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06/11/2009
To the distinguished gentleman in the Pharaonic headdress
Dear Composite Member of Congress Totally Not Based on Anyone in Particular:
Hey, how's it hanging? I mean, of course, the fate of this great nation, which you hold in your powerful hands. I was in no way referring, in an irreverent and vulgar manner, to any part of your august person that may or may not be pendulous. But now that you mention it...
Couldn't help but notice that photo on your web site of you and your wife flanked by — how many is that? — eight? Eight children? Fheeeeeeeeeeeeeew. (That's me whistling, onomatopoeia-style.) You sure look nice with every single one of you wearing a white shirt and jeans. I always think those let's-all-dress-the-same photos are adorable. It tells me, "Here is a family that prizes homogeneity, complacency, and a monochromatic lowest-common-denominatorism over sloppy-assed individuality." Kudos to you, I say! Kudos! Or I might, if the word "kudos" had ever before passed my lips.
About that family of yours. I mean it — it really is a nice picture. I can tell from your expression that you're proud of those kids, and you should be. They look healthy and vibrant, and gathered around you and your wife, my God, do they look loved. I can tell that from body language alone, unobscured even by the blinding white oxfords. (Thanks, by the way, for not opting for turtlenecks.)
But back to your august person, neither more nor less but exactly as dangling as befits an elected representative of such distinction. Seeing those eight magnificent kids of yours, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you haven't faced any fertility problems. Which is good! I'm glad for you! Your picture would look a lot different, I bet, if you had. There might not be so many children. There might be fewer. They might not look like you. There might be none at all.
Imagine what that would be like. What if that picture were different?
It's hard when you can't build the family you hope for.
I will be in your D.C. office on Thursday, June 25 as part of RESOLVE's Advocacy Day to ask you to address that fact. To affirm that you understand that your constituents need your help. To convince you to take action on the following points:
- Shore up access to adoption by extending the adoption tax credit. The current provision is set to expire in December 2010. If this is allowed to happen, the amount of relief available to adopting families will decrease from $12,150 to a maximum of $5,000. By supporting H.R. 213, you can protect your constituents' financial ability to adopt. Waiting families are counting on you.
- Guarantee greater access to medical care by requiring health insurance plans to cover treatment for infertility. By co-sponsoring H.R. 697, the Family Building Act of 2009, you'll be delivering on that promise you made to improve health care for your constituents — more of whom suffer from infertility than you know. And you'll still be keeping that promise to make health care affordable — comprehensive coverage could actually reduce overall insurance costs.
But this is just an outline. I will dazzle you with the facts in person. How did I get so lucky, you are asking yourself, to have the chance to behold such an unstoppable juggernaut of persuasion in action? (You only think you're thinking, How can I make sure to be not only out of the office that day, but on a fact-finding mission in some faraway place where she can't find me? But you're not. Because that would be ridiculous. I promise I would find you.)
As to why? Mostly, I guess, because I got mine. I have my family. After expensive procedures, years of uncertainty, and nothing much propelling me but nerve and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I have two loud, beautiful, strong, improbable, wonderful, wonderful boys. And it guts me to know that others won't get that because they can't afford to try.
When I was in the thick of treatment myself, I couldn't have mustered the emotional energy to make much noise about this. Now I can, because although God knows I love a spirited game of What Did You Just Put in Your Mouth? Now Spit That Out Immediately, I am a woman of broadly varied interests and, yes, I believe I can spare the time. And I know the value of who I have, which galvanizes me: Everyone who wants a family should have a chance to create one. I'm asking you to help give them that chance — people I care about, but also people I'll never meet. People like you, only not as lucky; like your colleagues — some of whom, I guarantee, have wrestled with infertility without your even noticing; like me. You could say, in the most general sense, that I'm asking for a friend.
So on June 25, I'll come knocking. Tell your aides. I know they'll want to welcome me warmly. Plus I want them to be ready to take notes. Because aside from my earnest pitch, I'm probably gonna have a few more suggestions about that picture. Next time may I recommend you and your crew deck yourselves out with just a little more pizzazz? Maybe something in a golden snake hat?
Thanking you in advance, I remain,
Your friend the constituent,
Who actually did vote for you,
And even threw some campaign dollars your way,
Go on, check,
Julie
P.S. to interested onlookers: You come, too. We need your help. And, my God, so does your congressman.
