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11/18/2008
Traveling and unraveling
Whoa, hey, that was kind of a long hiatus, huh? Sorry about that. I got a little sidetracked, what with holding the first-round auditions for performers, renting a fleet of chauffeur-driven bumper cars, and doing exhaustive background checks on ponies for Charlie's birthday party.
Thanks very much for all your helpful advice about that. We'll be keeping it simple: no more than five guests, no longer than two hours, no structured games, no clever theme, and no motherfucking goody bags. Eat some cake, pop some balloons, wreck my house, and go. Doesn't that sound like fun?
Actually I spent the last week in Louisiana. My mother has moved down there to take care of my grandmother, who had a stroke two days before they were slated to visit me. (Planning a trip to my house? I must say I don't advise it.) It was a difficult eight days; Charlie was on unfamiliar turf, and acted out most outrageously, so much so that even the cleaning lady was darkly advising me that I don't spank him enough. (From an anti-rod-sparing perspective, I guess "none at all" would pretty much be the very definition of "not enough.") Mom succumbed to an agonizing toothache the evening we arrived, which put her completely out of commission for the first few days. And Grandma has started, alas, to lose it.
From moment to moment when talking to her, you can't easily tell which effects are from the stroke and which are from encroaching Alzheimer's, which runs in our family — not that it matters when the result is the same. Although it's wrenching and sad, I know it could be much worse; still true to her nature, she's happy. There is even sometimes a surreal humor to it: watching her and Charlie attempt to talk to each other, all non sequiturs, impatient repetition, and puzzled looks, was funnier than Waiting for Godot. (Of course, perhaps I'm not the best judge, since I happen to think dropping an anvil on my foot would be funnier than Waiting for Godot.)
So it was a difficult trip to take, but utterly worthwhile. When Charlie wasn't busy inspiring strangers to comment on how richly he deserved a wallopin', he was a real delight, sharing his innate gift for joy with anyone who needed some. Ben was only delicious, spending the vast majority of his time on some lap or other discovering his fingers, snoozing peacefully, or laughing, and holy Jesus gay, nothing could have been more welcome. I loved seeing my mother and witnessing her relationship with Charlie, which he and I both treasure. And Grandma — well, as off-kilter as she is, it helped me to see she's okay, where "okay" is, of course, relative.
I still have two suitcases to unpack, phone calls to return, and three pairs of underpants to launder from yesterday, when Charlie apparently decided that depositing his urine in the appropriate receptacle was optional. (Gosh, I'm glad he brought his acting-out home. I'd have hated to leave that behind.) More pressingly, on the baby monitor I hear Ben criticizing his mobile in decidedly acid tones. So I will leave you now with the announcement that I'll have a really great giveaway here this week — do check back — and a compelling photographic example of why children are not permitted to sit in the exit row on airplanes.
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I'm leaving a week from tomorrow for my own "generational shift" vacation. Since I've been home both my parents have been unwell and...well, that's that. The possibility of seeing my 6'4" 250lb. powerhouse of a dad weakened in any way just fills me with dread.
I'm glad that you were able to find some joy in your visit. It's a good lesson for me to keep in mind.
He's reading the instructions a lot more closely than most people do! You know, so he's ready in case of a "water landing". Like 737s actualy make "water landings".
I LOVE that he's so intent and clearly absorbed in a brochure that's, uh, upside-down from the looks of it? Go Charlie!
And, welcome back Julie et al!
Hey, so what if it's upside down, he's at least looking at it, which is more than most adults do.
"Eat some cake, pop some balloons, wreck my house, and go. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
I'm totally using this on all of my party invites from now on!
ROFL...too cute. I love how engrossed he is. Glad you had the opportunity to make a trip to see your Grandma.
Ooh! Do it! Do it! Post a video of you dropping an anvil on your foot. I could use the laugh.
The image took me a second... ha!
And I hope that your grandmother does as well as she can, given the circumstances.
I am so sorry about your grandma. Mine is succumbing to Alzheimer's too, and faster than anyone was ready for, least of all my mother.
Charlie is adorable.
I'm so with you on Waiting for Godot.
It took me a minute to figure out just what was wrong with Charlie being in the emergency exit - at least he is taking it seriously! I'm sorry about your Grandma, and I'm glad you felt it was good to be there.
sending my best thoughts,
Amanda Lynn
At least he's paying attention. So sorry about your Grandma and the acting out Charles. Hopefully that has stopped by now. And how cooperative of Ben to be cheerful and nap.
It also took me a minute to figure out the Charlie picture...at first I thought it would be a bad idea to have him in an exit row because his foot was up and would be blocking the way out...but then I noticed the upside down reading. Hey, I'm sure he was just looking at it from all angles just to make sure he'd be safe no matter what the circumstances!
Glad you are ok, and thanks for checking in with us even though you are so busy. I hope your mom and grandma will be ok.
Hey, emergency instructions from Quantas Airlines!
Lame? Oh Yeah. =0)
"When Charlie wasn't busy inspiring strangers to comment on how richly he deserved a wallopin', he was a real delight, sharing his innate gift for joy with anyone who needed some."
Welcome to 4! It gets worse, but then it gets better. I promise.
And sorry about your grandmother.
At least he has enough leg room... would that all of us could stretch our legs out that far in a plane. Most people don't even bother to look at the brochure, so I think Charlie's ahead of the game. I just discovered my fingers this last week as well, so I'm right on track with Ben.
My grandfather is also beginning to "lose it", which is sad to see, although he's remained in good humor, which makes it easier on the rest of us. It's rough... best wishes to your grandmother and the rest of your family.
