minutes.
I used to think a jumpy was an unwarranted extravagance. However, as a veteran of preschool birthday parties, I cannot recommend the jumpy enough. Kids are NUTS for jumpies. Stick one in your back yard and no other entertainment need be provided. Kids arrive, fling themselves into the jumpy, are dragged out for cake, jump some more, then go home. The adults sit around and drink wine. The end.
Re: goody bags, I hate them too. I usually do something edible -- I have done custom-made cookies (only $2 or $3 each, and very impressive) or other sweets. Yes, it is more sugar. But they work it off in the jumpy.
The cool thing about goody bags is that the kid gets distracted by the goody bag and leaves WITHOUT screaming. This is not always easy to achieve in four year olds and believe me, by the time you get to the leaving part, you will be glad you coughed up the small potatoes on the Go Home Bags, as we call them. Little boxes of crayons, pencils, decks of cards... don't do the plastic crap thing if you don't want.
I have a girl so I'm not sure about your situation, but for girls the examination of the presents is an essential part of the ritual. Since kids that age have the attention span of fleas, an extra thing to do is good.
Our family played Hit the Pot every year for years. It was fun to see them get better at it. Purchase enough of the SAME little toy to have one for each guest. I would bet little cars would be good for boys. Put a pot in the middle of the floor with the toy under it. Blindfold the child and give them a wooden spoon. When the find the pot with the spoon, they get the toy. If they have trouble, the other kids can give warmer/cooler clues. Fun for all. It's good to have a semi blindfold for little ones who may freak a little. Stocking caps work pretty well for that.
You'll be ready for a stiff drink when it's over, but birthday parties are the stuff memories are made of. Enjoy!
A rule of thumb that I like is to invite one child per year plus one. For the math challenged, that means 5 kids at his party. As far as those damn party bags, I say fill 'em with a drug of your choice and some paraphernalia. Like a little pot, some rolling papers, a lighter, and a small pipe? So the parents can enjoy themselves, too.
Ok, I'm not going to give advice on themes because I'm sure a few hundred people already have by this point.
I just wanted to say that as a fellow Thanksgiving baby (my mom timed contractions all through thanksgiving dinner) it's really good to hear you are singling out his special day, holiday be damned.
Oh and a bit of advice... I'm 25 years old and I still refuse to eat pumpkin pie due to it being my "birthday cake" at "family dinners" during the years I was too young to know otherwise.
So keep the days separate! Even on the years they are the same day. His day with the family Wednesday, Thanksgiving Thursday, huge party Saturday. You get the idea.
Oh and watch out for important birthdays falling on Thanksgiving. Both my 16th, and 21st were overshadowed by the holiday.
And just remember: Your rock, you can do this!
Oh, I remember the days of panick before parties. I wish I had someone to ask!
I would suggest talking to Charlie's teacher and asking which children he actually plays with. Even at 4, some kids just don't get along and avoid each other. I think the max amount of kids should be 10, but 6 is best. (Including cousins and anyone else you feel obligated to invite) If you do a theme, say, Thomas the Train, you could just get a bunch of toy trains and let the kids play. That's what they are going to be trying to do anyway. Organized games a joke at that age. (I know from experience, trust me!) The entire party should only be about 1 - 1 1/2 hours. Make sure to avoid nap time; late afternoon parties work best because the kids are rested and in between meals. That should give you plenty of time to let the kids play, open presents, and have cake and ice cream. They will probably all be finishing the cake as their parents come to pick them up. As far as goodie bags... foget them. We always just make sure to decorate with helium balloons, and make each child take one home with them. If you wanted to do more, you can always tie a small train (or something else "themed") as a balloon weight. If you don't pick a theme, bubbles are always a crowd pleaser and you can get them in 3 packs for a dollar.
I have tried many times to do party games that go along with my daughter's theme, but after 6 years, I've learned. Kids have their own agendas, which mostly involve playing with another kids toys, and a lot of pointless running. Don't stress too much. If you feel like you have to do more, a pinata always goes over well, and of course, doubles as a "goodie bag".
My daughter's b-day is very close to Mother's day, (sometimes ON Mother's Day) so I can completely relate to that dilema. We just try to do everything the Saturday before the holiday, because usually people aren't too stressed over it until 2-3 days before.
Sorry for the novel, but I hoped I helped. Feel free to pick my brain (what a gross saying...)for ideas. I LOVE planning kid parties. Good luck!