Comments (32)
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I'm sending a letter about these issues to my State Reps. Hopefully it'll make an impact.
I can't believe that in light of the huge push to ADOPT unwanted babies instead of MURDERING THEM IN THE WOMB the Right isn't pushing for more tax credits for adoption. It just isn't rational!
I compeltely agree with what you are saying. We have been in the trenches of infertily, are now expecting our first biological child as well as our adopted one.
One thing I might add to your statement: "Guarantee greater access to medical care by requiring health insurance plans to cover treatment for infertility." We should ask not only that insurance plans be required to cover treatment for infertility, but also that employers be required to offer such coverage. I live in Texas where insurance companies are required to offer fertility benefits to their clients. However, employers get to decide if this is something they want to offer to their employees. Most do not, as you are well aware. The cost to offer good benefits to employees costs the employer more and therefore most companies choose not to offer any type of great benefits. Much less fertility coverage. The cost would fall on the employees shoulders, rather than the employer. This is just insulting to me as I'm sure you would agree. Thanks for speaking out! I'm going to get on the horn as well!
Thanks for speaking up, in person, for those of us who are too exausted, homone-challenged, and needle-stuck to come ourselves...If I ever make it out the other end, I'll be right there with you! =)
Until then, well, e-mails to my reps are the best I can do. Although, come to think of it, maybe a bunch of wacked out, needle crazed infertiles would sway a few people in DC...hmmmmmm
I live in Texas too and was lucky enough to have health insurance that did cover (up to $5000) of my IVF procedures. My husband and I are both unlucky enough to have been laid off and so I discovered that I am uninsurable and cannot get an individual health insurance policy because I have a history of infertility. So I'm paying nearly $500 a month for health insurance for myself through COBRA and when that expires I'll have to turn to my state's high risk pool. So while I'd love to see fertility coverage in all insurance policies, before that I'd like to see that everyone has ACCESS to affordable health insurance.
thanks for bringing this to my attention! our insurance covered a percentage of iui stuff, but would have covered 100 percent of several IVF cycles--go figure. Anyway, I am happy to help expand covereage for other people in need of help to create their families.
ps:
if all 8 kids are the same age, then maybe he and his wife DID have fertility issues.
pps: maybe they only dress alike in photos to look cute--i have relatives who do this in official family photos and yet their kids ARE allowed to dress their own way in real life. i'm just sayin'. now if you see this guy's family always dressed alike, then you have a point. but i know you were just mostly being funny.
Hear hear!
Some friends of ours is in the thicks of the adoption battle right now, and so we recently wrote a letter to our representative about this very same issue. It astounds me how much red tape is coming in between them - a couple with ample love - and a child that needs a home.
Julie:
YOU ROCK.
That is all.
Julie - as a mom of three wonderful boys who were all conceived quite by accident I've never had to struggle with infertility. However, after reading your blog for a few years now I have seen a small picture of how bad infertility hurts. It is unfair, it is painful, it is wrong that anyone who wants a family as desperately as you, and others do, have to pay your life savings to make it happen. And those that don't have any savings? Too bad, out of luck.
I am now a vocal supporter of these issues and will continue to be so. Thank you for making us all more aware.
Sam
You are awesome. Good luck to you. Kick ass.
I will be cheering you on from north of the border. I wonder if anyone has ever thought of a similar lobbying effort here?
Thanks for the nudge. I will be writing my reps. We were incredibly lucky, and our fertility issues fell on the easy and cheap end of the cost spectrum. I have more than a few friends that were not so lucky.
The scene on our family vacation a few years ago - my mother insists we all wear white shirts and blue jeans for our family photo. My sister and I mocked her relentlessly, but eventually gave in, because, well, you know. Mothers.
After the photo shoot my husband hustled off to the car to change his shirt before we headed to the restaurant, and my sister commented to him, "That's right, now you don't look like a moron. You just look like you HANG OUT with morons."
Though I will now be thinking about this post and cracking up as I speak to the kindly people in my elected official's office, I will also be there that day.
Go get 'em.
mwah! to you.
Thank you, Julie. One of these times, I'm going to get myself on a plane (or a train, or an automobile even!) and join you all. It is too important to far too many families who want children, but lack the means to do so. First, however, I need to save up to make the trip.