I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know that other children also take out their "demonic" personalities while traveling. Last Christmas I took my then 2.5 y.o. to visit relatives in a foreign country and oh my goodness. When she wasn't climbing up the Christmas tree, she was running with scissors, refusing to let dear treasured aunties come near her, screaming like a banshee and sneaking candied papaya from my cousin so that I could never leave the house with enough diapers. That trip was shitty in more ways than one. How many of my relatives do you think believed me when I said, "She never behaves like this at home." Ha.
I don't believe you AT ALL that Charlie was a naughty boy. Well actually, yes I do, hehehe. I'm so sorry about your Grandma. I'm sorry that instead of a lovely visit at your house, you had to go down there because of her stroke.
BTW, you have two of the most adorable, delectable tots in the universe, Jules. If this is a bit disjointed, forgive me; I'm in a hotel room in San Fran on a business trip and I've just about finished my bottle of Napa valley sauvignon blanc. Which was WAY better than the cabernet sauvignons I tasted, that are supposed to be what they are known for.
i feel your pain, when my Nana was in hospital (alzhimers and a stroke also) the nurses put it very well because of the alzhimers her understanding of whats going on isnt hight enough to be distressed by the effects of the stroke but shes still happy because there are all these people coming to see her, though granted my nana only smilied at you if you were an unsual vitior, us reguals were in no way exciting enough xx
thinking of you,
karen
I cannot believe how BIG BIG BIG, Charlie is! And so smart! Sorry about the trip, wish it could have been taken under better circumstances! But if it helps, your kids rock!
Even though it was a bittersweet visit, oh how I envy you for being brave enough to get on a plane with kids.
My husband and I wait until one of us can go food shopping alone, rather than take the kids. Not that ours are any more obnoxious than the rest, it's just that I don't want to be *that mom* with the screaming writhing toddler splayed out on the supermarket floor. I just know that my 2.5 year old would sense my fear and immediately fling himself out of the carriage and head-butt the frozen food doors. And I would die. Just die.
Can't imagine being trapped on a plane with a shrieking toddler. I'd rather hit myself with a mallet.
Sorry about your grandma, she sounds like a wonderful woman.
I used to date a big, dumb, stupid idiot who was tall so the airline put him in the emergency exit row when we went to Cancun; we all would have been better off were Charlie sitting there with his upside down instructions.
We just had the girls 3rd birthday party on Saturday... 14 kids, 14 adults. It was actually just fine. We had alcohol for the adults. LOL I made the best goodie bags on the planet... I took 14 bags, and divided all the leftover halloween candy between them all. Each kid left with a bag of sugar and a balloon.
I can't believe how big Charlie is getting! And Ben sounds so cute I could eat him up. My sympathies on your grandmother, though...my grandfather had Alzheimer's and the decline is sad to watch...though the little moments are the ones to hold onto, if you don't mind the assvice. I will never forget the time he started circling the house, reintroducing himself to us every time he entered the room we were in. Sad, yes, to see what he had declined to, but increasingly comical after the sixth time...
Oops, that last comment was me...guess it didn't want to sign me in proper-like. How rude! ;)
Seriously though, at least he's reading the instructions.
I hope it's ok that your pain brings me comfort. It's such a relief to read about all the things my sweet boy does (acting like a hellion while visiting relatives? check. Peeing in inappropriate places even though potty trained? check.) and that yours also brings these habits home, just to screw with you. I always have to weigh the benefits of a few days off of parenting a 3.5 year old against the negatives that inevitably come from him having spent those few days at his grandparents' house and being allowed to behave like a hellion. and told he's cute for doing it.
Sounds rough. My daughter and my grandmother are like that. My grandmother is pretty with it, but very hard of hearing. Add to that a three year old who frequently talks in tongues at a rapid pace while spinning in circles, and their conversations are all over the place.
[Speaking of unbecoming vitriol...I almost never do this, but, L., I'm blocking your IP address from commenting. I didn't mind when you were nasty to me time and again, and I only rolled my eyes when you used several different names to do it. But I don't feel any obligation to let you do it to others. — Julie]
Welcome home, Julie! Great pic of Charlie.
(L. I don't understand your post at all!? Is something wrong?)
Julie, I'm glad you're home safe and sound. Your little darlings sound just that - darling. My 2-year-old has moments where I'm positive that some demon has taken over her mind/body ... I know just how you feel. Hang in there.
On an entirely different note, I'm with you, thesameboat. I think L.'s use of the word "vitriol" is a bit overdone. I think Marcy has just as much right to kvetch about ex-boyfriends as any of us.
Finally someone has given voice to my complete disdain for Waiting For Godot. If I ever met Beckett in some other world, I'd simply smack him for that, regardless of the fact that we'd be in another world and there'd probably be different rules and peace and love and rainbows and all of that. I'd still smack him. Hard.
I actually leave tomorrow for two weeks to visit my parents - and I'll be seeing my grandmother at the same time who is also having severe problems. No stroke, but the onset of dementia and/or Alzheimer's. I'm not really sure how to prepare myself for it, but I'll do what I can. I'm just glad that she'll be able to meet her great-granddaughter before she gets too much worse.
Not so sure about the not having a goody bag bit. Was thoroughly chastised by a 7 yo at my 1 yo's birthday party last weekend for not having treat bags. Just giving you a heads up.
And isn't it lovely when others criticize your kids? *sigh*
I think this is possibly the best blog post I've ever read.
I'm really sorry about your grandmother. Lost my mom to Alzheimer's and it was one of the worst times of my life. It happens so fast and it's important to learn as mush about it as possible in the beginning. It's helps.
By the way love your blog..