Until then? E-mails will rock the offices of my "representatives" in the legislative realm.
Honestly, thank you.
just wanted to say thank you. thank you for caring, and not just forgetting.
Hi Julie,
Can you explain to me what you mean by saying, "comprehensive coverage could actually reduce overall insurance costs." Maybe I'm being a numbskull but I don't get it. My husband works in benefits and one thing I've learned from him it is that the cost of care for babies born from infertility treatments (I assume this to be primarily meaning multiples) is STAGGERING. What is the avenue for the reduction in insurance costs? I am not asking because I disagree with the idea of good fertility coverage by insurers (Lord knows we were fortunate that our fertility issues were relatively small scale), but mostly because I am a scientist myself and I like data. :)
Letter is being sent to my congressfolk as well. And may I say? I am sooooooo glad not to be facing you down from the other side of the desk. Your dude doesn't stand a chance!!!
Terry - the percentage of multiple births resulting from infertility treatments is on the order of 7-10%, up from about 1% for the general population. The care for those babies costs the same as for any other multiple birth or high risk birth in general. The other 90-93% of births are singletons, and I am not aware of a higher rate of complications for singleton births from IVF. At least not ones carried to term.
...and infertility makes you un-insurable in general?!?!?! That is just... the world against the couble X chromosome, isn't it. Kind of like the fact that disability insurance for female physicians are upto a whopping FORTY FIVE PERCENT higher than for male physicians in the same field. Why? answer: women are less stable.
-Nauseated doctor
Kudos to you for this post. Well, if I actually used that word, too...
Terry: One way comprehensive treatment can reduce costs is by reducing multiple births. Too many people transfer multiple embryos because they don't have enough money to spend on multiple cycles. If infertility treatment is fully covered, people can make the best medical decisions possible, rather than having to balance them against cost; this will mean more failed cycles, but fewer premature multiple births.
Terry -
An irresponsible medicated IUI is far more likely to produce high order multiples than an IVF procedure. However an IUI is far less expensive. Our clinic explained the different odds of multiples for each of the various treatments to us and THEN handed us the cost sheet.
If insurance companies you would cover treatments people could make their decisions based on the first part of our clinic's conversation and not the second.
Thanks, that is an excellent plan, I am all over it - although us Washingtonians have Congresswomen!
Julie, I really truly love you. Thank you for looking out for the women who are still in the trenches.
Terry, the other posters have answered your question well. Too many women will risk multiple births because it saves money. Twins are often considered 'two for the price of one' and IUIs are very, very risky (think Jon and Kate) when there are too many egg follicles, but, heck, they're very cheap in comparison with switching to IVF, which would be much safer if there are several egg follicles and less likely to produce multiples.
Thanks for doing this. It speaks volumes on who you are that you still care about us still in the black dark hole of infertility, and though you have your beautiful blessings, you are working for us still. Thanks.
I can't wait to see you there! Thank you for this post. I'm out of the trenches, too (thank GOD), thanks to international adoption, but I will never, NEVAH forget what I went through with IVF, having to scrape up the $$, etc.
What an AWESOME post!
I live in Virginia and have paid probably 35 grand out of pocket. Unbelieveable that NOTHING was covered. My stupid HMO wouldn't even cover counseling after my miscarriage. Thanks for being an advocate. I think when this is all over, and not a huge emotional thing (well, I know it'll always be emotional, but when I'm not in the thick of it), I will be more vocal about it.
You are fantastic, Julie!
Thanks for the tip-- my representatives (well, only one senator because the state of Minnesota can't seem to decide which idiot we actually elected) have been put on notice.
And in a semi-related note, thank you for introducing me to an entire website devoted to awkward family photos.
Wow, Julie, thank you.
Julie,
Thanks for all the letter writing. It's great to see someone with some sense taking political action during such an insane period in our history. I do however take offense to the snake hat. I mean come on. check out http://www.millineryshop.net for some fun hats! wishing you much luck.
From one who can't afford to try, thank you. It pissed me off beyond all reason that crappy insurance coverage and bad credit caused by a lousy divorce have joined forces with infertility to seriously screw with my life. No, I'm not bitter- why do you ask? ;-)